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Author Topic: Programmers' Wanking Corner  (Read 17439 times)

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sei

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Re: Programmers' Wanking Corner
« Reply #60 on: October 10, 2008, 10:07:39 AM »

The Manga Guide to Databases is up for preorder.  I've got my ticket in for one.
I was kind of laughing at its existence when I saw it linked on oursignal.

But now...

#1 in     Books > Computers & Internet > Databases > SQL
#1 in     Books > Computers & Internet > Software > Databases
#1 in     Books > Computers & Internet > Web Development > Programming

 ::(:
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François

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Re: Programmers' Wanking Corner
« Reply #61 on: October 10, 2008, 11:28:57 AM »

The only way to outsell this book is to produce The Hentai Guide to Databases.

ive got so many tentacles in so many schoolgirls i need a computer program to keep track of them all
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Kayma

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Re: Programmers' Wanking Corner
« Reply #62 on: October 10, 2008, 12:04:18 PM »

The Manga Guide to Databases is up for preorder.  I've got my ticket in for one.

I... might actually get that. I've been meaning to enhance my DBA skills; why not do it through manga?
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sei

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Re: Programmers' Wanking Corner
« Reply #63 on: October 10, 2008, 02:19:26 PM »

my fist is about to share a one-to-many relationship with your faces >:(
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MadMAxJr

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Re: Programmers' Wanking Corner
« Reply #64 on: October 15, 2008, 01:17:05 PM »

I can't recommend it enough.  If you need to ask a code question, do it at Stack Overflow.

You get experience (Reputation) and xbox acheivements (Badges) as you progress and do positive things..  Seriously.

Now if i could only grind Oracle database bugs for drops and get some kind of crafting mechanism bolted onto the site....
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sei

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Re: Programmers' Wanking Corner
« Reply #65 on: October 19, 2008, 05:03:18 PM »

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Classic

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Re: Programmers' Wanking Corner
« Reply #66 on: October 19, 2008, 05:04:55 PM »

Did you try highlighting a few of the quadrant verticies?
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sei

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Re: Programmers' Wanking Corner
« Reply #67 on: October 19, 2008, 05:10:23 PM »

Nope. Puzzling!
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Classic

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Re: Programmers' Wanking Corner
« Reply #68 on: October 19, 2008, 05:40:04 PM »

... Dare I ask?
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Classic

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Re: Programmers' Wanking Corner
« Reply #69 on: October 19, 2008, 06:51:03 PM »

tt;dr
??? Does it have to multiply extremely large negative numbers?
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Classic

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Re: Programmers' Wanking Corner
« Reply #70 on: October 19, 2008, 07:52:22 PM »

Left shifts don't necessarily preserve sign. It's just the bug source that first came to mind.
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sei

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Re: Programmers' Wanking Corner
« Reply #71 on: October 19, 2008, 08:08:39 PM »

While there are different shifts, his code uses a specific one.  Go check the CSJS guide.  I'm lazy.
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Brentai

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Re: Programmers' Wanking Corner
« Reply #72 on: October 19, 2008, 10:12:45 PM »

It moves the decimal place.  In binary.*

So no, not a good idea.

* Oversimplification.
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MadMAxJr

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Re: Programmers' Wanking Corner
« Reply #73 on: October 29, 2008, 12:51:52 PM »

When you want to escalate annoying but harmless nerf warfare into SERIOUS BUSINESS, use officeguns.
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MadMAxJr

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Re: Programmers' Wanking Corner
« Reply #74 on: January 05, 2009, 03:10:48 PM »

How to shoot yourself in the foot using various code langages / operating systems.

This one contains some more obscure programmer nerd humor.  If you understand the FORTRAN one, you're probably par for the course.
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Brentai

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Re: Programmers' Wanking Corner
« Reply #75 on: January 05, 2009, 04:36:58 PM »

Man, I don't even get the ones for languages I know.  ...except the FORTRAN one.

Let's see...

Assembly: You keep a notepad and pencil around to make sure you remember exactly where your gun, bullet, and foot are at all times.  When you finally shoot you miss anyway because you're not built the way you thought you were.
ASP: You CreateBulletHole yourself in the LowerMobilityObject.
BASIC: You pretend to shoot yourself in the foot in preparation for the real thing.
C: you foot shoot
C++: foot of you shoot
C#: You spend a huge amount of time building a new gun to shoot yourself in the foot with because the gun you have doesn't shoot.  Then you realize you don't have a foot.
CSS: You try to find your foot in order to shoot it, but since your leg is relatively positioned your foot is now floating 50 meters to the right of where it should be.
HTML: You can't actually shoot anything, but the client refuses to believe that, so you have to find some way to make your foot shot.
HyperTalk: You take a bullet hole and put it in your foot.
Java: object.entity.human.earthling.programmer.java.party.third.shoot( object.entity.human.earthling.programmer.java.party.third.foot )
JavaScript: You shoot in every place your foot could possibly be in.
Linux: You have permission to shoot, but you don't have access to your foot.
Matlab: You'll need to take an entire 9-week course to learn how to do it, but afterwards you'll be able to shoot yourself in the foot countless times from every conceivable angle.
MOO: You shoot yourself in the foot.  Ten other users see you shoot yourself in the foot and shoot themselves in BOTH feet.  You decide shooting feet is stupid anyway and have cybersex with a chihuahua.
MS-DOS: You try to shoot yourself in the foot, but all your bullets are locked in the safe.
.NET: You shoot yourself in the foot, but nobody will ever know.
Perl: It takes 500 lines to shoot yourself in the foot.  The next version of Perl will implement it as a standard function.
PHP: You shoot yourself in the foot.  You now have no idea whether or not your foot has been shot.
sh: sudo u sht ft -ow
SQL: You forget to specify whose foot you're shooting and end up shooting everyone in the foot.
Visual Basic: You shoot yourself in the foot.  As a side effect, your hand is now also shot.
Windows 95: You can't shoot yourself in the foot because you don't have enough bullets.
Windows XP: You can't shoot yourself in the foot because you don't have the right kind of bullets.
Windows Vista: You can't shoot yourself in the foot because you have too many bullets.
XML: You already know how to shoot yourself in the foot, but just in case, here's everything you need to know, starting with how to breathe in and out while you look for the gun...

BONUS STAGE

ActionScript: You tie one end of a string around the trigger and attach the other end to the font door, carefully position the gun in front of your foot, and invite a friend over.
BBCode: It's undocumented, but you actually can shoot yourself in the foot.  You just have to fire the bullet out your ass.
ColdFusion: Nobody really knows how the hell you're supposed to shoot feet, but somehow or another your foot gets shot.  You decide to leave it at that.
Drupal: You have a perfectly good gun to shoot yourself in the foot with, but the client demands you shoot yourself with a sledgehammer.
Game Maker: You can't figure out where your foot went, so you import a new one and shoot it.  Your old foot later emerges in the worst possible place, at the worst possible time.
Nintendo DS: You shoot yourself in the foot, but have to do it again because Nintendo demands you call it "firing at yourself in the bottom appendage."
OpenGL: You rotate the world around your gun until your foot is in front of it, then shoot.
PSP: You shoot yourself in the foot, but have to do it again because Sony copyrighted The Foot(c) two days ago.
RPG Maker: By using thousands of event flags in unintended ways you manage to recreate the effect of being shot in the foot.  Now you must rewrite the code on every map.
Second Life: You shoot downwards and hope that everyone realizes that you're supposed to be shooting yourself in the foot.
Source: You shoot yourself in the foot.  The force of impact sends you flying hundreds of feet into the air.
SVN: You shoot yourself in the foot, then decide you didn't want to do that.  You try to roll back, and suddenly 500 guns appear and shoot you in the foot.
TESCS: You shoot yourself in the foot.  Bethesda removes all feet from their next game.
VERGE: You try to shoot yourself in the foot, but only one person has managed to do so in the last decade.
XNA: Your foot's already been shot, it's just kind of hard to tell.
X-Box Live: You shoot yourself in the foot, but nobody cares.
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MadMAxJr

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Re: Programmers' Wanking Corner
« Reply #76 on: January 06, 2009, 02:58:20 PM »

Re: programming gun joke

DirectX 10: You make the most beautiful display of a high velocity explosive shell penetrate your foot and detonate, spraying a mass of physics-respecting chunks of flesh and bone across the room.  Unfortunately almost none of the PCs on the market can see this, since your gun only works on Vista.  Crowds demand you do this again with your other foot in Direct X 9.  And then you realize Direct X 10.1 is on the way, which requires you to get an even newer gun and damn near start over again, but you will be out of feet by then.

SQL (For Oracle): You look for a way to count the bullets, only to realize you have to create a whole new object to sequence the bullets instead of just being able to set an identity column (MSSQL).  And then when firing sometimes it will just go Bullet 1, Bullet 2, Bullet 6, click, click, click.

X-Box Live: You shoot yourself in the foot, you are informed you did it wrong, a total fag, and are cheating.  Viewers flag complaints on your account for every different reason possible.
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Zaratustra

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Re: Programmers' Wanking Corner
« Reply #77 on: January 06, 2009, 03:23:07 PM »

Ooh, I did a few of this a while ago

C: You complain you can't shoot your foot with any other gun as well as with the C gun. This is because you cut your index finger off.

Embedded C: You put your foot and a gun in a box, close the box, then shake it until you hear a bang.

Ruby: The gun is well-oiled, shiny and can fire anything that would leave a hole in your foot, but needs to be held backwards every third bullet.

PHP: You drop a bowling ball on your foot.

XML: You make a beautifully aerodynamic bullet, but try as you might, you can't find a gun to put it in.

Logo: You shoot yourself in the foot with the drawing of a gun.

MUSHCode: If you ever turn off your gun's safety, anyone can tell it to give them your car keys.

Linux: Your gun can shoot any part of your body, and will if you don't hold it with both hands and pull the trigger exactly 0.37 of an inch. Also, the trigger, barrel and handle have to be purchased separately and manually screwed on.

Friday

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Re: Programmers' Wanking Corner
« Reply #78 on: January 06, 2009, 03:43:59 PM »

I'm not a programmer but bandwagons are fun

Text Adventure
>Shoot foot
I don't understand you.
>look
You see a foot.
>Shoot foot with gun
You don't have the gun.
>Get gun
You pick up the gun.
>Shoot foot
I don't understand you.
>Shoot foot with gun
You are out of ammunition.
>Load gun
I don't understand you.
>Put bullets in gun
I don't understand you.
>reload
You have reloaded your gun.
>Shoot foot
I don't understand you.
>Shoot foot with gun
You shoot your foot with your gun. You begin to bleed out. With no medical attention nearby, you quickly pass out and die.
YOU HAVE DIED.
Do you want your possessions identified?

Metal Gear Solid
What is this foot doing here?!

MGS2
You've managed to avoid shooting yourself in the foot. Good job!

MGS3
This time, you've got twelve shots to shoot yourself in the foot.

MGS4
It turns out everything you know about feet and guns is a fucking lie.

Castlevania
WHAT IS A FOOT!?

Pyoko/WFE
You spend agonizing weeks gathering and preparing the parts for the gun, the bullets, and the foot. Before you can actually pull the trigger, you and everyone else lose interest and the thread devolves into Guilty Gear puns.

Werewolf
You have a choice between shooting the left and right foots. You shoot the right foot, which turns out to be the wrong foot, and all the other feet blame you forever.

Half Life
You don't have any feet. You will be required to make a seesaw.

TF2
You are about to shoot your foot when you are set on fire, backstabbed, and headshot.

IWTBG
YOU SHOT YOURSELF IN THE FOOT, YOU RETARD!

Eversion
You try to shoot yourself in the foot, but your hitbox is too big so you keep shooting yourself in the chest.

WoW
The only way to win is to stop shooting yourself in the foot.

Megaman
Get equipped with Foot Shot
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JDigital

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Re: Programmers' Wanking Corner
« Reply #79 on: January 06, 2009, 04:44:19 PM »

TF2
You are about to shoot your foot when you are set on fire, backstabbed, and headshot.

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED
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