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Author Topic: Final Fucking Fantasy  (Read 56994 times)

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Arc

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Re: Final Fucking Fantasy
« Reply #80 on: August 08, 2008, 07:20:56 AM »

The shorts. The retarded skirt-shorts. WHY

::(: Did your... Did your balls drop off?
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Brentai

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Re: Final Fucking Fantasy
« Reply #81 on: August 08, 2008, 07:53:29 AM »

LOOK OUT, WHEN HE STORMS THROUGH
BASCH FON RONSENBURG
HIS PLAID VEST MIGHT BLIND YOU
BASCH FON RONSENBURG

BASCH, HE'S GOT BATTLE LORE
BASCH, TO SILENCE ONDORE
BASCH, HE IS REALLY STILL ALIVE!
HE IS REALLY STILL ALIVE!
HE FEELS FANTASTIC AND HE'S STILL ALIVE!
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Doom

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Re: Final Fucking Fantasy
« Reply #82 on: August 08, 2008, 08:00:29 AM »

The shorts. The retarded skirt-shorts. WHY

::(: Did your... Did your balls drop off?

Being Doominous Von Doomenmeyer The 23rd, I am obligated to remind you of my incredible wealth and obligatory taste associated with such.

As such, I consider it possible for a whore to be unattractive by virtue of being too whorish.

Of course, Fran's outfit is stupid for battle logistics reasons, but pretty dapper for fapping reasons. And Penelo's got an ass that just won't quit.
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Brentai

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Re: Final Fucking Fantasy
« Reply #83 on: August 08, 2008, 08:04:39 AM »

The problem with Ashe is that she dresses like a whore and then acts like she's better than you.  It creates a cognitive dissonance that can only be resolved by slapping the bitch in her royal mouth.
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Niku

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Re: Final Fucking Fantasy
« Reply #84 on: August 08, 2008, 08:12:27 AM »

honestly penelo's outfit is worse anyway

lingerie print

what
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Arc

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Re: Final Fucking Fantasy
« Reply #85 on: August 08, 2008, 08:44:32 AM »

The problem with Ashe is that she dresses like a whore and then acts like she's better than you.

I'm dressed like a Mediterranean gigolo.

Sure, my shampoo works out split ends better than her own, but that's about where my superiority ends.
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Alex

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Re: Final Fucking Fantasy
« Reply #86 on: August 08, 2008, 09:05:50 AM »

You guys are weeeeeeeeeeeeird.  I fucking hate Penelo.  Hell, the only characters I cared for were Basch, Balthier, Ashe and Fran.  Vaan and Penelo are just terrible add-ons to a cast that was perfectly fine on its own.
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Norondor

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Re: Final Fucking Fantasy
« Reply #87 on: August 08, 2008, 09:37:12 AM »

Oh, no, i like Penelo because she doesn't dress like a 100% twat. She and Vaan are totally incidental to the story, moreso than any FF character to date, and have no real reason to be hanging on besides, i guess, curiosity/patriotism/boredom.
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TA

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Re: Final Fucking Fantasy
« Reply #88 on: August 08, 2008, 10:11:17 AM »

I stopped playing FF12 at those oil platforms in the Jagd, but ... I really liked the role Vaan (and, to a lesser extent, Penelo) played.  It obviously was Ashe and Basch's story, but I appreciate the seperation between protagonist and viewpoint character.  It lended a really interesting context to the high politics that were afoot.

I wish I could stomach the gameplay and grind more, I was really digging that story.
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Saturn

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Re: Final Fucking Fantasy
« Reply #89 on: August 08, 2008, 10:25:40 AM »

The problem with Ashe is that she dresses like a whore and then acts like she's better than you.  It creates a cognitive dissonance that can only be resolved by slapping the bitch in her royal mouth.
honestly penelo's outfit is worse anyway

lingerie print

what

Complaining about stupid fucking clothing in FF is like Complaining that the SUN IS TOO MADE OUT OF HYDROGEN
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Bal

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Re: Final Fucking Fantasy
« Reply #90 on: August 08, 2008, 10:26:45 AM »

THE WAY THE SUN CONVERTS HYDROGEN INTO HELIUM VIA NUCLEAR FUSION DISGUSTS ME.
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Brentai

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Re: Final Fucking Fantasy
« Reply #91 on: August 08, 2008, 10:32:21 AM »

I'm dressed like a Mediterranean gigolo.

Well I'm not.  Vaan is.  I'm not Vaan, and I don't appreciate the game's insistance that I am.  I'm the guy saving the fucking world, not the stupid thief kid who joined the party because he had nothing better to do.

I really liked the role Vaan (and, to a lesser extent, Penelo) played.  It obviously was Ashe and Basch's story, but I appreciate the seperation between protagonist and viewpoint character.  It lended a really interesting context to the high politics that were afoot.

See, Tidus filled that role okay.  He was literally a narrator, and a viewpoint for the player who's never been to Spira before, and yeah his having to have the intelligence of the lowest common denominator got annoying after a while (Lulu even points out that Tidus' ignorance extends past ignorance and includes a total lack of observational skills), but he served a purpose damn it.

Vaan doesn't serve that purpose.  He's not narrating the story.  There's no excuse for his ignorance.  He's not doing the party any good - the very few times he actually does something, he's fucking them over badly - and at several points during the game the characters themselves look Vaan in the face and ask him what the hell he's doing there, and his answer is, word for word, "I don't know!  But if I keep hanging out with you guys, maybe I'll find out!"

Vaan is a third-string character, about as important as, say, Gau in the grand scheme of things, and is unfortunately elevated to the point where he's pretty much in your face 24/7.  It doesn't help that he's genuinely unlikable either.

(Incidentally, he's actually kind of cool in FFTA2, which leads me to believe that his standard "punk kid to slick adult" conversion not through the course of the game, but through the course of a string of spinoffs and cameos.)

There are a couple dozen developer interviews that state that Basch was meant to be the main character for the longest time, and the order came down later from the suits that they wanted another hip Okinawan kid for the lead character, plot be damned.  So I think they kind of sabotaged Vaan partly out of frustration, and partly to make hip Okinawan kids as lead characters seem more obnoxious.  And man did they succeed.

Also, Penelo is totally not the one who isn't dressed stupid.  Tell me what that thing she's wearing is even called and I might begin to agree with you.
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Roger

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Re: Final Fucking Fantasy
« Reply #92 on: August 08, 2008, 10:48:53 AM »

(Incidentally, he's actually kind of cool in FFTA2, which leads me to believe that his standard "punk kid to slick adult" conversion not through the course of the game, but through the course of a string of spinoffs and cameos.)
Doesn't FFTA2 also give him a shirt?
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Brentai

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Re: Final Fucking Fantasy
« Reply #93 on: August 08, 2008, 12:59:29 PM »

Coolness in Ivalice is inversely proportional to how much of your body is exposed.

Balthier: Almost completely covered.
Vayne: Also fully clothed, plus his hair counts as an accessory.
Penelo: Meh.
Larsa: Up top, fully clothed and fairly intelligent.  Down below... okay, kid, we get it.  Why don't you just look Balthier in the eyes and say, "I require your penis, sirrah"?
Basch: As a general, he was effective and well-dressed.  Then some fucker threw him into the Salvation Army discount pile and he's never been the same since.
Ashe: Her fall from grace is symbolized by stripping down into her FFXII-2 outfit.
Vaan: No matter how many shirts you equip him with, he keeps torturing you with his washboard abs.  I mean his abs are literally a washboard.
Fran: Seems cool at first, but then she A) opens her mouth and B) has, like, no stats.  She's there to punish players who insist on keeping her in their main lineup because of her sweet Rabbitasstre.
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MarsDragon

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Re: Final Fucking Fantasy
« Reply #94 on: August 08, 2008, 02:38:19 PM »

Coolness in Ivalice is inversely proportional to how much of your body is exposed.

How do Final Fantasy Tactics and Ramza's chapter 4 buttpants figure in to this?
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Norondor

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Re: Final Fucking Fantasy
« Reply #95 on: August 08, 2008, 02:39:54 PM »

Vaan: No matter how many shirts you equip him with, he keeps torturing you with his washboard abs.  I mean his abs are literally a washboard.

he just draws them on with a pencil

EDIT

How do Final Fantasy Tactics and Ramza's chapter 4 buttpants figure in to this?

you'll note that basch's coolest outfit in 12 also has buttpants that give an uncompromising, visionary view of his package.
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Rosencrantz

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Re: Final Fucking Fantasy
« Reply #96 on: August 08, 2008, 02:45:54 PM »

And what about Luso in FFTA2? Fucker's wearing more clothes and accessories than anyone else put together.

I suppose you could say that while he wasn't especially cool, I certainly didn't hate him, especially as much as Vaan or most of the FF leads.
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LaserBeing

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Re: Final Fucking Fantasy
« Reply #97 on: August 08, 2008, 02:46:40 PM »

See also: Ashley Riot's assless shorts
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Bal

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Re: Final Fucking Fantasy
« Reply #98 on: August 08, 2008, 03:08:56 PM »

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Detonator

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Re: Final Fucking Fantasy
« Reply #99 on: August 08, 2008, 03:21:20 PM »

at several points during the game the characters themselves look Vaan in the face and ask him what the hell he's doing there, and his answer is, word for word, "I don't know!  But if I keep hanging out with you guys, maybe I'll find out!"

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