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Poll

PUPPY

1. INFINITE LIVES MOTHERFUCKER
- 3 (42.9%)
2. It's too dark to do anything. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.
- 2 (28.6%)
3. Dennis
- 2 (28.6%)

Total Members Voted: 7


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Author Topic: The Adventures of CPE (The Cutest Puppy EVER)  (Read 18807 times)

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Zaratustra

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Re: The Adventures of CPE (The Cutest Puppy EVER)
« Reply #140 on: September 01, 2010, 04:39:52 PM »



yawwwwnz

Friday

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Re: The Adventures of CPE (The Cutest Puppy EVER)
« Reply #141 on: September 23, 2010, 02:48:31 AM »

3. BAD HAM. TRY AGAIN WITH A FRIEND.

Suddenly, your friend from the beach, former gangbanger kitten, leaps in front of you and slices the ham to ribbons. Like the camera slows down and the kitten slashes with it's claws and it cuts to black and then there's like 4 jagged white lines and then it cuts to the kitten in midair slowly moving left like ultraslow and you're like open-mouthed and the Ham has been perfectly split into five neat slices that all exactly miss you and the kitten in slow motion

"Former Gangbanger Kitten!" you exclaim, yipping excitedly. "You saved me from BAD HAM!"

FGK does not reply, but only looks upwards at BAD HAM BOY WITH BAD HAMITTENS with utmost intensity.

Suddenly, you realize the power of CUTE ANIMAL DOUBLE TECH 1: X-STRIKE.

*************************

1. no 2 mp is too expensive use basic attacks

2. I am back row healer puppy

3. \           /
     \        /
       \    /
         \/
        / \
       /    \
      /       \
     /          \


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Cthulhu-chan

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Re: The Adventures of CPE (The Cutest Puppy EVER)
« Reply #142 on: September 23, 2010, 05:13:31 AM »

There are never enough dual techs.  never.
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McDohl

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Re: The Adventures of CPE (The Cutest Puppy EVER)
« Reply #143 on: September 23, 2010, 10:46:59 AM »

Chrono Trigger: Magus wasn't a team player without forcing you to give up accessory slots.

Chrono Cross: lol
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Friday

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Re: The Adventures of CPE (The Cutest Puppy EVER)
« Reply #144 on: September 23, 2010, 06:11:55 PM »

3. \           /
     \        /
       \    /
         \/
        / \
       /    \
      /       \
     /          \


You get into position for X-Strike.

"By the falling moon, the ten leaves that cut the flesh, the highest point of the burning star, the calamity of fate that descends from --"

"We're done with the Bleach jokes, remember?" FGK interrupts you.

"Oh right," you say.

X-STRIKE!

"GRRRRRRRRRRR I will always exist as long as boys building things atop hills exists in the hearts of men," BAD HAM BOY says, and then disappears in a puff of smoke.

"Yay!" you exclaim, jumping up and down, your floppy ears pumping like fists. "We did it!"

"I must now go and train for future battles," FGK says.

You have defeated BAD HAM BOY WITH HAMITTENS!

You get 253 exp and find 57 gold.

Cutest Puppy Ever has gained a level!

Strength increases by 2.

Agility increases by 1.

That stat that is related to corn cob pipes increased by 2.

Sweet! Floppy Ears increased by 4!

Awesome! The Maximum HP increased by 18!

CPE realized the power of PSI Cock your head sideways cutely Omega!

"Farewell," FGK says, before walking into the sunset.

"That Kitten is so cool," you say, watching him go. "I wish I was a former gangbanger."

Suddenly, the entire hill of ham you're standing on starts to collapse!

"Oh no! BAD HAM BOY was a load bearing HAM!" you shout.

Scampering quickly, you inevitably trip and start to tumble down the hill, eventually landing on your face at the bottom as the entire hill explodes into a brilliant blast of white light.

"Ooof," you say, blowing up an ear. You get to your feet.

Your surroundings have changed. You now seem to be in some kind of building with a lot of desks.

"Oh my god I love school I met my best friend in the world at school and also learned how to ride chickens and chase rabbits and how to do my A B ... my A ... B ... um. I can't remember," you say.

Suddenly, a bell rings and various animal students begin to file in. When they are finished a tall female giraffe with a slender neck walks behind the desk in front of the blackboard and addresses the noisy class.

"Now, now, settle down children, now now, settle down."

The noise and chatter and laughter tapers off.

"That's better," says Mrs. Giraffe. "I am your teacher, Mrs. Giraffe. Today we are going to be learning about Rabbits and how to chase those rascilly wabbits down and teach them a lesson!"

A small white rabbit raises his paw. "Uh, Mrs. Giraffe, don't you think that's a bit. Uh. Racist? I mean especially with a rabbit in your class. Shouldn't we be learning math, science, geometry, you know, useful stuff and not silly cute animal things?"

"Oh my god!" you exclaim. "Rabbit!"

You hastily bowl over several students on your way to flying tackle him.

Rabbit steps aside at the last moment, sending you flying into the wall.

"Do I know you?" Rabbit says, looking perplexed.

"Pfffffiit's me!" you say happily, spitting out a bit of dirt. "Puppy!"

Rabbit only raises an eyebrow.

"Remember?" you say. "I'm your bestest friend in the whole wide world!"

"Doubtful," Rabbit says coldly. "I do not associate with idiots."

"But Rabbit," you say, confused now. "Remember that time you were attacked by space bears?"

Rabbit only continues to stare.

"I get it!" you realize suddenly. "You don't remember me because..."

***************************

1. "This is a flashback! Oh boy! I can change the future!"

2. "You're mad because I almost rolled you into a star!"

3. "There's a small enemy crab over there and he is projecting a forgetting field!"
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Brentai

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Re: The Adventures of CPE (The Cutest Puppy EVER)
« Reply #145 on: September 24, 2010, 08:40:56 AM »

GOD

DAMN


PSYCHOCRABS
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Cthulhu-chan

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Re: The Adventures of CPE (The Cutest Puppy EVER)
« Reply #146 on: September 25, 2010, 02:34:00 AM »

Space Law is very serious business, okay?!
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Friday

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Re: The Adventures of CPE (The Cutest Puppy EVER)
« Reply #147 on: September 25, 2010, 04:32:28 AM »

3. "There's a small enemy crab over there and he is projecting a forgetting field!"

"What are you babbling abo --" Rabbit begins, but you have already flung yourself over to Little Enemy Crab.

You playfully nip at his pincers. Crab turns to you and pinches the tip of your nose as you move in for a bite.

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaouch!" You exclaim, clasping both paws over your nose. "Little Ememy Cwab! That was nyot wery wice!"

Little Enemy Crab merely clacks at you in response.

You growl. "You are in violation of space law! And you pinched my nose! Boys, take 'em away!"

Suddenly, the SPACE POLICE BEAR BRIGADE bursts into the room.

"You're finished now!" you exclaim triumphantly.

But the SPACE POLICE BEAR BRIGADE is actually the TEDDY BEAR HALL MONITOR BRIGADE because this is a flashback.

"Guys! Guys!" you motion frantically. "This crab is projecting a -- uh. I forget. What was I talking about?"

Little Enemy Crab smiles.

"Will you please take your seat, Puppy," says Mrs. Giraffe.

"Mrs. Giraffe! Mrs. Giraffe! We caught two delinquents wandering the halls!" say the TEDDY BEAR HALL MONITOR BRIGADE all in unison, voices high and squeaky.

"Oh?" Mrs. Giraffe raises an eyebrow.

Gangbanger Kitten walks into the classroom, looking bored behind his shades and baggy pants.

"Fehgehkay!" you exclaim. The class gives you an odd look. You realize that Gangbanger Kitten hasn't quite quit his gang yet, because this is THE PAST.

"Puppy! Take your seat!" Mrs. Giraffe scolds you again.

You are distracted by a butterfly.

"HOW DID THAT BUTTERFLY GET PAST THE HALL MONITOR BRIGADE," says the Teddy Bears.

"This butterfly reminds me that I think I am dreaming. Or am I this butterfly?" you question, cocking your head suddenly as the butterfly alights on your nose.

"Puppy! I will not ask again!" Mrs. Giraffe exhorts once more.

**********************************

1. ok ok take your seat hey i think i left an apple in my desk and maybe a tennis ball

2. Wait. Aren't I asleep in the badlands? Something about a serpent of truth? And then I fell asleep and I've been laying there ever since? Maybe I should wake up noooooyaaaaaaawwwwwwwwnnnnnnnszzzzzz.

3. WHO IS THE SECOND DELINQUENT THIS IS CRITICALLY IMPORTANT



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Cthulhu-chan

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Re: The Adventures of CPE (The Cutest Puppy EVER)
« Reply #148 on: September 25, 2010, 07:18:05 AM »

it might be a good idea to wake up this has become incredibly silly
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Friday

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Re: The Adventures of CPE (The Cutest Puppy EVER)
« Reply #149 on: October 01, 2010, 03:56:06 AM »

2. Wait. Aren't I asleep in the badlands? Something about a serpent of truth? And then I fell asleep and I've been laying there ever since? Maybe I should wake up noooooyaaaaaaawwwwwwwwnnnnnnnszzzzzz.

"Puppy! No sleeping in class!" admonishes Mrs. Giraffe. But you don't hear her, because you are already fast asleep.

Er. Awake.

You yawn and stretch lazily.

"Boy, I slept for a long time," you say.

Or, that's what you try to say. But all that comes out is that cute little warbly noise that puppies make when they're excited or scared.

"What the heck!?" you warble.

Then you realize.

"I can't talk anymore, because I woke up! Except I can still understand myself, of course."

Just then the Serpent of Truth slithers back over.

"I see you have awakened," he observes.

"Warble arble marble arble," you reply.

"Yes, now is the time for you to complete your destiny," the serpent hisses.

You reach for your bomb.

"No, not that destiny," the serpent explains. "You must pass the test of Truth."

You do your best to look quizzical and cock one ear.

"Up ahead, in the center of the badlands, you will meet my brothers, the Twin Serpents of Truth and Untruth," the snake forks. "You must travel through the wastes and listen to what they say. Only then will you gain the knowledge you need to complete your destiny."

You nod sagely and whimper softly.

"The journey will not be easy. The land is harsh and frought with perils. You will need a guide," The Serpent explains as he looks to his side at an approaching figure. "He will guide you."

A large mountain lion approaches silently, and sits, staring directly at you.

"Follow him. He knows the way. Farewell," says the snake, slithering away.

You stare back at the big cat, a little bit frightened. It suddenly turns and begins walking through the star-lit land.

"My adventure begins now!" you warble. "From here on out, it's serious business! No more rabbits, no more flying on the backs of chickens, no more anime parodies, no more silliness! I WILL COMPLETE MY DESTIwhat is that over there! Is that a rock! It looks like a rock! Oh my god it is a rock. Wait there are a lot of rocks. I got excited for a minute but now I am going to be serious. I am going to OH MY GOD THAT ROCK IS THE SAME COLOR AS EVERY OTHER ROCK wait no it isn't it's actually slightly less red. I guess because it's not as mad as being out in the sun all day. Hey that star up there just winked at me. Hey star! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! I can see you! Why did you wink at me did you want to play with me I saw you winking but you're way up there I can't reach you huuuup nope still not high enough hhyyyyypp nope hhhhhhhhhhuuuuuuuuuuuppppppppp ooof, hey star I forget which one of you was winking can you wink again hey hey hey hey HEY HEY HEY HEY BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK"

The Cougar loops back around and picks you up in his mouth.

"Hey! Hey! Hey! You smell like tuna have you been eating tuna I bet you have you're a big kitty you know that I bet you eat a lot of tuna sometimes my mommy and daddy give me tuna but then they got mad cause I dug up their flowers cause I thought we were playing hide and go seek in the ground hey you're pretty good at holding me in your mouth you know that!? I am also good at holding things in my mouth HEY OUCH YOU BIT ME ok it only hurt a little hey are you gonna just carry me the whole way to the two ser... sep... snakeys of truth and whatever cause I can run pretty good if you get tired hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey bark bark bark bark bark --

*******************************

SEVERAL HOURS LATER

*******************************

-- doom doom doom doom doom doom doom dooooooooooom!"

The cougar puts you down just outside a circle of stones.

"Hey, we're here!" you explain, quickly picking yourself up and scampering away.

The cougar just shakes its head and leaves.

**********************************

1. Explore the circle of stones! It looks sorta like stonehedge wait what's stonehedge is that a game where you pick up rocks in your mouth

2. HEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING GIANT KITTY DO YOU WANT TO PLAY STONEHEDGE WITH ME

3. sheesh I'm tired from all that talking yawwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnzzzzzz
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Cthulhu-chan

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Re: The Adventures of CPE (The Cutest Puppy EVER)
« Reply #150 on: October 01, 2010, 06:56:26 AM »

I'M REALLY GOOD AT PICKING UP ROCKS IN MY MOUTH CHECK IT OUT
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Friday

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Re: The Adventures of CPE (The Cutest Puppy EVER)
« Reply #151 on: November 13, 2010, 07:13:42 PM »

hey a tie i will go with PLOT ADVANCEMENT OPTION i guess

1. Explore the circle of stones! It looks sorta like stonehedge wait what's stonehedge is that a game where you pick up rocks in your mouth

As you begin to romp around the circle of stones, you notice two snakes sunbathing on two rocks right in the center. One of the snakes is pitch black, coiled up on an alabastar stone. The other is pure white as driven snow, coiled atop a stone as black as the night.

You approach, a little afraid. A heavy air of sterness hangs over the area.

"Hi," you say, hoping they won't be mad that you disturbed their sunbathing.

"Greetings, Puppy," says the white snake on the black rock. "I am the Twin Serpent of Truth."

"Liar," says the black snake on the white rock. "I am the Twin Serpent of Truth."

"You guys can understand me?" you ask.

"Yes," says the white snake.

"No," says the black snake. "We can see into your heart and know what you desire to say."

"Oh that's so cool!" you say, getting excited. "My mom once told me that it's not whats on the outside that counts, but whats on the inside. I guess she was a little bit crazy because I tried to wear my coat on the inside but it didn't work out very well."

"You have come far, little one, and now you face your greatest test yet," says the black snake on the white rock.

"You must be careful, Puppy. For if you fail this test you will be unable to complete your destiny," says the white snake on the black rock.

"You must ask us only one question, Puppy," both snakes say in unison, "and from that question, discern which of us is the Serpent of Truth, and which is the Serpent of Falsehoods."

"WHICH ONE OF YOU IS THE SERPENT OF TRUTH?!" you bark.

"I am," says the black snake.

"Oh, OK," you say, heading over to him.

"No, Puppy! He lies! I am the Serpent of Truth!" says the white snake.

"Oh, OK," you say, changing directions.

The snakes both look at each other.

"Hmm, this might not work the way we intended it too," they both say. "We will grant you another question."

"WHICH COLOR ARE YOU?!" you bark at the white snake.

"I'm black," he says.

You trot over to the black snake.

"God damn it," says the white snake. "Best two out of three?"

"Wait, says the black snake. "Let's switch up. I want to be the lying one this time!"

"No you ALWAYS get to be the lying snake!" says the white snake.

"WHATEVER YOU JUST WERE THE LYING SNAKE YOU ALWAYS SAY THAT."

"NO YOU WERE LIKE FIVE TIMES IN A ROW LAST TIME REMEMBER WHEN THAT KITTEN CAME ALONG LOOKING FOR THE JEWEL OF ETERNAL DESTINY."

"SHUTUP YOU'RE STUPID AND I HATE YOU."

"OH YEAH WELL I HAD SEX WITH YOUR MOM!"

Silence.

"Dude, not cool. We're brothers."

"Oh yeah. Er. Sorry."

Suddenly you pounce on the black snake's tail.

"Haha! Gotcha!" you say, before feeling a sharp pain in the back of your neck.

"Oops, sorry about that," the black snake says, as your vision begins to dim. "Reflex action, you know."

The white snake slithers over to you. "Now look what you did! How is the Puppy going to find his destiny if you bite him?"

"Hey, I said I was sorry," the black snake says sulkily as you black out.

*******************************

You awaken and yawn. Cripes, you've been asleep for a long time! You must be late.

Wait. Late for what? Where are you?

You get up and stretch. You seem to be in some sort of cave. An eerie green glow is coming from an adjoining chamber.

You head toward it, snuffling and sneezing.

"WE ARE THE TWIN SERPENTS OF TRUTH AND FALSEHOOD!" a booming twin voice rings out as you enter the room.

"ONE OF US ALWAYS LIES AND THE OTHER ALWAYS TELLS THE TRUTH!" the huge black snake booms from atop his mighty white pillar of stone, backlit by the green fire burning behind.

"DUDE YOU CAN'T SAY THAT. LISTEN. YOU JUST GAVE IT AWAY AGAIN. HOW COULD THE ONE WHO ALWAYS LIES SAY THAT," booms the white snake from atop his pillar.

"I DON'T KNOW. IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM. I'M NOT THE ONE WHO ALWAYS LIES."

"MAN YOU ARE SUCH A BITCH SOMETIMES. YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M DONE. I'M GETTING A NEW GIG. MAYBE I'LL BECOME THE SNAKE WHO SOMETIMES LIES AND SOMETIMES DOESN'T AND YOU HAVE TO FIGURE OUT IF I'M LYING OR NOT BY THE TONE OF MY VOICE OR WHATEVER."

"OH, COME ON. DON'T BE LIKE THAT," says the black snake as the white snake slithers down his pillar and toward the exit. "COME BACK. COME ON. I'LL LET YOU BE THE ONE WHO TELLS THE TRUTH OR THE ONE WHO LIES WHENEVER YOU WANT. AWWWW. I'M SORRY."

But the white snake would have none of it, and slithered away.

"Ok, look. Uh. We were supposed to tell you that in order to find your destiny, you'd need to travel to the clouds," the black snake says.

"Your cave is on fire," you say.

**********************************

Several days later you have stumbled out of the badlands and now are chasing a mouse through a patch of grass right on the edge of the forest and wastelands.

"I'm gonna get you!" you say. "I'm gonna pick you up and hold you in my mouth!"

"Puppy!" squeeks the mouse. "Hold, dear canine! For I am the Mouse of Both Lies and Truth!"

You sit down suspciously. "Man what is with you animals around here," you say.

"In order to proceed, you must answer me this question: WHAT IS THE SQUARE ROOT OF FOUR?"

"Uh. Two?" you reply. "I'm not entirely unschooled, you know. Didn't you read that flashback scene? I totally learned my numbers from Mrs. Giraffe. Also, what does that have to do with Truth and Lies? Also how can you understand me? WHAT IS GOING ONNNNNNNNNNNN."

The mouse shrugs. "Are you really concerned with internal consistency in a story about a puppy who flies on the back of a chicken? Also I have a special power to understand animals when they talk."

"I don't imagine that's off much use to a mouse," you observe.

"It stopped you from chasing me, didn't it?" the mouse says.

You are forced to admit the point.

"Anyway here. In return for correctly answering my question, I will tell you the secret way to the clouds. First, you must --"

But suddenly, an eagle dives down and snatches the mouse away in his talons!

"Puppy! Help me!" says the frightened mouse.

"Don't worry, Mouse! I'll save you!" you say, barking and chasing the eagle into the woods.

But just as you pass under the trees, you bump into a rather large black bear.

"I wouldn't go in there," the bear tells you. "This is Mister Mean Eagle's Forest, and Mister Mean Eagle doesn't like strangers. Especially cute ones."

"I'm sorry, Space Police Bear who is neither in space nor a policeman," you say. "But my friend is being held hostage by that Eagle and I've got to save him."

"You are a brave puppy indeed who would willingly --"

"Wait you can understand me too?"

"Er, well. Yes. How did you know I used to be a Space Policeman? All Space Policemen are taught to understand animals," the bear admits sheepishly.

"Your hat," you say.

"Ah, yes," the bear says, taking it off. "But remember, Puppy, Mister Mean Eagle is a formidible foe. You best be prepared for a challenge if you wish to save your friend."

"I hope the challenge has something to do with holding things in your mouth," you say.

****************************************

1. FOLLOW THAT EAGLE

2. Ask the bear if you can borrow his Space Police Zapper

3. Holy cow you're tired time for a nap yaaaaaawwwwwwwwwnnnnnzzzzz





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Cthulhu-chan

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Re: The Adventures of CPE (The Cutest Puppy EVER)
« Reply #152 on: November 14, 2010, 12:08:37 PM »

i never used a space police zapper before but i bet i could use it reeeeeally good
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Brentai

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Re: The Adventures of CPE (The Cutest Puppy EVER)
« Reply #153 on: November 14, 2010, 04:36:28 PM »

You can hold it in your mouth!
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LaserBeing

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Re: The Adventures of CPE (The Cutest Puppy EVER)
« Reply #154 on: November 15, 2010, 03:26:47 PM »

(tries to shoot the dog)
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Friday

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Re: The Adventures of CPE (The Cutest Puppy EVER)
« Reply #155 on: November 17, 2010, 06:30:13 PM »

2. Ask the bear if you can borrow his Space Police Zapper

"Mr. Police Bear, sir, would you be so kind as to allow me the use of your Police Zapper?" you ask politely.

"I dunno about that," the bear says slowly, scratching his head. "Giving a weapon to a civilian? A clumsy, absentminded, very young puppy civilian?"

"I could hold it in my mouth I am super good at holding things in my mouth," you explain.

"Well then! Of course you can borrow it! But you must remember; return this Zapper when you are through with it. It will be a good lesson in responsibility for a young puppy," the bear says, unholstering his zapper and handing it over to you.

Excited, you leap for it and accidentally bite down on the trigger, sending a zapper bolt into the police bear. He emerges from the cloud of soot with a shake.

"Puppy!" he warns you sternly. "What did I just say!"

"What did I just say!" you reply.

"What?"

"What?"

"No, before that."

"No, before that."

"No, puppy. What did I say about responsibility and being careful?"

But you have already ran off into the forest.

"My lord," the bear says, shaking his head. "That puppy is sure rambunctious. I hope he'll make it out of the forest OK."

Meanwhile, you have stumbled into a pretty meadow, not unlike the one you started the story in. Butterflies and caterpillars dance on yellow, red, and orange flowers. A deer drinks from a tidy brook winding its way through the grass. A rainbow trout leaps from the bubbling water like a dolphin dancing off the prow of a ship. Several rabbits hover anxiously over some clover, eying you with slight concern. A large weeping willow sits over the brook like an umbrella, dripping motes of plant matter in the sunbeam. The wind gently rustles the light canopy of leaves ringing the meadow, sending a scattering of shadow fragments skipping across the grass and water.

"STIMULUS OVERLOAD," you say in a monotone, and collapse unconscious.

*********************************************

You awaken later in a daze. Suddenly you remember your Zapper responsibility, and spin around wildly. Luckily the Zapper is lying right next to you in the grass. You breath a sigh of relief.

It is still day. The sun is lower in the sky, and most of the animals have left the meadow. The weeping willow looks sad all alone over by the brook. The shadows seem to you to look less pretty and more menacing.

Suddenly, a pair of ducks burst upwards from the grass, startled by a roving blood hound.

***************************************

1. PKANG PKANG PKANG

2. SHOOT THE DOG

3. awww that willow tree looks lonely without all his friends maybe I will be his friend

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Romosome

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Re: The Adventures of CPE (The Cutest Puppy EVER)
« Reply #156 on: November 17, 2010, 06:33:46 PM »

dog should never shoot dog that is wrong
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Friday

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Friday

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Re: The Adventures of CPE (The Cutest Puppy EVER)
« Reply #158 on: November 17, 2010, 06:37:03 PM »

also the final boss of duck hunt is hard fucking core

Duck Hunt level 100 error
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Cthulhu-chan

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Re: The Adventures of CPE (The Cutest Puppy EVER)
« Reply #159 on: November 18, 2010, 11:19:27 AM »

I took a semester in tree.  The finals were a birch.
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