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Author Topic: Movies in the Theater  (Read 66116 times)

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Classic

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Movies in the Theater
« on: April 21, 2008, 02:44:44 PM »

I had originally intended this to be a simple post but before I was halfway through I realized I was writing it like a review, including omitting first-person pronouns. Threw some in there to destroy any professionalism or pretense to it, am I missing anything?
This is a review only in the sense that it has the trappings and styling of the most tepid writing of the type. It is not better for it, and I have no idea why it "came out" this way.

Forbidden Kingdom:
Journey to the West Fanfic

When Sun Wu'kung, the Monkey King, gets trapped in stone by a corrupt immortal general of the Jade Army who abuses his power in the absence of the Jade Emperor it's up to self-insertion action flick fanatic white-boy to save the day! His realistic martial ineptitude and cowardice serves in part to make you hate Siaff and appreciate his miraculous montage. Not only because it makes him less annoying, but because you get to enjoy watching the real stars of the movie, Jackie Chan, who is again a Drunk-Fu master, and Jet Li, who plays both the Monkey King and a badass Buddhist monk, use abusing him as a means to piss each other off.
The movie's opening credits play over a series of famous kung-fu movie posters, of which I only recognized a handful, and very much spells out the influences that made Forbidden Kingdom. The movie also places its audience at 11-12 and male, evidenced most strongly by the female lead, "Sparrow" (Yifei Liu). Just old enough to be interested in girls, but not-at-all interested in seeing kissing on-screen. Sorry Siaff, save that for a sequel. The movie ends leaving the sequel option open, and only the briefest mention of Siaff's unnamed and missing father. Siaff is actually named "Jason Tripitikas," whose last name is conceivably a reference to the Buddhist monk who actually goes on The Journey to the West, albeit tenuous link. Two bits says we can look forward to Siaff or Siaff's father making some kind of a journey to India in the sequel, if there is one.

I found the self-insertion portion made the movie a little uncomfortable for me, as the kind of fanboysihness that Siaff represents is something I've worked hard (with the power of Peer Pressure) to bury deep down. So not only do I feel guilty for Siaff being indulged in at all, I also feel guilty for his essentially persistent abuse. I couldn't even bring myself to enjoy his [spoiler]somewhat anti-climactic battle with his bullies once he returns to the Bronx with his power-level over 9000[/spoiler].

These are minor and personal concerns, and even with them I did receive a great guilty pleasure watching basically every fight. Though this could easily reflect on how seldom I go to the theater and the sort of company I was with. Wholly enjoyable action movie if you're willing to accept that it's an unusually well-funded self-insertion fan-fiction, and even if you're unwilling still pretty fun.


Classic loves hyphens.

EDIT:
Made to make clear the original lack of intent that I explain later to Guild.
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Guild

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Re: I watched a movie!
« Reply #1 on: April 21, 2008, 03:44:35 PM »

Classic: This review is bad.

It is bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.

You seem to have no concept of thought delineation. Your sentence structure is horrible. You fail to draw the reader in, provide insight, or wrap up your main points.

Overall, you've only really got the drive to write going for you.
 

Keep in mind that this is just one person's opinion.
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Classic

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Re: I watched a movie!
« Reply #2 on: April 21, 2008, 04:02:22 PM »

I have one small edit to make:
Classic: This review is bad.

I suspected as much. I knew it would be bad because I wound up writing it like a bad review. The words "wound up writing it" probably explain the absolute absence of coherent sentence structure.

And what the fuck is up with my random alliteration? Seriously, Classic? What're you doing?

P.S. Thanks for reading and words. It was mostly put it up to vomit it somewhere. Maybe there are ideas and words in there that could be repurposed for something that wasn't a train wreck.
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Brentai

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Re: I watched a movie!
« Reply #3 on: April 21, 2008, 04:34:42 PM »

Classic I am going to send five thousand volts through your penis the next time you self-deprecate yourself.

That is all.

Carry on.

EDIT: Ten thousand if you try to call me on my redundancy there.
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Arc

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Re: I watched a movie!
« Reply #4 on: May 01, 2008, 09:22:42 PM »

Iron Man?



STAY

AFTER

THE

CREDITS.
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Niku

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Re: I watched a movie!
« Reply #5 on: May 01, 2008, 10:39:49 PM »

stay before the credits too
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Arc

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Re: I watched a movie!
« Reply #6 on: May 02, 2008, 05:36:11 AM »

But do not stay during the credits.
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Doom

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Re: I watched a movie!
« Reply #7 on: May 03, 2008, 03:31:13 PM »

I'd hit Pepper Potts with a full salvo of Jericho Missiles, if you know what I mean.

The rest of the movie was fucking incredible, too.
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Fredward

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Re: I watched a movie!
« Reply #8 on: May 03, 2008, 04:18:32 PM »

Just got back from Iron Man.

representin pyro nation yo
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It's never easy to tell just where the line is between physical malady and the general crushing horror of life itself.

Bongo Bill

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Re: I watched a movie!
« Reply #9 on: May 03, 2008, 04:27:03 PM »

I liked the soundtrack.
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Mongrel

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Re: I watched a movie!
« Reply #10 on: May 05, 2008, 07:00:47 PM »

Not bad at all. A good fun romp.

The second comic book movie I've ever seen that was worth the price of admission.
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Thad

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Re: I watched a movie!
« Reply #11 on: May 08, 2008, 12:13:32 AM »

Iron Man's as good as any other superhero movie I've ever seen.  Up there with Spider-Man 2 and Batman Begins, to name a couple favorites.

The acting is top-notch, which is probably what you'd expect from a principal cast made up entirely of Oscar winners and noms (I'm not usually a Paltrow fan but she's a great Pepper).  Downey is the perfect Tony (would have been the perfect Dr. Strange, too), the script never hits a false note, and it all comes together brilliantly.

The symbolism is not subtle, but it doesn't have to be -- this is a Marvel comic from the 1960's we're talking about, and the premise is far closer to Greek tragedy than French existentialism.  Man suffers for hubris, learns the error of his ways, becomes a hero.  It's all right that we see the Stark Industries logo on the bomb that nearly kills him, and the repeated references to his heart fit the tone just fine.

All in all, not just a good superhero movie but a good movie.  Must-see.
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Arc

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Re: I watched a movie!
« Reply #12 on: May 09, 2008, 09:46:50 PM »

Speed Racer excels in level design and character. The controls are wonky, and a bit too twitchy for my tastes, but once a straightaway opens up it becomes manageable. Bewilderingly, the Spritle & Chim-Chim bonus stages are true highlights, and could rightfully spin-off into their own title. The Ghosting effects are helpful, and the rubberband AI actually tends to benefit the player more often than the computer opponent. 8.8!

... And after some time settling into the conscious, Iron Man exceeds in performances, and then plays everything else by the book. Hum hum.
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Thad

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Re: I watched a movie!
« Reply #13 on: May 09, 2008, 10:00:03 PM »

... And after some time settling into the conscious, Iron Man exceeds in performances, and then plays everything else by the book. Hum hum.

Well, yes, but I fail to see any problem with that.  By-the-numbers origin stories aren't an inherently bad thing -- see also Spider-Man, Batman Begins.  And the best example I can think of of an outside-the-box origin movie is Hulk, which I liked precisely BECAUSE it was so unconventional, but know I'm in a minority on.

Not to say that shaking things up is inherently bad or status quo is inherently good by any means.  Burton's Batman flicks were something different, and Daredevil was strictly by-the-numbers.
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Arc

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Re: I watched a movie!
« Reply #14 on: May 09, 2008, 10:19:53 PM »

There is sticking with the source material, and then there is mediocrity. Begins added intelligence, played with time, and looked damned great while doing so. Spider-Man illustrates a lack of understanding to the strengths of film as a medium, and fell back on adaptation at twenty-four frames per second.

Iron Man needn't have been unconventional when handling the origin. It just simply wouldn't have hurt to have pumped some life into the proceedings.
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Koah

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Re: I watched a movie!
« Reply #15 on: May 09, 2008, 11:07:11 PM »

Now I'm almost certain that you're just cribbing from the reviews section of The New Yorker.
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Arc

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Re: I watched a movie!
« Reply #16 on: May 10, 2008, 05:33:08 AM »

... An assertion that you haven't bothered to explain yet.

Anthony Lane labeled Speed Racer as "Pop fascism", and David Denby barely even bothered, except to tell us all of his crush on Downey x Bridges.

As usual, the pictures are what make flipping through that rag even considerable.
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Koah

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Re: I watched a movie!
« Reply #17 on: May 10, 2008, 09:57:06 AM »

I mean it in the "obfuscating analogies and purple prose" sense, wherein the reviewer would no doubt have a valid point if he only came out and told us what his point was in plain English instead of trying to constantly outdo the cryptic crosswords writers in some sort of self-obsessed postmodern intellectual dick-waving competition.

:humpf: HINT HINT :humpf:
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Fredward

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Re: I watched a movie!
« Reply #18 on: May 10, 2008, 10:00:36 AM »

Also: he rëally överüsed the ümlaüt.
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Quote from: Brentai
It's never easy to tell just where the line is between physical malady and the general crushing horror of life itself.

Arc

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Re: I watched a movie!
« Reply #19 on: May 10, 2008, 11:59:04 AM »

A point is no less valid if it isn't in "plain English", and is rarely ever worth writing or reading about if it could simply be replaced by a Yes / No checklist.

If writing above a seventh grade comprehension level is "intellectual dick-waving", then you'll want to duck down to avoid getting slapped in the fucking face before reading anything from my end.
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