3. BAN KAI!!!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4GFdlQnv6Y&feature=channel_pageA swirling vortex of yellow energy surrounds you.
"This... this cannot be!" says the crab, his eyes wide.
The energy swirls once more, slows, and then is swept away, revealing you with slightly bigger ears in profile for the camera.
The crab breaks into laughter. "You call that small thing a Bankai?! I see you are nothing more than a pup pretending at greatness."
You slowly turn to face the crab once more. "Bankai: Getsuga Hintomi Akuma Tenshou Akujiza Totoe Shin Zabimaru Goukei Zangetsu Kitai Shiegomi damnit Shinji get in the robot Zaraki Yamado Chipp Zanuff!*"
And with that, you fall over on your back with all four paws raised in the air with a big lopsided grin on your face.
The crab explodes.
You rise and sheath your sword and begin to walk away.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HbIjdi6veo&feature=channel_page"Blast you!" says the crab from behind you. Your eyes widen, no one could have survived that attack. Unless...
"Yes, it's true," the crab says as the dust around him clears, revealing his carapace slightly smudged.
"I, too... have a Bankai. Did you forget?"
The crab laughs. "Very well. I was hoping I wouldn't have to use this... but it can't be helped. I will turn you to dust and you will vanish before my eyes! Regret now ever coming here!
BAN
KAI!!!"
There is a huge explosion of light and sound. When it's finally over, the crab now has two giant pincers.
"Bankai: The Hell of Twin Giant Pinchers," says the crab.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Yd-MEU5tSA&feature=channel_page"Uh, that's not very appropriate background music for this juncture," says the crab.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXJH787_li0&feature=channel_page"Ah, there we go," says the crab, and charges.
The crab opens by firing both acid sprays at you from his claws. You dodge and counter slice, severing a limb.
But almost immediately, the missing leg grows back in a flurry of white goop!
"High speed regeneration!" you gasp.
The crab laughs and blasts you again. You're not quite quick enough to fully dodge this time. Your shoulder is burned.
You bounce off a tree as it ceases to exist, burned to ash by the crab's acid. He's really giving you salvo after salvo. It's all you can do to continue to dodge.
Suddenly, you are distracted by a squirrel. You land on the ground and run after it excitedly.
"Come back! Your tail is almost as big as you!" you say, tripping over a rock.
"Hmmph! I will not be ignored by the likes of YOU!" says the crab, giving chase.
The squirrel chatters angrily. "Don't involve me in these silly games, puppy! I have no wish to have my life drawn out for hundreds upon hundreds of episodes!"
You cock your head at the squirrel as he angrily shakes his fist at you. "Hi! My friend is named GIANT ENEMY CRAB have you met him before he is pretty good at playing ancient japan!"
"PAY ATTENTION TO ME!" the crab bellows from behind you. "THIS BACKGROUND MUSIC IS GETTING MORE AND MORE INAPPROPRIATE BY THE MOMENT!"
"He's not so bad, once you dodge the acid," you say sagely. "I made him explode with my belly, and he's kinda upset about it."
"Well, I want nothing to do with it, or you," says the squirrel. "Also can we change the music to something a little less weird?"
"Okay," you say happily. "I'll use my theme song!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BdvaCCUsYo&feature=player_profilepage"La la la la la, la la la la la!" you sing along, trotting down the path with your ears perked up.
The squirrel jumps down next to you. "I don't suppose you have any nuts, do you?"
"Nope! My parents had them removed so I wouldn't pee on everything," you explain.
The squirrel looks at you oddly, then jumps away.
You continue down the path in ancient japan, looking for something new and shiny to play with. The reeds on either side of you open into a meadow, and there's a brook with a little bridge! And also there is a sign but you can't read so you don't know that it says TROLL UNDER BRIDGE.
As you approach the bridge, the troll leaps out and grabs you!
"Hi!" you say. "My other friend has regeneration too!"
The troll roars and tosses you into the stream. You tumble over backwards underwater and end up on the other side of the brook.
"I've got water up my nose!" you say, coughing. "And there was a fish and he wasn't the same fish I think he was just a regular fish but I would like to go back and check!"
The troll leaps across the water and raises a big claw.
Suddenly, you find yourself back on the beach, laying under the palm tree.
"Puppy, don't let your imagination get carried away," says the tree. "You almost escaped my notice, and I have something very important to tell you."
You look up at the tree and yawn. Nothing is making sense anymore.
"You are very tired and I can understand that," says the tree. "But first, allow me to explain..."
You sleepily close your eyes.
"Puppy," says the tree. "The secret to --"
WHOOOM.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2VZUw2bEXA0&feature=channel_pageThe tree bursts into flames and explodes. You are sent rolling backwards down the beach.
The crab lands in the crater where the tree once stood.
"I TOLD YOU NOT TO IGNORE ME," he says, and before you can move, fires two more salvos of acid to your left and right, trapping you.
With a mighty leap the crab is on you. One pincher pins you to the ground as he raises the other above his head for the killing blow.
"Hahahahaha!" he screams triumphantly. His claw descends. There's nothing you can do. The end has come for puppies and big, floppy ears. You close your eyes.
...
...
...
CHING!Surprised, you open your eyes again to behold the claw has been blocked mere inches from your nose by another sword. Slowly, your eyes travel down the length until they rest on the wielder.
The crab turns to face the newcomer, his eyes wide in shock.
"The puppy is mine, and mine alone to finish," says the Rabbit.
TO BE CONTINUED* Swirling Anxious Jet Fighter Pierces the sky with hope in his heart falling toward the moon which is crested by endless love and despair twisting downward toward destruction