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Author Topic: Katestory XVII  (Read 17487 times)

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Guild

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Re: Katestory XVII
« Reply #20 on: September 23, 2008, 07:03:57 PM »

Wall-E drifted idly through space. His automatic sensors were all shut down, but a single input-only bridge-wave rectifier sensor set to detect short-wave radio frequencies watched quietly, waiting to awaken him should anything important happen. The twin fire extinguishers strapped to his back were full and ready to push him onto the first ship that happened by.

X flipped through the playlist on his nano looking for something sufficiently screamo to match his mood. The wireless speakers and Wall-E both picked up the laughable lyrics of AFI at the same moment.

Fifteen notes into the song a loud THUD resounded in his room. He looked up and spied the robot. "Hmm?"

"This is the captain speaking. We've left superspace and are now on a slow approach to Zeb IVN. Passengers may now activate personal electronics- KSSSHHHH---"

Wall-E's lasers cut through the hull like butter. He peeled back the surface of the ship and zoomed his oculars in on the forcefield keeping the oxygen inside the ship. "Waaaall-Eee"

Sometimes, Wall-E had very short flashbacks.

---------

Wall-E looked up as Eva approached. "Eva!" Eva dipped in greeting and actuated her hatch, revealing a glowing Artificial Chaos Emerald. She plopped it onto the ground and pointed up.

"Wall-E?" Eva nudged the crystal closer.

Wall-E picked it up and turned it over and over. "Wall-E." He shoved it into his hatch and lovingly took Eva's hand. After a nanosecond of affection he wheeled about and boarded his personal atmosphere escape pod. Looking out the window, he waved as the pod achieved ignition and was thrust into space by the force of an ultra tiny magnetically controlled antimatter explosion.

----------

X scratched his head. "What the hell do you want?"

"Wall-E!" Wall-E pushed the crystal against the shield. It popped through like a cork in water. X caught it and instantly felt the powerful chaos energy course into his arm and through his body.

DAMN

Gathering the energy into a tight field, X burst through the hull, rocketing back along the ship's course toward Earth. Once through the causality field he cut through a wormhole and dropped onto the planet's surface next to Kate.

"The hell?" Kate pushed Billy back and X held out the crystal. "If I take that you'll fall."

I KNOW THIS
IT IS NECESSARY
I HAVE SURVIVED WORSE


"Worse than spinning sawblades... I guess you have. Fine."

She wrapped her fingers around it and the building instantly became see-through. Spotting Cheney, she rocketed up and burst through his bloated body like a hot mole, leaving a large donut of flesh behind. She burst from the White House roof and scanned the area.

Prower, Blaggar, Fortie and the Flicka, who's name was Steve, rushed by and she ran to catch up.

"What's going on?"

"Tying up loose ends."

"Ah. Where next?"

"Look out for a frog with a sword."

They streaked across the ground, the atmosphere nearly catching fire with the torrent of their passing.
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Guild

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Re: Katestory XVII
« Reply #21 on: September 23, 2008, 07:09:59 PM »

Guildenstern frowned.

While you were typing a new reply has been posted...

He shrugged and clicked "Submit."

...

"Blah blah... ...very short flashbacks. Dammit, Brent, you joke-stealing pisshead."
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McDohl

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Re: Katestory XVII
« Reply #22 on: September 23, 2008, 08:23:35 PM »

39... 38... 37...

Prower parried Frog's sword strikes with his bare hands because, dude, Chaos Emeralds.  He knew, however, that his time was limited, and he had to finish it singularly and decisively, lest a giant frog get summoned out of fucking nowhere and obliterate him.

29... 28... 27...

"Not much time now..."  He thought to himself, then immediately took off past Frog.  Prower built up speed as he made a complete circuit of the planet, completing his circumnavigation in about 20 seconds.

9... 8... 7...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFtw7qW7Vcw
...Or something to that effect.  Except Frog didn't explode.  Just the crown.  When the smoke cleared, a powered-down Prower was standing over an unconcious Frog, lighting a cigar.

Anticlimax came running up, half-tripping on the 21 belts and 6 zippers that now made up his 'pants' in massive quotation marks.

"huff...puff...I'm HERE!"

He collapsed in exhaustion.

---------------------------------------------------
Sometimes, Adam had very horrible flashbacks.
---------------------------------------------------
"Oh god, this is like Katestory XIV, except back then I hadn't glommed on to Thad's silly injoke and failed completely in contributing.  Except now I can't fall back on that."

The Median Effect swirled around Adam, ripping the flesh from his body.
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Brentai

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Re: Katestory XVII
« Reply #23 on: September 23, 2008, 08:25:41 PM »

Prower dropped a few cigar ashes on top of his fallen foe.

"Vell zis vas a dizappointment!" he said.

Brent then nodded to himself, feeling he had done his duty as the only TF2 player writing.
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Guild

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Re: Katestory XVII
« Reply #24 on: September 23, 2008, 09:34:29 PM »

Suddenly Girard appeared and sliced Prower's head clean off. The noble fox dropped to the earth, a still-smoking stogie clamped in his tensed jaw.





Into the silence that followed Girard injected his trademark laugh, gleefully beheading Blaggar, Fortie, Steve and Kate in a series of lightning-quick, zippy, black shadow movements.





-----------------

"What?" Thad thumped the table soundly with the butt of the gun. *BANG*

SoraCross slumped to the floor, a gaping hole in his forhead.

"Er, whoops." Thad took a long pull from his backup bottle of whiskey. "Whatever."

Brentai dropped to all-fours and started lapping up the blood.

------------------

Anticlimax whiffed at the spot Girard had just emptied. Girard laughed again and raised a fist, beginning the summon spell that would end the world. Anticlimax huffed and raced after him, only to bounce off a field of evil energy being generated by Girard's aura.

The impotent Anticlimax planted his sword and sat, double-lotus style, to meditate.

George W. Bush snapped the final piece into the Rubik's Cube and a golden light radiated from it, suffusing everything and blinding the cameraman, named Meta McCarthy, who later denied his own existence when questioned.
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Thad

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Re: Katestory XVII
« Reply #25 on: September 23, 2008, 10:00:17 PM »

And then the world exploded.
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Brentai

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Re: Katestory XVII
« Reply #26 on: September 23, 2008, 10:25:58 PM »

"Damn!" Kate shouted, dusting herself off.  He casually pulled out her map, licked her finger, and put out the infinitesimally small fire that had started on it.  "I thought we had that one."

"Would have been nice," X intoned unenthusiastically.  "So where to next, oh fearless leader?"

"I dunno.  You decide."

Kate laid the seven-dimensional map down for X to see.  It was a bit hard for the other hangers-on to see, but X being a rather upgraded robot and Kate being magical existential demi-somethingorother, they got along fine.

"Here, this one looks nice," X said, pointing, "EP.  1218.  Says here it's got a..."

"Er," Kate butted in, "We can't go there."

"Why not?"

"No," Kate said.

"Just to

"No," Kate said.

"Not even a

"No," Kate said.

"Fine. We'll go to EP 1219 then."

"Right then," Kelly said, picking the map up and straining to read it.  "EP 1219... The Universe of Lame Final Fantasy References."

"You know, I think we may have already been there..."

Kelly touched the map, and they all teleported away.
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Guild

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Re: Katestory XVII
« Reply #27 on: September 24, 2008, 01:55:25 PM »

Girard giggled to himself as he casually ticked off yet another dimensional hub of sentience from a similar map with a big fat red pen. He frowned and started to connect the dots...




"HA HA ahaha ha haha hahaha ahaha hahaha haahah! Tale ssspin!"
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McDohl

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Re: Katestory XVII
« Reply #28 on: September 24, 2008, 02:59:17 PM »

Adam stared at the Katestory unfolding before him.

"I fully expected SoraCross to be the one making a mess of things, not Guild."

A drunken Thad paraded around behind him with his pants down at his ankles, waving empty tequila bottle in one hand and the pistol in the other, singing merrily.

Adam closed his eyes and smiled as he chuckled evilly.

----

Out of the maelstrom of another Median Effect, our plucky heroes popped out of the dimensional warp and in to the Universe of Lame Final Fantasy References.  Immediately, Cyan ran by, chased by Gau who was screaming "THOU THOU!  THOU THOU!  THOU THOU!"

It was a simple Banal Douglas Adams Reference and Tim Curry prancing by in a teddy from being a true Katestory.

(fucking post button being right next to preview)

Kelly looked at Kate.  Kate looked back at her.  "What?"

Kelly blinked. "Didn't Girard just kill you by chopping your head off?"

Kate coughed as she indicated the storm of the Median Effect that they had just been spat out from.

"Oh, right."  Kelly deadpanned.
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Guild

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Re: Katestory XVII
« Reply #29 on: September 25, 2008, 08:15:14 AM »

Douglas Adams and Tim Curry pranced by in their PJs, for good measure.
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McDohl

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Re: Katestory XVII
« Reply #30 on: September 27, 2008, 02:48:40 PM »

And then a naked Ambiguously Gay Greg popped out of a giant novelty cake that said "HAPPY BIRTHDAY THAD" on it.

Guildenstern :justasplanned:'d.
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Thad

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Re: Katestory XVII
« Reply #31 on: September 29, 2008, 01:03:26 AM »

"Hi, Greg," Thad said, slowly, brow slightly furrowed.  "It's been awhile.  ...I live in your old room now."

"I brought you this," said Greg.  "It's a clue."

Thad took a photo out of Greg's hand, and his eyes widened slightly.  "Huh.  I haven't seen this since..."

----------------------------------------

1997.  Taysom's class.

"Smile," said Greg.

Thad smiled.  Greg took the picture.

They took a look at the image as it came up on screen.  "Whoa, that's kinda cool.  Wonder what happened there?"

"I like it," Thad pronounced, retrieving a floppy from his binder.  "I'm going to keep it."

He saved the inexplicably-colored image to his disk.  There was nothing unusual about the camera or the program settings; the next photo came out normally.

----------------------------------------



Thad eyeballed the negative photo -- that's what he called it in his head, even though it really wasn't; inverting the colors led to an equally strange color scheme.  "I always liked that one.  A clue, eh?  Well, thanks, Greg.  Huh...1997."
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Brentai

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Re: Katestory XVII
« Reply #32 on: October 03, 2008, 11:04:37 PM »

A hooded figure stood, rain and wind battering around his dark cloak, staring at the figure directly in front of him.  The figure was also darkly cloaked and hooded, and was staring back.  The first dude opened his mouth to speak.

"Blah blah blah, Katestory blah," he said.

"Blah blah blah, Plot and Logic blah!" the second figure replied.

"Blah blah blah?"

"Blah."

And then the world exploded.

----------------------------------------

"We're ba-ack!" Kate shouted, throwing open the double-doors to the castle.  Locke, Cyan and Celes looked over their shoulders with disgust.

"You guys again.  Leave us the hell alone," Locke hissed.

"No can do, little buddy," X replied, walking over casually and patting Locke on the shoulder.  Locke winced.  That one had never quite healed right.

"We've found a way to restore this plotline," Kate said.

"And how's that?" Locke asked noncommitantly.

"By ignoring it aggressively!" Kate said, pointing her finger in the air for dramatic effect, "And starting a new subplot with, oh I dunno... Anticlimax.  Ta!"

X and Kate disappeared.  Locke, Celes and Cyan blinked.

"Cyan?" asked Celes.

"Yes, milady?"

"What are you doing in our bedroom, anyway?"

Cyan excused himself.

----------------------------------------

Anticlimax rode his horse merrily alongside his donkey-mounted sidekick, Coitus Interruptus.  He was so merry, in fact, that he broke out into a little song.


Hear me now, oh thou constantly ex-ploding world,
you are now gonna listen to me!
For this man with his mustache so gallantly twirled
has now taken o'er this story!

I am I, Anticlimax!
The hero for hire!
My destiny calls and I go!

And with unfailing courage
I press ever onward
Even though I really blow!


And they both sang thus:


Even though we really blow!
Now we're the stars of this show!


"Mustache so gallantly twirled?" said Coitus Interruptus, glancing sideways at his master.

"I didn't want to spend too much time on that one," Anticlimax admitted.  "But enough!  Forsooth!  Adventure awaits!"

"And what adventure would that be, oh lord?"

Anticlimax pointed ahead, "Yonder lies a castle, wherein deeply ensconced is the Magic Pencil, an artifact capable of rewriting, or in this case fixing..."

"We did this one before," interrupted Interruptus.

"Beg pardon?"

"Magic Pencil.  Castle.  We did..."

"Nono, dear squire, that was a Crystal Ball."

"But..."

"We must find the Pencil!" Anticlimax shouted at the top of lungs.  "Onward!"  And Anticlimax's horse jumped gracefully off the lungs and galloped forward, heedless of the obvious trap ahead...
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McDohl

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Re: Katestory XVII
« Reply #33 on: October 04, 2008, 07:15:39 AM »

Meanwhile, Kate, X, Billy, and Kelly were standing on a raft on Lete River.  It kept going around and around in circles.


Kate attacked.
X fired the Chameleon Laser, hitting all enemies.
Billy attacked.
Kelly used health.  Everyone's HP was restored.
Kate attacked.
X fired the Chameleon Laser, hitting all enemies.
Billy attacked.
Kelly used health.  Everyone's HP was restored.
Kate attacked.
X fired the Chameleon Laser, hitting all enemies.
Billy attacked.
Kelly used health.  Everyone's HP was restored.
Kate attacked.
X fired the Chameleon Laser, hitting all enemies.
Billy attacked.
Kelly used health.  Everyone's HP was restored.
Kate attacked.
X fired the Chameleon Laser, hitting all enemies.
Billy attacked.
Kelly used health.  Everyone's HP was restored.
Kate attacked.
X fired the Chameleon Laser, hitting all enemies.
Billy attacked.
Kelly used health.  Everyone's HP was restored.
Kate attacked.
X fired the Chameleon Laser, hitting all enemies.
Billy attacked.
Kelly used health.  Everyone's HP was restored.
Kate attacked.
X fired the Chameleon Laser, hitting all enemies.
Billy attacked.
Kelly used health.  Everyone's HP was restored.
Kate attacked.
X fired the Chameleon Laser, hitting all enemies.
Billy attacked.
Kelly used health.  Everyone's HP was restored.
Kate attacked.
X fired the Chameleon Laser, hitting all enemies.
Billy attacked.
Kelly used health.  Everyone's HP was restored.

"Alright, so we're level 99 now.  Now what?" X asked.

"We find Girard and figure out what he's up to.  Plus, kick his dick in, I guess." Kate said as they stepped off the raft near the crazy old man's house.

"Any ideas?" Billy said as he looked down at the dimensional map.

Kelly ran off away from the party and cast Ultima on a squirrel, who subsequently exploded.

"Well, being that Girard is a flaming idiot, I gather he could be in one of two places.  PA 1034, The Dimension Made Entirely of Bees, AKA THE PAIN, or PC 3920, The Dimension Of Super Heroes.  If he were there, he'd probably be in Paragon City." Kate traced lines on the map as she spoke.

"Bees suck.  Let's go to the other place."  X intoned. 

Generational PTSD from giant robotic bees dropping bee-launching hives on Mega Man struck X suddenly.

Kate touched the map and they were whisked away.

---

Anticlimax and Coitus Interruptus watched the scene unfold.

"Wait, wait, what?  They're ignoring us again!"  Coitus shouted.

"Dude.  Katestory."  Anticlimax deadpanned.
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Brentai

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Re: Katestory XVII
« Reply #34 on: October 04, 2008, 10:58:02 AM »

Thad looked up.  Greg was still there, naked, in his birthday cake.

"So," Thad said, "Is there, um, anything else you needed?"

"Not really," Greg said.

There was a pause.

"So," Thad said, "Are you, um, done here?"

"Pretty much," Greg said.

There was another pause.

"So," Thad said, "What are you, um, still doing here?"

There was a third pause.

"We never talk anymore, Thaddeus," whined the naked Ambiguously Gay Greg.

"Oh for Fome's sake..." Thad mumbled.

----------------------------------------

"EAT SHIT AND DIE!" screamed Crazy Willy.

There was a pause.

"Oh, no," X grumbled, "Why are you here?"

"Because I'm popular!" Crazy Willy said.

There was another pause.  X found it necessary to blink.

"Uhh... you can't... you can't say anything other than EAT SHIT AND DIE, can you?"

"Maybe not," Crazy Willy said, nodding, "But I am popular."

"Wait a minute!" Kate ejaculated, "That's not Crazy Willy at all!  It's..."

Crazy Willy took off his disguise to reveal...

"JIMMY!" both X and Kate screamed.

"Er, no.  Jojo the Flipping Elf," said Jojo the Flipping Elf.  "Man, we can't even keep our running gags straight any more, can we?"

"Sure can't," X said, and killed Jojo the Flipping Elf with a blast from his X-Buster.  He turned to Kate.

"Well that was precisely the level of continuity we've been trying to avoid," he said.  "What's next?"

"Well," Kate sighed, looking around, "It looks like we've made a mistake.  We've somehow landed in the Dimension of Lame Katestory references."

"What?"  X found it necessary to blink again.  "But we're always..."

"Yeah, I know," Kate deadpanned.  "This is going to be awful."

----------------------------------------

Anticlimax spurred on his horse.

"Come, squire!" he cried, "There is still a chance to start a subplot relatively free of injokes and self-references!"

"I'm beginning to doubt that, sir," whined Coitus Interruptus, "But it would be a nice change of pace.  I don't even know who that Crazy Jojo Elf Guy was supposed to be."

"Best you don't dwell on it, my young Padawan.  But ho!  There be a yonder hamlet, whereupon we should chance a wayhouse whereto we canst repast our..."

Coitus Interruptus hit Anticlimax in the back of the head.  Anticlimax growled and rubbed the sore spot where he had been hit, then looked at his sidekick.

"My undefined period-speech was getting out of control again, wasn't it?" he hissed.

"Oh yeah," said Coitus Interruptus, "Big time."

They rode on.
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Re: Katestory XVII
« Reply #35 on: October 04, 2008, 11:40:46 AM »

Lord Fenwick "Fig" Minton sat before the fire, drumming his fingers slowly on his empty wineglass.

"I had something, Jones," he intoned.  "I lost it."

"Wine," Jones responded.  "I'll get you another glass."

"No.  Well, yes, actually, please do.  But no.  I lost something.  Something important."

"So you say, Milord," said Jones gently as he took Minton's glass.  "So you continue to say."

Minton threw up his arms in a sudden excess of emotion.  He grabbed a book from the table beside his chair.

"Look at this, will you!" he cried, flipping rapidly through the pages.  They were blank.  "What does this tell you?"

"That it's an empty diary," Jones responded.

"Yes!" cried Minton.  "But you see, it wasn't before!  This was my diary!  It wasn't empty before!  I--I can't even remember what was in it, Jones.  I've lost my past."  He collapsed in his chair.

Jones sighed.  He hated to see his lord in such a state.  "Please, Sir, have another glass of wine."

Taptaptaptap.

Minton shot up.  Seldom did anyone knock on the old manor door.

Jones opened the door to find two weary-looking adventurers.

"Can we, ah...use your bathroom?" asked Anticlimax.

----------------------------------------

"...and so," Anticlimax continued, as they sat around the fire with Lord Minton, "we seek to pass through the Obvious Trap and make our way to the Magic Pencil."

"Magic Pencil?"  Fig shot up again.  "Jones!  Do you see what this means?"

Jones sighed.

"Jones, get my coat!"

Jones sighed more deeply as he walked to the closet.  "Must I come along, Milord?  It seems to me this group already has a Sancho Panza."

"I enjoy your company, Jones," Fig responded, "but do as you will.  My empty diary, my missing past...I must do this, Jones.  This Magic Pencil will restore me!"

----------------------------------------

The locals called him Derek the Derelict.  He had a head of wispy white hair and a mouth untouched by modern dentistry, and he would stand on street corners, jabbering animatedly and waving a book in the air.  Sometimes he would pointedly jab his finger at it, as if it contained all the answers.

It did not.  In fact, it did not contain anything at all.  Like Fig Minton's diary, its pages were blank.

This was, perhaps, why, beyond the occasional and highly inappropriate cry of "WHORE!", nobody could ever understand a word that Derek the Derelict said.
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Brentai

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Re: Katestory XVII
« Reply #36 on: October 04, 2008, 07:24:52 PM »

"A Gaulish warrior, and some sort of midget roman person," Jones said to the mysterious figure.  The figure was, in clear violation of the trope, not at all shadowy.  However, Jones couldn't make out any details of the man because he was covered in bees.

"I see," said the man.  "The Gaul is the one we're looking for... at least, I think he's a Gaul.  We never did get a very detailed description of him."  The man coughed.  "Was he, ah, somewhat boring?"

"He was very... straightforward," Jones said, "I suppose that counts."

"Very well," said the man, as he noncommitantly threw a pouch of gold into Jones' awaiting hands.  "Thank you.  You may go back to your master now."

"Ah, well, one more thing," Jones added, a little nervously, "When my master heard they were going after the Magic Pencil, he insisted on following.  He's got this sort of... memory-journal-erasure-curse, you see."  Jones waggled his hand for effect.

"Ah, yes.  Well, I suppose he would naturally have to have a curse like that to live here."  The man sighed.  "I suppose you would like us to not harm him?"

"If you'd kindly..."

"Very well.  But remember this, if you get it into your head to follow after and warn our quarry..."  The man leaned in and growled menacingly.  "I'm covered in bees."

"Y... yes," Jones said, trembling, "Yes indeed you are.  Covered in bees.  They're... very nice.  Where'd you get them?"

"Never you mind," the man said, turning to leave, "This meeting is over."  As if to make a point, the bees covering him all started buzzing threateningly.  Jones got it, and ran off.

"Well," the man said to his companion, "If they're going that way, then the Obvious Trap should take care of him.  But still... we should go and make sure, shouldn't we?"

"Yes," said the woman, stepping out of the shadows from where she too was being a mysterious figure.  "Yes we... dear God.  Do you know you're covered in bees?"
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Cannon

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Re: Katestory XVII
« Reply #37 on: October 07, 2008, 03:46:08 PM »

"Yeah," said the man.

----------------------------------------

"I'm just... I'm gonna' find a towel. Unless you swallowed your wallet, I'm going to assume you don't have money for a cab, Greg." Thad got up and stepped into the bathroom, whereupon he tossed the wrap at the fellow without subjecting his eyes to more punishment.

"Well, actually..."

"There's no great hurry or need to finish that response, Greg."

----------------------------------------

Some hours passed, but Anticlimax pushed the party onward, solely because he was aware of the Obvious Trap and was eager to spring it. He was clear on informing both Minton and Coitus of this, which got annoying when Minton would forget it after five minutes and had to be reminded. Sometime before they happened upon the clear, quiet, and strategically ideal spot for the upcoming ambush, Minton spoke up after his latest episode of falling off his steed - having just then forgotten how to ride.

After screaming in panic and running for home for fear that he had been kidnapped, Anticlimax strapped him to his horse after attaching a note to the end of a stick and positioning it in front of Minton's face. They both rolled their eyes and silently knew that this made getting the Pencil that much more pressing.

Coitus Interruptus suddenly pointed out that the Obvious Trap wasn't being sprung. Befuddled, they looked around before moving on. After traveling down the road a piece, they heard yelling and turned around. The assassins, having been on their coffee break and wanting to make up for lost time, had leapt from the woods and were busy killing themselves out of confusion. Anticlimax shrugged, while Coitus gave Minton mouth-to-mouth when his body forgot to take in breath.

----------------------------------------

"Exactly how can you consistently stop the bees from stinging you to death? I don't even see you using smoke or anything."

The man sighed, and a colony or two took wing and swarmed the woman. As she rolled around and screamed in agony, he non-chalantly went on his way to generally be a dick to Anticlimax and crew. Presumably.

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Who was responsible for the page inflation? Simo Belmo knew. But he was too drunk to be arsed about it.

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Derek the Derelict soiled himself. Plot was thinking about doing something with him, but just kept right on walking instead.
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Thad

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Re: Katestory XVII
« Reply #38 on: October 17, 2008, 08:26:42 PM »

"...So did we make it to the right universe this time?" asked Kate, who it turned out was easy to recreate in the CoH Character Creator.


X, who was not, looked down at the half-assed reproduction of his body.

"Oh, I'LL say we did."

Girard, whose model had gotten a slight makeover and now had actual flaming hair instead of just giant red hair, cursed.

"Blast!  I am found out!"

He bolted down an alley, looking over his shoulder to see how close the pursuit was.  Not watching where he was going, he collided with the brick wall of a large building with a banner reading "JERKHAUS".  He collapsed, dazed, the flames from his hair licking at the wall and blackening it a bit.  It was blackening.  A bit.

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It was the Third Annual Circle of Jerks Oktoberfest Event, and they had hung a banner with a playfully Germanic spelling of their base's name across its front.

The Frivolous Suit, wearing his orange vest over lederhosen (or the closest thing Thad could produce using the CoH Character Creator),

was presently having a vigorous debate with Tiny Activist about whether or not dances could be copyrighted and what sort of royalties a celebrant would have to pay the choreographer to engage in them.

None of them heard the thump of Girard's skull on the wall.
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Thad

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Re: Katestory XVII
« Reply #39 on: October 22, 2008, 12:48:45 PM »

Gok started puffing on a pipe.

"Let's take a look at the clues, shall we?

"We'll start with the one explicitly stated to be a clue: a strangely-colored photo of Thad from 1997.

"In fact, the post says '1997' twice.  What's important about 1997?"

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It was a typical, cheerful day.  Explosions rocked the city skyline, signaling another invasion by berserk robots.  It was the sort of thing that happened so often that the locals ignored it; they were simply going about their business, most of them riding the subway to work.

Three mounted figures, however, were, unlike the locals, NOT on their way to work.  They were mounted.  And there were three of them.

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"Now," continued Gok, "What was it Thad said when he last updated his KateStory page?"

16 is up, with corresponding updates to the index and character guide.

"But Thad!" you may say.  "Isn't it a little early to be finishing the updates?  The eleventh anniversary is still almost three weeks away!  How will you celebrate it now?"

Don't worry.  I have a plan.

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The Temple was in a central park, actually, but due to a mystic field surrounding it, it presented the feeling to its visitors of being enclosed.  Mystic alterations of visitors' senses were what the Temple was all about.

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"ELEVENTH anniversary," Gok repeated.

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The Statues were, themselves, strange objects whose appearance varied depending on one's perception.  At the forefront of them was a statue of Stefanie [...] hoisting a copy of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy; she was flanked on her left side by Thad Boyd holding a copy of Final Fantasy 6, and on her left was the Statue of Brent Roberts, hoisting a cow skyward.  Behind her were the Lesser Gods, headed by Steve, Kazz, and Adam, but they're not even remotely important at this point so I'm not going to make up whatever it was they were holding yet.

Yet, when one moved a step, or blinked, or simply willed it to be so, the Statues' appearance changed.  Stefanie [...] with the Guide became Kate Chaos with her flaming green hand; Brent Roberts with the cow was Hedgehog X hoisting Maleophonix the Singing Candy Machine; Thad Boyd with FF6 was suddenly Mega Man X saluting with his X-Buster.

In front of the statues was a small dais.  On it sat a marble-cover notebook and a mechanical pencil.  It was to this that the aforementioned riders rode.

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"Today," said Gok, "is not the KateStory's eleventh anniversary.  It's the KateStory's FOURTEENTH anniversary.  Eleven years ago -- why, that would be 1997 again, wouldn't it?"

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Anticlimax dismounted his horse and seized the Magic Pencil.  He opened the notebook and began scribbling furiously.

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"And then those two new characters who showed up in the same chapter," Gok continued.  "The ones carrying books with empty pages.  One of them couldn't remember anything..."

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"I remember," breathed Lord Minton.  "I'm remembering everything!"

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"...and the other who spouted incomprehensible gibberish."

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":(�"<:�0���07���b," raved Derek the Derelict.  "�t@���X@fb@���@rn@d`t`jtdj@����������Z���Y�+{�c Ks�C ��+�!" he shouted.  "I�zj���i���ji�J���]��#�B�E%*ou stupid loser people open up your horribly written and uninformitive Pascal books to page 3-42!  We're going to learn how to do for do loops now!"

Passersby stopped and turned their heads as Derek the Derelict began to say things that made sense.

"Something that makes sense, dammit!" he shouted.  He jabbed his finger, once again, to the book he was holding.  It was no longer empty.

"Let's fire up the ol' Innerosseter!"

----------------------------------------

Gok smirked.  "So you see, Thad's big anniversary surprise is...he's recovered KateStory IX!"

Nobody gasped!  Everybody had figured that out paragraphs ago!

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"The timestream has finally been corrected," Janey intoned.

----------------------------------------

"My God," said Hedgehog X, as his escape pod approached the Monolith.  "It's full of stars!"

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Thad punched Bill Gates in the face, bought Dean Trower a beer, and said "Happy birthday" to KateStory.

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRAGH!" said KateStory.

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There was a buzzing sound.

"As fun as that was," said a mysterious figure from the shadows, "it's probably best we advance the plot before hitting the Post button."  He stepped out of the shadows.  He was covered in bees.

Anticlimax looked at Bee Man, then went back to furiously scribbling in the book.

"Oh no you don't!" shouted Bee Man.  "Bees, ATTACK!"  Bees swarmed Anticlimax.

"BEES!" shouted Anticlimax.  "BEEEEEEEEEEEES!"

Cotius Interruptus saw an object lying on the Temple floor.  It was a cigarette lighter on a stick.  He lunged for it.

Bee Man lobbed a grenade at Coitus.  It exploded, and he found himself covered in a swarm of insects.

"Feel the power," said Bee Man, "of my TERMITE GRENADE."

Everybody groaned.

"That's enough of that, OLD FRIEND," Lord Minton said icily.  "Yes, that's right.  I've got my memory back.  And I know who you are.  You're...you're..."

Everybody gasped!  Oh my Fuck!

"I haven't said who he is yet," said Lord Minton reproachfully.
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