Brontoforumus Archive

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  

News:


This board has been fossilized.
You are reading an archive of Brontoforumus, a.k.a. The Worst Forums Ever, from 2008 to early 2014.  Registration and posting (for most members) has been disabled here to discourage spambots from taking over.  Old members can still log in to view boards, PMs, etc.

The new message board is at http://brontoforum.us.

Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

Messages - the asshole you hate

Pages: 1 ... 5 6 7 8 9 [10] 11 12 13 14 15 ... 49
181
Forum Games / Re: Vengeance of the Labyrinth
« on: September 28, 2011, 09:49:41 PM »
The camera raises up slightly and a laser gun drops from the ceiling. It shoots you dead where you stand.

whrrrrrrr... click.

Wake up! Hi Defenestration. I'm just waking you up to inform you that one of your clones finally made it to level 2. You're still young yet. If your DNA manages to make it to level 10 before you die we might even use it to breed you some kids! Then we can clone your kids and run the clones through the labyrinths! Aren't you happy to be so helpful to humanity? On the other hand, you'll only survive another XXX ERROR DATA REDACTED XXX years in cryogenic sleep before your brain is too far gone for us to talk to you this way. And now back to the fantasy you were involved in. Good luck!


Congratulations to Defenestration, NexAdruin, Beat Bandit and Ocksi for winning Vengeance of the Labyrinth!

182
Forum Games / Re: Vengeance of the Labyrinth
« on: September 28, 2011, 01:28:14 PM »
Defenestration: You're standing in an office. There are papers on the desks and dust coats everything. The papers are about cryogenics and cloning. You find several hundred papers with your own name on them, along with several thousand files on people you've never met. Nobody's been in this room in at least a dozen years, if not far, far longer.

Exploring further, you find a back door that has been dead bolted. Peeking in you see banks of cryogenic freezers full of bodies lined up on shelves with monitoring equipment linked to each pod.

You shatter the window with a chair and reach past the broken glass to turn the bolt. A sound in the corner of the room that is
so familiar stops you in your tracks as the door creeps open...

whrrrrrrr... click.

"You. Defenestration. You did it. Congratulations! Go ahead and pick out the files and dossiers on anyone you want to bring out with you."


You see that there are files on NexAdruin, Zaratustra, Beat Bandit, Ocksi, Mothra and everyone else who played. The camera seems to be waiting for you to name some names.

183
Forum Games / Re: Vengeance of the Labyrinth
« on: September 28, 2011, 01:20:31 PM »
I place the fire eyeball in the top one, my lottery ticket in the left one, lucky dice in the right, and earth one in the bottom. I aim my nerf gun to where the genie appears and attempt to shoot him before he shoots me this time.

The genie appears and you explode him into green goop. There was a key in his head. A keyhole appears in the red statue.



Picking up the key, you insert it into the pedestal. A door opens and you walk inside.

184
Forum Games / Re: Vengeance of the Labyrinth
« on: September 28, 2011, 12:50:53 PM »
Attempt to win at a game of golf while sending a trio of squirrel scouts back into the space room and west into the granite butt room to see if anything has changed.

You make -2 on the course your first time on and win a small trophy. The squirrels report that everything looks normal.

Exits: E, S and W.

Items: An 18-foot pole, a long beard, a twig crown, twelve loyal squirrel vassals, a metal bucket, 41 Fat Walnuts walnuts, 1 lottery ticket, a golfball, 3 1oz. gold coins, a meteorite, a roll of duct tape, two portal guns, deagles (20 rounds each) and five known spells: Heal, Speak to Animals, X-Ray Hearing, Read and Write Languages and Fly.

185
Forum Games / Re: Vengeance of the Labyrinth
« on: September 26, 2011, 10:27:49 PM »
Lead my men N-E



You're on the golf course. A recently opened doorway in the east wall leads to a magical trap room. Someone yells 'Fore!' and a golf ball lands nearby you.

Exits: E, W and S.

Items: An 18-foot pole, a long beard, a twig crown, twelve loyal squirrel vassals, a metal bucket, 41 Fat Walnuts walnuts, 1 lottery ticket, a golfball, 3 1oz. gold coins, a meteorite, a roll of duct tape, two portal guns, deagles (20 rounds each) and five known spells: Heal, Speak to Animals, X-Ray Hearing, Read and Write Languages and Fly.

186
Forum Games / Re: Close Your Eyes and Draw Brentai
« on: September 26, 2011, 04:18:17 PM »


His duckfeet are somewhere WAYYYY off the bottom of the page and not even attached let alone on the canvas.

187
Forum Games / Re: Vengeance of the Labyrinth
« on: September 26, 2011, 11:02:33 AM »
East through the hole that I just watched him open up, west into the space room, South East into the room with the puzzle. Examine the puzzle.



You follow the twisty tunnel on hands and knees until you emerge in a red room. There is a statue with four square holes. On the back of the statue are some letters:

N1 Light
E2 Sight
S3 White
W4 Blood

Exits: W.

Items: A 10-foot pole, a lottery ticket, a nerf gun (20 shots), 4 elemental eyeballs (fire, wind, water, earth), a pair of lucky dice (active), an over-under shotgun (3 shots left), a wand of transmogrification (infinite charges), deagles (20 rounds each), an umbrella, and four known spells; Heal, Speak to Animals, X-ray Hearing and Fly.

188
Forum Games / Re: Vengeance of the Labyrinth
« on: September 25, 2011, 12:16:19 PM »
East back through the hole, West into the space room, and then South, East, and then I arrange the eyeballs in a random pattern into the holes.



A giant green head appears as the final eyeball is inserted randomly (F-N, Wi-E, E-S, Wa-W). "I AM THE GENIE OF THE-... oh come ON, you knew that wouldn't work, right? It's not personal, y'know. We're just doing our jobs."



You are dead.

whrrrrrrr... click.

That was a bit rash. Didn't you read the back?

189
Forum Games / Re: Vengeance of the Labyrinth
« on: September 25, 2011, 10:18:40 AM »
whrrrrrrr... click.

As of now, the labyrinth is solvable in one post, so I'm imposing a five day time limit.

Not that you'll be escaping, but I have to make it LOOK fair.

190
Forum Games / Re: Vengeance of the Labyrinth
« on: September 25, 2011, 10:12:58 AM »
N-E



You're standing on the Defenestration Historical Golf Course. Someone yells, "Fore!" and a golfball lands nearby, only to be snatched up by a hungry-looking squirrel, who chatters at you in Squirrel about the King and Revolution and seems generally upset about something vague before disappearing into a tree's root structure.

Exits: S and W.

Items: A 10-foot pole, a lottery ticket, a nerf gun (20 shots), 4 elemental eyeballs (fire, wind, water, earth), a pair of lucky dice (active), an over-under shotgun (3 shots left), a wand of transmogrification (infinite charges), deagles (20 rounds each), an umbrella, and four known spells; Heal, Speak to Animals, X-ray Hearing and Fly.


I fly up to the hole and fly through it, stopping at the first sign of something odd.



You find a door with a simple latch at the end of the tunnel. It swings open easily and you step out.

The door was a false bit of wall behind two bushes on the Defenestration Historical Golf Course, named after your amazing displays over the millenia. Someone yells, "Fore!" and a golfball lands nearby, only to be snatched up by a hungry-looking squirrel, who chatters at you in Squirrel about the King and Revolution and seems very upset about something fairly vague before disappearing into a tree's root structure.

Exits: S, E and W.

Items: A 10-foot pole, a grenade, an umbrella, a nerf gun (8 shots), 4 elemental eyeballs (Earth, Fire, Wind and Water), a pair of lucky dice (active), a lottery ticket and four known spells: Heal, Speak to Animals, X-Ray Hearing and Fly.

191
Assorted Creations / Re: Make mine doodles
« on: September 23, 2011, 01:03:59 PM »
stush, collect some of your drawings of guns and send them off to places as a resume as a technical draftsman for anime and char design or something

'cause that's so pimply i need zit cream

192
High-Context Discourse / Re: Imagery Unload
« on: September 23, 2011, 12:26:55 PM »


Squinting at this image blurs the insignificant, thin, sharp lines and allows the shades of the 'discolorations' to become more detailed.

If you wear glasses, look at this without them, or look at a thumbnail of it if you don't and can't figure out squinting.

193
Forum Games / Re: Seeing Eye Wolf
« on: September 23, 2011, 12:35:19 AM »
Sure sure. It's a slow enough game. Hell, chances are that there will only be a post or two before you post anyway.

:disapprove:

If he's the seer or whatever he should have to take that risk himself. If he's hanged before revealing, then that's on him!! :purist: :rage:

Not that I'm him pretending not to be him pretending I'm him by pretending to be dismissive with this sentence or anything.

194
Forum Games / Re: Vengeance of the Labyrinth
« on: September 19, 2011, 10:09:42 PM »
Get 1 of each free deal that I don't already have and head east, and then SE



You go into the purple room. There's a hole high on the wall and a green block from Super Mario World that lets a runner run up a wall.

Exits: S and W.

Items: A 10-foot pole, a grenade, an umbrella, a nerf gun (8 shots), an umbrella, 4 elemental eyeballs (Earth, Fire, Wind and Water), a pair of lucky dice (active), a lottery ticket and four known spells: Heal, Speak to Animals, X-Ray Hearing and Fly.


195
Forum Games / Re: Vengeance of the Labyrinth
« on: September 19, 2011, 09:29:58 PM »
South.



A flag lies in the center of the bazaar area. It depicts a wad of lottery tickets being stomped by a black boot on a field of red. A song is playing over a speaker box on the flagpole.

The War Pigs are gone! Raise the flag of socialism!
Everyone rejoice! Gone are days of monetism!
All of us for one! One of us for every one! (repeat x2)


There are four shops here, but no shopkeepers to tend them. It looks like the following items are free today:

Umbrellas.
Elemental eyeballs (Earth, Fire, Wind and Water).
Nerf guns.
Lucky dice.
Spellbooks.

Exits: E and N.

Items: A 10-foot pole, a grenade, an umbrella, a nerf gun (8 shots) and a lottery ticket and four known spells: Heal, Speak to Animals, X-Ray Hearing and Fly.

196
Forum Games / Re: Vengeance of the Labyrinth
« on: September 19, 2011, 06:52:09 PM »
He seemed like such a nice guy though. :(

I go East, and then East-north.
You are standing in a grove of walnut trees. There are five trees per row and five per column. To the north, south, east and west are exits. The artificial sun above is stagnant like the air, but at least it's a little green here.



Exits: N, S, E and W.

Items: A 10-foot pole, a grenade, an umbrella, a nerf gun (8 shots) and a lottery ticket and four known spells: Heal, Speak to Animals, X-Ray Hearing and Fly.


Go north, flip whatever switch however many times until the projector is off, go west into the room with the flower pot and grab a couple of guns, then go east

You're in the de-hologrammed space room. It's... way less cool in here now.



Exits: N-E, N-W, E-N, E-S, S-W, S-E and W.

Items: A 10-foot pole, a lottery ticket, a nerf gun (20 shots), 4 elemental eyeballs (fire, wind, water, earth), a pair of lucky dice (active), an over-under shotgun (3 shots left), a wand of transmogrification (infinite charges), deagles (20 rounds each), an umbrella, and four known spells; Heal, Speak to Animals, X-ray Hearing and Fly.

197
Forum Games / Re: Vengeance of the Labyrinth
« on: September 19, 2011, 06:06:42 PM »
East. Shoot the walnut guy. Shit's getting real.

The Fat Walnuts purveyor is shocked for the moment it takes you to unload three in his dome. As his walnut-brains scatter across the shack, squirrels swarm over him, devouring them like cannibals in a murderous war trance.

Exits: N, S, E and W.

Items: A 10-foot pole, a lottery ticket, a nerf gun (20 shots), 4 elemental eyeballs (fire, wind, water, earth), a pair of lucky dice (active), an over-under shotgun (3 shots left), a wand of transmogrification (infinite charges), an umbrella, and four known spells; Heal, Speak to Animals, X-ray Hearing and Fly.


Actually, I go into the spellbook store and read another book, since apparently I forgot all my spells on death.

The books are easy to read and the spells even easier to learn. So easy, you wonder how you didn't realize their function and use years ago!

Exits: E.

Items: A 10-foot pole, a grenade, an umbrella, a nerf gun (8 shots) and a lottery ticket and four known spells: Heal, Speak to Animals, X-Ray Hearing and Fly.


I hear the voices of the dead and retreat to the space room, where I search the path for a switch to flip.

You flip the switch hidden under the crossroads and the room becomes mundane, each of three of the doors magically unresolving back into two portals.



Exits: N-E, N-W, E-N, E-S, S-E, S-W and W.

Items: An 18-foot pole, a long beard, a twig crown, twelve loyal squirrel vassals, a metal bucket, 41 Fat Walnuts walnuts, 1 lottery ticket, a golfball, 3 1oz. gold coins, a meteorite, a roll of duct tape, two portal guns, deagles (20 rounds each) and five known spells: Heal, Speak to Animals, X-Ray Hearing, Read and Write Languages and Fly.

198
Forum Games / Re: Vengeance of the Labyrinth
« on: September 19, 2011, 11:56:49 AM »
No reason not to look to experience. See if the squirrels know anything about the three room.

If there are, in fact, two exits to the current room, send equal sized parties of able squirrels through each. At each room they encounter to further break down into smaller parties to go through every available opening. Each squirrel should map their path and all rendezvous back here either when their party is outnumbered by the current exits to their room or in two hours.

Any dangerous rooms should be entered by a single squirrel before the others following them enter, and any squirrels that find themselves lost should wait in the room they discover they're lost in.

They don't know much other than that it's hard or impossible to get back to the grove from here according to squirrel legends. They can't find any exits, either. The only exit is back out to the space room. They do find a gun in the vase.

It's a loaded .44 magnum Desert Eagle. As soon as you take it, another one spawns. You grab that one too. Why not? As soon as you take it, another one spawns.

Exits: E.

Items: An 18-foot pole, a long beard, a twig crown, twelve loyal squirrel vassals, a metal bucket, 41 Fat Walnuts walnuts, 1 lottery ticket, a golfball, 3 1oz. gold coins, a meteorite, a roll of duct tape, two portal guns, deagles (20 rounds each) and five known spells: Heal, Speak to Animals, X-Ray Hearing, Read and Write Languages and Fly.

199
Forum Games / Re: Vengeance of the Labyrinth
« on: September 19, 2011, 11:37:28 AM »
investigate the double-ass on the ceiling.

It appears that the otherwise apparently flawless granite of the room's elemental component has, while forming, had a large chunk of double-ass-shaped pink granite form within it. When the solid wall of the labyrinth was carved out of a single hunk, this odd mark was revealed by the cross-section. It might mean nothing at all, but it appears natural...

...to someone who wasn't a bearded wizard! You can see that the mark actually denotes this room as the FOURTH in a series of four magical trap rooms controlled by a switch somewhere else.

Exits: E.

Items: An 18-foot pole, a long beard, a twig crown, twelve loyal squirrel vassals, a metal bucket, 41 Fat Walnuts walnuts, 1 lottery ticket, a golfball, 3 1oz. gold coins, a meteorite, a roll of duct tape, two portal guns and five known spells: Heal, Speak to Animals, X-Ray Hearing, Read and Write Languages and Fly.

200
Forum Games / Re: Vengeance of the Labyrinth
« on: September 19, 2011, 11:30:08 AM »
Heal the building (but not the shopkeeper) take his shotgun and kill the remaining shopkeepers. Loot the buildings for all items



A flag appears in the center of the bazaar area. It depicts a wad of lottery tickets being stomped by a black boot on a field of red. A song is playing over a speaker box on the flagpole.

The War Pigs are dead! Raise the flag of communism!
Everyone rejoice! Gone are days of capitalism!
All of us for one! One of us for every one! (repeat x2)


The lucky dice glow warmly, causing tingles in your hand. The handsome shopkeep who purveyed eyeballs until the recent social reform also had a magic wand of transmogrification.

Exits: E and N.

Items: A 10-foot pole, a lottery ticket, a nerf gun (20 shots), 4 elemental eyeballs (fire, wind, water, earth), a pair of lucky dice (active), an over-under shotgun (3 shots left), a wand of transmogrification (infinite charges), an umbrella, and four known spells; Heal, Speak to Animals, X-ray Hearing and Fly.

Pages: 1 ... 5 6 7 8 9 [10] 11 12 13 14 15 ... 49