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[Disposable Ninja]

Are we still talking about this? Look, last night CyanPrime wanted to kill himself, but today he doesn't want to die anymore.

That's perfectly healthy.

[Lottel]

is there a useful difference i should be aware of between "i don't want to have to live any longer" and "i want to die?"

Yes, very much so.

"I want to die":  This means that the person either does not fully grasp the concept of death, or is more or less sure what happens when one dies.  Because fear of the unknown, in a hugely pessimistic mindset, such as that of a suicidal person, is almost always greater than the fear of the known, which can be rationalized and is always escapable to some degree.  One of this mindset will likely try to kill themselves and mean it too.  A large amount of outside intervention and in all likelihood medication is needed to prevent such a suicide.

"I no longer wish to live.":  This sort of mindset means that the person does not enjoy life, but acknowledges that they have a very real fear of death and what it means, or even might mean.  This mindset does not seek an end to life, but desires carte-blanche.  In that it desires a life in some way, usually significantly, different than its own.  This may be due to regret or belief that the life they live is somehow inferior to the societal norm.  Death is not what is desired here, and suicide is very much an avoidable action with only a moderate amount of outside intervention.

there is less distance between the two than it appears, is all.

I would actually argue that it's just the opposite, where at first glance, the situations seem analogous as it's much simpler to assume a binary situation where the lack of one thing implies the other, that is, that the lack of wanting to live implies the want to die.

Yeah. Catloaf hit this nail on the head.
There is a big difference between wanting death and not wanting life.  It's more of "OhgodohgodIkeepfuckingeverythingupallthetimeandIcan'tdoeverythingrightIshouldjuststoprightnowbeforeImakeeverythingevenworseohgodohgod" instead of "This shit sucks. I'm out of here."
I can honestly say I've never thought about suicide but the thought of not waking up being a good thing pops in my head every few days.

Dif'rent strokes, eh?

[SCD]

Here's one for you Cyan:  Volunteering.  

I do this escort service on campus due to my face scars, stubble, stature, and ozzie-skin cap being called "intimidating", where I walk people home in dark and spooky urban streets, and usually the escorting is done in male female pairs with the person who wants to be escorted.

Yesterday was a pretty shitty day for almost everybody I met.  The darkness was in the air.

However, through listening to music along the way, exploring cool things, yapping our craws to the lady being escorted...  shit like "can you drink in the afterlife?"  and stalking other teams of escorters (without an escort) to the point where we just said boo after 5 minutes of walking right behind them un noticed...

The point is that volunteerism is escapism from the real world in the same sense that video games serve to be, plus you'll get some pretty kickass perspectives.  And a hug.  I did.

Vitaman D

[Transportation]

I'm pretty sure the primary mistake Cyan is making here is talking about this on a forum instead of with a trained counsellor, who understands this behavior.

Skimming the thread, it turns out Cyan has bipolar (probably) or manic-depressive disorder. As the name implies this results in silly things like wanting to kill yourself and then playing Sonic the next day like nothing ever happened.

He's dumb on some probably most things, but having a tissy over this is retarded/insensitive.

[Friday]

The first step to getting over any disease is admitting you have it. People who are suicidal/depressed tend to hide their condition. This is wrong.

Everyone here, and all of my friends and family know I'm a depressive. It's nothing to be ashamed of. I don't like being this way. But I am anyway. This is not because I am emo or an attention whore (though I have admittedly used my condition in the past to gain attention, both online and irl) but because I have a condition.

As I've gotten older, I've gotten better at fighting back against my depression. The trick is to catch it early. When I feel it start, I take measures to combat it, such as calling up friends to do something, playing a fun game, writing out my feelings (this works wonders for me) or just simply meditating for a while.

This does not mean I am always successful. Sometimes despite my best efforts I get depressed, and yeah, it's usually caused by something bad happening to me in my life. This can range from a pet dying to something as trivial as someone making a cutting remark online. At this point, I tend to get the fuck away from people, including here. Staying around people when I am depressed only leads to bad things, in my experience.

(Note that I don't mean Cyan or whoever should isolate themselves when depressed. I just find that it works for me. Or rather, not isolating myself doesn't help and only irritates or depresses my friends.)

After enough time passes, I stop feeling sorry for myself, remember that my life is pretty good, and get back to living.

tl;dr: Depression is a fact of life. Instead of wallowing in it, take steps to fight it, whatever those steps may be. You'll probably never be free of it entirely (fucked up childhood + high levels of empathy + intelligence = enjoy being miserable) but if properly addressed depression can be managed. Don't take this the wrong way, any depressives who might be reading this: I'm not saying SHUT UP AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, just trying to offer constructive advice that has worked for me.

(fucked up childhood + high levels of empathy + intelligence = enjoy being miserable)

Preempting the Cyan Prime joke.

[Catloaf]

Advice for CyanPrime/anyone seeking to enjoy the internet and creative endeavors:
Don't seek the approval of others.  If you can't help it, don't be obvious about it.  Whatever you do, don't explicitly ask for it.
For some reason, the internet loves people who are extremely self-centered and cynical--see Sharkey.

This brings me to the creative part of things, I'm talking about videogames, but it could be edited slightly to apply to anything else.  Don't make things for others' primary enjoyment.  Make something for yourself.  If you don't absolutely love ever last aspect of it, you have the power to make it into something that you do love.  This is when you unleash your creation upon the internet.  Not when you know damn well that they could be better.  If you must, make it very clear that it is not finished, and even if it is not your true intention, claim that this unveiling is for absolutely nothing other than seeking feedback/bug testing.

Then you leave it somewhere on the internet, again, remembering to say basically anything other than "I MADE THIS, PLEASE LIKE ME!" while doing so and wait.  and wait.  and then realize that no one likes it.

[Classic]

All's well that ends well I guess.

I wonder if it's a bad thing that everything anyone else finds frustrating or annoying I find hilarious.

Unfortunately, the converse is also true.

[King Klown]

(fucked up childhood + high levels of empathy + intelligence = enjoy being miserable)

Quoted for super truth.

If you're super srs about suicide or realize that you have an emotional problem, then you need to let someone know who can get you help.

Preferably someone not online.

[Classic]

I want to bury wiseman's serious and good advice under a mountain of pointless drivel as soon as possible.

Let's all make one line posts.

If you're serious about suicide or realize that you have an emotional problem, then you need to let someone know who can get you help.

Preferably someone not online.

[King Klown]

Can I do it too?

I want to bury wiseman's serious and good advice under a mountain of pointless drivel as soon as possible.

Let's all make one line posts.

If you're serious about suicide or realize that you have an emotional problem, then you need to let someone know who can get you help.

Preferably someone not online.

[Frocto]

If Cyan can't demonstrate that he's learned anything from this, he should probably get banned so he'll stop using as a crutch and turn into a man.

Honestly, his goals revolve around earning praise from US. Praise that could trivially be gotten on Newgrounds or Gaia or wherever, but no, here is is, convinced he needs it from us, because, what, it's "worth more" somehow? That's unhealthy.

[King Klown]

  Why was Cyan ever banana.

[Mothra]

If Cyan can't demonstrate that he's learned anything from this, he should probably get banned so he'll stop using as a crutch and turn into a man.

Honestly, his goals revolve around earning praise from US. Praise that could trivially be gotten on Newgrounds or Gaia or wherever, but no, here is is, convinced he needs it from us, because, what, it's "worth more" somehow? That's unhealthy.

YUP

CyanPrime permabanned "for his own good"

Also "because he sucks"

[SCD]

just a note.  this all has been said many times before.

the whole cyan suicide bit.

[Mongrel]

I don't know know that that will relaly help, but eh.

If Cyan can't demonstrate that he's learned anything from this, he should probably get banned so he'll stop using as a crutch and turn into a man.

Honestly, his goals revolve around earning praise from US. Praise that could trivially be gotten on Newgrounds or Gaia or wherever, but no, here is is, convinced he needs it from us, because, what, it's "worth more" somehow? That's unhealthy.

YUP

CyanPrime permabanned "for his own good"

Also "because he sucks"

No joke? I don't know know that that will really help, but eh.

Transporation had an unconfirmed yet plausible theory there.
just a note.  this all has been said many times before.

the whole cyan suicide bit.

Transportation had an unconfirmed yet plausible theory there.

[SCD]

One that I have no desire to dispute.

[Detonator]

just a note. this has been done many times before.

the whole banning soracross bit.

[Frocto]

No joke? I don't know know that that will really help, but eh.

+1!

just a note. this has been done many times before.

the whole banning soracross bit.

I think the part where the plan tripped up was when he was unbanned.

[sei]

Twenty years after the banning of CyanPrime, the Misanthrope post is framed in the Louvre.

[Brentai]

Um.  Guys?

You did all notice the part where he mentioned forgetting to take his medication for clinical depression, right?