Brontoforumus Archive

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  

News:


This board has been fossilized.
You are reading an archive of Brontoforumus, a.k.a. The Worst Forums Ever, from 2008 to early 2014.  Registration and posting (for most members) has been disabled here to discourage spambots from taking over.  Old members can still log in to view boards, PMs, etc.

The new message board is at http://brontoforum.us.

Poll

Commands:

Gobble the wobble.
- 3 (23.1%)
Fling the jelly into Gonzo’s mouth, still agape.
- 6 (46.2%)
Insist The Mayor taste test.
- 1 (7.7%)
Sister Mister will eat anything!
- 3 (23.1%)

Total Members Voted: 13

Voting closed: April 13, 2009, 07:35:31 PM


Author Topic: The Mayor - Chapter 13 - The Bat Man  (Read 1400 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

The Mayor

  • Admin
  • Tested
  • Karma: 0
  • Posts: 60
    • View Profile
    • The Mayor
The Mayor - Chapter 13 - The Bat Man
« on: April 11, 2009, 07:34:46 PM »



http://www.votemayor.com/?p=240

Elected Command: Bonk! Povertoid.

“Mind turning on the lights, big guy?” requests Sammy, beginning to warm up his thin, bony shoulders. “My batting skills aren’t exactly meant for nocturnal exercise.”

“The knowledge of my presence is a working detail with which I wish to withhold.” states The Mayor. “Whack wisely.”

“Awright, but Miss Sis is gonna come barrelin' on in like a howlin’ fox turtle once she hears my distinguished swing. Fair warning.” fairly warns Sammy.

Adjusting his footing, Sammy raises the dinged bat upward. The metal club stops perfectly vertical, as if mimicking the stance of a swordsman’s blade. Tightening his grip, Sammy straightens out his twiggish arms.

Instinctively, the Povertoid hisses aloud. Hesitating, Sammy watches the Povertoid’s outstretched stinger arise, as if entirely independent of its own gelatinous body. Slowly rattling from side to side, the stinger appears to begin playfully dancing. Now transfixed, Sammy cannot help but stare, stinger blurring together with the stove top flame and hazy moonlight.

A sense of opulence washes over the young man.

“Sammy! Welfare Wenches!” shouts The Mayor, snapping Sammy back into his rigid stance.

“CRIMSON! LIGHTNING! BONNNK!” cries out the suited soldier, swinging down the dinged bat with such force that silver sparks trail behind. The hypnotic stinger crumples under the impact, rocketing downward into the Povertoid’s soft body, causing the fanged fiend to screech aloud. Teeth unclenched, the stinger rebounds, lifting the translucent target airborne.

With honed reflexes, and in a single fluid motion, The Mayor clasps an open skillet from the crummy kitchen stove top, and carefully aims. The Povertoid splatters down onto the metal pan, which summarily lands upon the stove top’s roaring flame. Snapping, crackling, and popping, the defeated beast produces a delightful aroma.

Grasping a wooden cooking spoon from the kitchen sink, The Mayor scoops out a wobbly chunk.

“Mmmmm, rich in odor. Would you care to partake of the honors, young batsmen?” offers The Mayor.

Upon the cooking spoon, the wobbling chunk wobbles waywardly.

Commands:

   1. Gobble the wobble.
   2. Fling the jelly into Gonzo’s mouth, still agape.
   3. Insist The Mayor taste test.
   4. Sister Mister will eat anything!

Voting ends in 48 hours.
Logged

Kayma

  • kodePunc Team
  • Tested
  • *
  • Karma: 31
  • Posts: 2692
    • View Profile
    • http://twitter.com/kayma
Re: The Mayor - Chapter 13 - The Bat Man
« Reply #1 on: April 11, 2009, 07:41:13 PM »

Om nom nom.
Logged

Detonator

  • You made me come back for THIS?
  • Admin
  • Tested
  • Karma: 42
  • Posts: 3040
    • View Profile
Re: The Mayor - Chapter 13 - The Bat Man
« Reply #2 on: April 11, 2009, 07:49:13 PM »

Something "rich in odor" will probably cure Gonzo of his poverty.  I say we give it to him first.  2
Logged
"Imagine punching somebody so hard that they turned into a door. Then you found out that's where ALL doors come from, and you got initiated into a murder club that makes doors. The stronger you punch, the better the door. So there are like super strong murderers who punch people into Venetian doors and shit"

Arc

  • Admin
  • Tested
  • Karma: 0
  • Posts: 3703
    • View Profile
Re: The Mayor - Chapter 13 - The Bat Man
« Reply #3 on: April 11, 2009, 07:54:57 PM »

Edited some dranken spellin mistakesss.

The Povgurt comes with a free choice of toppings.
Logged

Brentai

  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnXYVlPgX_o
  • Admin
  • Tested
  • Karma: -65281
  • Posts: 17524
    • View Profile
Re: The Mayor - Chapter 13 - The Bat Man
« Reply #4 on: April 11, 2009, 08:13:50 PM »

I do love forcing goopy things into people's mouths.
Logged

Arc

  • Admin
  • Tested
  • Karma: 0
  • Posts: 3703
    • View Profile
Re: The Mayor - Chapter 13 - The Bat Man
« Reply #5 on: April 12, 2009, 10:38:19 AM »

:slow: Audio added.
Logged

Arc

  • Admin
  • Tested
  • Karma: 0
  • Posts: 3703
    • View Profile
Re: The Mayor - Chapter 13 - The Bat Man
« Reply #6 on: April 13, 2009, 03:10:02 PM »

Looks like I'll have to turn up the heat for the next chapter.
Logged

The Mayor

  • Admin
  • Tested
  • Karma: 0
  • Posts: 60
    • View Profile
    • The Mayor
Re: The Mayor - Chapter 13 - The Bat Man
« Reply #7 on: April 13, 2009, 07:35:52 PM »

Elected Command: Fling the jelly into Gonzo’s mouth, still agape.
Logged