It was 2009, and Janey Blackburn was beginning her second year at Miskatonic University. It was a late night in early September, and she sat in the library, poring over an arcane tome under the hawkish stare and beakish nose of a very suspicious librarian. It was hard to blame the old (middle-aged? It was hard to tell) woman; this was a restricted text and could, in the wrong hands, unleash some serious shit.
Janey turned a crackling page, and a plume of dust wafted toward the ceiling. She stifled a yawn. Dimensional gates, dimensional gates...
She felt a rattle. She shook her head to clear it. Must be imagining things.
Another rattle. Stronger, louder; the windows rattled. Janey looked up.
It was 2008, and Glenn saluted as Girard paced back and forth in the oval office. George W. Bush sat not far off, playing with a rubik's cube. He'd finally managed to smash it apart with a gavel and was trying to put the 27 pieces back together.
"Are you sure you set enough fires?" Girard looked anxious and angry.
From the restricted section of the university library, the windows were barely visible, but Janey could see a reddish glow through them. Oh, God dammit...
Janey's fears were corroborated when she looked up at the librarian. The old (middle-aged? It was hard to tell) woman had taken her eyes off her, and was peering intently at the window. Her brow furrowed ever so slightly; if possible, she looked even more peeved than she had before.
It was 2005, and a man stood on a cliff overlooking an ocean.
The rattling increased. Goddamn frat boys, nonononoNO...
Janey leapt from her seat and dashed out the door. She sprinted to the curb, across the street, through a parking lot, and to the top of a hill. Her fears were entirely confirmed.
It was 2005, and Geothermal still had no beer. Fuckin' Afro Jon.
There was a giant pentacle chalked into the field below. Red-robed figures ran from it, in slow motion, looks of horror on their faces. At the center -- a blackness that stood out even against the darkness of the night. And one hapless pledge, fallen onto his stomach, desperately clawing at the ground as an invisible force pulled him inexorably toward the nothing.
There was no doubt -- Miskatonic University was the single worst fucking school in the world for careless fraternity initiations.
It was 2004, and X walked down the street, covered in trash. HX walked beside him, nursing a bottle of motor oil and hobo vomit.
Janey bolted toward the gateway -- it was a gateway, she was certain. The frat boys had opened it -- a harmless prank that had gotten far, far out of hand.
"Doooooooon't..." Janey heard the voice of one of the slowly-fleeing figures, who slowly turned toward her with a look of shock on his hooded face, desbelieving that anyone should run TOWARD the hole in the field.
It was 2003, and everybody gasped! Oh my Fuck!
The weird distortion of spacetime did not affect Janey even as she approached the gate. She was the daughter of a demon, and the only boon her father had left her was an immunity to demoniacal magic. This was not common knowledge, and in fact she was blowing the hell out of her cover, but there was a life on the line.
It was 2002, and quite suddenly, and out of nowhere, Vincent Price appeared. He was pretty dead, but this somehow didn't stop him from having hot groupies who started go-go dancing upon the command of his abominable sidekick, who was, of course, named Igor.
She reached the poor pledge and reached for his wrists.
It was at this moment that she realized she was still carrying the book, clutched under her arm, her knuckles white against the cover.
It was 2001, and SnowJob finally realized that he, too, should consider retreating, but the delay coupled with his ridiculous ski/boots rendered him unable to escape. He and the jokes about his name perished under the cataclysmic collapse of Dr. Billy's lab.
She kneeled, and hooked the pledge under her free arm, then hurled him as best she could away from the gate. He didn't get very far, but it bought her enough time to flip to the index.
It was 1999, and LOGIC knew that then, finally, it had trumphed.
"Gateways, alien, azure, black, blacker than night itself...page 473..."
It was 1997, and suddenly a chorus started to sing:
o~/ They're Scarlet and Heidegg'
o~/ Scarlet and Heidegg'
o~/ One is a fat man
o~/ The other's a slut...
The inexorable force of the gate had pulled the pledge back toward her. She kicked him a few more feet as she flipped pages.
It was 1997, and X withdrew three foam rubber cutouts in the shape of Bill Clinton's head.
"Three basic types, yadda yadda...distinct features...opening, yeah, that's undergrad shit, obviously...ah." Her finger lit on the heading, "Closing."
It was 1996, and Crazy Willy tossed his head back and screamed, then began beating everyone up.
Redd was still sobbing, banging his head on the floor and yelling "Why me? Why me?!" over and over.
Frog took his Utterly Useless Masamune Which Wouldn't Light Up, and with a mighty slash cut himself a piece of the roast beef sandwich.
The Flyin' Dork climbed on top Wokko's refrigerator and leapt off, flapping his "wings" rapidly. He hovered for a second, then fell through the floor.
"Moo," said the cow.
Crazy Willy hit the cow with his chain, then flushed him down the toilet.
The Flyin' Dork climbed onto the refrigerator and made another attempt to fly, but instead he fell on the weeping Redd and smashed through the floor.
And then the world exploded.
A look of intense concentration appeared on Janey's face, and beads of sweat formed across her brow. She began muttering guttural sounds, and traced a series of very precise arcane symbols in the air. Finally, she kicked the dirt before her, scattering soil and grass.
It was 1995, and HX choked, "Listen! Some of my friends are coming to have a talk with you. One's my sister. The other's got a hand that works like a futuristic toaster. Following me?"
There was a tremor, the strongest yet, a feeling of constricting, and a Lavos shriek -- and the blackness began, perceptibly, to shrink.
It was 1997, and everyone ran, but Batman was stopped and made into a tire from a Big-O store manager. The Riddler's suit was made into a new cap for Link (who isn't in the story but he gets a new cap anyway). Robin whined that he was out of a movie career, but it didn't matter because he didn't have one anyway.
Janey heaved a sigh, and mopped the sweat from her brow.
Her mistake was in letting her guard down.
It was 1995, and suddenly, something happened.
Slowly, inexorably, and absurdly, a vaudeville hook extended from the gate and grabbed Janey by the ankles. She was immune to the gate's magical influence, but not to something as simple as a physical object yanking her through it --
It was 1995, and Yakko Wakko and Dot ran by, and Sméagol followed.
"Oh great," muttered Kate, "My loony brother, Animaniacs, and a skits-a-frantic thing!"
-- and she was falling, falling --
It was 1994, and Billy didn't know what to do, so he bashed his head on the record player. Luckily, it was a magic record player.
falling through time...
It was 1994, and Kelly was a girl who lived in a faraway land. She was bored a lot, so she decided to go on an adventure.
Janey faceplanted, with a loud bump. "Where am I?"
"The beginning of time," responded a voice. "Well...for our purposes, anyway."
Janey looked up. The sun was blinding, especially after the darkness of the night she had come from; there was a man in front of her but she couldn't make out any features beneath the spots in her eyes. He extended a hand and she took it. She stood and immediately collapsed; he caught her.
"Easy now."
Janey blinked and took some deep breaths.
"Th-thank you...I...I can stand on my own." She pushed away and dusted herself off, then slowly, finally, got a good look at the man.
"I -- I know you. Well...kind of..."
"Lots of people kind of know me," he responded, and extended his hand. "Larry Tin--"
"Tinnik, yes," Janey interrupted. "I saw you in a vision once."
"Sure you did, kiddo, sure you did. Listen, though, we'll catch up later -- you don't belong here."
"I sure as hell DON'T."
"Yeah, time to go now, Ms. Blackburn. Sayonara." He put his arms around her middle and pulled her forward, and she got the strangest sensation of being attached to a giant rubber band...
Snap.
Janey whizzed forward through time, back to 2009, and flew through an empty field into a tree.
Her eyes hadn't adjusted to the dark yet, but she could make out the hawkish form of a very angry librarian.
"How did you take that book out of the library?" the old (middle-aged? It was hard to tell) woman demanded. "The wards should have stopped you."
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Welcome to KateStory XVIII. Post a reply and continue the story.
There's another 15 years' worth of these things on my website, but my nameservers have picked a hell of a time to stop nameserving. It is most likely for the best; fuck continuity, write whatever you want.
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Topic: KateStory Forever (Read 14009 times)