Topic: Zelda Blows (Read 35931 times)

Lottel · « **Reply #380 on:** December 29, 2011, 02:44:15 PM »

Hell, Link's Awakening proved that even Link's Dreams are plagued with fights with Ganon.

Dooly · « **Reply #381 on:** December 29, 2011, 03:38:39 PM »

Quote from: Nerd on December 29, 2011, 02:14:56 PM

Wind Waker and some of the other games flirt with this theme, but Hyrule becomes a much more depressing place when you realize Link and Ganon are eternally doomed to hitting each other over the head with foam bats, forever and ever.

Foam, huh?

Nerd · « **Reply #382 on:** December 29, 2011, 04:09:04 PM »

He'll wake up in a millennia or two with a bad headache and some kidney stones, but otherwise no worse for wear.

Royal☭ · « **Reply #383 on:** December 29, 2011, 04:16:08 PM »

Is Ganon Dracula?

McDohl · « **Reply #384 on:** December 29, 2011, 05:04:32 PM »

I dunno. In any Zelda, have you ever had to attack Ganondorf's first form by hitting him in the head and nowhere else?

Does he teleport around and shoot fireballs at you?

I think maybe the first one, he did.

Beat Bandit · « **Reply #385 on:** December 29, 2011, 07:13:47 PM »

Quote from: Lottel on December 29, 2011, 02:44:15 PM

Hell, Link's Awakening proved that even the Wind Fish's Dreams are plagued with fights with Ganon.

Royal☭ · « **Reply #386 on:** December 29, 2011, 07:24:57 PM »

Well the thing is the dreams are made up of Link's experiences, they're drawn from his thoughts. Hence all the recurring characters and places that are familiar to him.

Brentai · « **Reply #387 on:** January 21, 2012, 11:24:42 AM »

It's really starting to bug me how huge of a douchebag Pipit is.

Brentai · « **Reply #388 on:** January 24, 2012, 11:02:33 PM »

So I thought about it on the way home and it dawned on me why I was having so many issues with Link swinging his sword in the wrong fucking direction all the time. So I just tested it out and HYUP

The problem is I have a tendency to snap my wrist at the beginning of a lot of specific movements. This is probably 100% from practicing martial arts where your two main power sources are your hips and your wrist (those big beefy muscles on your upper arm barely do shit but get your hand from point A to point some fucko's face). Unfortunately the motion controls are set to basically register any sudden jerky movement as a slash, so the moment the wrist snaps the game goes "OKAY YOU CHOSE TO SLASH IN (some random cockeyed direction)" and ignores the rest of the motion.

For the curious: the snap for me comes any time I need to change the orientation of the blade. For some reason (which is probably incredibly obvious to actual fencers) I always want to do a left slash underhanded and a right slash overhanded, and of course vertical slashes are vertical.

Now whether snapping like that is a good idea in real swordfighting or if you're holding a Skyward Sword as Enlarged as Link is something I don't know and also kind of fucking irrelevant because I don't want to learn a new martial art just to play goddam Zelda. But there's a whole gamut of little player behaviors like that out there*, and it kind of takes a step towards explaining why people seem to have such a polar "Holy shit this thing is garbage" vs "I don't see what the problem is" experience with the thing. I find that if you treat the controller like a wand or a small knife or a joystick floating out in space, you're golden. Get too fancy with the thing and it gets confused, which is a shame, because that's not a function of the 'mote itself, that's the game's designers dumbing the system down to a discrete set of simple and obvious choices.

* Which, now that I think about it, was probably thoroughly tested but not internationally - the Japanese are heavily invested in a particular kind of swordfighting form in which odd behaviors like mine would most likely cause you to cut yourself in the face.

Classic · « **Reply #389 on:** January 24, 2012, 11:48:55 PM »

Japanese swords are only sharp on one side... so...

You're probably doing it "right"?

Brentai · « **Reply #390 on:** January 25, 2012, 11:53:13 PM »

Okay, that clinches it. This game was designed specifically to troll me.

Basically I started thinking, right out of the blue, "Hey, you know what's nice? I haven't seen a single torch lighting puzzle in this entire game!"

The very next room.

The very.

Next.

Room.

Friday · « **Reply #391 on:** January 26, 2012, 01:27:03 AM »

. .

|

. .

WHAT DO I DO HERE

A² · « **Reply #392 on:** January 26, 2012, 01:42:49 AM »

Quote from: Friday on January 26, 2012, 01:27:03 AM

. .

|

. .

WHAT DO I DO HERE

You could start by running to the room of the three gargoyles. Push in the right tongue and a door might lead you down a staircase into the wall climb. Here, you must choose your next path. You could race up to the observatory, spin the sundial and pass into the room of the golden idols. Once there, push down on their faces to release the doors, that may take you below or lead you into the shrine of the silver monkey. Assemble the statue there and you may be headed for the torch room. If the elevator is up, you could jump into the elevator and descend into the mineshaft. You might climb up the ladder or plow through the stone wall. Find the key and it may unlock the tomb of ancient kings, allowing you to climb into the spider's lair. If you escape, you may have a chance to sit upon the throne of the Pretender. If the correct door is unlocked, you'll be able to crawl into pit of despair and finally make you way through the cave of size, back to the temple gate. The choices are yours and yours alone. Good luck!

Smiler · « **Reply #393 on:** January 26, 2012, 07:54:47 AM »

It's pretty bad when I automatically think "Oh hey a Legends of the Hidden Temple joke" without even reading anything.

Brentai · « **Reply #394 on:** January 26, 2012, 08:33:33 AM »

I actually read the first sentence and then just scanned the rest of the thing for the phrase "silver monkey".

Zaratustra · « **Reply #395 on:** January 26, 2012, 02:48:39 PM »

http://www.collegehumor.com/video/1165138/olmec-sex-therapist

Brentai · « **Reply #396 on:** January 29, 2012, 01:38:12 AM »

Well the ending had me feeling a lot better about the whole thing.

And then they don't give you an option to copy your data before activating Hero Mode. So yeah.

I'm gonna try and lay out all my thoughts about this game later, because boy howdy do I have a lot.

Kayma · « **Reply #397 on:** January 29, 2012, 02:13:57 PM »

Quote from: Brentai on January 29, 2012, 01:38:12 AM

And then they don't give you an option to copy your data before activating Hero Mode. So yeah.

That was irksome. At least until I realized I didn't want to get any more heart pieces, OR play hero mode...

Brentai · « **Reply #398 on:** January 29, 2012, 02:45:26 PM »

I was maybe two heart pieces away from 100% already though, so I wasn't amused.

Wasn't really bemused either. Mostly it just snapped me out of the good feelings I had over from the ending to remind me of the 45+ hours I had to spend getting to it.

Ted Belmont · « **Reply #399 on:** February 19, 2012, 09:47:00 AM »

Here, have a long, but well written article:

Quote

But I remember. I remember the peerless original, its unfairly-maligned sequel, and those later elements that suggested the magic had not been completely exhausted, from Wind Waker’s exuberant charm and grace to little Midna’s boundless sass. Yet focusing on the series’ greatest moments won’t save Zelda. Its obsession with its own conventions and culture has resulted in an insular little kingdom, walled off from the rest of gaming. Zelda no longer has a vision of anything but itself, and the wrong parts at that. It is choking on its own tail.

He strays into "entitled fan" territory a couple of times, but overall, a pretty good read.

Also, when I first read that chunk up there, I read "Midna's boundless sass" as "Midna's boundless ass".

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Author Topic: Zelda Blows (Read 35931 times)