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[R^2]

I do a little wandering around the remaining areas of the world map to spawn a couple new creatures on the Veldt. The tiny triangle-shaped island in the upper-right corner of the map has Leaf Bunnies and Darkwinds, like outside of Narshe... and this guy. Wherever he is.


GAAAAH

The Intangir ("Sleeping Lion" in Japanese) is invisible and immobile while it's asleep. This gives it the usual benefits to being invisible: all physical attacks miss, but all magic attacks hit.

In the SNES version, the "all magic attacks hit" clause bypassed any immunities the creature normally had. So you could cast Death, or Snare, or another instant-kill move to instantly wipe this (or any other) guy out. In this version, that much-lauded bug has been fixed: magic attacks will still always hit, but immunities is immunities, and Intangir is immune to instant death.


He's open to Stop, though. Now the trick is to whittle down his thirty two thousand HP before that spell wears off!


Since my maximum damage output is around 1000, and that's with Catscratch or Gigavolt... that plan fails. Intangir counters every attack with Meteor, or in this case, blasts everybody as soon as he shakes off the Stop condition...


...then goes back to sleep (turning invisible again).


If Mog hadn't been in the air for a Jump at the time, that would have been a party wipe. Let's... revisit this later.

[R^2]

There's a locked door in the downstairs of that building, but it won't open. Even if Locke were in the party. That's probably a guy who could handle a set of lockpicks.

Or Lockepicks, I guess.

[R^2]

Music: Esper World


There's an Assassin's Dagger early on. It was an endgame legendary weapon in Final Fantasy 5, here relegated to the first half of the game. I can instantly slay monsters it hits, but only Locke and Shadow can equip it and neither of them are here.




Not that you'd want to try instantly killing anything. Almost every monster in this cave is undead. Roger is correct in surmising that Aura Cannon is useful here, as every monster inside is weak to holy-elemental attacks. Rising Phoenix is less so, because many of them absorb fire.




There's a maze-ish puzzle sort of thing early on, where the bridges snap back and forth between two configurations. If you're on a section as it disappears, you get dumped into the lava for HP damage and have to restart.


I'm sure this item name makes a lot more sense to the Japanese. It turns Setzers Slot command into Zeninage. Maybe Heiji is the samurai who put the idea of throwing money at enemies into the Japanese cultural consciousness?


Anyway, the rest of the cave isn't any better about traps and tricks.

[R^2]

Here you're presented with two switches. Pull one, and...


...a ninja pops out to kill you!


"The big stairway"? Where are you even talking about? For years I thought this guy meant a treasure somewhere else, like the passage where you find Ultima Weapon (which is just south of a stairway-ish part), or like, the secret passage in South Figaro in the rich guy's basement. None of them were particularly satisfying explanations, so I chalked it up to translation weirdness.


Flip this nearby switch (hope it doesn't break the bridge I'm on again...)


And it creates a stairway...


Hey, that was pretty big...!


Searching this little area gives you an Invisibility Scroll, a Water Scroll, a Gold Needle, and a couple thousand gil. Mystery solved, teenage R^2!

[R^2]

This switch opens up the nearby cave...


Inside is, yes, the Ultima Weapon! As the guy in Albrook said, this version is tied to the user's strength -- in this case, their current HP. More HP equals more attack power. Since it's still pretty early in the game, only one character has more than 1000 HP maximum right now, so Ultima Weapon is pretty puny.


The area also has two Magicite Shards, which are consumable items that summon a random esper. Including espers I don't have yet. Including the endgame one that blasts enemies and allies alike with powerful magic. So these basically never get used.


Terra starts running out of MP in the later sections of the cave, so she resorts to chucking Hi-Potions at the monsters for steady damage.

[R^2]

Music: Uwee-hee-hee!



Actual Music: Metamorphosis


Kefka: Uwee-hee-hee!!! Just like the Emperor said! "Give them Terra, and they'll open the gate for us!" In other words... You've been playing into our hands all along! Hee-hee-hee...

So... the slave crown, the defense of Narshe, and the wrecking of the Magitek Research Facility to get Maduin back... was all part of your cunning plan? That seems awfully hard to believe.


Kefka: I'm here to open the way to my promised glory!
Party: You'd better think again, Kefka!
Kefka: Oh dear... You want to fight, don't you? This is just dreadful!




The next bit happens whenever you hit Kefka once, so I make it count as best I can with Cyclonic.

[R^2]

Nice! Good job, Terra!




whoashit, hit the dirt!










Kefka gets blown away...


...and Terra blown back into the party.




...is covered by a rockslide.

That went well!

[R^2]

Thankfully, the espers busting out opens a little passage in the last room of the Cave that leads back to the second room. That skips a lot of tedious dungeoning.




Party: The espers all flew off together... The Imperials all ran off, too, as if they were afraid of something.

"Something"? Maybe "espers"?

Party from the Gate: Which way did the espers go?
Party left behind: Towards the Imperial capital... ...Vector.

Thanks, I'd totally forgotten where that was.




Terra: I can feel them... They're getting closer...
Locke: You can feel what?
Terra: There! A flash!
Locke: What was that!? It couldn't be... The espers!? They're coming this way! Terra, watch out!


Locke valiantly pins Terra to the deck while espers go by.




Same for Setzer.


As the espers fly past the ship, things get progressively redder and shakier.

[R^2]

Locke: Where are they going?
Terra: They were angry...
Locke: They were... angry?
Terra: No... You mustn't go... Please, don't go!
Setzer: More importantly, why are we shaking? Is it because of the espers?

[Classic]

Final Fantasy parties have an ability to survive improbable falls that rivals serial superhero comic book characters.
[spoiler]NO DON'T LET CID DIE[/spoiler]

[R^2]

Lucky enough we got grounded on land, I suppose. We could be drifting over the ocean, end up at a ship graveyard, have to fight a bunch of undead stuff and Siren...


You start near Maranda, the goal is Vector.


It doesn't have to be an arduous journey, though.




Most of Vector is on fire.






Easiest siege ever.

[R^2]

Is he? Last time an Emperor expected me...


...it did not go well.


'Sup, G-dawg.




Cid: The espers came to save their friends... When they learned that none of them were alive, they ravaged the entire city...

Hold on, either you're telling me there were only nine espers in the entire facility that you've been basing all your research on -- the ones that I now possess -- or you're telling me that after twenty years of having live specimens suddenly you learn about magicite and they're all dead. HMMM.


Soldier: We're hanging up our weapons for good. The war is over.
Gestahl: The power of those espers... I had no idea. They'll destroy the entire world if we don't do something. We're utterly helpless against them. We must find a way to calm their rage.
Cid: Men should never lust after power they have no means to control...




...and, to summarize, four minutes until dinner is ready. So run around the entire Imperial palace and talk to as many soldiers as you can.

[R^2]

So get crackin'. In the hallway, outside in the entrance courtyard, in the barracks, up one side of the palace and down the other, there are 24 soldiers to talk to.


Naturally, some of them fight you instead, whynot


The guy in the barracks bathroom is a bit flushed you caught him with his pants down.




You can visit Kefka in prison, too, but all that does is eat up the clock.


Welp, that's everybody...

[R^2]

Music: The Returners








So here's the deal with the banquet. Gestahl will talk and discuss, and it's your job to be the most impeccably diplomatic set of freedom fighters you can be. So he starts off asking for a toast. The most diplomatic answer here is neutral between the two factions, even though in this party one hometown is a cavern, one hometown is the subject of dispute, and one hometown is the beast-filled plains near Mobliz. So here's the Figaro and Vector, everybody.


Leave Kefka in prison, rather than pardoning him or executing him.


That's still a sore point for a lot of people. Point out that the use of poison is contemptible, but don't force Gestahl to apologize again.


Remove any doubt that Celes is one of the Returners -- don't even hint that she might have been a spy. Either way, Gestahl admits that Kefka lied, and Celes was a legit traitor to his cause.


At this point Gestahl asks if you have any questions for him. Politely but firmly insist that he answer all three before moving on.


...but don't ask any more than once.


Side with him on the espers razing his capital issue. He's the one who brought them into this world, but it's impolite to point that out.


Because you're a Final Fantasy villain and that's what you do? At this point Gestahl asks you which of the three questions from before you asked first.


Getting tired of dinner? How big is this meal, anyway?

[Mothra]

me

[R^2]

For whatever reason, taking a break from dinner to spar with the royal guard is a good idea.


w/e man




Gestahl: All right. I swear right here and now that there will be no more fighting. And now, I have a favor to ask... After they attacked us, the espers flew off northward, towards Crescent Island. We have no way of knowing when they'll decide to go on another rampage. We need to find them and convince them to set aside their aggression before that happens. But... considering all that the Empire has done to them, I doubt they'll be willing to listen to us. That's why... I need to borrow Terra's power. Terra is the only one who can bridge the gap between human and esper. I have a Magitek armor transport ship moored in the port of Albrook... I had hoped to send it to Crescent Island with all haste.


Agree immediately. This is the next plot point, so you have to, but you're still being judged so it doesn't benefit you at all to be reluctant.






If Cyan is in the party here, Leo apologizes to him personally.

[R^2]

Terra: Locke... Thank you.
Locke: The rest of you stay here. I smell a rat...
Edgar: As do I... It's hard to trust the emperor just like that...
Cyan: We'll remain here and watch for anything out of the ordinary.
Locke: Thanks. You'll be our eyes and ears. Keep your guard up!
Edgar: Right. You be careful, too!


The more soldiers you talk to and the more diplomatic you are at the dinner banquet, the better rewards you get from this guy. Somehow I managed to not offend anyone despite bringing an ascetic monk, a woodland sprite, and a feral child to a dinner with a head of state, so...


This always happens regardless of how poorly you do. It's a baseline.


Doma's deserted, but there are some treasures inside I can take now.


There's treasure there, too.


A personal gift from the Emperor...


...and the final reward for a perfect score is the Ward Bangle, which cuts random encounters in half. So yay for that.


So, funny thing. Ultima Weapon in this game is a bit like the Excalipoor in the previous game: attack power 255, with a multiplier. The multiplier on Excalipoor was always .01, but Ultima Weapon's depends on your HP.

But like the previous game's Goblin Punch, Locke's Mug command bypasses that multiplier. So as long as he's stealin', he hits with the strongest sword in the game.

[R^2]

Walk to Tzen, rather than Albrook, and hop a chocobo back to Maranda.


There's a scene in the airship that a lot of players miss if you do.


Setzer: The shock from our crash really banged up the engine. It’s gonna take a while to fix…
Cid: Let me help you! I know my way around an engine!
Setzer: I think I’ll pass.
Cid: You know, we could really speed this baby up if we axed the casino and streamlined her a bit…
Setzer: …That’s not open to discussion. Now, will you please get out of here?


Cid: Oh well… Would have been at least twice as fast, too… Maybe three times…


Setzer: It may be hard to believe, considering how I live now, but I used to be a driven man.
Terra: …Really?
Setzer: I wanted to make this the fastest ship in the world, and fly it across the open sky… That was always my dream.
Terra: Is that any different from what you’re doing now?
Setzer: Back then, there was a person who kept me working towards my dream… The pilot of the Falcon, the fastest airship ever made. At times we were friendly rivals, and at times we were simply friends. We’d always talk about our dreams… Like which of us would be the first to sail beyond the sky to the stars. But then she vanished along with the Falcon, and that was the end of youthful dreams.

[Classic]

Maybe the problem with Gau (other than that his game breaking abilities are way more opaque than the drill) is that he has no real stakes in this world-at-war scenario and never gets any. So he's got nothing worthwhile to add to any of the story segments of the game as a reward for bringing him along.

I'd say it's like bringing Shale or Dog along in DA:O, but they actually toggle a surprising amount of shit by tagging along.

[Roger]

Almost every monster in this cave is undead. Roger is correct in surmising that Aura Cannon is useful here, as every monster inside is weak to holy-elemental attacks.

Rising Phoenix is less so, because many of them absorb fire.

Oh right.  LAVA cave. 

Whenever I see this line, I just picture it being said in the flimsiest deadpan voice imaginable.  "I didn't do it.  Yeah, that's the ticket."