[Ness]
Swing, batta batta, take a bat to the face
Motha fucka, ya sucka, I'll beat ya like no other
From Onett to Threed, doin what I need
To save the day and keep Giygas at bay
Skip Sandwich Deluxe, speed up my feet
Get through Scaraba before I die of heat
To a dungeon man, the brick road Mazedude
Happy Happy Town "What the fuck?" It's all blue
Summers and Winters, Twoson and Fourside
Chill with Andonuts or the Runaway Five
I've got my posse in tow, Paula, Jeff, and Poo
Pokey watch out cause we're comin for you
So grab your yo-yo and gun, we'll have a little fun
Bottle rocket in your face, yea you know I fuckin won
Throw him to the curb, stomp that little bitch's face
Make the fat piggy cry, yea I put him in his place
So I'll save the day, and the world from devastation
United for peace across the Earthbound nation
So back up, and shut up, and bow at our feet
Ness is takin care of business cause I'm fuckin leet
[Paula & Jeff]
How you living, big Myth?
I’m having trouble with my Tribbles
Shit smells so foul you could call it double dribble
In fact make it a triple. Got beef? We call it mutton
Moving through the vents, a-three ‘n charley Dutton
I’m a strapp’d bomb, verbal blitz, vocation
I’m patient with my rhyme, scope snipes like agents
A rap vacation, a rhyme culmination
Putting words on the page like bird flu to Asians
Hit hard like crack rock, they call me the shock doc
I’m stocking like pet shops, on one of them red jobs
Sign Poland to Papa, smuggle like bed frames
Two pounds of Cole Slaw, delivered in red veins
I’m Hank on the root, big man on a mission,
You can’t fuck with the truth, It‘s like balm on ya fission
Go two rounds get spashed on ya dome like baseballs
An’ facefall to the ground, corned like Maize walls
Now they can’t stop us cause we moving too fast
Nuff sand in the eyes, turn the desert to glass
Hit em BOW, it’s a nuclear bomb detected
Infected, with the rhyme meat, rejected
[Poo]
Your fourth and final ally, master of the PSI,
Pokey's causin trouble and now he's gonna die
I come from Dalamm, where the samurai hail
I've gotta make my master proud, and prove that I won't fail
These demons are attacking cause I'm no defensive dude
HP's rollin down to zero .. but wait I got the food
Health's back again, Prince is back on top
OMG critical SMASH, baddies just got rocked
That hippie's got a toothbrush and a tube of Colgate
He'll blind you with those whites, Ness, you better look away
I'll slice n dice with my Sword of Kings, till the fat lady sings
Starstorm in yo face "Woah, where'd you get that?" Mu Training
Runnin through the cities with people talkin witty,
From the Dunes that are Dusty down to ol' Saturn Valley
Pickin up presents and stealin' monsters money
That's how I gotta roll if I wanna keep my honeys’
Yeah, that’s all you get. Fuck you.
[Nerds]
Woh hey Earthbound, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!
Apparently it’s a three dimensional plastic case with a modern
day circuit board mounted inside, with the sole intensive purpose of entertaining a modern day audience of years ago but not limited to today.
Duhh, but I’ve never played this game! Sounds lame, but it’s true. And this unfortunate lack of game playing I can not undo.
The cartridge is downstairs you dumb fuck, go play it I say!
I don’t want to mommy, games make my wee wee tingle, ok?
Curiosity killed the cat, and cats are fat. So I measured the dimensions of the cartridge itself and have come to this stunning conclusion
Five point five, by three point five, by one point something, but that something means nothing.
A chemical analysis proves nothing of hypothesis of which I thought up in the shower while I read Nintendo Power.
WHAT?!
So I lied. But the fact remains that this game is made of grey plastic.
…OR SO I THINK.
