"Guild," you say, just as the Raptor begins to leap across the table at you.
Suddenly, a gigantic mob of people rush into the room and drag the raptor away to be lynched.
"That was close," you say, wiping your brow. "But now I'm even more sure this is a dream, because weird shit like people breaking into your house to lynch a Velociraptor doesn't happen in real life. I mean, OK, maybe a raptor might suddenly break into your house and try to eat you. I could see that. Improbable, but possible. The whole mob and lynching thing, though? Not gonna happen."
Suddenly, gravity turns off and you slam into the ceiling as you are propelled by the force of the spinning planet at thousands of miles per hour.
"And again, that doesn't make any sense," you observe, as objects begin to float upwards. "First of all, if gravity really did just suddenly 'turn off' wouldn't like, the planets and the very fabric of space/time itself begin to tear itself apart? And if I was slammed into the ceiling at thousands of miles per hour, wouldn't I explode or punch a hole or something? Furthermore, why was I and I alone thrown thusly, and the rest of the shit in here is just acting like it's in Zero-G? None of this makes any goddamn --"
Suddenly, the very fabric of space/time begins to tear itself apart as planets spin off axis, off orbit, and off-kilter. Black Holes rip open and vomit out trillions of years worth of matter that is shot out at five million times the speed of light, going backward in time to the start of creation to demolish the universe before it even began.
"Kinda tickles," you think.
**************************
You wake up in a white room. Four other people stare down at you.
"Hi!" says an attractive blonde.
"Welcome to Five Man mafia!" says a tall, skinny Indian.
"I know you're probably confused, what with the universe just exploding and all," explains a short frumpy girl with glasses.
"But rest assured, nothing is more important than finding the Mafia that is among us!" finishes a pleasant looking man wearing a purple pullover sweater.
You get to your feet. "Well, what were your scries?" you ask.
"I saw you as Mafia," says the blonde, giggling, and suddenly in a bikini.
"I saw you as Mafia, too," says the skinny Indian.
"Me three," says the short girl.
"And I as well," says the purple pullover guy.
You blink.
"That's... not possible," you say. "The rules dictate that --"
"It's only possible if you were the Mafia," says frumpy.
The blonde puts a finger to her lips and appears to concentrate. "But that... that means..."
The tall Indian suddenly looks grim. "You know what has to happen now," he says to you.
"We've got to hang you," explains sweater guy.
"I'm not the Mafia!" you exclaim.
"Oh, sure, that's what they all say," says the short girl.
"Really, you'd think he'd just admit it with so much evidence against him," shrugs pullover.
"Oh, oh! A lynching! A lynching! I'm so excited!" says the blonde, jumping up and down, clapping. Her breasts jiggle obscenely.
They all begin to advance on you. You turn to run and find yourself facing an old-fashioned gallows.
"This is a dream," you say. "I was watching Jurrasic Park. That explains the Raptor. Then I thought about werewolf and now I'm dreaming it."
The blonde grabs you from behind, her grip sharp. "You're right," she says, grinning like an idiot.
"But we're going to kill you anyway," says frumpy.
*************************************
1. Whatever, it's a dream. Just go with the flow! You can't die in a dream... can you?
2. Wait, is this a serious story or is Friday still fucking around?
3. I refuse to participate in a such a crazy, 4th wall breaking CYOA!
4. This is my dream! I can do anything I want! And... I want to sex up that blonde!
5. Wait a minute. I am the Mafia! Now I remember!