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Author Topic: Quotes  (Read 96660 times)

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Brentai

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Re: Quotes
« Reply #1480 on: December 07, 2013, 02:38:50 PM »

<Shax> Crap that was six minutes? I AIN'T DONE POOPIN'
<Brentai> PINCH IT OFF SUCKA
<Mothra> PUT IT IN A BOX
<Dudeskull> You'll have time to poop when you're dead
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Beat Bandit

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Re: Quotes
« Reply #1481 on: December 07, 2013, 03:55:19 PM »

<MarsDragon> I think I missed exciting things while I was getting more alcohol
<MarsDragon> But hey, Romo's here!
<patito> mars, nah
<BEAT> FUCK ROMO
<Brentai> Someone fucked with an armband.
<Neeerds> RUCK FOMO

...

<Mothra> Nerds: Doesn't Ruck Fomo sound like a Star Wars Extended Universe character
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Mongrel

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Re: Quotes
« Reply #1482 on: December 17, 2013, 04:11:26 PM »

<crunchums> look i was only 13 at the time
<crunchums> also i thought bukkake was pronounced like "butt-cake"
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Mongrel

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Re: Quotes
« Reply #1483 on: December 20, 2013, 10:21:28 AM »

<Dantes> Google motto 2004: Don't be evil
<Dantes> Google motto 2010: Evil is tricky to define
<Dantes> Google motto 2013: We make military robots
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Mongrel

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Re: Quotes
« Reply #1484 on: December 24, 2013, 09:48:56 AM »

<GiantSpyder> We don't live in an Air Bud universe, where the only thing that matters is whether a thing is strictly prohibited.
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Friday

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Re: Quotes
« Reply #1485 on: December 24, 2013, 09:56:42 AM »

actually we checked and there's no rule saying we don't live in an Air Bud universe, so
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Friday

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Re: Quotes
« Reply #1486 on: January 02, 2014, 01:22:23 PM »

<@Friday> Silver collects lolita clothing like I collect spines.
<@Friday> One day I opened my closet and all these spines came tumbling out and I could hardly remember where I got half of them.
<@Friday> I wonder if Sub-Zero uses a numbering system.
<Elfin> Why don't you collect smaller body parts?
<@Silversong> it's her idiom
<@Friday> March 4, 1992. Froze and decapitated Kano. Spine in good condition.
<@Friday> March 7, 1992. Froze and decapitated Sonya Blade. Spine in good condition.
<@Friday> March 15, 1992. Froze and decapitated Scorpion. Scorpion just came from back from hell and reclaimed spine.
<+BongoBill> All her spine-wealth hasn't made Friday any happier, though. It doesn't do you any good just to hoard it, Friday! You've got to spend it!
<rainwarrior> He must have looked floppy coming back for his spine.
<Elfin> 'March 18, 1992. "Got over there" as Scorpion insisted, and there was nothing there. Instead received uppercut.'
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Disposable Ninja

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Re: Quotes
« Reply #1487 on: January 02, 2014, 01:39:37 PM »

April 19, 2011. Need to restart Spine collection from scratch. God fucking damn it, Raiden.
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Ted Belmont

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Re: Quotes
« Reply #1488 on: January 03, 2014, 12:38:34 AM »

actually we checked and there's no rule saying we don't live in an Air Bud universe, so

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Mongrel

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Re: Quotes
« Reply #1489 on: January 06, 2014, 05:27:13 PM »

<Crunchums> if you consider posting as a performance art, who is your favorite poster across all forums that you frequent?
<Seeker> He doesn't post anywhere anymore, that I know of. Guy name of RunsWithScissors, back on old gamefaqs and then luelinks and then he just kind of... moved on. He just wrote these hilariously nonsensical stories, like my all-time favorite one:

Quote
So me and my good friend Sam decided to go to Olive Garden to get something to eat. I hear only good things about their breadsticks and that's all I planned on buying. If I played my cards right, I could get out of there with a bill of only a few dollars.

On the way over, I decided to probe Sam a little and see if I could get him to pay for my food. It's just like luring a clown into your house so you can kill him because he reminds you of a bad incident during childhood. I just went for it. I'd probably suck a cock for a free meal, I said. He was just gazing ahead and this broke him out of the trance. He snapped his head towards me and asked,"What?" The look in his eyes made me back down. That wasn't me, that was the radio. He eyed me wearily. It was going to take a long time to live that one down.

We finally arrived at the Olive Garden. Sam was staying a few steps away from me. He was probably afraid I'd try to rape him before dinner to increase my appetite or something silly. I guess he figured it's easier before because you might cramp up trying to rape on a full stomach. If there's one thing I learned on the streets, it's never rape on a full stomach. You can cramp up and your victim can get away.

So the waitress brought the breadsticks and salad. I ate one breadstick and went for another. The second one I grabbed looked just like a penis. It was amazing, a penis made of bread. I cock slapped Sam across the face with it. It's a lot more satisfying to see a grease mark left on their face with bread instead of your penis. I looked over and I saw the waitress there. Sam, watch this, I said. I shoved the breadstick down my pants.

I put the breadstick down my left pant leg and it looked like a huge penis bulge. Even my mouth was watering and I'm straight. The waitress came over and I just sat there, with my legs apart, inviting her to come and play in my penial garden. She looked at my bulge and back up at me. I winked. I mouthed the words, it's all yours. It was actually Olive Garden's but she didn't have to know.

I kept the breadstick in there during the course of the meal. I kind of liked it there. It gave me +4 to my confidence skill. The waitress walked by again and she put a slip of paper on the table. It wasn't the bill, it was a note that said she wanted me after closing.

Sam left and I waited around. By this time, the breadstick was leaving a grease mark on my pants, so I shifted it to the other side. This thing was my ticket to endless amounts of sex. The waitress found me, turns out her name is Cindy, and said she'd give me a ride to her place. The whole time back to her place, she kept trying to reach over and grab my breadstick. I had to keep slapping her hand away. One little feel and this was all over.

Two hundred hand slaps later, we were finally at her house. I carried her upstairs, kissing the whole time. I threw her down on the bed and told her that I'd be right back, I had to put a condom on. "Oh, honey, let me do it," she said. Oh God, no, I'll do it, I told her, I have to pee, too. So I ran out of the room before she could say anything else.

In the bathroom, I was pretty nervous. I was about to slip a condom over my breadstick and fuck a girl with it. Oh well, may as well jump in. I put the condom over it and went back into her room. I made sure to turn the lights off so she couldn't see it. After a bit kissing, I began to penetrate her with it. So far, so good. Then she looked up at me in a panicked state, "Oh no, did I just crush your penis in two?" I had no idea what she was talking about. She said she tightened her vagina and it felt like my penis was crushed. She reached down and felt it. I guess she felt enough penises in her day to know it wasn't a penis.

"I can't believe you're fucking me with a breadstick!" she yelled. I grabbed the breadstick and threw it in the corner, go fetch, I said, then I remember she was human, not a dog. I really gotta stop having sex with animals. I wasn't going to trick her that easy. So I started to apologize, about three seconds in, I pushed her on the bed, grabbed the end of the covers, wrapped her up in them and rolled her off the bed. I dashed out of there. Let's just hope I never see her again.
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BŁge

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Re: Quotes
« Reply #1490 on: January 09, 2014, 02:25:03 AM »

Quote from: MagFlare
When you become a Juggalo you submit your makeup design to the Venerable and International Brotherhood of Juggalos, whereupon the ancient Chronicler of Faces, Assy Ninjabones, painstakingly hand-paints your face on a 20 oz. Faygo bottle and stores it in the vault. Using another Juggalo's makeup design is prohibited and punishable by suplexing you off the roof of your mom's house onto a card table covered with barbed wire.
Quote from: marcalan
Hmm...You seem to know quite a bit about Juggalo society MagFlare. Care to confess that you are a Juggalo? And that you should be burned at the stake for your crimes?!?
Reply With Quote
Quote from: MagFlare
I make no secret of it. I spent eight years among the Juggalos -- attending their Gatherings, learning their ways, participating in their legendary feud with Eminem. I went in as a curious anthropologist. I left, nearly a decade later, as Botched Crotch (formerly Meth Mouth McGee), a respected Juggalelder.
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Brentai

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Re: Quotes
« Reply #1491 on: January 11, 2014, 08:59:44 AM »

-->|   fbm_ (~fbm@209.237.94.112) has joined #finalfight
   fbm_   friggin' storm better not knock out my internet
   |<--   fbm has left irc.esper.net (Ping timeout: 194 seconds)
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Mongrel

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Re: Quotes
« Reply #1492 on: January 13, 2014, 08:39:17 AM »

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Mongrel

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Re: Quotes
« Reply #1493 on: January 13, 2014, 10:52:54 AM »

https://twitter.com/hiphopaugustine

Quote
bankin like Croesus
nah -- just bein facetious
only thing I bank on is a swag exegesis

oh lordy
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Healy

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Re: Quotes
« Reply #1494 on: January 14, 2014, 11:25:24 AM »

Quote
Anyway, I am honestly kind of shocked that none of the second-rate studios have jumped on the chance to introduce a [gay] or [lesbian] lead in a movie for kids. Whoever does it first is going to get a ton of attention. There will be news stories and huge arguments and generally tons of free press. Also, people will defend it to the death even if it sucks because they'll want to see it done by someone who doesn't suck. You can write off all detractors as homophobes and ask for solidarity. You could do it.

Romeo and Bromeo: Sealed with a Kiss
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the assassination of video james by the coward electronic arts

Caithness

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Re: Quotes
« Reply #1495 on: January 18, 2014, 02:01:28 PM »

21:39:46 < Hamtramck> I'm envisioning a numbers station that plays Food Fight 24/7 and encodes
                      secret messages in th compression artifacts
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Metal Slime

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Re: Quotes
« Reply #1496 on: January 18, 2014, 07:07:38 PM »

[02:37] <Brentai> I thoroughly despise all of you.
[02:37] <Brentai> I want this on record.
[02:37] <Brentai> Despise.
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Metal Slime

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Re: Quotes
« Reply #1497 on: January 18, 2014, 07:09:41 PM »

[02:48] <@Friday> Brentai
[02:48] <@Friday> I thoroughly love all of you
[02:48] <@Friday> I want this on record
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