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Author Topic: Plant homicides  (Read 2137 times)

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Miss Cat Ears

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Plant homicides
« on: March 02, 2010, 08:46:45 AM »

I can NOT grow plants.  My apartment is a death home for any types of plants except for the most easily grown plants:

ivy (put in water, don't touch)
peace lily (put in water, put fish in water, don't touch)
8 foot tall corn plant (don't touch, try not to water it)
moss in a jar (actually it is dying too)

I can't DO IT.  I can't grow seeds - they are already brown and withering by the time they sprout.  I can't grow herbs, I can't grow bamboo, I can't grow flowers that hang on my balcony.  Shouldn't the seeds at least sprout before dying?

I want to at least grow some herbs.  Is it the temperature in my apartment?  I try to follow the instructions and keep the soil barely damp, don't over water.  That didn't work.  I tried overwatering. That didn't work.  Neither did underwatering.

I even tried to buy the live herbs at the grocery store with roots attached.  They died when I tried putting them in a pot.  Have you grown herbs before?  WHAT am I doing wrong here??? :rage:
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Mongrel

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Re: Plant homicides
« Reply #1 on: March 02, 2010, 09:09:52 AM »

I had a friend at the last place I worked who was good with plants. He would steal plants from other people in the office who were letting their plants die or otherwise treating them poorly.

It was great, because he'd leave a very formal letter (he even made a fake letterhead and logo and agency acronym-name) saying that his victims had lost custody of their plants, as if it was some kind of child services agency, only with plants.

My favourite line that I remember from the letters was that after a specified period of recovery had passed, visitation rights would be granted to the former owner, but only if the plant wished to see them.  
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Büge

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Re: Plant homicides
« Reply #2 on: March 02, 2010, 09:47:37 AM »

I can NOT grow plants.  My apartment is a death home for any types of plants except for the most easily grown plants:

ivy (put in water, don't touch)
peace lily (put in water, put fish in water, don't touch)
8 foot tall corn plant (don't touch, try not to water it)
moss in a jar (actually it is dying too)

I can't DO IT.  I can't grow seeds - they are already brown and withering by the time they sprout.  I can't grow herbs, I can't grow bamboo, I can't grow flowers that hang on my balcony.  Shouldn't the seeds at least sprout before dying?

I want to at least grow some herbs.  Is it the temperature in my apartment?  I try to follow the instructions and keep the soil barely damp, don't over water.  That didn't work.  I tried overwatering. That didn't work.  Neither did underwatering.

I even tried to buy the live herbs at the grocery store with roots attached.  They died when I tried putting them in a pot.  Have you grown herbs before?  WHAT am I doing wrong here??? :rage:

Didn't you say you had a garden?

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Miss Cat Ears

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Re: Plant homicides
« Reply #3 on: March 02, 2010, 09:50:07 AM »

My coworker has an amazing vegetable garden and I eat like everything from it.  I don't remember saying it was mine but if I did then I was just being a jerk and trying to sound cool  :whoops:
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Rosencrantz

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Re: Plant homicides
« Reply #4 on: March 02, 2010, 10:12:45 AM »

I can't keep any sort of plant alive in my apartment, because the cats would attack it or knock it down. The only place they can't reach is the top of the fridge, but there's no sunlight there and they quickly wither.
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Miss Cat Ears

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Re: Plant homicides
« Reply #5 on: March 02, 2010, 10:24:37 AM »

I have a glass door to my balcony, so any plants in my living room get a decent amount of light.  Is it too much light maybe?
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Büge

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Re: Plant homicides
« Reply #6 on: March 02, 2010, 10:55:51 AM »

Depends. Some plants like partial shade. Maybe it's the pH of the soil. Some plants need to have more soil than others. You're not supposed to leave the roots exposed to air... I dunno, I don't keep plants. I had a cactus once, but that was it.
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Mongrel

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Re: Plant homicides
« Reply #7 on: March 02, 2010, 11:52:44 AM »

Yeah, there's loads more variables. Two more to add to the ones Buge threw out here are that sometimes the plants wear out the soil, or their roots need more space than a pot provides.

Basically, when in doubt, jut buy really hardy and resistant plants. Of course most of the prettier ones of those (like roses) have other defensive mechanisms that may not get along well with small animals (and they may not like the indoors anyway), but not all such plants are that unfriendly.

There's really no shame in going down to your local home & garden place and telling someone "I kill all my houseplants, sell me something that won't die!"
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TA

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Re: Plant homicides
« Reply #8 on: March 02, 2010, 11:53:23 AM »

Buy kudzu.
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Mongrel

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Re: Plant homicides
« Reply #9 on: March 02, 2010, 11:56:48 AM »

Say, I just had a thought... where are you getting your soil and what kind are you using?
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Miss Cat Ears

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Re: Plant homicides
« Reply #10 on: March 02, 2010, 11:59:59 AM »

I use the soil that comes with those little seed kits, or I also had a bag of miracle gro brand soil :[
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R^2

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Re: Plant homicides
« Reply #11 on: March 02, 2010, 12:09:00 PM »

I bought a parsley plant last year that never really grew. When I went to change the soil (yes, you have to do that every few months) I found that the little cardboard cup that the plant came in that was supposed to disintegrate? It didn't disintegrate. The poor plant starved to death, rootbound in cardboard, surrounded by nutrient-rich and completely untapped soil.

I posthumously named it Tantalus because I am a huge nerd.

I also have a pepper plant where all the leaves have fallen off but one but I can't tell if it's completely dead or only mostly dead and a little springtime sunshine will have it back on its feet. Roots. Whatever. Probably not.

TL/DR I am as bad as MCE at this and would also like helpful advice.
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Ted Belmont

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Re: Plant homicides
« Reply #12 on: March 04, 2010, 10:31:10 AM »

Watering plants: the main problem I've found is that the water creates channels in the soil, which causes parts of the soil to remain dry, even after thoroughly watering plants. Two solutions to this: 1. aerate the soil using some kind of pointy object. This can be dangerous for the plant, especially if you don't know what you're doing. Since you're dealing with houseplants, you won't have much room for maneuvering, so I'd stick with option 2: soaking. Using a sink, or bathtub depending on the size/number of plants(I have a few dozen, so I have to use my tub), put the plants in the whatever, and fill it up to the top of the pot, but not over the top(or you'll have a mess.) Let the plants sit for a while, let the water out, then let them sit for a bit longer so they can drain. I wouldn't recommend this unless you have a pretty dry home, otherwise you'll have problems with mold.

Soil/pot changes: Most houseplants, you should change about once a year. Herbs, vegetable/flower bearing plants, 3-4 times per year. Make sure you put a small rock or shard of clay pot, just big enough to not fall out of the hole, over the hole in the bottom. This helps the soil drain excess water, and prevents root rot. Even if you don't repot the plant, you should still change the soil, and break up the root ball. Pull the plant out of the old pot, take it outside, and gently pick the root ball apart. Try not to damage the roots, but don't freak out if you do. Cut off any root sections that look diseased or dead. Make sure to note if your plant has a taproot(one large root as opposed to a bunch of little ones), as plants with taproots will need a pot that can accommodate the entire taproot without bunching up, plus room to grow.

When selecting a pot for a plant, pick something appropriate for the size, and variety. Most plants will do fine in a pot that's too big, but a cactus or succulent needs a pot that's just barely bigger than the plant. The exception to this is tall cacti. There's a specific way to calculate the pot size for a tall cactus, but I can't remember it right offhand. Unglazed clay pots are the best, as they don't hold moisture as long as glazed pots, but as long as your plant has adequate drainage, it should be ok. Never put a cactus in a glazed pot.

Feeding: I generally use half strength for whatever the instructions on the package say. Miracle-gro is fine, for cacti use the vegetable mix, again, HALF STRENGTH. It's better to underfeed your plants, than risk damaging them with too strong plant food. If you want to be all lolganic, buy some alfalfa pellets from a pet store, and scatter a small handful on the top of the soil. As you water the plant, the alfalfa will break down, and feed your plant. If you don't like the au natural look, you can leave about an inch on the top of the pot soil-free, and fill it up with rocks or gravel. No glass beads.

Sun: Unless the plant specifically needs shade or full sun, just assume partial sunlight. Any space that has enough natural light that you don't need a lamp, but isn't in direct sunlight should be fine. Depending on your plants needs, place it further away or closer to the window/door/whatever the light comes through. In case of full sun plants, be careful when introducing them to full sun, if they haven't been out in the sun wherever you got them from. Set them close to the window or whatever, and over time, move them closer to the sun, until you have them in full sun. Just like you, your plants can get sunburned. This can be fatal, and at the very least, it will make the burned part of your plant very ugly. This isn't such a problem in fast-growing plants, since the sunburned part will be replaced fairly quickly, but cacti and other sun-growing plants will most likely have those burns for the rest of their lives.

Other than that, just try to remember that plants are living things, and they need just as much care, or sometimes more, than others. Don't take on a plant that requires more care than you're able to provide.

Oh, and if you buy a cactus from a retail store, do yourself and the cactus a favor and take the goddamn straw flower off ASAP.
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Ted Belmont

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Re: Plant homicides
« Reply #13 on: March 04, 2010, 10:35:05 AM »

Oh and Amber the plain soil is fine for seeds and seedlings, in fact, you should never use plant food until they reach full maturity(not full size, necessarily, but a point when they actually look like the plant they're supposed to be). After that, miracle gro is pretty good, and way less hassle than trying to mix your own.

R^2: Pepper plants make great houseplants, because they can survive through the winter as long as they're indoors. They will go dormant, but just keep watering it, and put it out in the sun as soon as you can. They need lots and lots of sun and food to grow properly. The rule of thumb for feeding plants is every other time you water it, use plant food. Unless you do the alfalfa thing.
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Spaco

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Re: Plant homicides
« Reply #14 on: March 04, 2010, 10:55:37 AM »

I tried several times to raise outdoor bonsai trees, but failed miserably. I think I need to work on raising a regular plant and once I get good at that, maybe then advance to tiny trees.
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R^2

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Re: Plant homicides
« Reply #15 on: March 04, 2010, 12:24:42 PM »

Dormant, huh? The last leaf fell off and the stem was brittle, so I figured it was just dead and threw it out.
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Ted Belmont

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Re: Plant homicides
« Reply #16 on: March 04, 2010, 12:44:14 PM »

Ok, yeah, that might be dead. If the main stem is brittle and/or brown, the plant is probably dead. However, I have had plants that looked dead, but came right back with a little tlc.
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Detonator

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Re: Plant homicides
« Reply #17 on: March 04, 2010, 04:54:20 PM »

Fuck plants.  They can't even do tricks.  Just be glad that your pets are not the ones withering and dying in your presence.
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Miss Cat Ears

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Re: Plant homicides
« Reply #18 on: March 04, 2010, 05:01:11 PM »

what if my dog wasnt' really alive and he's so small because he died as a puppy 4 years ago and I've just been carrying the corpse around and nobody has the heart to tell me or the bravery to see what happens when I realize
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Re: Plant homicides
« Reply #19 on: March 04, 2010, 05:06:23 PM »

then you sure as shit wouldn't realize your plants died too
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