Brontoforumus Archive

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  

News:


This board has been fossilized.
You are reading an archive of Brontoforumus, a.k.a. The Worst Forums Ever, from 2008 to early 2014.  Registration and posting (for most members) has been disabled here to discourage spambots from taking over.  Old members can still log in to view boards, PMs, etc.

The new message board is at http://brontoforum.us.

Poll

BRONTOFORUMUS! HOTTEST DINOSAUR EVER!

HARDCORE REPTILE SEX
- 2 (100%)
wait is this really not a dream what is going onnnnnnnnnn
- 0 (0%)
Blaine is a pain and that is the truth
- 0 (0%)

Total Members Voted: 2

Voting closed: November 16, 2010, 06:33:23 PM


Pages: [1] 2

Author Topic: OH FUCK A VELOCIRAPTOR!!!!  (Read 2234 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Friday

  • Admin
  • Tested
  • Karma: -65374
  • Posts: 5122
    • View Profile
OH FUCK A VELOCIRAPTOR!!!!
« on: July 18, 2010, 02:25:14 AM »

so I just marathoned all three JP movies

You are heading into the kitchen for a late night snack when you notice there is a Velociraptor outside your window.

"OH FUCK A VELOCIRAPTOR!!!!" you say.

The Velociraptor crashes through the window and into your kitchen, screaming, talons raised.

*************************

1. "OH FUCK A VELOCIRAPTOR!!!!" you say again, before being messily devoured.

2. Check to see if you're dreaming by pinching yourself, before being messily devoured.

3. You're clearly hallucinating. Ignore it, before being messily devoured.

4. A Dragon suddenly flies into the room and messily devours the raptor, before also messily devouring you.

5. ssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Logged

Envy

  • Tested
  • Karma: -8
  • Posts: 2286
    • View Profile
Re: OH FUCK A VELOCIRAPTOR!!!!
« Reply #1 on: July 18, 2010, 02:39:33 AM »

4
Logged

Lottel

  • You know that's right
  • Tested
  • Karma: 81
  • Posts: 3723
    • View Profile
Re: OH FUCK A VELOCIRAPTOR!!!!
« Reply #2 on: July 18, 2010, 02:52:38 AM »

The answer is obvious.


Guild
Logged

Frocto

  • Admin
  • Tested
  • Karma: 76
  • Posts: 2628
    • View Profile
Re: OH FUCK A VELOCIRAPTOR!!!!
« Reply #3 on: July 18, 2010, 04:44:42 AM »

I greet the Velociraptor, as I am also one.
Logged
"And it is because they have fallen prey to a weakened, feminized version of Christianity that is only about softer virtues such as compassion and not in any part about the muscular Christian virtues of individual responsibility and accountability."

Shinra

  • Big Juicy Winners
  • Tested
  • Karma: 34
  • Posts: 3269
    • View Profile
Re: OH FUCK A VELOCIRAPTOR!!!!
« Reply #4 on: July 18, 2010, 05:31:29 AM »

so I just marathoned all three JP movies

You are heading into the kitchen for a late night snack when you notice there is a Velociraptor outside your window.

"OH FUCK A VELOCIRAPTOR!!!!" you say.

The Velociraptor crashes through the window and into your kitchen, screaming, talons raised.

*************************

1. "OH FUCK A VELOCIRAPTOR!!!!" you say again, before being messily devoured.

2. Check to see if you're dreaming by pinching yourself, before being messily devoured.

3. You're clearly hallucinating. Ignore it, before being messily devoured.

4. A Dragon suddenly flies into the room and messily devours the raptor, before also messily devouring you.

5. ssssssssssssssssssssssssss

I pet the squat, bird like omnivore and go on my way.



Logged

Friday

  • Admin
  • Tested
  • Karma: -65374
  • Posts: 5122
    • View Profile
Re: OH FUCK A VELOCIRAPTOR!!!!
« Reply #5 on: July 18, 2010, 05:35:44 AM »

actually raptors just want us to think that they look like that and are harmless

see their plan was for us to bring them back someday thinking along these lines and then BAM

raptor karoke
Logged

Shinra

  • Big Juicy Winners
  • Tested
  • Karma: 34
  • Posts: 3269
    • View Profile
Re: OH FUCK A VELOCIRAPTOR!!!!
« Reply #6 on: July 18, 2010, 05:37:11 AM »

Now I'm picturing a raptor on stage, warbling along to "I will survive", and his drunk friends too afraid to tell him he's bad at singing.
Logged

Büge

  • won't give you fleaz
  • Tested
  • Karma: -65304
  • Posts: 10062
    • View Profile
Re: OH FUCK A VELOCIRAPTOR!!!!
« Reply #7 on: July 18, 2010, 06:10:39 AM »


I throttle the squat, bird like omnivore and lop off its head. Them's good eatin'!





Logged

R^2

  • Not in the game.
  • Tested
  • Karma: -61931
  • Posts: 5164
    • View Profile
Re: OH FUCK A VELOCIRAPTOR!!!!
« Reply #8 on: July 18, 2010, 09:08:38 AM »

I've never been more turned on in my life. Oh, fuck a velociraptor.
Logged

Royal☭

  • Supreme Court Judge President
  • Tested
  • Karma: 88
  • Posts: 6301
    • View Profile
Re: OH FUCK A VELOCIRAPTOR!!!!
« Reply #9 on: July 18, 2010, 09:24:29 AM »

SECRET OPTION

6) Fall to your knees, awestruck before the beauty and glory of the Double Rainbow.

Beat Bandit

  • be entranced by my sexy rhythm
  • High-Bullshit
  • Tested
  • Karma: -65418
  • Posts: 4293
    • View Profile
Re: OH FUCK A VELOCIRAPTOR!!!!
« Reply #10 on: July 18, 2010, 11:30:23 AM »

I saw this topic directly after reading about how Ayla "fucks like a velociraptor".


The actual content is very disappointing.
Logged

Kazz

  • Projekt Direktor
  • Admin
  • Tested
  • Karma: -65475
  • Posts: 6423
    • View Profile
Re: OH FUCK A VELOCIRAPTOR!!!!
« Reply #11 on: July 23, 2010, 02:41:08 PM »

i don't know how velociraptors fuck but i'm fairly certain i don't want to be fucked like that
Logged

Esperath

  • chesse nab
  • Tested
  • Karma: 26
  • Posts: 1222
    • View Profile
Re: OH FUCK A VELOCIRAPTOR!!!!
« Reply #12 on: July 23, 2010, 03:02:49 PM »

4.  Fight a velociraptor!  You roll a 1.  A dragon eats you.
Logged

Cthulhu-chan

  • Tested
  • Karma: 10
  • Posts: 2036
    • View Profile
Re: OH FUCK A VELOCIRAPTOR!!!!
« Reply #13 on: July 24, 2010, 09:09:15 PM »

Aw, looks like I'm a bit late for thiSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Logged

Friday

  • Admin
  • Tested
  • Karma: -65374
  • Posts: 5122
    • View Profile
Re: OH FUCK A VELOCIRAPTOR!!!!
« Reply #14 on: August 05, 2010, 12:02:42 PM »

"Guild," you say, just as the Raptor begins to leap across the table at you.

Suddenly, a gigantic mob of people rush into the room and drag the raptor away to be lynched.

"That was close," you say, wiping your brow. "But now I'm even more sure this is a dream, because weird shit like people breaking into your house to lynch a Velociraptor doesn't happen in real life. I mean, OK, maybe a raptor might suddenly break into your house and try to eat you. I could see that. Improbable, but possible. The whole mob and lynching thing, though? Not gonna happen."

Suddenly, gravity turns off and you slam into the ceiling as you are propelled by the force of the spinning planet at thousands of miles per hour.

"And again, that doesn't make any sense," you observe, as objects begin to float upwards. "First of all, if gravity really did just suddenly 'turn off' wouldn't like, the planets and the very fabric of space/time itself begin to tear itself apart? And if I was slammed into the ceiling at thousands of miles per hour, wouldn't I explode or punch a hole or something? Furthermore, why was I and I alone thrown thusly, and the rest of the shit in here is just acting like it's in Zero-G? None of this makes any goddamn --"

Suddenly, the very fabric of space/time begins to tear itself apart as planets spin off axis, off orbit, and off-kilter. Black Holes rip open and vomit out trillions of years worth of matter that is shot out at five million times the speed of light, going backward in time to the start of creation to demolish the universe before it even began.

"Kinda tickles," you think.

**************************

You wake up in a white room. Four other people stare down at you.

"Hi!" says an attractive blonde.

"Welcome to Five Man mafia!" says a tall, skinny Indian.

"I know you're probably confused, what with the universe just exploding and all," explains a short frumpy girl with glasses.

"But rest assured, nothing is more important than finding the Mafia that is among us!" finishes a pleasant looking man wearing a purple pullover sweater.

You get to your feet. "Well, what were your scries?" you ask.

"I saw you as Mafia," says the blonde, giggling, and suddenly in a bikini.

"I saw you as Mafia, too," says the skinny Indian.

"Me three," says the short girl.

"And I as well," says the purple pullover guy.

You blink.

"That's... not possible," you say. "The rules dictate that --"

"It's only possible if you were the Mafia," says frumpy.

The blonde puts a finger to her lips and appears to concentrate. "But that... that means..."

The tall Indian suddenly looks grim. "You know what has to happen now," he says to you.

"We've got to hang you," explains sweater guy.

"I'm not the Mafia!" you exclaim.

"Oh, sure, that's what they all say," says the short girl.

"Really, you'd think he'd just admit it with so much evidence against him," shrugs pullover.

"Oh, oh! A lynching! A lynching! I'm so excited!" says the blonde, jumping up and down, clapping. Her breasts jiggle obscenely.

They all begin to advance on you. You turn to run and find yourself facing an old-fashioned gallows.

"This is a dream," you say. "I was watching Jurrasic Park. That explains the Raptor. Then I thought about werewolf and now I'm dreaming it."

The blonde grabs you from behind, her grip sharp. "You're right," she says, grinning like an idiot.

"But we're going to kill you anyway," says frumpy.

*************************************

1. Whatever, it's a dream. Just go with the flow! You can't die in a dream... can you?

2. Wait, is this a serious story or is Friday still fucking around?

3. I refuse to participate in a such a crazy, 4th wall breaking CYOA!

4. This is my dream! I can do anything I want! And... I want to sex up that blonde!

5. Wait a minute. I am the Mafia! Now I remember!
Logged

SCD

  • Tested
  • Karma: 18
  • Posts: 1856
    • View Profile
Re: OH FUCK A VELOCIRAPTOR!!!!
« Reply #15 on: August 05, 2010, 12:35:46 PM »

Smut, I say!
Logged

Brentai

  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnXYVlPgX_o
  • Admin
  • Tested
  • Karma: -65281
  • Posts: 17524
    • View Profile
Re: OH FUCK A VELOCIRAPTOR!!!!
« Reply #16 on: August 05, 2010, 05:49:04 PM »

I... what option lets me fuck a velociraptor?
Logged

R^2

  • Not in the game.
  • Tested
  • Karma: -61931
  • Posts: 5164
    • View Profile
Re: OH FUCK A VELOCIRAPTOR!!!!
« Reply #17 on: August 05, 2010, 10:33:37 PM »

4. The blonde is  a raptor. That's why her grip is "sharp".
Logged

Zaratustra

  • what
  • Tested
  • Karma: 48
  • Posts: 3691
    • View Profile
    • Zaratustra Productions
Re: OH FUCK A VELOCIRAPTOR!!!!
« Reply #18 on: August 06, 2010, 09:22:52 AM »


1. "OH FUCK A VELOCIRAPTOR!!!!" you say again, before being messily devoured.

Classic

  • Happens more often than you'd think.
  • Tested
  • Karma: -58471
  • Posts: 7501
    • View Profile
Re: OH FUCK A VELOCIRAPTOR!!!!
« Reply #19 on: August 06, 2010, 09:52:28 AM »



Utah raptors are twice the size and stand the height of human males. That's- That would be scary? It'd screech at you and disembowel you before preening the blood off its feathers... Or maybe proto-feathers? I dunno.
Logged
Pages: [1] 2