I do tech support for a major telecommunications company who operates a CDMA cellular network in the United States. (Hint: I don't work for Verizon or T-Mobile. You figure it out.)
I work close for our center, which is 5:30 - 2am; needless to say we occasionally get the weirder folk. The drunk and the stoned and teenagers would probably be our primary late night tech support demographic. Occasionally though, we get the crazies. (I'm really starting to believe the whole 'full moon' thing)
A couple months back I'm nearing the tail end of my shift, and I call comes through. It's an older man in the rockies. He's just having some basic issues with internet access and he wants his phone number changed. Normal enough call. So we went through that procedure and while I was waiting for things to get through provisioning so I could finish up the call he starts with the small talk. It's been a slow night, so I make the mistake of indulging him.
The guy tells me he's had a bad week, apparently he lost 5k worth of electronic equipment, he attributes it to electronic interference in his apartment. He goes on further to explain that he's tried to bring complaints like this to his landlord in the past, but his apartment management won't help him with any of his problems, and he has a theory as to why...
He tells me he was having similar problems in his previous home, which was an actual house - the problems eventually forced him to sell his home at a huge loss and move into a cramped apartment. Electrical interference wasn't the half of it, though. He tells me that he was constantly getting strange phone calls from people as if they were looking right at him, and one day he flips on his A/C and it blows dirt all through the house. Apparently "Some people" broke into his house and filled his vent ducts with dirt. Just like in one of Ron Howard's early movies, apparently. (this is an important note for later on.)
He had a handyman come in and look at it. The handyman uncovered the dirt, but apparently he also found cables going through all the vent ducts. It explained everything, he told me. Apparently, someone was watching him with cameras set up in his vent ducts. The same ones that were filled with dirt. Furthermore, he'd just got talking to Rance Howard - that's Ron Howard's dad - before the dirt incident. It was all coming together.
Apparently, he tells me, 'he knew too much'. Ron Howard (famous Hollywood Director) and his crazy brother Clint Howard had long had the drug trade in hollywood cornered. But as an insider to the family, he was dangerous to have around. They were tormenting him and harassing him and watching his every move, them and their goons, trying to intimidate him into not going public! I'm humoring him through this conversation, mostly just to tic away time until I have to go home, but this story's too interesting to walk away from, anyway.
He tells me that a few years back he was in talks with Playboy to do an article about the seedy underbelly of Hollywood, but apparently after he told Rance Howard about it, Ron Howard and Clint Howard basically told him 'That's not a good idea' - and when he looked like he was going to go forward with it, they apparently beat him to the punch. (Whether they did or not, or this article exists at all, I really can't say.) After that, all the problems started. Now, he's living in his tiny apartment in a wheelchair (this will come up soon, so make note of it) with electric interference running through his apartment, management that won't help him, and a team of Mexicans living upstairs that he's sure Ron Howard paid to harass him. He also believes he's having the same problem with surveillance - apparently the apartment was open for a whole month before he signed the lease.
He tells me the mexicans have been stomping on the floor above him, following him around through the apartment. Just like in the Ron Howard movie Rock Hard. (BTW, guys, Rock Hard is not in any way associated with Ron Howard - It's a documentary about porn stars, and it features Ron Jeremy. When "The Hedgehog" became involved in this conspiracy is anyone's guess.) All this is, of course, to torment him now that Ron Howard managed to cripple him with Rhumatoid Arthritis.
Apparently, the last incident of harassment that forced him out of the house? Apparently, a home-made microwave gun. Ron and Clint Howard, using the cameras set up around his home in the vent ducts (again, filled with dirt) aimed a microwave gun at his legs, which they made from a normal household microwave and a vacuum cleaner. Using this dastardly weapon, they crippled him with arthritis.
I advised him to 'be careful' and wished him the best of luck in dealing with his Ron Howard problem. I don't think I've ever had more trouble not laughing in my life.
