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Author Topic: Dissin' Fu  (Read 3776 times)

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Doom

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Dissin' Fu
« on: July 26, 2009, 08:50:34 PM »



Dissin' Fu

Begins the 22nd!

Ends the 29th!


It's a free-style thread about insulting other nation members. Or even your own. This one's for personal glory, boys. And if one team has three of the foulest mouths, I guess the rest of you nations are full of pussies cultivating a cash crop of vagina pearls.
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Doom

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Re: Dissin' Fu
« Reply #1 on: August 22, 2009, 11:55:48 AM »

FUCK YOU I opened this contest late.
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Misha

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Re: Dissin' Fu
« Reply #2 on: August 22, 2009, 11:59:02 AM »

wow ever single member of this community, including myself, is fucking terrible at participating in events. Everyone really fucking sucks.
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Frocto

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Re: Dissin' Fu
« Reply #3 on: August 22, 2009, 12:51:31 PM »

Ten bucks says Guild is going to make 50,000 entries in this thread and they're all going to be shit, because he cannot maintain a sentence long enough to take it anywhere than off a cliff, but boy does he try. It's like watching a dickless rabbit try to fuck.
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"And it is because they have fallen prey to a weakened, feminized version of Christianity that is only about softer virtues such as compassion and not in any part about the muscular Christian virtues of individual responsibility and accountability."

Brentai

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Re: Dissin' Fu
« Reply #4 on: August 22, 2009, 12:54:56 PM »

Your mothers.

I have recently made love to them.
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Defenestration

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Re: Dissin' Fu
« Reply #5 on: August 22, 2009, 01:58:29 PM »

Doom's mom is so fat, she has smaller fat women orbiting around her
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Una salus victis nullam sperare salutem

Envy

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Re: Dissin' Fu
« Reply #6 on: August 22, 2009, 02:30:10 PM »

Your mom is so stupid, she set the buffer length to double octal instead of purging the cache.
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Fortinbras

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Re: Dissin' Fu
« Reply #7 on: August 22, 2009, 02:56:35 PM »

Well god damn.  You the kinda people so bad at throwing insults it's like you're in this contest against your own actual mothers and don't want their ulcers to act up.  Fried Octopus is the only man in this ring and that's 'cause he's got a drinking problem.
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Envy

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Re: Dissin' Fu
« Reply #8 on: August 22, 2009, 02:59:07 PM »

Well god damn.  You the kinda people so bad at throwing insults it's like you're in this contest against your own actual mothers and don't want their ulcers to act up.  Fried Octopus is the only man in this ring and that's 'cause he's got a drinking problem.
You're more dense than the set of irrationals.
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Fortinbras

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Re: Dissin' Fu
« Reply #9 on: August 22, 2009, 03:02:09 PM »

Math jokes don't make you cool for making them, it makes you lame for existing!
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Classic

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Re: Dissin' Fu
« Reply #10 on: August 22, 2009, 04:40:32 PM »

A set's intersection with its compliment is now defined as Fortinbras.
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jsnlxndrlv

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Re: Dissin' Fu
« Reply #11 on: August 23, 2009, 02:30:05 AM »

You know why Doom likes Image Fu so much? Because it's an event where "wanting to win" is translated directly into "victorious outcomes". He who gives the most fuck, winds up fucking the most over.

(I'm sure one or two of you contrarian chimpanzees would object to that idea, on the grounds that Image Fu favors the contestant with the most worldliness, stylistic inspiration, comedic pacing, and webspace. Or maybe that any competition that isn't totally luck-dependent rewards the competitor who cares the most. And this is why we only average three new members a year, two of which are spambots and one of which is mentally ill: because you cannot encounter an idea without contesting the most niggling of details. The reason Image Fu rewards the player who tries the hardest is because most judges are either simpletons who don't know any better or "experts" on the subject matter, who therefore work and compete in the same insular circles as the judged—and so will probably score according to the most obvious and concrete metric as possible, either out of expediency or a misguided attempt at diplomacy. If a judge does actually favor the occasional less, ah, enthusiastic entry, you can at least count on such judgments being applied without any sort of consistency... which should explain why I'm going on so long, here: you can't count on a judge to recognize quality, but you can count on them recognizing quantity, so you should cram as much of both into your entries as possible.

...And yes, judges, I am suggesting that you're a bunch of capricious fuckwits. Maybe if you hadn't formed a nation of your own, or if Doom had specified the rules a better, this wouldn't be happening to you now.)

Doom doesn't just like to win; he wants to beat you at "liking to win", so he can like winning at that, too. He may joke about it, but he's basically the Hillary Clinton of online games and competitions: effective, ruthless, and completely awkward should somebody he encounter a superior foe. It's kind of sad how much it matters to him, and how much time he spends on it, since all those victories are the ephemeral events of a space where nothing matters. Sharkey (a one-note drunk whose coat-tails many of you are all still furiously humping, despite not having written or done anything new since approximately 1997) likes to compare the boards to an ant farm. By that metaphor, Doom is the biggest, baddest, most bad-ass ant of them all: sure, he may win a lot, but all of his accomplishments stop becoming relevant the moment you leave the context of the ant farm. So fuck off, Doom, and try not to get carpal tunnel syndrome from bitching about all the bitching you're hearing about the WOElympics; it might hurt your ability to win games, and therefore experience any joy in life.

 :sarcasm:

Although maybe I'm being too hard on Doom. At least he has a visible presence on the boards. Drethelin, by comparison, is that guy in a brown checkered suit who is seen drinking a martini 53 minutes and 16 seconds into The Hangover: your eye skips right over him without seeing anything, unless you're specifically looking for him, and the only person with the time and patience and desire to do so is probably his mom. Dreth's here to kick back and make low-content posts when it suits him and play the occasional game. Where Doom's more the obsessed connoisseur, drethelin is the union of onanism and laziness incarnate. So don't stare too hard if you happen to notice one of dreth's posts; he's just here for a little self-gratification. It'll all be over with quickly, and then you move on and come to terms with what you've witnessed: something banal, something gross, and something altogether furtive.

Say hi to your mom for me, dreth.


Then we have Frocto, who just happened to discover that Let's Play threads lead to increased youtube pageviews, more's the pity for us, and thus resolved to ride that horse as hard and as far as he could. It's kind of a shame that the rest of the internet had beaten that horse to death even before Frocto got to it. "Eat a dick?" Eat a dick yourself, Frocto, and shit semen, and then fucking upgrade your vernacular if you're going to build your internet empire on talking into a microphone while failing to play games. It would be nice to think that somebody could get some pleasure out of your gigabytes of frivolous data, and it's obvious that you aren't. Possibly because you hold unrealistically narrow expectations about what makes a game satisfying to play: Super Mario World might not be much fun if you never learned about the run button. It might be playable; it might even be finishable. But it would certainly be a taxing, badly-paced experience—but that doesn't make the game bad just because you missed out on the big picture. Set down your tequila, put on your pants, and stop assuming a game must be shit just because it doesn't immediately turn into a ninja or a blowjob.


Brent doesn't want you to know this, but for the past three years, the role of "Brentai" has actually been played by a 45-year-old, 270-lb. Malinese woman participating in a work-study program related to social psychology in cyberspace. Specifically, this one.


Defenestration will have a hard time throwing anybody out the window from down there on the street, on account of how pedestrian he is. It's like he's falling over himself to avoid standing out in any way. Keep chasing that rainbow, champ.


Envy sucks doberman anus. I just killed a paragraph talking about how much of a failure he is for pulling off this huge transformation from a SoraCross-level poster into a drethelin-level poster that nobody else noticed or cares about; I kept overlooking the fact that, despite everything that's happened, he's still a shitty poster who doesn't write anything good or interesting. It doesn't matter how much he's improved if he still isn't contributing anything worth reading.


I honestly don't know what to say about Fortinbras: I used to get his posts confused with Fried Octopus's, back in the glorious days of the Pyoko hole, but nowadays Frocto has his shtick and Fort doesn't really do or say anything. If you really want to compete at a high level, Fort, maybe you should try having a personality? Or, really, any identifying features whatsoever?

Oh, wait, I remembered one: Fort was all about feet, and the filling of orifices thereby. I guess I could put my foot up your ass, and we'd both get something out of it.


And finally, Classic. I was going to post the lol emoticon as the entirety of my assessment of you, but I didn't want any shit-for-brains to see that and fail to notice the irony of such a response, so let me spell it out in simple terms: you're an idiot. With two exceptions, every post you've made is a fresh embarrassment on your behalf for anyone who reads it. If it seems someone's humoring whatever socially retarded conversational gambit you've decided to employ, let me disillusion you: they're just trying to get you to shut up, using any methods necessary. Even the most witless opponent seems wily compared to you; you're a cretin. Fuck along, now.
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Brentai

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Re: Dissin' Fu
« Reply #12 on: August 23, 2009, 02:48:28 AM »

The judges never formed a nation, Doom just decided one day that we counted as one.
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Fortinbras

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Re: Dissin' Fu
« Reply #13 on: August 23, 2009, 04:25:46 AM »

Naw, son, you got me confused for Disposable Ninja, Prince of Being Wrong About Things*.  I dunno, if you're remembering me based on sex stuff I guess I'm the one who put the bone to two ladies at once, and I could use that as a jumping off point to cast aspersions on your sex abilities, but I won't.  Not 'cause I'm above it, just... there's a backlog, you know?

Like damn, you come out with basically "I don't know anything about you, next!" three times up there.  Do some research if you're gonna talk shit on somebody.  I tried to practice what I preach here but I looked at your posts and over the course of three naps I skimmed like six hundred Active Game entries looking for material and came out on the other side in a game of Werewolf or something and could not take any more.

Also, did you go to the Iron Mongrel School of the Dozens?  I had to get my assistant to summarize that shit for me, I've got places to be.

*has recently campaigned amicably for his own deposition.
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Classic

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Re: Dissin' Fu
« Reply #14 on: August 23, 2009, 05:16:22 AM »

:tldr:

I saw this big block of text and I was like, "Oh! Maybe Eloh's trying to troll again!" And got excited about reading something that wasn't a dry rehash of posters who've realized they have something better to do. Then I saw that it was the antithesis of wit, subtlety, and creativity incarnate.

Yeah, I cried a little. Good job.
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Doom

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Re: Dissin' Fu
« Reply #15 on: August 23, 2009, 07:26:42 AM »





HOLY FUCKING HELL

IS IT THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN

NO IT'S NOT TIME FOR ME TO WIN, I ALWAYS WIN AND I LOVE DOING IT, THAT'S WHY I HANG OUT IN THESE SLOW BUS FORUMS!

No, it's time for me to endure the lame-ass slings and arrows of my fellow water-headed man!

Thanks for the irony, drethelin! Maybe go kill yourself now, or do you think the world would miss another vague, featureless virgin?

Ugh I'm not even gonna go down this list of half-hearted attempts to be offensive. Math jokes!? Maybe you dudes can add up the chances of ever being anything more than filth in human form!

FROCTO WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH YOUR GIANT, DICK-SUCKING LIPS are you seriously riding a wave of Let's Plays to the top of internet mediocrity!? The only thing sadder than this masterstroke piece of shit plan is that it's working! I'd go on but I should be nice to you, you just got fired for fapping to furry porn at work and trying to blame it on Dogstar. I'd tell you to rot in Hell but your retarded parents put you there by raising you in Australia where hopefully one of the giant hive spiders that hollow out the pouches of kangaroos will suck all your blood and save me the trouble of curb-stomping you out of your misery which would be a colossal pain in the ass because we all know Australia can't afford roads, sidewalks or curbs to separate the two. Maybe you could also just die of alcohol poisoning you stupid fat fuck?

AND HERE COMES NEWBIE WITH THE "YOU TRY TOO HARD" BACKED UP BY A COMPLIMENTARY SET(HEY MATH NERDS FUCK YOU I CAN STEAL YOUR SHTICK AND MAKE IT LOOK TEN TIMES BETTER) OF HIS BLOATED EGO AND COMPLETE ABSENCE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT! WHAT'S WRONG JACKASS, YOU FEEL LONELY AS A LAZY ASS SOAKED FUCKWAD WHO CAN'T EVEN VOMIT UP AN ENTRY INTO ANY CONTESTS SO YOU HAD TO RECRUIT THREE MORE IMPOSSIBLY APATHETIC PIECES OF HUMAN WASTE?! Then you just ride the half-assed train all the way back home with the Earthbound reference to a stupid fucking weak sauce joke so that you don't have to crank a single creative muscle and call it a day. You make me sick, I hope you're raped by a pre and a post tranny with the full raging fucking cauldron of STDs. It'd be the first human contact you've known in your life.
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Classic

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Re: Dissin' Fu
« Reply #16 on: August 23, 2009, 08:29:04 AM »

To me, Doom's insults represent an otherwise lost form of expression. Something otherwise occluded by common sense and good taste but still bringing something vital to the human tapestry: Laughter. Yeah, Doom's insults are just like disco dancing.
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Frocto

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Re: Dissin' Fu
« Reply #17 on: August 23, 2009, 08:33:02 AM »

I just see a bunch of limpdickery from a guy who thinks Knytt Stories is fun and a terminal loser. This joke makes itself.

Anyway, thanks for insulting my LP's and not me. I guess there's only so much criticism you can level at hard abs bronzed by the australian sun and a heavy Australian cock and ballsack.
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"And it is because they have fallen prey to a weakened, feminized version of Christianity that is only about softer virtues such as compassion and not in any part about the muscular Christian virtues of individual responsibility and accountability."

Doom

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Re: Dissin' Fu
« Reply #18 on: August 23, 2009, 08:34:51 AM »

Quote from: Frocto, before his cowardly edit
I guess there's only so much criticism you can level at hard abs bronzed by the australian sun and a nation of statistically larger penises.

You'd know those statistics first hand, or should I say first back-of-throat?
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Frocto

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Re: Dissin' Fu
« Reply #19 on: August 23, 2009, 08:35:49 AM »

sorry I edited my post :(
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"And it is because they have fallen prey to a weakened, feminized version of Christianity that is only about softer virtues such as compassion and not in any part about the muscular Christian virtues of individual responsibility and accountability."
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