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Author Topic: Your Job: The Movie  (Read 125045 times)

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Mongrel

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #100 on: November 24, 2008, 07:40:35 AM »

Just had a second interview for the 45k/yr job. Went well. Found out today that if they like me enough, I get to fly to the US home office for the final interview, so this shit is the real deal, unlike just about every other shit job I might get.

:perfect:

The funniest part was that the local guy seemed almost entirely concerned about my French... which was way better than his. But he held the entire interview in French. I actually felt so sorry for the guy as he soldiered on with his mediocre French. But at least that meant I looked reeeeeeaaaaaaal gooooood.

 :suave:

Only problem: Head Office is in New Jersey.  :ohshi~:
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Cannon

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #101 on: November 27, 2008, 10:48:51 PM »

Busy days are in some ways the worst for me, because while they're generally pretty profitable, I'm inclined to do boneheaded things, or just get the folk that think I estimated "forty-five minutes to an hour/an hour to an hour fifteen" for arrival and was just playing around with their cranky selves for giggles (to be fair, sometimes the former is tied into the latter, but here I was making pretty good time). Now and then, some unspoken and vague house rule of the cosmos is broken or bent, and the cosmic Dungeon Master singles me out for a surreal reprisal.

Things start off unassumingly enough. I pull up to the house, and though it's colder than a frost giant's butt, I park a ways from the short road to the garage. It wasn't far to walk to the front door from, and I try to make a habit of not blocking entrances/exits when I deliver to residences.

:sarcasm:: A young boy with unkempt blond hair approaches you from yon open garage, hands in jacket pockets. He asks you to come around back.

:wank:: Le sigh. Somehow I doubt all the warm air is kept in by that huge, gaping entrance. Yeah, okay, I'll play along. Can't take that long to make the exchange.

:sarcasm:: The garage is surprisingly tidy. A few tools are on display on racks, and a lone, worn skateboard lays idle on the ground. The otherwise friendly young companion next to you says that the money is next door, though you can leave your parcel of nourishing foodstuffs here, in the chamber for horseless carriages. Several more striplings look in and on from the nearby portal that leads into the dwelling proper.

:wank:: ...Can you pick a style of speech, man? Are you just going to have me move from place to place because you want to get this thing back on rails? C'mon. Throw me a bone, here.

:sarcasm:: Fine, fine. One of the other boys volunteers to run next door and get the cash.

:wank:: Okay. Guess I'll be trusting and hand over the pies. I can beat the food out of them if they try to short me, I suppose.

:sarcasm:: Yeah, none of them look beyond fifteen or sixteen wint-

:wank:: Stop that.

:sarcasm:: They're young teens.

:wank:: Ahem. "So, why not grab a slice, dude? It should still be warm."

:sarcasm:: Ahem.

:america:: "Oh, it's not for me."

:wank:: ...Yeah, dead end there. I guess I'll clam up until Wally West gets back with the gold. Erm. Money.

:sarcasm:: A female teenager who's standing in the door jamb pipes up unprompted. She-

:wank:: Wait. What? You said they were all boys.

:sarcasm:: She looked like a boy, see? Short hair. Tomboy digs. It's the South, and remember Jen next door from your work? She's quite dude-ish, so it happens. She's speaking now, so you can guess pretty reasonably that she's female.

:wank:: ...Whatever. Why do I even put points into Perception if neither of us roll for it?

:gay4:: "Hey, do you like to skateboard?"

:wank:: "No."

:gay4:: "Do you like to dance?"

:wank:: "Well, I dance a little."

:gay4:: "Would you like to dance with me?"

:wank:: ...Where is this going?

:sarcasm:: Okay, rolling for Diplomacy.

:wank:: ...What? What is this? What are we doing here?

:sarcasm:: The girl approaches you, snapping her fingers and swinging her hips.

:wank:: I'm making a Perception check. I want to see the others' reaction. Maybe it's a joke or something.

:sarcasm:: There's a -5 penalty due to how awkward this is.

:sarcasm:: Aaaaand you blow the roll. You don't even notice if anyone else is lingering, though the kid from before has returned with the money. He's hard to miss because he's standing between you and the girl now.

:wank:: All right, if you're making details up as we go along, then I still have the delivery bag and ticket, so I quote the price to the kid as though nothing is happening. So there.

:gay4:: "Bow-chicka... Bow-bow-chicka..."

:wank:: ...Ugh. Well, do I get a tip from the guy?

:sarcasm: Yeah... How do you respond?

:wank:: Standard canned responses about having a good day and enjoying the food. Do I... Do I need to roll something to get back to my car?

:sarcasm:: No...

:wank:: Freedom.

:gay4:: "'Bye! I love you."

:wank:: ...Okay, I linger a bit once I'm presumably out of sight to listen for laughter.

:sarcasm:: Perception check, then.

:sarcasm:: Beat the DC. You hear nothing.

:wank:: Your random encounter tables need serious work.
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Niku

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #102 on: November 27, 2008, 11:30:49 PM »

IN SOVIET JERKISTAN, JAILBAIT TROLLS FOR YOU
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Niku

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #103 on: November 30, 2008, 09:08:08 PM »



 :victory:
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Brentai

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #104 on: November 30, 2008, 09:09:04 PM »

But... there were three of them without Vanilla Ice!
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Classic

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #105 on: December 01, 2008, 07:21:06 AM »

Then it is a movie and a surprise!
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BŁge

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #106 on: December 01, 2008, 08:52:48 AM »

But... there were three of them without Vanilla Ice!

NO. THERE WERE ONLY TWO. YOU ARE MISTAKEN.

THE PERIOD BETWEEN SECRET OF THE OOZE AND TMNT WAS WITHOUT CINEMATIC REPRESENTATION OF TURTLES WHO ARE MUTANTS AND NINJAS.

TO ACKNOWLEDGE OTHERWISE IS TO DISRUPT THE FOUNDATIONS OF REALITY.

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Ted Belmont

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #107 on: December 01, 2008, 09:07:04 AM »

What about all the stuff from the third movie on the trophy shelf at the end of TMNT?
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Mongrel

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #108 on: December 02, 2008, 04:18:05 PM »

So, uh, while I was with [cellphone company] I was entitled to their shitty employee plan. Basically $20 for free each month and a small rate reduction. It was crap enough that I didn't bother and just paid for my own plan normally like any other customer.

What I did instead was put my brother's cellphone in my name and gave HIM the employee plan.

Well, today we confirmed he's still getting free phone service. :glee:

Disclosure: This was a known problem they had before, but they had supposedly implemented a fix to prevent it ever happening again.

 :richiam:
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Mongrel

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #109 on: December 05, 2008, 07:54:48 AM »

The same day that Canada announces the worst job losses in 26 years... I finally got a new job.  :profit:

That's probably appropriate for me.

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Mongrel

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #110 on: December 05, 2008, 12:39:33 PM »

Oh, one other funny thing from yesterday.

When flying to my interview (I had to fly to New Jersey for the final interview) I spent most of the flight there whistling the theme to The Dam Busters.

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SCD

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #111 on: December 06, 2008, 12:42:32 AM »

So I'm instructing on this course where I'm essentially teaching future leaders how to teach in the reserves on top of my normal 9 to five weekday job.. 

Tonight I was originally supposed to go see a NIN concert in town, but I sold my ticket off to a comrade of mine, because some dudes need some last-minute assistance, which is normal as it gets.  As a result, I spent after hours until about midnight instead of seeing the best concert in my life assisting those who needed assistance with their plans and with run-through's.  Some of these young men and women need it.

Afterwards just as I was walking out, I got two calls from my cell.  One was from my best friend who I haven't seen in two months due to excessive work and distance who was shooting pool downtown.  His ex, at the same time, called me and told me that herself and three of her hottest friends were dancing the night away my favorite stine of a night club. 

I rejected both of them, because frankly, I wake up at five dark thirty, go on a run, then go back to the classroom to assist and assess. 

I walked up the concrete stairs with the brick buildings behind me, students setting up their beds for the weekend, and walk up a old concrete set of stairs that were so old that they were probably used for the building that came before this post-war re-renovated relic. 

As I ascend slowly, I can see the light beaming through the leafless Garry Oaks on the mossy hills with a deep tone of yellow, complimented by their trademark buzz.

It started to drizzle. 

As I walked to the parking lot close to my car, under one of these lights on  the parking lot which was once the concrete foundation for one of the older derelict structures, with the foot and a half of concrete wall playing as the ends, the treaded gravel replacing the holes in the ground of this symbol of the legacy that once was...

I noticed beneath the hillsides,

(Camera pans to the left, rotating around the main character)

The Harbour which was once the origin of all western civilization in this area.  In the background, there are some faded silhouettes of the tops of the evergreen hillsides before the dark blue sky

(camera rotates behind main, slowly levitating.  Increase the rain)

The lights of the cranes shine boldly, with the blue shapes in the dozens below, the pacific fleet. 

I step on the concrete and take a second to bring in the beauty. 

For a man who literally has no life, I have it pretty interesting.  For what is supposed to be a year and a half of limbo before I finish my last year of school, I have blown up big pyres on avalanche-prone mountains, I have tobogganed down a mountainside with a dead generator in the dead of a blizzard, only to pull another one up, I have learned lots, I have gone an entire week without sleep while learning the finer parts of leading sheep to their doom - except they are more intelligent than sheep, and we live.  I have heard first-hand the "whine" sound effect in half-life two when a grenade goes off too close to your head and was amazed on the accuracy of the sound effect in the game to real life!

I led and was admired by several young men from ages 17 to 37 who didn't know any better who I taught for four months.  I learned the ins and outs of the bureaucracy with the sole intent of finding the beauty in it's inperfection as if it was all a Michel Gondry flick!

I've also been a part of things in small teams that has never been done, raising the bar in our own way.  I've fought with corporations for silly things like electrical diagrams of equipment that magically appeared in our lots well before I joined at the tender age of 16.  I've won most times, and in the times I haven't, I just cheated and downloaded off of the internet through peer to peer.

And yet through all of this character growth through work, I feel like I still have much to learn and much to grow.  I still stutter, I still talk too fast.  I have a hard time taking control of large groups unless I have a real purpose as opposed to a phoney "paint-the-rocks" scheme.

As I starred out at the western fleet, at something I never really was part of and yet is so beautiful, I have my blessings no matter how much my life if fucked up. 

(Camera zooms out while approaching an overhead view as main character backs off cliff's edge back to car)

Because stable is boring,

And because chances are when you tell yourself, "you know, this may be a bad thing", chances are there's a good chance it will result in a good story. 

And yet, I get boned again tomorrow night, all night from having a standard social life.  Oh well, there's always Wednesday..
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Ted Belmont

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #112 on: December 10, 2008, 09:29:20 PM »

So...Walmart's response to the whole 'employee trampled to death on Black Friday' thing?

Mandatory safety meetings!

 :lol: :lol: :lol: :endit:
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Zaratustra

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #113 on: December 11, 2008, 03:53:35 AM »

1) don't be in front of the door
2) don't be near the door
3) don't be in walmart during black friday
4) don't work in walmart

Ted Belmont

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #114 on: December 15, 2008, 08:51:16 PM »

So today at work, a customer returned a pizza because it was raw.

This wouldn't be worth noting, except, as previously mentioned, I work at Walmart. In the frozen foods section.

 :facepalm:
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Arc

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #115 on: December 15, 2008, 08:56:13 PM »

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Romosome

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #116 on: December 15, 2008, 08:58:38 PM »

thank god they're having mandatory safety meetings

if only that careless temp worker hired for black friday had learned proper safety before he was directly assigned to stand in front of a door holding back a seething throng of unsupervised people
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SCD

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #117 on: December 15, 2008, 09:15:27 PM »

So every year we do the physical fitness test with a big group of people.  This year, it was a good 13 km march with 54 lbs worth of weight for less than 2h, 15m, followed by a 100m fireman's carry in 60sec or less.

For the firemans carry, I ended up hauling the largest dude there, at a whopping 240 lbs, and swore in front of the cameras, and important people as I was running near the end.  I got the top timing, but did I look bad on the local news that night...
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Arc

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #118 on: December 15, 2008, 09:44:50 PM »

:objection: You carried Magilla Gorilla and made Popeye blush.

I got the top timing, and did I looked badASS on the local news that night!
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Zaratustra

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Re: Your Job: The Movie
« Reply #119 on: December 16, 2008, 04:55:41 AM »

remind me to never piss off SCD from a close range
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