And now for my own coda of eagles and Gandalf rape, but in reverse.
Earlier in the week, I whipped through
Lord of the Rings: Conquest (aka Middle-Earth: Battlefront, aka Third Age Warriors), accomplishing near absolute subjugation in the second campaign. Th
evil campaign. In this, you command Trolls & Uruk-hai alike, marching from Mt. Doom, all the way to the Burning of the Shire. Now, the Shire has a funky mission requirement that pops-up after burning Treebeard to ash. The player is ordered to
murder fifty hobbits (complete with on-screen counter) before Gandalf The White can be assed to come out of hiding.
With minimal skill, the player is then given the option to respawn as Sauron The Tall & Lanky, thus enabling a proper duel of the LARP. Thwacking away, the music hits its crescendo, with Gandalf all but vanquished... Until he summons his eagles. They dive bomb in, producing a one-hit kill. Respawn. Eagle dive bomb. Respawn. Eagle dive bomb. Game Over.
Which begs the question. Why did Gandalf allow the systematic genocide of all of Middle-Earth, including that of his closest friends and compatriots... Instead of merely showing up and summoning the dive bombing poultry beforehand?
Gan·dalf
Function: intransitive verb
usually obscene: to engage in the fucking over of everything, by means of denying apropos intervention
