-
You are standing in a meadow! Bright sunlight shines down into the meadow and big white clouds float overhead!
All around you are shiny bright lights and flowers and butterflies and interesting smells!
Oh boy! Is that a cute little brook over yonder?
Happily bounding your way towards it, you scatter the butterflies.
One of them shouts angrily down at you with a tiny voice only audible to your sharp yet floppy ears:
"Hey, you! Blasted puppy! Who do you think you are, disturbing us when we were sitting on the flowers!"
You bark happily back at it, and it swoops down and flumps you on the nose with one wing.
You bark again and rear up on your hind legs to paw at it.
"Bark! Bark!" you say.
Suddenly a voice comes from across the meadow.
"Puppy, thou shalt not disturb the prettyflies. They do no harm to you and are lovely for thy to rest thy gaze on."
You turn your face to look in wonder at the twenty foot tall white fluffy bunny who is speaking to you.
****************************
1. Play with the butterflies some more. They are pretty!
2. What is this bunny-thing? CHARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGE
3. hey what about the brook it might be lonely
*****************************
-
2. What is this bunny-thing? CHARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGE
Before you can think, you're sprinting over the meadow after the bunny thing.
"No! He's gone!" the butterflies say from behind you.
You skid down the hill to find blood and body parts splattered everywhere. The bunny turns to face you over the shredded corpse of what remains of the prior puppy. His head has been severed at the neck. His eyes stare at you grotesquely.
You bark, but the bunny you were aiming at sidesteps as the other spreads out to your right. Another bunny is directly in front of you, his floppy ears seeping molten chocolate onto the grass. He leaps with a tremendous roar.
You bark bark bark bark into him. He is deflected and falls to the ground, cocoa erupting from his body.
The other bunny leaps at nearly the same time, attacking in tandem. You try to dodge, to bark, but it's no use. He tackles you, the ears wrapping around your head and torso, digging into your flesh. Pain flares all over you. You struggle but the ears are incredibly strong. You hear butterflies flutterbying. The bunny grunts and growls and you feel yourself being lifted.
You are torn to pieces.
From behind you, you can hear the butterflies screaming as your head thumps to the ground and your vision goes dark.
********************************
You have died.
********************************
-
congratulations, you have just won everything
-
D:
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
-
I think I don't like this game.
-
Cyute to Hell is so 2008.
-
I was saying that it was passe before you came and made that passe, you capitalist bitch.
-
I'm picking 3 because I like exploring.
-
3. hey what about the brook it might be lonely
Yipping, you turn your tail to the butterflies and the humongous Bunny and run down the gentle slope through the tall, green grass to the babbling brook.
Skidding to a halt at the water's edge, you bark happily at the frothing water.
Suddenly, a trout pokes his snout up and addresses you.
"Greetings, Puppy! You have done well to make it this far. Many hard journeys lay behind you."
You bark in agreement.
The trout bobs his head. "I am Rainbow, the guardian spirit of this brook. You have been brought here for a reason."
You roll over on your side and snort in the dirt. The trout is swept downstream a bit. He submerges and swims back up to you against the current.
"I have the ability to grant one wish that comes from a pure heart. And yours is the purest heart of all. What would you like?"
************************
1. bark bark bark a fish is he good at playing i am good at holding things in my mouth
2. omfg there's a deer over there CHARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGE
3. "I wish for more bombs!"
************************
-
3.
That god damned bunny won't see what's coming at him.
-
3
:america:
-
Momma always said MORE BOMBS.
We visit her on Saturdays. :nyoro~n:
-
No, not three.. It's a trap! The obvious answer for happiness and joy is to play with the trou.... omg deer!
2
-
SQUIRREL!
-
3. No wait that isn't w
(http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b85/ohakubi/cpe.png)
OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE
-
:imagination: Bombs of peace and euphoria!
-
mmm venissssson
-
THIS GAME IS GETTING MORE VOTES THAN THE ENDS
-
you always get more votes before there are 400 pages to read through
-
:sadpanda:
-
BOMBS
-
Sorry Friday, horror/Stephen king was never my thing.
This however is cute and hilarious.
-
3. "I wish for more bombs!"
"Bark bark bark!" you say, trying to get your intentions across to the fish.
"Ah, you wish you could carry more bombs, huh? Truly you have foreseen the journey that lies before you, for bombs will be the one thing that could save you. Very well. You are wise and true hearted. I will grant you your wish," says the trout.
You are distracted by a dragonfly.
"Behold! Now I gather the ancient and mystic powers of the waters!" The trout starts to jump in and out of the water in swirling patterns. The water that splashes upwards hangs in the air.
You bite at it happily.
"Puppy! Go forth now on your journey! Many dangers lay ahead, but you shall overcome! When it is needed most, your bomb will save you! Remember my words!"
Suddenly, you are holding a bomb, somehow.
"Now go! I shall send you as far as I am able! Complete your destiny!"
The swirls of water envelop you. You bark excitedly and snap at them, then wipe your nose.
The water solidifies around you. You have the sensation of movement. You yawn.
The waterball that you are inside of crashes to earth.
You are in a desolate place. The badlands. Rock formations and empty, hard dirt stretch away for miles and miles.
There is a crack in the wall here.
********************************
1. *Yaaaaaaaaaaaawnzzzzzzzzzzzz*
2. IT IS TIME. YOUR DESTINY IS UPON YOU. ALL HAS LED TO THIS. BLOW OPEN WALL W/BOMB
3. oh hey i think i saw a snake over there maybe he's good at holding stuff in his mouth too
-
:wuv:
3.
-
3
and then blow up the snake.
-
god games this gen are so brown ugh
-
THIS GAME IS GETTING MORE VOTES THAN THE ENDS
It's easier to vote when you don't have to worry about permanently ending a game that's been going on for nine months.
-
I propose this as a threadicon.
-
IT'S A TIE BETWEEN TAKE A NAP AND GO SEE THE SNAKE
You bound toward the snake, who slithers to a stop as you approach.
"Greetings, puppy. I am The Serpent of Truth. Beware my brother, the Serpent of Falseho... and you're asleep now."
You snore contentedly.
The Serpent of Truth sighs, and slithers away.
YOU HAVE ENTERED THE DREAM WORLD
There is a rabbit here. He takes one look at you, and flees.
You give chase, slamming face first into a sapling. Suddenly, it is snowing.
A snowflake drifts past your nose, distracting you. You bark at it and attempt to bite it out of the air.
"Hey, what did I ever do to you!?" the snowflake says angrily. "Is this what you do? Do you just go around biting everything?"
To your left there is a small boy building a snowman.
************************
1. Bite the snowflake again! Why does everything talk!?
2. It's not too late! The rabbit can still be caught!
3. omfg boys are good at playing and snowmen are good at playing
-
2
we have bombs, now. we can get those bunnies back for killing the puppy.
-
"Is this what you do? Do you just go around biting everything?"
THAT'S BECAUSE I AM A PUPPY.
omfg boys :luv:
-
UPPITY SNOWFLAKE I'LL SHOW YOU WHO'S BOSS
"Bark bark bark!" *bite*
-
3. omfg boys are good at playing and snowmen are good at playing
Bounding through the snow in short leaps, you turn your tail to the talking snowflake and head on up the hill to your left, at which the top stands a large snowman with a boy, half the size of the snowman, stands working on it.
As you approach, the boy bends, and rolls a snowball down the hill toward you.
As it picks up speed and size, you notice the boy bending down to roll another one.
Deftly dodging the first ball, you are hit in the face by the second, which bowls you over and sends you back to the start of the hill.
The boy watches you silently, and goes back to working on his snowman.
"Hey, what's the big deal!?" you ask.
You catch yourself. "Holy crap, I can talk?"
A snowflake drifts past your nose. "Yes, you can in your dreams, Puppy," it says. "Remember how Professor Xavier could walk when he was dreaming?"
"Who's Pofessor Zaver?" you ask.
"Nevermind," the snowflake answers as it lands on the ground and is lost to the blanket of white.
You look back up the hill. The boy is packing more snow on the snowman, which is looming larger and larger by the minute.
Behind you, there's a strange cracking sound.
You spin around 280 degrees, missing your mark and falling on your face. You quickly right yourself, and face backward, then spin another 150 degrees, completely losing your sense of direction.
"Puppy, over here," says a familiar voice.
You turn to face it.
It's Rainbow!
"Indeed it is I," says the trout, poking his snout up and through some ice. "I have spent the last four thousand years searching for you. Now I have finally found you. You are trapped in the dream world."
"I know!" you say. "That boy up there is rolling snowballs at me, I can't play with him!"
The trout ignores you. "Puppy, your destiny still lies ahead of you. But first, you must escape this world."
"Oh my god, that boy has mittens," you say.
"Puppy," Rainbow says, "listen. You must listen to me. No, puppy, don't -- damn it come back!"
You bound up the hill, barking at the boy.
"Hey hey hey!" you bark. "Hey hey hey! Play?! Play?! Play!? hey! Hey look at me, look! Look! Look! Loo- OOF!"
Another snowball smacks you in the face, sending you flopping end over end back to the bottom of the hill.
You pick yourself up and shake off the snow. It flies in odd patterns around you, hovering for a moment, then drops to the ground.
"Puppy!" says Rainbow. "You'll never get up that hill like that! You must use your skill and knowledge too -- NO PUPPY COME HERE. COME! COME HERE!"
Ooof. Another snowball to the face, another faceplant into the snow at Hill's bottom.
"Puppy, will you now listen to me?" asks the trout.
You get to your feet once again and snort snow out of your nostrils. "My nose is cold!"
"Yes," the trout says gravely. "You are trapped here, as I said. This world is a construct of your mind, so everything is symbolic. The snow represents happiness. The hill represents your journey. The snowman and the boy represent -- oh god damn it."
What did you do to cause Rainbow to curse?
**************************
1. yawwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnzzzzzzzzzzz
2. OMFG THAT SNOWMAN IS MADE OF SNOW CHARGGGGGGGGEEEE
3. holy crap I see you rabbit you won't escape so easily again
-
With honed reflexes and in one fluid motion I HOLY SHIT SNOW SERIOUSLY SNOW? OH SHIT THAT IS OH GOD IT IS JUST DEAR FUCK IT IS ON JESUS ON A poop.
-
SNOWMAN IS MADE OF SNOW
OH MY GOD
-
How can I resist? :shrug:
-
Oh, it's that rabbit again! 3
-
guys, I scried the rabbit last night and he's a wolf.
-
Our constant failed attempts to ascend the hill represent humanity's futile attempts at happiness.
Also what is wrong with you people? We'll make it on 5th time, 6th max.
This is going to descend into utter madness I just know it.
-
RABBIT
-
This story disturbs me more than The End(s) ever could because of the inevitable feeling of a descent into madness and geiger-esque imagery, like Eversion. It's the scariest story ever because of that suspense, even if nothing truly gruesome ever occurs.
-
jesus Det lighten up
the puppy is so cute
-
Friday could smear used clown greasepaint on a thread and I'd probably read it. And vote in it. And I'd probably cry at the end in a manly way.
-
NO GUILD DON'T BE THAT KIND OF FAN
ONLY LIKE MY GOOD STUFF SO THAT I CAN GROW AND LEARN AS A WRITER/ARTIST
but, uh, thanks for the compliment. :3
-
Hey woah what are you doing outside the sweat shop? We're not not paying you to sit around and not entertain us! Muses be damned: Sell out and write some crappy filler!
-
2. OMFG THAT SNOWMAN IS MADE OF SNOW CHARGGGGGGGGEEEE
Barreling up the hill once again, you bark excitedly, forgetting you can speak in the heat of the moment.
The boy, annoyed, bends down once more, but this time, instead of simply rolling the snowball at you down the hill, he picks up a handful of snow, and throws it at you like a baseball.
However, you leap to the side, having learned from prior engagements.
The Boy raises an eyebrow, and stands waiting.
Happily wagging your tail, you charge toward him, stumbling a bit.
You are nearly halfway when the snow suddenly gives out beneath you, leading to an ice shoot that spits you out right back at the bottom of the hill, next to Rainbow, all spread eagled on the ice.
"Puppy, you cannot scale the hill in this way," Rainbow says, sighing.
You scramble to your feet, slipping on the ice, frantically pedaling and then collapsing again pathetically.
"Listen to my words, oh pure and brave canine," says the trout, "so that you may gain the wisdom you need to escape this place."
"That bunny was REALLY big!" you say.
"Yes," replies Rainbow. "Yes, he was. But listen. In order to escape this place, you must overcome three trials. The trial of Courage, the trial of Mindfulness, and the trial of Integrity."
You look at the trout somberly. "What does 'indegratty' mean?"
"You must discover these things for yourself, Puppy, for I am but a guide," Rainbow says.
"Oh my god, when the light bounces off your scales it looks pretty! Like a color beam!"
"Yes, this is true," says Rainbow. "You have a keen mind. And your courage and integrity are not in question. I'm sure you will succeed in escaping this place and fulfill your destiny."
"OK but I can't get to the top of that hill, because I keep falling down," you say, frustrated. "And that boy has mittens!"
"Indeed, the trials are not designed to be easily overcome, puppy. But I am confident. You are pure of heart," Rainbow says, and flicks his tail and vanishes back into the water.
"Wait! Come back! You're shiny!" you say to the hole in the ice.
Shortly thereafter, another angry snowflake drifts by your face. You stick out your tongue and catch it, gently.
"Blasted puppy!" it says, eyebrows creased. "By what right do you prevent me from joining my fallen brothers and sisters in the great expanse below?!"
"You tase lie waher," you say.
Suddenly, a snowball crashes into you from behind. The snowflake is dislodged and falls happily to the snow. You turn, yipping, to see the boy standing atop the hill, dusting off his hands of snow and snickering. The snowman is now complete, and stares over the surrounding land like a king surveying his domain.
"OH MY GOD, THAT SNOWMAN HAS A PIPE IN HIS MOUTH I AM GOOD AT HOLDING THINGS IN MY MOUTH."
The boy bends to pick up another snowball, and you begin to climb the hill once more.
**********************
1. STRAIGHT AS AN ARROW FROM A BOW, YOU MUST GO
2. Dodge left! He'll never expect it!
3. Dodge right! He'll never expect it since he's probably expecting it! oh hey is that a bird over there
-
1 for COURAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE
-
I love birds
-
birds birds teehee
-
3. Dodge right! He'll never expect it since he's probably expecting it! oh hey is that a bird over there
Jumping sideways to avoid the boy's next snowball, you see some sort of bird over to your right.
"Oh my god I will brb," you say to the boy. Sneering at you, the boy plucks the corn cob pipe from the snowman's mouth and throws it at you.
Tumbling into the snow in front of you at the base of the hill, you pick up the pipe in your mouth, where you are good at holding things.
"Thanks!" you say back up the hill to the boy. "I am good at holding things in my mouth!"
The boy makes a rude gesture, and abruptly kicks down the snowman before rebuilding it again.
Bounding away from the snowy hill, you realize you can smell not one but two birds, but when you get there, one of the birds turns out to be a fox.
"Greetings, Puppy!" says the Fox. "We are in desperate need of your help!"
Beside him, a chicken clucks dismally and a sack of grain is silent and depressed.
You sit down on your hindquarters and nod sagely. "How can I be of assistance?"
The Fox gestures to the river behind them. "We three must cross the river, but as you can see, there is only one boat and only one of us can cross at a time."
You peer over the Fox's shoulder at the tiny rowboat which is tied to a tiny dock, bobbing in the current. "I see."
"And the problem is, if left alone, I will eat the chicken," the Fox laments. "Struggle as I might, I cannot resist my nature."
"And if *cluck* left alone with *cluck* the grain," the chicken says, cluck cluck clucking, "I will *cluck* eat the poor dear *cluck* despite my *cluck* best efforts to *cluck* abstain *cluck*."
"Oh great and wise Puppy, can you help us?" asks the Fox.
***********************************
1. omg that fox is red, like the boy's mittens
2. o. m. f. g. CAN CHICKENS FLY CAN I RIDE THE CHICKEN
3. "Well, it is quite elementary, my dear Fox," you say, puffing on your pipe. "For you see, it is only the Fox and the Grain that can be safely left alone together, therefore: I will simply row the Chicken across, then return. Upon my return, should conditions not have altered, I will acquire the Fox (Or indeed, the Grain, but we will not explore alternate solutions at this point as they are superfluous) and having acquired him, will proceed to row across once again. At this point, I will deposit the Fox, and under my watchful eye, take the Chicken back across to the original side. At this point, I will gather the Grain, and row it across to join the Fox once more. From there; it is a simple task to row back alone, invite the Chicken aboard, and travel one last time across the river, to reunite all three of you, safely across, and uneaten. Yes, quite simple."
-
I HAF TWELF MATCHSTEEK
3
-
I HAF TWELF MATCHSTEEK
:fuckyou:
2
I have always wanted to try riding a chicken.
-
If Link can glide with a chicken, I'm sure we can soar the clouds.
In before chickens vs. cuccos.
-
Pipes make us smart. Definitely smart.
-
forget about the puzzle THE CHICKEN CAN FLY
we can just fly it across the river, that solves everyone's problems
-
CHICKEN RIDE!
-
RIDE CHICKEN LIKE IT WAS A MECHANICAL BULL
-
... okay, yeah, chicken.
-
:hurr: METAL GEAR?!
-
CHICKENNNNNNNNNN
-
CHICKENNNNNNNNNN
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yL_-1d9OSdk&feature=PlayList&p=5A1A029F92F88996&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=47
-
Why is that funny?
I'm not asking like, "OMG LOL WHY IS THAT SO FUNNY?!"
I'm asking why those people are laughing like this guy invented comedy.
Edit: A minute of research popped up with this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVp8UGjECt4
which was actually funny.
-
2. o. m. f. g. CAN CHICKENS FLY CAN I RIDE THE CHICKEN
You stare at the chicken, mouth agape.
The chicken clucks nervously.
"Puppy?" says the Fox, gently.
You pounce. The Chicken runs, you run, the Fox runs, the grain even rolls a little bit.
With a thump you land face first onto the chicken's back. Startled, the chicken begins to pick up speed. Flapping its wings, it begins to rise into the air, with you aboard.
"Cluck cluck cluck puppy what are you cluck cluck cluck!"
You rise higher and higher into the air, leaving a trail of feathers that float gently in the breeze.
Barking excitedly, you steer your chicken toward a waterfall, pulling up just before impact, feeling the tiny drops of moisture splatter against your face.
"Puppy! Use caution! Cluck!"
You ascend into the sky in a lazy circle. Far below you now, the Fox and the Grain look upward, astonished.
"Now I've seen everything," the Fox mutters.
"I'm just still surprised I can talk," says the Grain.
Meanwhile, you soar above the snowy hill. The boy reaches to the ground and picks up a snowball, which he aims carefully and then hurls upward at you. Despite the distance, it barely misses, shooting past you, upwards into the sky, losing no speed.
Above you, you can see what seems to be a dock in the clouds. Hints of structures made from cloud, tall towers, shimmering castles.
Beneath you, the boy bends once more, impossibly fast, hurling what seems to be hundreds of snowball up at you, spread out like buckshot, closing fast.
*************************************
1. CLOUDS ARE MADE OF COOL WHIP
2. Dive bomb the boy! Your revenge is at hand!
3. DO A BARREL ROLL
-
HWHIP
:oic:
Also REVENGE!
-
There is never a time when doing a barrel roll is not the best option.
-
As your mother found out last night.
-
Brentai is, motherly accusations aside, entirely correct.
BARREL ROLL.
-
PRESS Z OR R TWICE
-
Again,
:wuv:
Thanks Friday for this pleasant happy diversion.
-
3. DO A BARREL ROLL
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wIkJvY96i8w
"Cluck Z cluck R cluck!"
Pressing Z twice quickly, you
DO A BARREL ROLL
A Barrel Roll?
The snowballs are repelled by the awesome force of your feathery BARREL ROLL and fly off in random directions, a significant portion of them reflected back toward the boy.
Mouth hanging open, the boy is buried under his own projectiles, and knocked off the top of the hill. His mittens are blown off his hands. He tumbles down the slope, landing in a snowdrift at the bottom, then vanishes.
"Cluck! Truly your wisdom and courage have prevailed once again, Puppy!"
"I like cars and chasing," you say.
The chicken clucks softly. "I fear, cluck, that I have not the strength to carry you much longer, cluck. We should cluck set down so I cluck can rest. The hilltop cluck seems a safe place."
"I SEE THAT BOYS MITTENS THEY ARE ON TOP OF THE HILL THEY WILL BE MINE I WILL SHRED THEM AND LOVE THEM AND SLEEP ON THEM," you say.
"To the hilltop, then, cluck?" asks the chicken.
"Yes!" you say enthusiastically. "We shall claim the mittens for all of puppykind!"
"Can't let you do that, Puppy," says the Rabbit, riding on the back of another chicken directly behind you.
"They've got cluck missile lock!" says the chicken, alarms beeping.
************************************
1. Try a somersault!
2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8rZWw9HE7o
3. EMERGENCY EJECT
-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvp3bZWeMIY
-
I DON'T KNOW WHAT 2 MEANS BUT SURELY THE EIGHTIES WOULDN'T LEAD ME ASTRAY?!
-
There's nothing I don't like about this story.
-
ohshi
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GI6vIfxkEYM
Somersault pretty much always works on these fuckers. The hardest part is convincing them to get behind you.
-
CALL ME MAVERICK AND PUNCH IN 2
-
2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8rZWw9HE7o
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
ZOOOOOOOOOM
WHOOOOOOOOOSHHHHHHH
RATatatatatatata
"Where is he, I don't --"
"He's right on your damn six!"
FPPPPPPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFssssssssshhh
"Fox 1!"
PFEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW
Ratatatatatatata
Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep
"We're leaking fuel! We're hit! Mayday mayday!"
FWOOOOOOOOOMMMM
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssh
Ratatatatatata
sheeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiishhhh
ZZZZZZZZSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHH ratatatatatata FWOOOOOOOOM "WHERE IS HE?! I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING!!!"
"I've got two more bogeys, coming in hot!"
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAaaaaaaaaaa
"I've got tone! Fox 2!"
FWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHHHH BLAAAAAAAAAAASAHM
Beep beep beep beep beep beep
FWOOOOOOOOOSHM
"Hit the brakes! He'll fly right by!"
sssssssssssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeemmcccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
FORSHUUUUUUUUUM
"You're good," says the Rabbit, directly on your six, missiles locked once more.
"But I'm better."
****************************************************
"Puppy! What cluck are we going cluck to do!?"
Eyes narrowed, you set your mouth in a determined scowl.
"The only thing we can do," you reply.
****************************************************
The Rabbit's sidewinders close.
"It's curtains for you, PUPPY!" he scream triumphantly in your ear.
You spin 180 degrees in mid-air. The Rabbit's eyes widen in shock at your impossible maneuver.
"It's no use! Those missiles are going to impact!" he screams.
The missiles are mere meters away. They streak toward you like red hot needles tearing through the sky.
You confess your love for Kenny Loggins.
"NO! NOT KENNY LOGGINS!" the Rabbit screams abysmally.
Against such a love, missiles are useless. They turn away and explode harmlessly.
The Rabbit cannot withstand such a love. His head explodes, followed by his chicken bursting into a pile of feathers that float gently down to earth.
You and your chicken land atop the hill.
As you dismount, the chicken glances over at you.
"You can be my wingman anytime, cluck," it says.
"I really do love that man so much," you remark.
The chicken nods. "Until we meet again, brave Puppy. Farewell."
And with that, the chicken rockets away into the sky. You watch, a single tear in your eye.
You turn to the mittens which lay atop the snow, red against the white.
"Omfg you are made of wool," you say.
Several minutes pass of you playing with the mittens until they are pretty much completely shredded and worn down. You pant heavily, then settle down for a short nap.
There is a strange rumbling. You raise one ear.
CRACK
Rainbow's head pokes out of the hill nearby.
"Puppy! What are you doing! You're not paying attention to the trials at all! You'll never escape this place if you just play around in your own subconscious!"
*************************************
1. "Oh right sorry, what were the trials again? Oh hey look at fish! Wait you're the fish. Hey look a snowflake!"
2. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwnnnnnnzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
3. OH MY GOD THE RABBIT SURVIVED SOMEHOW I CAN SEE HIM OVER BY THOSE WOODS I WILL FIND HIM I WILL FIND THE RABBIT aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
-
3 D:
-
Oh that rabbit is going DOWN.
-
:8D:
-
death to bunny
-
The rabbit is clearly the real way out of here as it is being completely unhelpful, unlike the trout, and that is how dream trials work.
-
Reading that post with Highway to the Danger Zone playing made my week.
To keep in character, it's obviously 3!
-
Reading that post with Highway to the Danger Zone playing made my week.
That was the intent, anyone who didn't is a criminal
-
That was the intent, anyone who didn't is a criminal scum
(http://hundredcoins.org/brentai/images/criminalscum.gif) You violated the law!
-
This story has a distinct lack of bears.
-
There is also a distinct lack of anything happening.
I am sad. :;_;:
-
Now that it is off the pinlist, so am I..
-
PUPPY WILL RETURN
:advice:
WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT
-
WHICH IS RIGHT NOWWWWWWWWWW
3. OH MY GOD THE RABBIT SURVIVED SOMEHOW I CAN SEE HIM OVER BY THOSE WOODS I WILL FIND HIM I WILL FIND THE RABBIT aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Turning away from Rainbow, you bark excitedly and begin to run down the hill.
"Puppy! No! Come ba -- ah, screw it."
You lose your footing in the snow and begin to tumble. As you roll, you pick up speed and snow. Soon, you are inside your very own giant snowball.
It rolls and rolls and hits a snowbank, shooting into the air.
Your head is poking out the side. You can see the rabbit staring at you wide eyed before he bolts into the safety of the trees.
"Run while you -- oof -- still can, -- oof -- rabbit! I won't -- oof -- let you get -- oof -- away!"
You realize you can steer somewhat by wagging your tail. You'll never be able to chase that rabbit inside this thing! You've got to find some kind of way to make it break.
A snowflake lands on your nose. It picks itself up and turns to address you.
"Puppy! You are rolling over all my brothers! Cease this behavior immediately!"
You bark and attempt to bite your own nose.
"Well, I never!" says the snowflake, and dives away.
Oh! Over there is a huge rock, bigger than your snowball. You could break it against the rock and get free!
Also there is a badger over there oh my god what is he doing is he as grumpy as all the stories say maybe he is just lonely
******************************
1. Break snowball on rock, get free, chase rabbit. REVENGE
2. Badger Badger Badger Badger MUSHROOM MUSHROOM
3. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpFFzWPzA2c
-
That Badger could be the best friend in the entire world.
But.. Katamari Damacy..
....
....
....
/me casually flips his Titanium Seal of Dalaran.
It comes up Heads!
2
-
3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333
-
If video games have taught me anything, it's that rolling up every thing in sight and setting it on fire are appropriate answers to life's problems.
-
3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333
(http://i630.photobucket.com/albums/uu23/Bon_Bon_2009/scruffy-1.jpg)
-
Damn.
-
as awesome as Katamari is I wanted a badger friend :(
-
There is only one way to make sure the youtube video meme choice isn't always picked
3
You begin to roll into a ball, picking up objects as you go. Soon you are bigger than the entire world. You begin to roll up the stars and cosmos. You roll toward the only planet left that is bigger than you, barking happily.
When you get there, the inhabitants greet you thusly:
*************************
1. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBtpyeLxVkI
2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtX8nswnUKU
3. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-do9pVsLJM&feature=related
-
While :over9000: is technically accurate in this scenario, the fateful confrontation between :advice: and :kittens: shall be one for the Chronicles of All Time.
-
WRESTLING
oh man kittens come on guys
remember, our job is to pick the most adorable choice at every chance. we must be the cutest puppy EVER.
-
uhh.....
uhhhhh......
uh....
Yes We Can!
-
Kittens!
MAGIC!
I WANT PIE I WANT BEEF JERKY
-
Man I can't believe we're talking about cosmic kittens and this isn't posted:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYgzaAtUfQM
-
GASP, the song of space?!
-
Where hath the Friday gone? I am sad. :;_;:
-
I saw this topic in unread topics and I was like :8D:
Then I saw it was just Cthulhu-chan and I was like ::(:
-
2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtX8nswnUKU
"KITTENS! INSPIRED BY --"
"O. M. F. G WRESTLING," you say, and tackle the little girl, who is now suddenly a pile a kittens.
All around you, strange and alien environments are broken and smashed as you happily pounce and attack and counterattack and roll and tackle and play and crash into things.
"We are in HAWAII," one of the kittens says, swiping at you with a paw.
Suddenly, you are on a tropical beach. The Palm Trees sway and dance in the wind.
One of them leans over. "Hey, Puppy."
You look up and pay the price as the kittens take advantage of the moment to bury you in themselves. Fighting free and barking happily, you scatter the kittens across the sand with a mighty spin-tail-attack and gaze upwards at the swaying plant.
"You have green hair that looks like green hair!" you proclaim.
"Yes, I suppose I do," replies the Palm tree, shifting uncomfortably. "But that is beside the point, Puppy. You and I have much to discuss."
You are about to ask the tree what a "sup-hose" is, when you are suddenly attacked from behind!
"Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!" you snarl, whipping around and sending the kitten flying into another, who crashes into another, until all of them lay sprawled out on the sand like knocked over bowling pins.
The tree clears its throat. "Excuse me, but might I suggest a change of venue? I don't think it will be possible for us to have a clear conversation with such... distractions," it says, waving its fronds at the kittens, who even as it speaks are picking themselves up for yet another attempt to subdue you.
"What's a ven-you? Can I eat it? Is it a deer? Can deer fly? Can I ride the deer?"
"No, I'm sorry to inform you, Deer can't fly," the tree sighs. It goes on, but you are suddenly swarmed by small furry things and must defend yourself.
Two kittens approach from the front, the rest circling to your flanks and rear.
One of them speaks. "You're not my mom!"
Another talks from behind you. "I have to go potty!"
They all lunge forward, and you do a flying backflip up and away, watching them all clunk heads in the center.
"Haha! Silly kitties! Do you not know who I am? You must not know who I am."
"Senator Barack Obama," says a kitten, picking himself up.
"What? No. I'm --"
Suddenly, a kitten wearing shades and baggy clothing walks out of the high grass and onto the beach. He peers over at the other kittens and you with disdain.
"Former gangbanger," says one the kittens, looking worriedly at the newcomer.
*************************
1. A new friend! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrge!"
2.
WARNING: ENEMY APPROACHING. ATTACKS: CAP IN YOUR ASS, BITCHES DON'T KNOW, LOVE LOVE DANCING
3. wtf where did my giant ball of stars go also hey is that a shark i bet he's pretty thirsty i tried to drink water at the beach once yuck
-
omfg is it christmas
can I ride the christmas
-
:advice: plus fish pee there nobody told me until after eww
-
2.
WARNING: ENEMY APPROACHING. ATTACKS: CAP IN YOUR ASS, BITCHES DON'T KNOW, LOVE LOVE DANCING
[/b]
You turn and square off against the newcomer. The kittens all fall into line behind you.
"All wings report in," you say.
"Red ten standing by," says the kitten who is also a magician.
"Red seven standing by," comes a voice over an intercom.
"Red three, standing by," says the kitten who had to go potty.
"Red six, standing by," says a wine bottle kitten.
"Red nine, standing by," says another voice over intercom.
"Red two, standing by," says Wedge.
"Red eleven, standing by," yet another voice over speaker.
"Red five, standing by," says a particularly whiny kitten.
"Red XIII, standing by," says Red XIII.
"Lock S foils in attack positions," you say.
Your group moves in as the former gangbanger activates his turbo lasers.
"Stay on target," you say.
Suddenly, just as epic laser space battle (played by a bunch of kittens, a puppy, Red XIII, and Wedge) is about to be joined...
You trip over your ear and tumble into a mound of sand.
"Ooof! I haf sanf in ma mouf!" you say, sputtering.
You hastily pick yourself up and shake yourself off. Sand sprays everywhere.
"CPE, you switched off your targeting computer. What's wrong!?"
"Nofing," you reply. "Sanf gof in it."
Former Gangbanger pounces on you. You both tumble over and over down the beach, until finally he pins you at the edge of the water. The frothy waves lick at your hind paws.
"I have you now," Former Gangbanger kitten says.
But lo! His idiotic baggy pants have interfered with his mobility, allowing you to break free and viciously counterattack his flank!
The kitten howls in misery as you playfully bite into his tiny legs. Yowling, he flees down the beach.
"Comf backf!" you say after him. "Gang life is no life for a kitty!"
The other kittens have also gone. You are alone on the beach.
"Well, now that that little escapade is over," says the palm tree.
You dutifully trot over. You don't really want to talk to the strange tree because it is hard to understand the words it says, but your mommy always said not to be rude to people who are trying to speak to you.
"Greetings once again, puppy," says the tree, sounding slightly amused.
"Hi!" you say cheerfully. "Hey. Hey. HEY. HEY YOU HAVE A BALL OMFG THROW THE BALL."
"What?" says the palm tree. "I don't know what --"
"BALL BALL BALL BALL BALL BALL BALL BALL BALL BALL WHY AREN'T YOU THROWING THE BALL ARE YOU AFRAID I WON'T CHASE IT AND BRING IT BACK WELL I SHOULD TELL YOU THAT I AM REALLY GOOD AT PICKING THINGS UP IN MY MOUTH AND OK MAYBE I WON'T BRING IT BACK RIGHT AWAY I MEAN I LIKE BEING CHASED WITH IT SOMETIMES AND I MIGHT HIDE IT BUT COME ON THROW THE BALL BALL BALL BALL BALL BALL!" you say, barking and jumping up and down excitedly.
"I -- what are you -- oh. I think you are referring to my coconuts. Yes. I am afraid to inform you that these are not balls, nor can I throw them for you."
Your face falls as you listen to the tree. It's not exactly clear to you, but it sounded like it said he can't throw his balls.
"You... you can't throw your ball?" you whimper.
"I'm afraid not," the tree replies gravely.
Your ears droop. You lay your head down in between your paws on the sand and sniffle.
The palm tree shifts uncomfortably. "Uh, I apologize. I would throw my ball, if I was able."
"No, no it's OK," you say sadly. "I'm sure one day you'll be able to throw your balls."
The tree sighs. "We seem to have gotten rather off track. If you'll allow me one moment to -- hey! Where are you going!?"
You scamper down the beach and whine excitedly at a strange creature you've never seen before scuttling along the beach. It turns to face you warily, and raises one pincher.
"Hi! I'm a puppy! What are you, strange red thing? Are you good at picking things up? It sure looks like it!"
The creature only continues to stare you down.
*******************************
1. Your new friend is shy! Maybe if you touch your nose to his.
2. HERE WE SEE A GIANT ENEMY CRAB
3. Perhaps your new friend wants to play tag! Or hide and go seek! Oh man one time I played hide and go seek and I hid in a bucket and it took them forever to find you and when they finally did you were asleep hey wasn't this place just a dream or something? maybe you could wake up now?
-
weak point! massive damage!
-
Throw the crab's balls.
-
crabs don't have noses that's silly
Also I forgot about the being asleep part, let's stop that.
-
Crab battle...
-
FIVE HUNDRED NINETY NINE EWE ESS DOLLARS
-
Crabs are impeccable FPS players because they strafe perfectly.
-
2. HERE WE SEE A GIANT ENEMY CRAB
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3e6Wy19jbo
Suddenly, the GIANT ENEMY CRAB lunges for you, snapping with its claw.
You do a quick backflip, throwing several daggers downward at it in midair. It easily deflects them with its GIANT ENEMY PINCHER.
"Foolish puppy! You will regret coming here!" says the crab.
"My regret...
... is ...
ONLY THAT YOU'RE STILL ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"
You flip forward in the air, flinging several more daggers and pulling your katana out.
The crab flash steps behind you in mid-air. The camera does a close up of you trying to look behind you with your eyes but since you are a puppy it just makes you look crazy.
"We are all creatures on the planet seeking harmony!" says the crab, before slamming you into the ground.
You pick yourself up and roll out of the way of the crab's acid spray. You quickly begin running up the side of a bamboo tree, having been transported somehow to ancient Japan. As you reach the top, you leap from the side and scream a battle cry.
"I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IN ANYTHING MY EYES CANNOT SEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"
The two of you clash in mid-air, your blade straining against the crab's claw. Behind his weapon, the crab smirks.
"Did you really think your pathetic skills could harm one such as me? You seek death, like all creatures on the planet. Each and every creature, from the birds to the worms, seeks harmony with the world they live in. Like a sunset, each one finds nothing but despair."
Gritting your teeth, you reply, "In the spirit world, there is no greed. Only those that bring their evil with them shall find true freedom from earth's petty conflicts!"
The crab laughs. "You fool! Taste now the despair of the lives you have passed by!"
With that, the crab suddenly surges forward, knocking you off your invisible stand in the air and back down to the ground.
"Now you are mine!" the crab screams, turning his pincher into a drill and spiraling downward at you.
Thinking quickly, you move out of the way. The crab crashed into the ground, creating a huge crater and a massive explosion of blue energy.
It takes like five minutes for the dust to settle, and when it does, both of you are standing about twenty meters apart, breathing heavily.
"I don't have time for this," you say. "If you don't mind, I'll end this now."
"But why end this glorious conflict!?" says the crab, laughing hysterically. "Only in conflict can one express their true desires! Like the worm and the eagle, locked in endless poetry, all life finds harmony through death and despair!"
You ready your sword.
**************************
1. Attack his weak point for massive damage.
2. NOW IS THE TIME. COMPLETE YOUR DESTINY. > use bomb on crab
3. BAN KAI!!!
-
BAN
KAI!!
-
doom's argument is both compelling and without flaw
now what did I just vote for
-
There is only one choice, here.
-
hay guys wats up?
-
3. BAN KAI!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4GFdlQnv6Y&feature=channel_page
A swirling vortex of yellow energy surrounds you.
"This... this cannot be!" says the crab, his eyes wide.
The energy swirls once more, slows, and then is swept away, revealing you with slightly bigger ears in profile for the camera.
The crab breaks into laughter. "You call that small thing a Bankai?! I see you are nothing more than a pup pretending at greatness."
You slowly turn to face the crab once more. "Bankai: Getsuga Hintomi Akuma Tenshou Akujiza Totoe Shin Zabimaru Goukei Zangetsu Kitai Shiegomi damnit Shinji get in the robot Zaraki Yamado Chipp Zanuff!*"
And with that, you fall over on your back with all four paws raised in the air with a big lopsided grin on your face.
The crab explodes.
You rise and sheath your sword and begin to walk away.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HbIjdi6veo&feature=channel_page
"Blast you!" says the crab from behind you. Your eyes widen, no one could have survived that attack. Unless...
"Yes, it's true," the crab says as the dust around him clears, revealing his carapace slightly smudged.
"I, too... have a Bankai. Did you forget?"
The crab laughs. "Very well. I was hoping I wouldn't have to use this... but it can't be helped. I will turn you to dust and you will vanish before my eyes! Regret now ever coming here!
BAN
KAI!!!"
There is a huge explosion of light and sound. When it's finally over, the crab now has two giant pincers.
"Bankai: The Hell of Twin Giant Pinchers," says the crab.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Yd-MEU5tSA&feature=channel_page
"Uh, that's not very appropriate background music for this juncture," says the crab.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXJH787_li0&feature=channel_page
"Ah, there we go," says the crab, and charges.
The crab opens by firing both acid sprays at you from his claws. You dodge and counter slice, severing a limb.
But almost immediately, the missing leg grows back in a flurry of white goop!
"High speed regeneration!" you gasp.
The crab laughs and blasts you again. You're not quite quick enough to fully dodge this time. Your shoulder is burned.
You bounce off a tree as it ceases to exist, burned to ash by the crab's acid. He's really giving you salvo after salvo. It's all you can do to continue to dodge.
Suddenly, you are distracted by a squirrel. You land on the ground and run after it excitedly.
"Come back! Your tail is almost as big as you!" you say, tripping over a rock.
"Hmmph! I will not be ignored by the likes of YOU!" says the crab, giving chase.
The squirrel chatters angrily. "Don't involve me in these silly games, puppy! I have no wish to have my life drawn out for hundreds upon hundreds of episodes!"
You cock your head at the squirrel as he angrily shakes his fist at you. "Hi! My friend is named GIANT ENEMY CRAB have you met him before he is pretty good at playing ancient japan!"
"PAY ATTENTION TO ME!" the crab bellows from behind you. "THIS BACKGROUND MUSIC IS GETTING MORE AND MORE INAPPROPRIATE BY THE MOMENT!"
"He's not so bad, once you dodge the acid," you say sagely. "I made him explode with my belly, and he's kinda upset about it."
"Well, I want nothing to do with it, or you," says the squirrel. "Also can we change the music to something a little less weird?"
"Okay," you say happily. "I'll use my theme song!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_BdvaCCUsYo&feature=player_profilepage
"La la la la la, la la la la la!" you sing along, trotting down the path with your ears perked up.
The squirrel jumps down next to you. "I don't suppose you have any nuts, do you?"
"Nope! My parents had them removed so I wouldn't pee on everything," you explain.
The squirrel looks at you oddly, then jumps away.
You continue down the path in ancient japan, looking for something new and shiny to play with. The reeds on either side of you open into a meadow, and there's a brook with a little bridge! And also there is a sign but you can't read so you don't know that it says TROLL UNDER BRIDGE.
As you approach the bridge, the troll leaps out and grabs you!
"Hi!" you say. "My other friend has regeneration too!"
The troll roars and tosses you into the stream. You tumble over backwards underwater and end up on the other side of the brook.
"I've got water up my nose!" you say, coughing. "And there was a fish and he wasn't the same fish I think he was just a regular fish but I would like to go back and check!"
The troll leaps across the water and raises a big claw.
Suddenly, you find yourself back on the beach, laying under the palm tree.
"Puppy, don't let your imagination get carried away," says the tree. "You almost escaped my notice, and I have something very important to tell you."
You look up at the tree and yawn. Nothing is making sense anymore.
"You are very tired and I can understand that," says the tree. "But first, allow me to explain..."
You sleepily close your eyes.
"Puppy," says the tree. "The secret to --"
WHOOOM.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2VZUw2bEXA0&feature=channel_page
The tree bursts into flames and explodes. You are sent rolling backwards down the beach.
The crab lands in the crater where the tree once stood.
"I TOLD YOU NOT TO IGNORE ME," he says, and before you can move, fires two more salvos of acid to your left and right, trapping you.
With a mighty leap the crab is on you. One pincher pins you to the ground as he raises the other above his head for the killing blow.
"Hahahahaha!" he screams triumphantly. His claw descends. There's nothing you can do. The end has come for puppies and big, floppy ears. You close your eyes.
...
...
...
CHING!
Surprised, you open your eyes again to behold the claw has been blocked mere inches from your nose by another sword. Slowly, your eyes travel down the length until they rest on the wielder.
The crab turns to face the newcomer, his eyes wide in shock.
"The puppy is mine, and mine alone to finish," says the Rabbit.
TO BE CONTINUED
* Swirling Anxious Jet Fighter Pierces the sky with hope in his heart falling toward the moon which is crested by endless love and despair twisting downward toward destruction
-
"My wabisuke doubles the weight of anything it cuts," explains the Rabbit. "If you cut an object once, the weight doubles. Cut it again and... DAMN IT PUPPY!"
You ignore the Rabbit's cries of exasperation as you are distracted by a passing filler episode. "Soccer!" you bark excitedly, "I love soccer!"
"NOBODY LIKES SOCCER!" screams the Rabbit.
-
yes that's exactly right
in order to continue the main CPE story, you have to catch the filler Rabbit arc up to this one so it doesn't TIME PARADOX
-
it's like i'm really watching bleach
-
well no technically I put more effort into my animation
-
Hey, they had an actual battle that one time.
-
Suddenly, you, the rabbit, and GIANT ENEMY CRAB are all teleported to a strange alternate timeline where you are not stuck because nobody has figured out the puzzle in the Rabbit thread yet.
"Merry Christmas," GIANT ENEMY CRAB says, handing you a seashell sheepishly.
"Oh. My. God," you say, "you shouldn't have."
"It's a magic seashell," GIANT ENEMY CRAB says. "If you hold it up to your ear, you can hear the sea."
Your eyes widen. "How did you fit the sea into this little shell?" you ask.
"Well," GIANT ENEMY CRAB says, "It's just something we crabs know how to do."
You run up and hug the crab under the Christmas tree blinking merrily. "Thank you so much," you say. "I didn't get you anything because I've been trapped on a beach waiting for Rabbit to catch up to me, but just for today, you can be GIANT FRIENDLY CRAB."
The crab smiles, eyes moistening. "Thank you, puppy. I hope that all enemies can put aside their differences today and come together to be happy and peaceful."
There is a tap on your shoulder. You turn, and Rabbit is looking uncomfortable.
"What is it, Rabbit?" you ask.
"I, uh. I got you something too," he says shyly.
Your eyes widen again at the large brightly wrapped package he hands you.
"Why is there a lit fuse sticking out?" you ask.
"No reason," Rabbit answers, sprinting away.
"PUPPY! IT'S A BOMB!" Crab says, quickly cutting the fuse with his pincer.
"My destiny! Rabbit got me my destiny for Christmas!" you say excitedly.
Just then Rainbow leans over and whispers into your ear.
"Merry Christmas, Puppy," he says.
"Merry Christmas to you to, Christmas Tree that is possessed by the spirit of a fish!" you reply.
Just then, the Space Police burst into the room.
"WE ARE HERE TO APPREHEND THE KNOWN SPACE CRIMINAL KNOWN AS SPACE CRIMINAL RABBIT WHO IS KNOWN AS A SPACE CRIMINAL," the chief bellows.
You look sly at GIANT FRIENDLY CRAB. "Haven't seen him," you say.
"Nope, me neither," says the crab, winking at you.
Watching from the balcony above, this infuriates Rabbit.
"Those wretched fools! They think I need their help?! Their pity!? Fools! I shall destroy them, and this idiotic holiday -- what's this? What... what is this feeling? I feel... all... I feel all warm and fuzzy inside!"
"It's the spirit of Christmas!" you say, coming up behind rabbit happily.
"I'll show you the spirit of Christmas!" he replies, firing his ray gun at you. But you can tell he missed on purpose.
"Oh, Rabbit, you and I are going to be friends forever!" you say, grinning from ear to ear, arms wide open for a hug.
Rabbit screams and flees into the night.
"Oh that rascally Rabbit!" you say, laughing.
GIANT FRIENDLY CRAB comes up behind you, chuckling. "Merry Christmas, CPE!"
"And a merry Christmas to you, and to all my readers!"
"My wabisuke doubles the weight of anything it cuts," explains Rainbow.
**************************************
MERRY CHRISTMAS
:advice:
AND A HAPPY NEW -- OH MY GOD A NEW BIKE FOR CHRISTMAS CAN I RIDE THE BIKE OH MY FUCKING GOD IT HAS A BELL
-
Dodge! Dodge!
-
I really like laser grenades. :nyoro~n:
-
HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS SOLVED THE PUZZLE I CAN UPDATE AGAIN THANK GOD
-
:wat:
-
The puzzle was anyone voting for any of the options here instead of in the Rabbit thread. You know, like a controller port 2. The poll has been up forever.
-
You happily and playfully bite at Rabbit, who is blocking GIANT ENEMY CRAB's killing pincer.
"Oh, Rabbit!" you say, happily. "I knew you wouldn't let me die! Ever since that Christmas Episode where we became friends and saved the world and played Soccer and you were winning 3-0 but then GIANT ENEMY CRAB's weak point started flashing so I scored like fifty points in two seconds and beat you 3-50 and you got mad and said you would see me dead by your own paws no matter how long it took, no matter how long the author didn't update, no matter if you had to sacrifice everything, because I was the ultimate insult to logical protagonists everywhere, and you were going to stop me, once and for all, no matter the cost!"
"Yeah, pretty much," Rabbit admits, before pushing upwards with his sword and forcing GIANT ENEMY CRAB away.
"Wait are we still doing the Bleach joke thing?" you ask.
"No, I think we're done with that particular parody for now," replies Rabbit, suddenly losing his black gi, katana, and anime eyes.
You also disarm and return to non-bankai normal puppy form.
"I'm confused," you admit. "I think we need a story recap because it's been forever since Friday updated and I have no idea where I am or why."
"Hawaii," says a small kitten.
"Listen," says Rabbit. "The gist of it is... wait, why am I explaining this to you?! I don't CARE! I WAS NEARLY SUCKED INTO A BLACK HOLE AND KILLED BY A PSYCHIC BEAR!"
"And also your old rival Space Weasel tried to backstab you," you say. "And I think this is all a dream still, because I'm talking and I can't do that in real life."
Rabbit nods. "Enough talk. It's time for you to DIE!"
With a bloodthirsty bellow, Rabbit charges forth. You bark happily and tackle him. Both of you roll around on the sand while GIANT ENEMY CRAB re-reads the thread, trying to figure out what his motivation was.
"Grpppoh," says Rabbit, gasping. "You will be destroyed, puppy, and you shall know it was by my paw!"
"Got your nose!" you say, nipping.
"RAAAAAAARRRRRGH!" Rabbit screams, and pushes you off with his strong back legs.
You land in a heap on the sand. "Oof," you say, starting to pick yourself up. "I got sand in my fur!"
"Such terrible grammar!" Rabbit chides you.
Suddenly, a massive wave crashes down on both you and Rabbit, sweeping you both apart.
GIANT ENEMY CRAB looks up from his thread. "OH! I REMEMBER!" he says, in subtitles, because his speech is just clicks and clacks. "I WAS TRYING TO KILL CPE!"
***************************************
You awaken in a large city made entirely of Ham.
"Oh. My. God," you say. "Ham tastes a lot like hot dogs."
As you bound to your feet, you notice a single streetlamp is not made out of meat. Instead, it seems to be made out of a shiny reflective surface. It also seems to be frantically calling and motioning for you.
Elsewhere, people made entirely of Ham go on with the daily Ham lives.
*****************************************
1. yaaaaaaaaaaaay a city made entirely of ham SHALL WE NAME THIS CITY NEW PORK CITY
2. hahaha that streetlamp is probably rainbow i wonder if he wants me to come over there
3. HEY I SEE A TRUCK MADE ENTIRELY OF HAM OVER THERE WASN'T THIS A FAR SIDE COMIC
-
WELCOME TO MY CITY
-
2. hahaha that streetlamp is probably rainbow i wonder if he wants me to come over there
Ignoring, for the moment, a plethora of stimuli, you scamper adorably over to the streetlamp.
"Hi, Streetlamp!" you exclaim, rearing up to greet it.
The lamp merely motions some more.
"Oh my gosh, can you not talk?" you quickly realize. "I am so sorry! Do you want me to get you a ball?"
The lamp looks momentarily puzzled, then shakes it's bulb back and forth.
"I can't talk in real life either," you say, sadly, pawing the ground. "But here in my dreams I can! I guess that means that you should go to sleep!"
The streetlamp shakes again, vigorously.
"Hmm," you say, quickly losing interest and glancing at a passing ham mail man. "I promise I'll be back in just a minute. I want to see where that man is delivering ham mail!"
Amidst silent protests, you scamper away, following the ham man with his ham bookbag filled with hams.
Suddenly...
***********************
1. ... you realize the man is headed straight for the largest ham you have ever seen! And atop the ham is a boy building a ham man! And the boy. has. HAMITTENS!
2. ... you are distracted by a passing hamcycle! Hey if you move your head up and down it sort of looks like the spokes are spinning the opposite way oof I'm dizzy also falling over my ears
3. ... you place the corn cob pipe in your mouth. "Well, the answer to this riddle is obvious," you begin, taking a puff and sitting on your hind legs. "Since this reality seems to be a product of mine own subconscious mind, it should be a simple matter to manifest my will upon the immediate surrounding area, thus creating a 'mouth' for which Rainbow to speak through! Doubtless he has pertinent advice for mine own upcoming trials. Perhaps my control over this reality is not absolute, but I should easily be able to affect simple things in my vicinity. Indeed, such trivialities need not be mine concern. Instead, perhaps it should be best if I was to render thought to the far more sinister conundrum that haunts me, that bloodthirsty and barbaric rabbit with the personality of a barnacle. I wonder perhaps if said varmint is one of the trails Rainbow spoke earlier about? But enough prattle and baseless conjecture. Action is warranted! Such answers I seek shall doubtless be revealed by mine guide, Rainbow, once he has been gifted with an orifice capable of conversement by the powers of my mind!"
-
HAMITTENS
-
11111111
-
1. ... you realize the man is headed straight for the largest ham you have ever seen! And atop the ham is a boy building a ham man! And the boy. has. HAMITTENS!
Chasing the mail man and barking excitedly, you romp up to the large ham and rear your front legs up on it.
"Hey!" you bark. "Hey hey hey hey hey! Boy with hamittens! I'm down here! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!"
The boy slowly turns from his work. With a gasp you recognize those sharp features, that mean expression, those beady eyes. (All now made entirely out of ham.)
"It's you!" you gasp, tongue lolling. "You're the boy from the snowhill!"
"I have returned from the dark world and now I am HAM BOY WITH MITTENS," the boy explains.
"HAM BOY WITH HAMITTENS," you correct.
The boy picks up a large ham and hurls it at you in response.
You happily tackle it in midair, rolling over and over until you pin it to the ground and begin to gnaw at it.
"Yuck!" you say suddenly, lifting your snout. "This is bad ham!"
BAD HAM BOY WITH BAD HAMITTENS smirks and hurls another ham.
************************
1. Dodge left! He'll never expect it!
2. Stand still! He'll never expect it since it means you'll get hit!
3. BAD HAM. TRY AGAIN WITH A FRIEND.
-
bad ham is bad.
-
2, because I am Guildenstern.
-
No, 1!
-
(http://cuteoverload.files.wordpress.com/2010/08/shn_1559.jpg?w=560&h=375)
yawwwwnz
-
3. BAD HAM. TRY AGAIN WITH A FRIEND.
Suddenly, your friend from the beach, former gangbanger kitten, leaps in front of you and slices the ham to ribbons. Like the camera slows down and the kitten slashes with it's claws and it cuts to black and then there's like 4 jagged white lines and then it cuts to the kitten in midair slowly moving left like ultraslow and you're like open-mouthed and the Ham has been perfectly split into five neat slices that all exactly miss you and the kitten in slow motion
"Former Gangbanger Kitten!" you exclaim, yipping excitedly. "You saved me from BAD HAM!"
FGK does not reply, but only looks upwards at BAD HAM BOY WITH BAD HAMITTENS with utmost intensity.
Suddenly, you realize the power of CUTE ANIMAL DOUBLE TECH 1: X-STRIKE.
*************************
1. no 2 mp is too expensive use basic attacks
2. I am back row healer puppy
3. \ /
\ /
\ /
\/
/ \
/ \
/ \
/ \
-
There are never enough dual techs. never.
-
Chrono Trigger: Magus wasn't a team player without forcing you to give up accessory slots.
Chrono Cross: lol
-
3. \ /
\ /
\ /
\/
/ \
/ \
/ \
/ \
You get into position for X-Strike.
"By the falling moon, the ten leaves that cut the flesh, the highest point of the burning star, the calamity of fate that descends from --"
"We're done with the Bleach jokes, remember?" FGK interrupts you.
"Oh right," you say.
X-STRIKE!
"GRRRRRRRRRRR I will always exist as long as boys building things atop hills exists in the hearts of men," BAD HAM BOY says, and then disappears in a puff of smoke.
"Yay!" you exclaim, jumping up and down, your floppy ears pumping like fists. "We did it!"
"I must now go and train for future battles," FGK says.
You have defeated BAD HAM BOY WITH HAMITTENS!
You get 253 exp and find 57 gold.
Cutest Puppy Ever has gained a level!
Strength increases by 2.
Agility increases by 1.
That stat that is related to corn cob pipes increased by 2.
Sweet! Floppy Ears increased by 4!
Awesome! The Maximum HP increased by 18!
CPE realized the power of PSI Cock your head sideways cutely Omega!
"Farewell," FGK says, before walking into the sunset.
"That Kitten is so cool," you say, watching him go. "I wish I was a former gangbanger."
Suddenly, the entire hill of ham you're standing on starts to collapse!
"Oh no! BAD HAM BOY was a load bearing HAM!" you shout.
Scampering quickly, you inevitably trip and start to tumble down the hill, eventually landing on your face at the bottom as the entire hill explodes into a brilliant blast of white light.
"Ooof," you say, blowing up an ear. You get to your feet.
Your surroundings have changed. You now seem to be in some kind of building with a lot of desks.
"Oh my god I love school I met my best friend in the world at school and also learned how to ride chickens and chase rabbits and how to do my A B ... my A ... B ... um. I can't remember," you say.
Suddenly, a bell rings and various animal students begin to file in. When they are finished a tall female giraffe with a slender neck walks behind the desk in front of the blackboard and addresses the noisy class.
"Now, now, settle down children, now now, settle down."
The noise and chatter and laughter tapers off.
"That's better," says Mrs. Giraffe. "I am your teacher, Mrs. Giraffe. Today we are going to be learning about Rabbits and how to chase those rascilly wabbits down and teach them a lesson!"
A small white rabbit raises his paw. "Uh, Mrs. Giraffe, don't you think that's a bit. Uh. Racist? I mean especially with a rabbit in your class. Shouldn't we be learning math, science, geometry, you know, useful stuff and not silly cute animal things?"
"Oh my god!" you exclaim. "Rabbit!"
You hastily bowl over several students on your way to flying tackle him.
Rabbit steps aside at the last moment, sending you flying into the wall.
"Do I know you?" Rabbit says, looking perplexed.
"Pfffffiit's me!" you say happily, spitting out a bit of dirt. "Puppy!"
Rabbit only raises an eyebrow.
"Remember?" you say. "I'm your bestest friend in the whole wide world!"
"Doubtful," Rabbit says coldly. "I do not associate with idiots."
"But Rabbit," you say, confused now. "Remember that time you were attacked by space bears?"
Rabbit only continues to stare.
"I get it!" you realize suddenly. "You don't remember me because..."
***************************
1. "This is a flashback! Oh boy! I can change the future!"
2. "You're mad because I almost rolled you into a star!"
3. "There's a small enemy crab over there and he is projecting a forgetting field!"
-
GOD
DAMN
PSYCHOCRABS
-
Space Law is very serious business, okay?!
-
3. "There's a small enemy crab over there and he is projecting a forgetting field!"
"What are you babbling abo --" Rabbit begins, but you have already flung yourself over to Little Enemy Crab.
You playfully nip at his pincers. Crab turns to you and pinches the tip of your nose as you move in for a bite.
"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaouch!" You exclaim, clasping both paws over your nose. "Little Ememy Cwab! That was nyot wery wice!"
Little Enemy Crab merely clacks at you in response.
You growl. "You are in violation of space law! And you pinched my nose! Boys, take 'em away!"
Suddenly, the SPACE POLICE BEAR BRIGADE bursts into the room.
"You're finished now!" you exclaim triumphantly.
But the SPACE POLICE BEAR BRIGADE is actually the TEDDY BEAR HALL MONITOR BRIGADE because this is a flashback.
"Guys! Guys!" you motion frantically. "This crab is projecting a -- uh. I forget. What was I talking about?"
Little Enemy Crab smiles.
"Will you please take your seat, Puppy," says Mrs. Giraffe.
"Mrs. Giraffe! Mrs. Giraffe! We caught two delinquents wandering the halls!" say the TEDDY BEAR HALL MONITOR BRIGADE all in unison, voices high and squeaky.
"Oh?" Mrs. Giraffe raises an eyebrow.
Gangbanger Kitten walks into the classroom, looking bored behind his shades and baggy pants.
"Fehgehkay!" you exclaim. The class gives you an odd look. You realize that Gangbanger Kitten hasn't quite quit his gang yet, because this is THE PAST.
"Puppy! Take your seat!" Mrs. Giraffe scolds you again.
You are distracted by a butterfly.
"HOW DID THAT BUTTERFLY GET PAST THE HALL MONITOR BRIGADE," says the Teddy Bears.
"This butterfly reminds me that I think I am dreaming. Or am I this butterfly?" you question, cocking your head suddenly as the butterfly alights on your nose.
"Puppy! I will not ask again!" Mrs. Giraffe exhorts once more.
**********************************
1. ok ok take your seat hey i think i left an apple in my desk and maybe a tennis ball
2. Wait. Aren't I asleep in the badlands? Something about a serpent of truth? And then I fell asleep and I've been laying there ever since? Maybe I should wake up noooooyaaaaaaawwwwwwwwnnnnnnnszzzzzz.
3. WHO IS THE SECOND DELINQUENT THIS IS CRITICALLY IMPORTANT
-
it might be a good idea to wake up this has become incredibly silly
-
2. Wait. Aren't I asleep in the badlands? Something about a serpent of truth? And then I fell asleep and I've been laying there ever since? Maybe I should wake up noooooyaaaaaaawwwwwwwwnnnnnnnszzzzzz.
"Puppy! No sleeping in class!" admonishes Mrs. Giraffe. But you don't hear her, because you are already fast asleep.
Er. Awake.
You yawn and stretch lazily.
"Boy, I slept for a long time," you say.
Or, that's what you try to say. But all that comes out is that cute little warbly noise that puppies make when they're excited or scared.
"What the heck!?" you warble.
Then you realize.
"I can't talk anymore, because I woke up! Except I can still understand myself, of course."
Just then the Serpent of Truth slithers back over.
"I see you have awakened," he observes.
"Warble arble marble arble," you reply.
"Yes, now is the time for you to complete your destiny," the serpent hisses.
You reach for your bomb.
"No, not that destiny," the serpent explains. "You must pass the test of Truth."
You do your best to look quizzical and cock one ear.
"Up ahead, in the center of the badlands, you will meet my brothers, the Twin Serpents of Truth and Untruth," the snake forks. "You must travel through the wastes and listen to what they say. Only then will you gain the knowledge you need to complete your destiny."
You nod sagely and whimper softly.
"The journey will not be easy. The land is harsh and frought with perils. You will need a guide," The Serpent explains as he looks to his side at an approaching figure. "He will guide you."
A large mountain lion approaches silently, and sits, staring directly at you.
"Follow him. He knows the way. Farewell," says the snake, slithering away.
You stare back at the big cat, a little bit frightened. It suddenly turns and begins walking through the star-lit land.
"My adventure begins now!" you warble. "From here on out, it's serious business! No more rabbits, no more flying on the backs of chickens, no more anime parodies, no more silliness! I WILL COMPLETE MY DESTIwhat is that over there! Is that a rock! It looks like a rock! Oh my god it is a rock. Wait there are a lot of rocks. I got excited for a minute but now I am going to be serious. I am going to OH MY GOD THAT ROCK IS THE SAME COLOR AS EVERY OTHER ROCK wait no it isn't it's actually slightly less red. I guess because it's not as mad as being out in the sun all day. Hey that star up there just winked at me. Hey star! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! I can see you! Why did you wink at me did you want to play with me I saw you winking but you're way up there I can't reach you huuuup nope still not high enough hhyyyyypp nope hhhhhhhhhhuuuuuuuuuuuppppppppp ooof, hey star I forget which one of you was winking can you wink again hey hey hey hey HEY HEY HEY HEY BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK"
The Cougar loops back around and picks you up in his mouth.
"Hey! Hey! Hey! You smell like tuna have you been eating tuna I bet you have you're a big kitty you know that I bet you eat a lot of tuna sometimes my mommy and daddy give me tuna but then they got mad cause I dug up their flowers cause I thought we were playing hide and go seek in the ground hey you're pretty good at holding me in your mouth you know that!? I am also good at holding things in my mouth HEY OUCH YOU BIT ME ok it only hurt a little hey are you gonna just carry me the whole way to the two ser... sep... snakeys of truth and whatever cause I can run pretty good if you get tired hey hey hey hey hey hey hey hey bark bark bark bark bark --
*******************************
SEVERAL HOURS LATER
*******************************
-- doom doom doom doom doom doom doom dooooooooooom!"
The cougar puts you down just outside a circle of stones.
"Hey, we're here!" you explain, quickly picking yourself up and scampering away.
The cougar just shakes its head and leaves.
**********************************
1. Explore the circle of stones! It looks sorta like stonehedge wait what's stonehedge is that a game where you pick up rocks in your mouth
2. HEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING GIANT KITTY DO YOU WANT TO PLAY STONEHEDGE WITH ME
3. sheesh I'm tired from all that talking yawwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnzzzzzz
-
I'M REALLY GOOD AT PICKING UP ROCKS IN MY MOUTH CHECK IT OUT
-
hey a tie i will go with PLOT ADVANCEMENT OPTION i guess
1. Explore the circle of stones! It looks sorta like stonehedge wait what's stonehedge is that a game where you pick up rocks in your mouth
As you begin to romp around the circle of stones, you notice two snakes sunbathing on two rocks right in the center. One of the snakes is pitch black, coiled up on an alabastar stone. The other is pure white as driven snow, coiled atop a stone as black as the night.
You approach, a little afraid. A heavy air of sterness hangs over the area.
"Hi," you say, hoping they won't be mad that you disturbed their sunbathing.
"Greetings, Puppy," says the white snake on the black rock. "I am the Twin Serpent of Truth."
"Liar," says the black snake on the white rock. "I am the Twin Serpent of Truth."
"You guys can understand me?" you ask.
"Yes," says the white snake.
"No," says the black snake. "We can see into your heart and know what you desire to say."
"Oh that's so cool!" you say, getting excited. "My mom once told me that it's not whats on the outside that counts, but whats on the inside. I guess she was a little bit crazy because I tried to wear my coat on the inside but it didn't work out very well."
"You have come far, little one, and now you face your greatest test yet," says the black snake on the white rock.
"You must be careful, Puppy. For if you fail this test you will be unable to complete your destiny," says the white snake on the black rock.
"You must ask us only one question, Puppy," both snakes say in unison, "and from that question, discern which of us is the Serpent of Truth, and which is the Serpent of Falsehoods."
"WHICH ONE OF YOU IS THE SERPENT OF TRUTH?!" you bark.
"I am," says the black snake.
"Oh, OK," you say, heading over to him.
"No, Puppy! He lies! I am the Serpent of Truth!" says the white snake.
"Oh, OK," you say, changing directions.
The snakes both look at each other.
"Hmm, this might not work the way we intended it too," they both say. "We will grant you another question."
"WHICH COLOR ARE YOU?!" you bark at the white snake.
"I'm black," he says.
You trot over to the black snake.
"God damn it," says the white snake. "Best two out of three?"
"Wait, says the black snake. "Let's switch up. I want to be the lying one this time!"
"No you ALWAYS get to be the lying snake!" says the white snake.
"WHATEVER YOU JUST WERE THE LYING SNAKE YOU ALWAYS SAY THAT."
"NO YOU WERE LIKE FIVE TIMES IN A ROW LAST TIME REMEMBER WHEN THAT KITTEN CAME ALONG LOOKING FOR THE JEWEL OF ETERNAL DESTINY."
"SHUTUP YOU'RE STUPID AND I HATE YOU."
"OH YEAH WELL I HAD SEX WITH YOUR MOM!"
Silence.
"Dude, not cool. We're brothers."
"Oh yeah. Er. Sorry."
Suddenly you pounce on the black snake's tail.
"Haha! Gotcha!" you say, before feeling a sharp pain in the back of your neck.
"Oops, sorry about that," the black snake says, as your vision begins to dim. "Reflex action, you know."
The white snake slithers over to you. "Now look what you did! How is the Puppy going to find his destiny if you bite him?"
"Hey, I said I was sorry," the black snake says sulkily as you black out.
*******************************
You awaken and yawn. Cripes, you've been asleep for a long time! You must be late.
Wait. Late for what? Where are you?
You get up and stretch. You seem to be in some sort of cave. An eerie green glow is coming from an adjoining chamber.
You head toward it, snuffling and sneezing.
"WE ARE THE TWIN SERPENTS OF TRUTH AND FALSEHOOD!" a booming twin voice rings out as you enter the room.
"ONE OF US ALWAYS LIES AND THE OTHER ALWAYS TELLS THE TRUTH!" the huge black snake booms from atop his mighty white pillar of stone, backlit by the green fire burning behind.
"DUDE YOU CAN'T SAY THAT. LISTEN. YOU JUST GAVE IT AWAY AGAIN. HOW COULD THE ONE WHO ALWAYS LIES SAY THAT," booms the white snake from atop his pillar.
"I DON'T KNOW. IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM. I'M NOT THE ONE WHO ALWAYS LIES."
"MAN YOU ARE SUCH A BITCH SOMETIMES. YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M DONE. I'M GETTING A NEW GIG. MAYBE I'LL BECOME THE SNAKE WHO SOMETIMES LIES AND SOMETIMES DOESN'T AND YOU HAVE TO FIGURE OUT IF I'M LYING OR NOT BY THE TONE OF MY VOICE OR WHATEVER."
"OH, COME ON. DON'T BE LIKE THAT," says the black snake as the white snake slithers down his pillar and toward the exit. "COME BACK. COME ON. I'LL LET YOU BE THE ONE WHO TELLS THE TRUTH OR THE ONE WHO LIES WHENEVER YOU WANT. AWWWW. I'M SORRY."
But the white snake would have none of it, and slithered away.
"Ok, look. Uh. We were supposed to tell you that in order to find your destiny, you'd need to travel to the clouds," the black snake says.
"Your cave is on fire," you say.
**********************************
Several days later you have stumbled out of the badlands and now are chasing a mouse through a patch of grass right on the edge of the forest and wastelands.
"I'm gonna get you!" you say. "I'm gonna pick you up and hold you in my mouth!"
"Puppy!" squeeks the mouse. "Hold, dear canine! For I am the Mouse of Both Lies and Truth!"
You sit down suspciously. "Man what is with you animals around here," you say.
"In order to proceed, you must answer me this question: WHAT IS THE SQUARE ROOT OF FOUR?"
"Uh. Two?" you reply. "I'm not entirely unschooled, you know. Didn't you read that flashback scene? I totally learned my numbers from Mrs. Giraffe. Also, what does that have to do with Truth and Lies? Also how can you understand me? WHAT IS GOING ONNNNNNNNNNNN."
The mouse shrugs. "Are you really concerned with internal consistency in a story about a puppy who flies on the back of a chicken? Also I have a special power to understand animals when they talk."
"I don't imagine that's off much use to a mouse," you observe.
"It stopped you from chasing me, didn't it?" the mouse says.
You are forced to admit the point.
"Anyway here. In return for correctly answering my question, I will tell you the secret way to the clouds. First, you must --"
But suddenly, an eagle dives down and snatches the mouse away in his talons!
"Puppy! Help me!" says the frightened mouse.
"Don't worry, Mouse! I'll save you!" you say, barking and chasing the eagle into the woods.
But just as you pass under the trees, you bump into a rather large black bear.
"I wouldn't go in there," the bear tells you. "This is Mister Mean Eagle's Forest, and Mister Mean Eagle doesn't like strangers. Especially cute ones."
"I'm sorry, Space Police Bear who is neither in space nor a policeman," you say. "But my friend is being held hostage by that Eagle and I've got to save him."
"You are a brave puppy indeed who would willingly --"
"Wait you can understand me too?"
"Er, well. Yes. How did you know I used to be a Space Policeman? All Space Policemen are taught to understand animals," the bear admits sheepishly.
"Your hat," you say.
"Ah, yes," the bear says, taking it off. "But remember, Puppy, Mister Mean Eagle is a formidible foe. You best be prepared for a challenge if you wish to save your friend."
"I hope the challenge has something to do with holding things in your mouth," you say.
****************************************
1. FOLLOW THAT EAGLE
2. Ask the bear if you can borrow his Space Police Zapper
3. Holy cow you're tired time for a nap yaaaaaawwwwwwwwwnnnnnzzzzz
-
i never used a space police zapper before but i bet i could use it reeeeeally good
-
You can hold it in your mouth!
-
(tries to shoot the dog)
-
2. Ask the bear if you can borrow his Space Police Zapper
"Mr. Police Bear, sir, would you be so kind as to allow me the use of your Police Zapper?" you ask politely.
"I dunno about that," the bear says slowly, scratching his head. "Giving a weapon to a civilian? A clumsy, absentminded, very young puppy civilian?"
"I could hold it in my mouth I am super good at holding things in my mouth," you explain.
"Well then! Of course you can borrow it! But you must remember; return this Zapper when you are through with it. It will be a good lesson in responsibility for a young puppy," the bear says, unholstering his zapper and handing it over to you.
Excited, you leap for it and accidentally bite down on the trigger, sending a zapper bolt into the police bear. He emerges from the cloud of soot with a shake.
"Puppy!" he warns you sternly. "What did I just say!"
"What did I just say!" you reply.
"What?"
"What?"
"No, before that."
"No, before that."
"No, puppy. What did I say about responsibility and being careful?"
But you have already ran off into the forest.
"My lord," the bear says, shaking his head. "That puppy is sure rambunctious. I hope he'll make it out of the forest OK."
Meanwhile, you have stumbled into a pretty meadow, not unlike the one you started the story in. Butterflies and caterpillars dance on yellow, red, and orange flowers. A deer drinks from a tidy brook winding its way through the grass. A rainbow trout leaps from the bubbling water like a dolphin dancing off the prow of a ship. Several rabbits hover anxiously over some clover, eying you with slight concern. A large weeping willow sits over the brook like an umbrella, dripping motes of plant matter in the sunbeam. The wind gently rustles the light canopy of leaves ringing the meadow, sending a scattering of shadow fragments skipping across the grass and water.
"STIMULUS OVERLOAD," you say in a monotone, and collapse unconscious.
*********************************************
You awaken later in a daze. Suddenly you remember your Zapper responsibility, and spin around wildly. Luckily the Zapper is lying right next to you in the grass. You breath a sigh of relief.
It is still day. The sun is lower in the sky, and most of the animals have left the meadow. The weeping willow looks sad all alone over by the brook. The shadows seem to you to look less pretty and more menacing.
Suddenly, a pair of ducks burst upwards from the grass, startled by a roving blood hound.
***************************************
1. PKANG PKANG PKANG
2. SHOOT THE DOG
3. awww that willow tree looks lonely without all his friends maybe I will be his friend
-
dog should never shoot dog that is wrong
-
Can you listen to the duck hunt dog laught for 10mins? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DoacaodENm8#)
-
also the final boss of duck hunt is hard fucking core
Duck Hunt level 100 error (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjUpe7Oh1j0#)
-
I took a semester in tree. The finals were a birch.
-
(http://img152.imageshack.us/img152/4899/cpe01.jpg)
-
:D
-
1. PKANG PKANG PKANG
You take aim with your Zapper at the ducks, which is easy, because you are good at holding things in your mouth, but you are not so good at pulling the trigger.
Holding the zapper sideways, you tilt your head and try to get a paw in there. After a few failed attempts you try your tongue. Though you're able to worm it onto the trigger, you simply don't have enough tongue strength to depress it. Frustrated, you bark, dropping the zapper and accidentally firing off a shot as it hits the ground.
The Zapper bolt flies sideways and hits the Weeping Willow, who begins sobbing.
"Oh I am SO SORRY," you bark.
The tree, not able to understand dog, does not reply, except with more sobbing. You see several tendrils are touching the scorch mark on the lower trunk.
Meanwhile the ducks have gotten away and NO BONUS. The bloodhound laughs at you.
"Hey! It's not nice to laugh at others," you tell him, remembering your mom telling you that.
"I AM THE FINAL BOSS OF THE INTERNET," the blood hound says. You can understand him, of course, because he is speaking dog.
"The Duck Hunt dog is the final boss of the internet?" you ask.
"INDEED IT IS SO, PUPPY," he replies. He is using all caps, of course, because he is the final boss.
"What's the internet?" you ask.
"THE INTERNET IS THE PLACE I AM THE FINAL BOSS OF," the blood hound explains curtly.
"Oh," you say.
"WE HAVE A JOB OPENING FOR A MID-LEVEL BOSS OF THE INTERNET," the blood hound says. "AS THE FINAL BOSS OF THE INTERNET I CAN HIRE YOU IF YOU WANT."
You think about it. "What would my job be?"
"SOMETIMES PEOPLE WILL TRY TO GET PAST YOU. YOU HAVE TO MAKE SURE THEY CAN'T GET PAST YOU," the blood hound explains. "OTHERWISE YOU'RE FIRED."
"I'm pretty good at getting in the way," you reason.
"WE ALSO OFFER DENTAL," the blood hound says.
"Okay, um, but where is the internet?" you ask.
"THE INTERNET IS ALL AROUND YOU," the blood hound says. "YOU CAN SEE IT WHEN YOU GO TO WORK, WHEN YOU LOOK OUT THE WINDOW. WHEN YOU PAY YOUR TAXES."
"But I don't go to work and I don't pay taxes and I'm not tall enough to look out windows unless you meant sliding glass doors which I push my nose into leaving marks," you say.
The blood hound continues as if he hadn't heard you. "UNFORTUNATELY YOU CANNOT BE TOLD WHAT THE INTERNET IS. YOU HAVE TO SEE IT FOR YOURSELF."
"Oh my god let's go on a trip to see the internet," you say excitedly. "Can we go in a car? I like going for car rides."
"YES WE WILL LEAVE AT ONCE," the blood hound says. "JUMP ONTO MY BACK AND I WILL TAKE YOU TO THE INTERNET."
"Wait," you say, suddenly cautious. "Is this a trick. How come you were chasing those ducks they seemed like pretty nice ducks to me are you a bad guy?"
"I AM THE FINAL BOSS OF THE INTERNET. OF COURSE I AM A BAD GUY," the blood hound replies. "BUT REALLY BEING A BAD GUY IS JUST LIKE ANY OTHER JOB. SOMEBODY HAS TO DO IT, YOU KNOW."
"That makes sense," you say.
"COME ON. LET'S GO SEE THE INTERNET."
*********************************
1. Yaaaay let's go to the internet
2. Poor weeping willow maybe I should go lick the hurt spot
3. wait a minute I'M SUPPOSED TO BE DOING SOMETHING uhhh I don't remember
-
Licking is good.
-
its true i dont remember at all :3c
-
2. Poor weeping willow maybe I should go lick the hurt spot
"I'm sorry Duck Hunt Dog, but I don't want to be a bad guy," you bark, and turn to go running over to the weeping willow, who is, er, weeping.
"YOU WILL NEVER MAKE ANYTHING OF YOURSELF PUPPY!" the dog shouts at you as you flee. Though, maybe he's not shouting? It's hard to tell because everything is in caps. "YOU'LL BE A FAILURE FOREVER AND NOBODY WILL LOVE YOU."
Ignoring him, you approach the Willow and lick the hurt spot with your tongue.
"You tase lih gass," you say.
"Thank you, puppy," the Willow hiccups in tree. You can't understand it because the subtitles went off the screen too fast.
"Wait! Wait! Say that again!" you say.
"Thank you, puppy," the Willow says again.
You pounce on the words as they appear.
"Got you!" you say, holding up the 'p' from "puppy".
"Puppy, you are truly a kind soul to --"
You spit out the p and chase the subtitles off into the meadow. "You shan't escape again!" you bark at the fleeing words.
"All according to keikaku," says the Willow.
You leap upwards and grasp the tail end of "plan". As it vanishes off the screen you fall to the ground with a thump.
Suddenly, Rainbow flops onto the grass next to you, gasping.
"Puppy!" he exclaims. "Shouldn't you be getting back to your quest?"
"I don't remember what I was supposed to be doing," you say, sitting down on your haunches.
"I..." Rainbow considers. "You know what, I don't remember either."
You bark excitedly. "Does that mean I get a new quest?!"
"Sure," says Rainbow. "Do you still have your bomb?"
"DO I?!" you say, pulling it out.
"Okay! Your new quest is to DISCOVER THE SECRET OF FOXES FOREST."
"Oh. My. God," you say. "Is it that you can't leave him alone with the Chicken?"
"Indeed," Rainbow says. "Uh. Okay, your new quest is TO DISCOVER THE SECRET TO HAPPINESS."
"Kittens!" you reply.
"Damn," Rainbow says, thinking. A bird flies by.
"MY NEW QUEST IS TO FOLLOW THAT BIRD!" you exclaim, before scampering after it. Rainbow futilely flops after you.
"Wait! No! Puppy! I have to warn you! You're still in the dre --"
But you've already left the scene.
***************************
Meanwhile...
***************************
"That blasted Puppy will not elude me again!" exclaims the Rabbit, hopping through the forest. Every once in awhile he pauses to sniff the wind and look in all directions. "I've hunted the most dangerous and elusive criminals escaped from Theta-4! I've defeated Kings and Queens and Masters! I've bested intelligences from all reaches of time and space! I will NOT be confounded by a mere --"
Suddenly, a bird flies by, the puppy hot on its heels.
"Hey wait! Hey! Bird! I want to ask you about the secret to laying eggs! Do you need to be a bird because I thought you needed to be a bird to fly but then I found out you could just ride a bird so maybe I figured if you let me ride you I could lay an egg? And then I would hold it in my mouth and play with it and oh hi Rabbit how are you doing and then when it hatched I could name it Eggy and we could have adventures together and maybe one day Eggy will grow into a wise sage that will grant me wishes and --"
Rabbit sits there, his eyes narrowed. A rainbow trout flops feebly after the puppy.
"Puppy! You must not ignore your destiny!" he exclaims.
"This calls for extreme measures," Rabbit says, assuming a fighting stance. With one paw, he thrusts forward and a wall of earth juts up in front of puppy, who crashes into it with a huge oof!
*****************************
"Ow, my nose," you say, rubbing the tender spot.
"Puppy! Look out behind you!" warns Rainbow. "Rabbit is here and --"
"Interfering fish!" says Rabbit. With a quick motion he causes earth to erupt all around Rainbow, then with a twist of his paw, sucks Rainbow into the ground, leaving only a smooth pile of dirt.
You gasp. "That is a forbidden technique!"
"Why?" asks Rabbit. "Why should we fear to use it?"
"A palantir is a dangerous tool," you reply. "We do not -- wait. I thought we were during an Avatar reference now?"
Rabbit shrugs.
"BUT ENOUGH TALK!" you say, teleporting with a flash of light and releasing three fireballs at Rabbit.
"Wait wait wait," says Former Gangbanger Kitten, walking up nonchalantly. "This is all wrong."
"The secret to happiness!" you bark, and tackle FGK.
"Listen, Rabbit can't be an earthbender. And you certainly can't be shooting fire. You need to be air, and Rabbit should be fire," says FGK, brushing you off.
"You are a pretty good fit for Zuko," you observe. "You used to be in a gang but really you're just a big hugly wugly kittycat!"
"Yes, yes, of course," says FGK. "And GIANT ENEMY CRAB can be Katara. He was shooting water at you earlier when we were doing Bleach."
"Oooh ooh then can SPACE POLICE BEAR be Ty --"
"ENOUGH!" roars Rabbit. "NOW WITNESS TRUE POWER! FROM THE DEPTHS OF SPACE I LEARNED THIS TECHNIQUE! METALBENDING!"
"WHAT NO THAT MAKES YOU TOPH AND THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!" you bark.
"I AM NOT TOPH!" Rabbit says. "I AM MELONLORD! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA --"
Suddenly, a large escape pod lands on top of Rabbit. There is a hiss of air and the hatch opens.
"THERE HAS BEEN A VIOLATION OF SPACE LAW, SECTION 8 ARTICLE 14. THERE WILL BE NO AVATAR REFERENCES WITHIN FIVE HUNDRED FEET OF A CHOICE INVOLVING LOBSTERS," bellows Space Police Bear.
"But --" you start to say.
*************************************
1. YOUR NEW QUEST IS TO MASTER THE FOUR ELEMENTS
2. HEY WHERE DID THAT BIRD GO
3. WAIT A MINUTE I DON'T SEE ANYTHING HERE ABOUT LOBSTERS -- OHHHHHHH YOUUUUUU
-
LOBSTER STICKS TO MAGNET
-
Fuck it, let's apuptheosize.
-
there are clearly no lobsters here i am on to your shenanigans
-
1. YOUR NEW QUEST IS TO MASTER THE FOUR ELEMENTS
"MY NEW QUEST IS TO MASTER THE FOUR ELEMENTS!" you bark excitedly.
"Yes, yes, Puppy. We can all read the bolded text at the start of this post," Rabbit rolls his eyes.
"OK SO uhhhh I guess I am Aang, the last Airbender," you say, as you are suddenly covered in a giant arrow tattoo. "Which makes Former Gangbanger Kitty Zuko because he used to be bad but now he is good, and Giant Enemy Crab is Katara because I guess he was shooting compressed water out of his claws when we were doing Bleach?"
"Which makes me Toph, of course," Rabbit says idly.
"NO YOU CAN'T BE TOPH. I GET TO BE TOPH," you scowl.
"You just said you wanted to be -- wait. Why am I even talking to you? Perish, puppy!"
And with that, RABBITLORD OZAI brings up both of his paws --
"Wait, RABBITLORD OZAI?" asks Rabbitlord Ozai. "No way. I am not going to get a silly name like everyone else in this absurd story. I refuse."
"But how can I defeat the Rabbitlord without killing him?" you ponder.
"What's the matter, RABBITLORD?" asks FBK suddenly. "Why haven't you used your lightning? Afraid I'll REDIRECT IT?"
"That line was supposed to be said to Space Police Bear Azula, you idiot," says Rabbitlord Ozai. "You're mucking everything up and -- wait. What did I just say? Space Police Bear Azula. What. Space Polic -- No. Uh. Zue. La. Ok. Space Polic -- Oh god damn it."
"I HATE YOU MOM," says Space Police Bear Azula.
"THIS ENDS RIGHT NOW," Rabbitlord Ozai says. "I WILL USE THE POWER OF RAINBOW TROUT'S COMET TO -- what?! No I won't! What the hell is -- Arrrrrgh!"
And with that, Rabbitlord Ozai shoots like a million fireballs at you.
"I remember what to do!" you bark. "Press up!"
*******************************
1. DODGE THOSE FIREBAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLS
2. The last airbender: The Avatar State (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qox7LrLYA74#)
3. Let's go find Former Gangbanger Zuko's Mom! Yaaaaaay new quest
-
3
-
333
-
3
-
3. Let's go find Former Gangbanger Zuko's Mom! Yaaaaaay new quest
"We're gonna find your mom, FGK!" you bark excitedly, dashing out of the path of the fireballs, which all explode harmlessly on trees.
"Uh, I think my mom was a housecat," FGK says.
"No no no. Your mom was exiled by Rabbitlord Ozai! Let's go find her! Appa! Come on!"
A chicken flies down and you mount him.
"Appa away!"
The chicken begins to rise off the ground.
"You won't get away!" Rabbitlord Ozai says, and starts using his cool looking fire jet things.
Space Police Bear Azula sniffs. "Mommy?"
MEANWHILE
Rainbow pokes you with a stick, where you lay muttering and barking softly in the soft meadow grass.
"Wake up, puppy! Your destiny! You can't just sleep having themed adventures forever!"
MEANWHILE
You've searched for FGK's mom for a hundred years, but alas, could not find her no matter how many islands you checked.
"Oh well," you say. "I guess we'll just have to wait for Legend of Korra."
Suddenly, Koh appears in the sky next to you.
"I know where she is," Koh says, smiling with a stolen face.
"THE FACE STEALER KOH!" you bark. "I MUST KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE OR ELSE HE WILL STEAL MY FACE AND I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE STEAL MY FACE. THIS ONE TIME A BOY STOLE MY NOSE AND I STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN IT BACK I MUST SMELL TERRIBLE."
Koh regards you. "Yes, uh. So, do you want to know where Zuko -- er, FGK, whatever his name is, where his mom is?"
"DO I?!" you ask.
"Then you'll have to get me something I want," Koh smiles.
"No, I'm actually asking you. Do I?! I can't remember what I was doing. I think I might be asleep."
"If you find Mom, you can wake up," Koh says.
"OH GOOD I AM TIRED OF HAVING THEMED ADVENTURES AND WANT TO ADVANCE THE PLOT."
"Plot?" Koh echoes softly. "I don't think this story has any predetermined plot. Preeeeeeeeeety sure it's just made up literally from sentence to sentence."
Just then, Rabbitlord Ozai finally caught up to you.
"I have been searching for you for 100 years and this time you won't get away from me this time," Rabbitlord says.
You look at him.
"Oh god damn it I'm not real," Rabbitlord laments. "I would never talk so badly if I were my real self. I'm just a figment of your stupid mind, you blasted puppy!"
Suddenly, Koh steals Rabbit's unhappy face.
"I will now tell you where FGK's mom is," Rabbitlord Koh says.
"YOU HAVE UNLEASHED AN UNSPEAKABLE EVIL WHO WILL ONE DAY RETURN AS THE FINAL BOSS, FOOLISH PUPPY," Faceless Rabbit says, somehow.
"Koh is the Duck Hunt dog?" you say doubtfully.
Rabbitlord Koh laughs. "No no no, I'm going to be the final boss of dreamworld. He's just the final boss of the internet. Anyway. Uh. Zuko's mom was inside you all along?"
"I KNEW IT," you say.
"Peace," Rabbitlord Koh says, and vanishes.
You are attempting to look inside you but you just keep bumping your nose into your flank. "Ooof! Hey wait my nose! I found my nose! yaaaaaaay"
"I am so totally going to kill you now," Faceless Rabbit says, readying his fire balls.
Suddenly, Adult Toph totally flies up riding a metal chicken and she's super hot.
"Run, twinklepuppy!" Adult Toph says.
"How are you flying?!" says Faceless Rabbit. "AND BEFORE YOU SAY YOU ARE METALBENDING THE METAL CHICKEN I INSIST THAT EVEN IN A DREAM SCENARIO THAT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE."
"I'm metalbending the air molecules," Toph says.
"What." says Rabbit.
"Well there's a small amount of metal even in the air," Toph explains. "I can use the tiny amount of iron and other dirt molecules to --"
"FINE I ACCEPT YOUR BULLSHIT X-MEN LIKE EXPLANATION," Rabbit says, "BUT THEN WHY THE CHICKEN."
"To get to the other side," Adult Toph explains.
KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Suddenly the air erupts in flames and you are all thrown to the ground, landing right next to a pristine little hut with a nice garden and a waterfall and it's really quite tranquil you should really see how I'm picturing it like it's got a little bridge over the water and it's sort of japanese themed you know with ninjas
"Ninjas!" you bark. "Are we gonna do Naruto now?!"
"NO." say Adult Toph and Rabbit simultaneously.
You look dejected.
Adult Toph erects a huge wall of earth between you and Rabbit. (Heh heh, that's not all she erects) She then does a twisting jump which is totally fanservice.
"What do we do now, Twinklepuppy?" Adult Toph asks.
*********************************
1. THE ZUKOS MOM IS COMING FROM INSIDE YOU GET OUT OF YOU
2. Man Adult Toph is not nearly as cool a little Toph but at least now I don't have to pretend I'm not a pedophile
3. Wait, my chicken is named Appa? THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE APPA IS A WIND BISON THIS MUST BE A DREAM TIME TO WAKE UP
-
all moms must get out of puppies with immediacy
-
OH NO ALL THREE OPTIONS HAVE EXACTLY ONE VOTE
LETS DO ALL OF THEM
Smiling, Adult Toph saunters over to you. "I've heard you want more fanservice," she purrs.
"Do... do I?" you whine softly.
"Well this is your dream, isn't it?" Toph smiles, scratching right behind your ear.
"Oh god yes don't stop. Don't stop. Right there. Oh, there goes my leg. MY LEG IS GOING NOW DON'T STOP AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA", you convulse.
"Who's a good dog, whose a good dog, yes you're a good dog, you're a good boy, yes you are! Yes you are!"
"I AM SUCH A GOOD DOG YOU HAVE NO IDEA ONE TIME I RESCUED THE PRESIDENT FROM NINJAS OK I MADE THAT UP BUT I TOTALLY WOULD IF THE PRESIDENT EVER GOT KIDNAPPED BY NINJAS," you explain, rolling onto your back.
Toph begins stroking your belly. "Oh my you're such a good boy WHOSEAGOODBOYYESYOUAREGOODBOYYESGOODBOYYESYOUAREAGOODBOY,"
"I... I'm a ... good boy!" you say, and explode.
No. Literally.
Toph wipes some errant puppy off her face. Looking up, she sees a large cat standing where you used to be.
"Uh, hello?" Toph says.
"I am Former Gangbanger Zuko's Mom," the cat says. "I have returned from Space to bring peace to the galaxy."
Just then, Space Police Azula lands in her pod right next to them and immediately hops out.
"YOU ARE IN VIOLATION OF SPACE LAW STATUTE FOURTY-EIGHT DASH SEVEN FOUR," Space Police Azula says. "AS THE LAST METROID IS IN CAPTIVITY, THE GALAXY IS ALREADY AT PEACE."
Zuko's Mom and Azula square off.
"Do you really think you have any chance against me?" Azula sneers. "I'm the greatest firebender there ever was! I mean come on my fire is freakin' blue for christs sake."
Zuko's Mom remains impassive. "You may be the stronger firebender, but I have one thing you don't," she says calmly.
"And what's that?" Azula asks.
"I AM NOT LEFT HANDED!"
FWOOOOSH
And then Zuko's Mom and Azula had this amazing, incredible Agna Kai, and Zuko's Mom was almost able to beat Azula but then at the last minute Azula used her like super volleyball spike attack and Zuko's Mom fell but Azula wasn't able to finish her off and started crying and then Zuko's Mom got up and started walking toward her with her arms open and Azula was still crying and doing that thing where she like doesn't want to be touched? but you know she wants to be touched so she's lobbing little fireballs at Zuko's Mom but Zuko's Mom just keeps getting hit on purpose and advancing while Azula is screaming about how she doesn't need love and then Zuko's Mom gets close and Azula's tears are like literally steaming off her cheeks and Zuko's Mom just says "Azula." and then Azula screams NOOOOOOOO but then Zuko's Mom hugs her and Azula is like sobbing now and just sort of falls forward into her Mom's embrace and Zuko's Mom is like "I always loved you" and Azula is like "I'm so sorry Mom, I'm so sorry, sob sob sob"
"Gets me every time," you say, having reformed because seriously you weren't going to miss an Agna Kai between Zuko's Mom and Azula.
"Now that you're good again, Azula," Zuko's Mom asks, "What are you gonna do?"
"I guess I'll travel the world making amends for my faul -- wait. My space radio! OH NO CERES STATION IS UNDER ATTACK BBL"
And then Space Police Azula got back into her pod and went to space where she died on the way to Ceres Station.
THE END
"Wait, what?" you say confusedly, yawning. You appear to be lying in a meadow.
"Puppy! You're finally awake!" Rainbow says. "You must now complete your destiny!"
You sit up and shake all over. "Man, that was some dream. I think my favorite part was when I exploded all over Toph."
"I'm going to pretend you just didn't say anything," Rainbow says. "Listen, you must travel to the wastelands and meet with the Twin Serpents of --"
"Truth and Falsehood," you finish. "Pretty sure I already did that? And then there was a mouse and he got stolen by Mean Mister Eagle and then I went into a forest and there was Duck Hunt Dog and a weeping Willow and I attacked his subtitles and then I saw Rabbit! but he had his face stolen!"
Rainbow regards you gravely. "Your destiny must be to separate the dream world and the real world, puppy. They are starting to bleed together, and only a brave puppy can properly set things back to status quo."
You nod. "My adventure continues!"
MEANWHILE
Rabbitlord Koh slides languidly over his throne. "Do we have a deal?" he asks, smiling.
Duck Hunt Dog giggles that damn giggle. "WE HAVE A DEAL. TIME TO JOIN FORCES AND TAKE OVER THE DREAM WORLD AND THE INTERNET."
DUN DUN DUN
MEANWHILE
Rabbit (the real one, not Faceless Rabbit who doesn't exist anymore because you woke up duh PAY ATTENTION) was hopping through the forest cursing his luck.
"By the pagan gods, I despise that puppy so much. Knowing my luck, we'll be forced to temporarily join forces to combat a greater evil while learning the true value of friendship," he curses.
MEANWHILE
Adult Toph stood in the dreamworld, still covered in puppy. "Uh, is anyone there? Where'd everyone go?"
MEANWHILE
The Boy with Mittens looked up from his snowman. "It's finally complete. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
MEANWHILE
"OH MY GOD THAT LAST MEANWHILE HAD A BOY WITH MITTENS IN IT," you say.
"Puppy! You must now begin your true quest! The dream world and the real world and something called the internet are threatened! You must --"
"Wait," you say, interrupting Rainbow. "If Rabbitlord Koh and Duck Hunt Dog are the final bosses of the dream world and the internet, then who's the final boss of the real world?"
"Uh, I guess Barack Obama would be?" Rainbow shrugs.
"INDEED," says Barack Obama, touching down with his jetpack. "I AM HERE TO NOT FOLLOW THROUGH ON ANY OF MY CAMPAIGN PROMISES AND ALSO WORK AGAINST MY OWN PARTY."
"Al Gore would have been a better President than you!" you taunt.
Barack looks hurt. Even Rainbow looks chagrined. "Puppy, that's not a very nice thing to say."
"Well it's probably true," you say.
Barack starts crying. "You're right, it is true, I'm so sorry, I'll go back to the White House now and start, you now, actually working for the people," he says, and leaps into the air with his jetpack.
FINAL BOSS OF THE REAL WORLD DEFEATED 10000000 EXP and 500 GOLD
Courage and wit have served thee well, for thou hast been promoted to the next level.
Ears increase by 4!
Tail increase by 2!
Sweet! Barking increased by 6!
Cuteness increased by 1!
Realized the power of Puppy Omega!
"OH MAN PUPPY OMEGA," you say.
Rainbow just shakes his head. "With the boss of the real world defeated, I'm afraid it will just leave a power vacuum that must be filled. Another will surely take his place."
"Yeah but who could be worse than Obama?" you ask.
MEANWHILE
McCain slides languidly over his throne. "Do we have a deal?" he asks, smiling.
Former President George Bush, Jr, giggles that damn giggle. "WE HAVE A DEAL. TIME TO JOIN FORCES AND TAKE OVER THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA."
MEANWHILE
"WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT PUPPY NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID," Rainbow berates you angrily.
"It's not my fault! Well at least now things couldn't possibly get any worse," you offer.
It begins to pour rain.
"You just don't get it, do you, puppy," Rainbow says, and hops back in his stream.
"WAIT! What am I supposed to do now? I mean I guess this post has sort of outlined my overall goals (FINALLY) but how am I supposed to even get started!? I mean come on it's not like a puppy knows anything about politics or anything! My areas of expertise go more toward holding things in my mouth."
But Rainbow does not answer.
Soaking wet now, you dejectedly amble off in a random direction into the forest.
"Well I guess I have to focus on one boss at a time," you finally conclude. "So I could go back to sleep to enter the dreamworld, or try to find this internet thing, or run for mayor of the forest so as to enter the political arena?"
***********************************
1. Yawwwwwwwwwwwnzzzzzzz here I come Rabbitlord Koh oh man I wonder if Adult Toph is still waiting for me
2. The internet is a mysterious treasure, but maybe the boy with Mittens might know something? And if he doesn't then well you know Mittens
3. A VOTE FOR PUPPY IS A VOTE FOR CHANGE AND ALSO FOR PUPPY
-
As much as I want to see The Puppy Mayor, I can't not vote for any option involving Adult Toph. ANY OPTION.
-
PUPPY MUST CONQUER THIS WORLD BEFORE HE MOVES ON TO THE NEXT
-
www.cutestpuppyever.com (http://www.cutestpuppyever.com)
-
A VOTE FOR NOT-PUPPY IS A VOTE FOR COMMUNISM.
BETTER DEAD THAN RED.
edit for i speel gud
-
But... but... but Adult Toph!
Can't you imagine how large her feet are by now!?
-
Uh... I mean, wait... I meant to say something less creepy.
-
No you didn't. NO YOU DIDN'T.
-
CPE FOR PRESIDENT
-
3. A VOTE FOR PUPPY IS A VOTE FOR CHANGE AND ALSO FOR PUPPY
"OK I wonder what I have to do to run for Mayor," you say.
Suddenly, Haggar falls from the sky.
"Hrup!" he hrups. "Piledrivers!"
And with that, Haggar hrups away.
"That's it!" you exclaim.
You quickly run to the nearest forest animal, a squirrel, grab it, and piledrive it into the ground.
"VOTE FOR PUPPY!" you bark after you bounce away.
The Squirrel, dazed, picks itself up and staggers around a bit.
A "+1 votes" appears in your upper left HUD.
"Sweet! Now I only have to piledrive 51% of the forest to win for sure!"
You happily search for your next victim/voter.
MEANWHILE
"Have you heard? Puppy is running for Mayor of the forest," says a Bluejay to another Bluejay.
"No way!" Bluejay B says.
"Way," Bluejay A says. "And he's already piledrived the entire east side!"
"What's his stance on gays?" Bluejay B asks.
"He uses the traditional wrestling stance for them," Bluejay A replies.
"Well, he's got my vote," Bluejay B says, and then both fly away.
Rabbit, meanwhile, overhearing this below, is cursing vigorously.
"That blasted puppy! Running for Mayor of the forest! FORESTS DON'T HAVE MAYORS THIS IS ABSURD."
Just then, the current Mayor of the Forest, Mean Mister Eagle, swoops down and tries to catch Rabbit. Rabbit zaps him casually with his blaster, turning Mean Mister Eagle into a featherless chicken. He then walks over and takes Eagle's tophat and Monocle.
"I'm Mayor of this Forest now," says Rabbit. "But I'll let you go back to being Mayor if you find Puppy and bring him to me."
Mean Mister Eagle nods. He loved being Mayor more than anything. Except being mean.
"Now go!" Rabbit says.
Picking himself up and magically regrowing his feathers, Mean Mister Eagle takes off in search of Puppy.
MEANWHILE
SLAM!
"I PROMISE TO REDUCE GREENHOUSE GAS EMISSION BY 14%!" you bark.
The Badger you just slammed into the ground looks confused, but nonetheless casts his vote your way.
"Great!" you say. "That's 49%! I just need a few more votes!"
Just then Mean Mister Eagle spots you from the air and goes into a dive.
"OH NO!" you bark. "MEAN MISTER EA -- hey where did his tophat and monocle go?"
*********************************
1. SHORYUKEN!
2. Crouching Fierce
3. AIR THROW PILEDRIVER
-
THREEEEEEEEEEEEEE
-
I was just gonna play it safe, but then I remembered what The Mayor would do.
-
i will vote for the one that i used to use on SNES
-
Can I do a write in ballot?
Scott pilgrim VS. Matthew Patel (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHlJ4cx2W-4#)
-
3. AIR THROW PILEDRIVER
Mean Mister Eagle's Screaming Super Velocity Burning Rage Spinning Skydiver Attack was the most feared attack in the forest, and it had been the most feared attack since 1067, when Mean Mister Eagle, Sr, invented it during the great War of the Magi to defeat an entire legion of Space Pirates during the battle of Fluffy Kittens.
The attack involved over thirteen hundred precise movements all coordinated with an unquenchable thirst for blood and an unshakable determination strengthened by an unwavering resolve for glory. Only two living beings have ever used it and lived, the rest all exploding on impact. Superfly Falcon used it once as a desperation attack in 1234, against his opponent Snakebear With a Rocket Launcher, but did not survive the ensuing explosion. His epitaph read "Totally worth it." The Screaming Super Velocity Burning Rage Spinning Skydiver Attack must be used carefully, because the very act of using it tears the very fabric of subspace, preventing Warp Drive from ever being used there again. In addition, the tax it extolls on the soul of the user is said to be the second most taxing of all taxes, only trailing behind actually becoming an IRS agent.
In short, the Screaming Super Velocity Burning Rage Spinning Skydiver Attack is basically the most bad ass motherfucking move you could possibly imagine. The very sky darkens as particles of hyper plasma are expelled into the air, babies shiver and die in their cribs, women scream and begin weeping for no discernible reason, and extremely tough men shed a single tear.
Mean Mister Eagle, Sr, did not pass this technique on to his son. Mean Mister Eagle, Jr, the eagle now rending space and time at over 500 mph on a direct collision course toward you, stole it from his father by using a superior technique, The Soul Stealing Screaming Super Velocity Burning Rage Spinning Skydiver Attack XL2000, which is what he is actually using now.
The very air is aflame. Trees burst into nothingness as their constituent parts are obliterated completely from this universe. The heat is so intense that you are not entirely sure that even you could hold it in your mouth without maybe burning your tongue.
You leap.
You grab.
Mean Mister Eagle is piledrived.
"Man, fuck that shit," Eagle says. "The priority in this fucking story is broken as shit. Some basic fucking airthrow mashed out by some scrubby puppy beats MY super!? This is some gay shit. I'm quitting CPE and going to play BlazBlue."
And with that, Eagle disconnected and went to whine on the CPE forums.
(Most of the threads there are just Rabbit complaining about basically every topic imaginable, and Weasel trolling him. Former Gangbanger Kitten also has a Thug-Life thread for young kittens in need of scaring straight.)
You're still at 49% votes. Hmm. Have to find some more animals to piledrive.
But just then --
"Time's up, Puppy," says Rabbit.
"No way! I still have until sundown!" you bark.
"Nope. I changed the law," Rabbit says, smiling.
"You can't just change the law!"
"Of course I can. I'm the Mayor." Rabbit says smugly, motioning to his monocle and tophat.
"This is bullshit, you say, looking around.
"No, this is politics," Rabbit retorts.
"Pssst!" says a voice from behind you. You whirl and see Rainbow flopping around on the pine needles. "Challenge him to a debate!"
"But I don't want to give him any money back!" you say.
"What?" says Rainbow.
"What?" you say.
"What do you mean you don't want to --"
"What?"
"What does money have to do with--"
"What?"
"Oh, REbate. You thought I said REbate. No, puppy. DEbate. A debate. Like, an argument."
"What?"
"Puppy."
"What?"
"Stop saying what."
"What?"
"Stop SAYING WHAT!"
"Why?"
"Because -- listen. Just challenge Rabbit to a debate. He's arrogant and smug and he can't turn down a chance to --"
"No no, I promised I'd reduce greenhouse emissions by 14%," you say.
"... what?"
"No shhhhhh! You're not allowed to say that!"
"No YOU'RE not allowed -- listen. Not smog, SMUG! He can't refuse a chance to --"
"Wait wait hold on. I think we have a bad connection."
"What?"
"SHHH!"
"Puppy, what on earth --"
"I can't hear you, Rainbow! You're breaking up!"
"PUPPY I AM FLOPPING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU WE ARE NOT ON THE PHONE."
"Hello? Hello?"
"Yeh?"
"Helo?"
"HmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMM"
"Wait I lost track of who was talking."
"Is this my dialog or yours?"
"Mine, I think."
"Oh. Right. Ok. So this is your dialog."
"No, this is yours."
"Wait, what?"
"SHHH!"
"THIS IS A STUPID JOKE," Rabbit said, shooting the both of you.
"I CHALLENGE YOU TO A REBATE!" you bark.
Rainbow slaps his head with a fin.
**************************
You wake up in a prison cell. Rainbow is nowhere to be found. Items here:
Old Rat Bone
Locked Cell Door
Rusty Bars
Rat Hole that is just a bit too small for you to fit through but maybe if you backed up?
Exits are North, East, and Dennis.
****************************
1. Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start.
2. Get rat bone, pick lock, out, east, north, sneak by sleeping guard, steal keys from guard, up, west, get coin, south, open door, get candle, get lantern, get rope, get sword, out, south, south, kill Giant Cancerous Rat with sword, north, give coin to Troll, north, use rope to scale cliff, light candle, east, enter pub, order a pint, get drunk, the cheetohs are right next to you, pass out, fly a plane into the sun like a boss, reincarnate as Squirrel Ninja, use ninjitsu on Solid Snake, south, down, LIGHT LANTERN BITCH, get gem, use gem to bodyswap back to puppy, north, east, north, west, sing a merry song to elf, north, chase rabbit, steal top hat, steal monocle, become Mayor of Forest.
3. Dennis
-
In this game, the Konami Code gives you 30 extra lives.
All at once.
-
I don't... I don't think I can resist. What could it possibly MEAN?
-
Mr. Krabs: Where is the treasure? 10,000 paces east!
Patrick: Oh, east? I thought you said "weast."
Mr. Krabs: Weast?! What kind of compass are ya reading lad?
Patrick: This one sir.
Mr. Krabs: That's west, Patrick. You're fired again.
Edit:
(http://itsalwayssunnyinphiladelphia-episodes.download-tvshows.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/Dennis-Reynolds.jpeg)