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[Cyan Prime]

someone who's going to kill himself is too dead to ask anybody anything

Why would someone kill themselves twice?

[Norondor]

I'm aware nobody's specifically telling Cyan to kill himself over his java games, but i don't care. I'm really tired of people on the internet taking such a disaffectly cool and casual view towards the value of human life. People killing themselves as a result of depression, loneliness, losing a job (???) or anything else barring chronic illness or pain... saying that you're happy because it would reduce supermarket queues? Fuck you. Go to jail.

[Fredward]

Would it make you feel better if I told you I take the same view in real life?

[Brentai]

I think it was Lewis Black who said, "If things are that bad, don't kill yourself, you idiot.  Kill other people."

ADDENDUM: Now that I really put my brain to remembering it I think it was actually Rev. Ivan Stang.  And if you recognize that name without looking it up then you'll be forgiven if you shoot yourself as a reflex reaction.

[Norondor]

Would it make you feel better if I told you I take the same view in real life?

No.

[Beat Bandit]

I'm aware nobody's specifically telling Cyan to kill himself over his java games, but i don't care. I'm really tired of people on the internet taking such a disaffectly cool and casual view towards the value of human life. People killing themselves as a result of depression, loneliness, losing a job (???) or anything else barring chronic illness or pain... saying that you're happy because it would reduce supermarket queues? Fuck you. Go to jail.

What gives the life of someone who's lost all emotional and / or mental hope any more important than someone who's lost physical hope? Saying "these people can kills themselves" and "these people can't kill themselves" is horribly stupid, but generally you are too so I wont spend much time on that one.

I don't think people should kill themselves, but no more than I think the same people should stay alive. Just as I plan on not doing it, I'm not going to make your choice for you either way.

[Mongrel]

I'm aware nobody's specifically telling Cyan to kill himself over his java games, but i don't care. I'm really tired of people on the internet taking such a disaffectly cool and casual view towards the value of human life. People killing themselves as a result of depression, loneliness, losing a job (???) or anything else barring chronic illness or pain... saying that you're happy because it would reduce supermarket queues? Fuck you. Go to jail.

Finally.

[patito]

Personally I lose all respect for people who kill themselves. Look, whatever your circumstances may be what's the point in killing yourself. Look, if you kill yourself there's always the uncertainty of what comes next, if anything comes next at all. So just hang in there for a while longer, say, another 50, 80 more years if you're lucky, you're gonna die eventually anyway, why rush it.

Besides, whatever it is you're so concerned about, I guarantee that's there at least one more person who's having a rougher time and isn't even considering suicide at all.

[Cyan Prime]

I'm more interested in Cyan's actual circumstances. Speaking as someone who daily confronts the question "What do you do if you really are a loser without hope but do not wish to kill yourself?", I'd like to know what you consider to be failure and/or non-contribution?

...

Do you have full or partial acute depressive episodes where people can't communicate with you and you can't do anything? Or is it more of a general malaise, combined with failure and/or lack of hope in whatever goals you may have set for yourself?

Well, I started this thread with only general views in mind, but I suppose I could tell a little of my current story. I've been diagnosed with ADHD, Bipolor, Asburgers, and am "mentally deranged." I'm currently on zoloft and abilify. I thought it was helping, but I've been really depressed/upset for about four days strate. It seems like a lot of it is sexual. Or lack of, since I feel like a failure for not getting laid yet. I suppose I could go out and get a girl, but that feels like too much work. my depression makes me a very lazy bastard. I'm barely able to work on Worst Platformer Ever.

infact, I only coded about two lines today. Also I guess I'm a little down that I have to code yet another game as a nobody. But it's mainly lack of pussy. Yes, it is as dumb as it sounds. No me knowing that doesn't help. Okay, I'll be honest, there is other shit. the sex stuff is only like 30%. I'm not going to talk about the rest in a public forum though.

As for my medical. I'm on GAU right now and which is free PHYSICAL health. They won't let me on the free MENTAL health plan until I get a shrink to tell them to. No shrinks will see me without MENTAL medical.  

Warning - while you were typing 5 new replies have been posted. You may wish to review your post. God damn!

Edit: another factor is that my pills and depression have made me gain like 10lbs in a month. If this keeps up I'll be 300lbs by dec. I didn't bother with the math, actually. Anyway, I know I can maybe fix that, but I can't till the 6th when I get more foodstamps and can buy healthy food.

[patito]

So basically, don't kill yourself, keep making shitty games, you're bound to improve eventually. Hell, you wrote two lines of code, that's more productive than anything I've done today.

[Norondor]

Personally I lose all respect for people who kill themselves.

Why? WHY THE HELL? Do you think that giving up on life is a function of cussedness? They should pull themselves up by their bootstraps more? People are different, one unto another! Depression and alienation don't follow clean lines of logical progression and people who are depressed don't respond to encouragements to cheer up. The problem is not merely internal, but integral to the shape of one's life.

You can't callously say that they should just tough it out; as much as it's a good ideal to say that people should be able to block out the world, ignore their failings (real or imagined, not that there is a quantifiable difference and live on in spite of everything, there's no reason to think that everyone actually can.

[SCD]

I just saw this now.  

Alright, I'm going to open up.  

This has been a tough year for me, where a lot has gone wrong - a lot does go wrong for myself.  I've been suicidally depressed at the start of this year, so I'm in your boat.  There were a couple times I had the knife pretty close to the chest, or I found myself floating away from shore in the ocean before swimming back.  I even hit the bottle hard for two days.  

On the third day, I knew what was going on and I sought help hard.  Where I'm from, the "s-word" seems to get people to push the right way.  Oddly enough, despite my athiesm, a priest helped me on the right foot towards social services, which since then for the past three weeks, I've been in constant contact with a social worker and a psychiatrist in one form or another.  

If you're suicidal for any reason Sora, seek help.  We are not professionals here and we will not be able to help you.  This is where people in the community can.  Good places to start are always the church, community centre, Human Resources of where you may work, or school that you attend.  the local suicide hotline is also worth investing time into, even if you don't feel bad.  Just be honest about why you call - I've had these thoughts sometime ago and I need help, but do not know where to turn often works.  

You need to make the first step.  

Think about it, and ways around the queue.  You can be clever.

[Norondor]

What gives the life of someone who's lost all emotional and / or mental hope any more important than someone who's lost physical hope? Saying "these people can kills themselves" and "these people can't kill themselves" is horribly stupid, but generally you are too so I wont spend much time on that one.

I'm not saying some people should kill themselves and others shouldn't. I'm saying that living in agony is horrific and that for those in the position to make that kind of choice, i won't place any kind of judgment on their actions, wrong or right.

If someone kills themselves because other people ignored their cries for help or didn't care, that's another matter.

[Beat Bandit]

People killing themselves as a result of depression, loneliness, losing a job (???) or anything else barring chronic illness or pain...

Why? WHY THE HELL? Do you think that giving up on life is a function of cussedness? They should pull themselves up by their bootstraps more? People are different, one unto another! Depression and alienation don't follow clean lines of logical progression and people who are depressed don't respond to encouragements to cheer up. The problem is not merely internal, but integral to the shape of one's life.

You can't callously say that they should just tough it out; as much as it's a good ideal to say that people should be able to block out the world, ignore their failings (real or imagined, not that there is a quantifiable difference and live on in spite of everything, there's no reason to think that everyone actually can.

I'm not saying some people should kill themselves and others shouldn't. I'm saying that living in agony is horrific and that for those in the position to make that kind of choice, i won't place any kind of judgment on their actions, wrong or right.

If someone kills themselves because other people ignored their cries for help or didn't care, that's another matter.

You're making this shit up on every post aren't you?

[Mongrel]

It seems like you do have some legitimately severe brain chemistry issues. The first thing I'll say is that that will definitely affect your ability to make objective decisions about your situation, so I wouldn't go off all half-cocked. The fact that you've already accepted this and are already on medication is a good start. Yes, brain chemistry treatment is still in the "sawing limbs off with rusty iron bits" stage of evolution, but it's a lot better than nothing.

A point regarding sex: Realistically, sex isn't going to come without more confidence and more activity, which you probably already know. It's probably impossible, but the best thing you can do is forget it. Sex is one of those things that is harder to get the harder you try. Maddening, I know, but there you have it.

While lack of sex may not technically be an excuse for suicide, loneliness often makes a bad situation worse. Of course, I have no way of knowing how much one affects the other in your case. Also, we should never underestimate the profound impact our base drive to reproduce has on our brains. That pressure can be a killer. I'm not sure how much can be gained by meeting more folks and seeing your base instincts for what they are, but hey, whatever helps, helps. If not, well, you're no worse off than you were before.

The BEST advice and most practical advice I can give you is to try and find a way to break the catch-22 over your medical treatment. If that means begging borrowing or stealing money to go see a practitioner to get certified for mental coverage, then so be it. I've seen way more than I ever wanted to see of the US medical system. Sometimes those loopholes just fuck people right over and the only way out is to fight your way through the system - sometimes that means spending a hundred, or a thousand, to save the tens of thousands you don't have. This is going to make more of a real, practical difference to you than anything we can fucking babble on about here. 

Warning - while you were typing 4 new replies have been posted. You may wish to review your post.

And what SCD said. You've already gone partway on this, so explaining your current state may jumpstart some folks into helping you break your deadlock.

[patito]

Mmm, yeah, I suppose if a person is really really depressed he won't listen to reason, but really, so some guy somewhere lost my respect, the respect of some guy who really doesn't matter at all, but in the end why would he care about this if he's dead, would he even care if I had told him I wouldn't respect him if he killed himself?  I didn't say I lose respect for people who attempted suicide unsuccessfully. In my own mind, it is much better to receive some sort of feedback, positive or negative, rather than not getting any at all, which would sort of be achieved by dying.

But like you said, in case of chronic illness or pain there might be a point to it, I suppose.

[Royal☭]

Let's all act hard and cool about suicide on the internet.

[SCD]

And then add comma splice up the arse, to boot!

[Beat Bandit]

: "Suicide? I disapprove of suicide more than anything."

[Ocksi]

I recommend endorphins to anyone in your shoes.  The motivation to get out and run or bike or generally just break a sweat is hard to come by when you're pretty depressed, but if you can lug yourself outside and just work out, preferably in the sun, you'll feel a lot better.  Especially if you do it with a goal in mind.