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Author Topic: Your Job: The Movie  (Read 124539 times)

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A≤

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Your Job: The Movie
« on: March 23, 2008, 01:13:26 AM »

So today at work I unleashed a bunch of stress from previous weeks by pretending to be Myron Reducto whenever this one woman called in.

Short version: I didn't get her first, a coworker did, he said that she wanted a specific McDonalds on a specific street. We didn't have that. We did have 4 other McDonalds in that city and one of those was probably hers just listed on the cross street but nooooo she demanded that one.

She called in for 2 hours just to bitch. So I started pretending to be Myron Reducto whenever I got her, because on Thursday we no longer take Company A calls, and are switching to Company B calls. Which means Company A doesn't care about bad customers we get so effectively they can call in and swear and the most we can do is just keep disconnecting them until they give up.

Her:  AM GOING TO KEEP CALLING UNTIL YOU ALL-"
Me: "LOOK AT THIS MAN. Covered in HAIR. HAIR THAT COVERS THE NECK OR LEGS OR EVEN BACK. HAIR THAT WE PLUCK OUT BIT BIT BIT OR DARE I SAY WE GO FOR MORE EXPENSIVE THERAPIES SUCH AS A BODY SCRUB OR A PAINFUL BODY WAX FULL BRAZILLIAN"

"THIS IS THE EIGHT TIME" "You don't think I see. I see with your tiny little eyes, watching another green skinned little man. SHRINK GUN."

"NOW LOOK, I DON't KNOW" "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHH AHH AHH AHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
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Kazz

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #1 on: March 23, 2008, 01:44:13 AM »

Is that a true story?  Because that's pretty awesome.
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Brentai

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #2 on: March 23, 2008, 10:22:54 AM »

Are you still at that job?  Christ.

...What?  Me?  Pot doing the who now?
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A≤

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #3 on: March 23, 2008, 12:45:07 PM »

The job hunt's begun in earnest, actually.
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Mongrel

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #4 on: March 23, 2008, 01:52:39 PM »

I could always start telling stories about MY place of work, but, the amount of typing I would have to do would make me weep.

Suffice it to say that I've reached that happy place where I pretty much dare the company to fire me every single day (please note that I'm an warranty/order office manager, not a gas bar attendant, so this might actually mean something). 
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Brentai

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #5 on: March 23, 2008, 02:12:54 PM »

I've done that with pretty much every job I've ever had after about a week, but then again I've never gone much above gas bar attendant myself.
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Mongrel

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #6 on: March 23, 2008, 03:02:36 PM »

Side note: I still work with Koipond. He's trying to leave too.

If upper management knew how many good people I've talked to to convince them to quit because they could do far FAR better at other places... well, they'd probably fire me on the spot.
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A≤

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #7 on: March 24, 2008, 12:00:19 AM »

I wanna hear some stories! That's what this thread is for!
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BŁge

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #8 on: March 24, 2008, 05:18:49 AM »

I like to play a game when I'm at work. After I punch in, I try to look helpful as I'm walking to the bakery on the other side of the store. Sometimes a customer will ask for help and I lead them to the item they are looking for. Then I start over. I try to get as many of these as possible before I actually reach the bakery. My high score is three.

It's not so fun on the way out.  :serious:
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SCD

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #9 on: March 24, 2008, 07:44:21 AM »

Right now I'm playing the limbo game until I get transferred to a job in the same company that takes me to Ottawa.  Until then, I get to play server administrator as well as instructor  :lol:

But being instructor involves having myself take a big slow truck which can barely pull 20 mph on hills.. 

Across the rockies!   :oh:
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Koah

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #10 on: March 24, 2008, 01:31:54 PM »

:rage: I'm looking for a book.  Mars and Venus or some shit.
:smile: Oh, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus?  Right this way.

(walk walk walk)

:smile: So are you looking for anything else today, or-
:rage: No, it's for my damn wife.  She wanted me to get it for some reason.

I can't fathom why.
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A≤

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #11 on: April 22, 2008, 05:28:41 PM »

A lady went crazy at work.
She just started beating the shit out of the keyboard and screaming into the mic. When the supervisor ran over to try and figure out what the hell, she ran.

40 minutes later, the cops have her tranqed and are wheeling her out of the center.
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Kazz

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #12 on: April 22, 2008, 05:32:06 PM »

To be fair, I'd probably end up like that too, in your job.

Or any job.
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Royal☭

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #13 on: April 22, 2008, 05:54:50 PM »

Don't worry.  Eventually what place you work at will have a legal way of removing that part of your brain which yearns for freedom and equal treatment.


I know why the caged Ood sings.

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #14 on: April 22, 2008, 10:14:27 PM »

I'm a professional student.

My very liberal International Communications professor (PHD with dozens of articles and several books published) went on vacation last Thursday. While he was gone the quarter of the class I am assigned to work with gave a presentation.

My entire group, unbeknownst to me, sucks major balls at giving presentations. It's almost like he hand-picked this group to suck.

MY PORTION OF THE PRESENTATION WAS THE ONLY BIT TO GET NO NEGATIVE REVIEWS FROM THE SUBSTITUTE. FURTHERMORE IT WOKE EVERYONE UP AND PROBABLY SAVED US FROM A D.

We got a B+.

:MENDOZAAAAA:
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Shinra

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #15 on: April 23, 2008, 05:15:54 PM »

I do tech support for a major telecommunications company who operates a CDMA cellular network in the United States. (Hint: I don't work for Verizon or T-Mobile. You figure it out.)

I work close for our center, which is 5:30 - 2am; needless to say we occasionally get the weirder folk. The drunk and the stoned and teenagers would probably be our primary late night tech support demographic. Occasionally though, we get the crazies. (I'm really starting to believe the whole 'full moon' thing)

A couple months back I'm nearing the tail end of my shift, and I call comes through. It's an older man in the rockies. He's just having some basic issues with internet access and he wants his phone number changed. Normal enough call. So we went through that procedure and while I was waiting for things to get through provisioning so I could finish up the call he starts with the small talk. It's been a slow night, so I make the mistake of indulging him.

The guy tells me he's had a bad week, apparently he lost 5k worth of electronic equipment, he attributes it to electronic interference in his apartment. He goes on further to explain that he's tried to bring complaints like this to his landlord in the past, but his apartment management won't help him with any of his problems, and he has a theory as to why...

He tells me he was having similar problems in his previous home, which was an actual house - the problems eventually forced him to sell his home at a huge loss and move into a cramped apartment. Electrical interference wasn't the half of it, though. He tells me that he was constantly getting strange phone calls from people as if they were looking right at him, and one day he flips on his A/C and it blows dirt all through the house. Apparently "Some people" broke into his house and filled his vent ducts with dirt. Just like in one of Ron Howard's early movies, apparently. (this is an important note for later on.)

He had a handyman come in and look at it. The handyman uncovered the dirt, but apparently he also found cables going through all the vent ducts. It explained everything, he told me. Apparently, someone was watching him with cameras set up in his vent ducts. The same ones that were filled with dirt. Furthermore, he'd just got talking to Rance Howard - that's Ron Howard's dad - before the dirt incident. It was all coming together.

Apparently, he tells me, 'he knew too much'. Ron Howard (famous Hollywood Director) and his crazy brother Clint Howard had long had the drug trade in hollywood cornered. But as an insider to the family, he was dangerous to have around. They were tormenting him and harassing him and watching his every move, them and their goons, trying to intimidate him into not going public! I'm humoring him through this conversation, mostly just to tic away time until I have to go home, but this story's too interesting to walk away from, anyway.

He tells me that a few years back he was in talks with Playboy to do an article about the seedy underbelly of Hollywood, but apparently after he told Rance Howard about it, Ron Howard and Clint Howard basically told him 'That's not a good idea' - and when he looked like he was going to go forward with it, they apparently beat him to the punch. (Whether they did or not, or this article exists at all, I really can't say.) After that, all the problems started. Now, he's living in his tiny apartment in a wheelchair (this will come up soon, so make note of it) with electric interference running through his apartment, management that won't help him, and a team of Mexicans living upstairs that he's sure Ron Howard paid to harass him. He also believes he's having the same problem with surveillance - apparently the apartment was open for a whole month before he signed the lease. 

He tells me the mexicans have been stomping on the floor above him, following him around through the apartment. Just like in the Ron Howard movie Rock Hard. (BTW, guys, Rock Hard is not in any way associated with Ron Howard - It's a documentary about porn stars, and it features Ron Jeremy. When "The Hedgehog" became involved in this conspiracy is anyone's guess.) All this is, of course, to torment him now that Ron Howard managed to cripple him with Rhumatoid Arthritis.

Apparently, the last incident of harassment that forced him out of the house? Apparently, a home-made microwave gun. Ron and Clint Howard, using the cameras set up around his home in the vent ducts (again, filled with dirt) aimed a microwave gun at his legs, which they made from a normal household microwave and a vacuum cleaner. Using this dastardly weapon, they crippled him with arthritis.

I advised him to 'be careful' and wished him the best of luck in dealing with his Ron Howard problem. I don't think I've ever had more trouble not laughing in my life.
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Brentai

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #16 on: April 23, 2008, 05:49:02 PM »

You'd think Opie of all people would be more responsible with microwave guns.
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Shinra

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #17 on: April 23, 2008, 05:59:49 PM »

You'd think Opie of all people would be more responsible with microwave guns.

I know, right
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BŁge

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #18 on: April 24, 2008, 06:37:05 AM »

his crazy brother Clint Howard


Ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaa
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Royal☭

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #19 on: April 24, 2008, 12:52:38 PM »

I didn't even know Ron Howard had a brother.  I guess he just walked upstairs during season 1 and never came back down.
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