Best. Image response.
Ever.Uh.
I'm starting to wake up panicked and delirious at random times. Between missing teeth, allergies, heartache, stress, joblessness, brokeness and depression, I'm running out of that boundless wellspring of optimism I've previously had. I wonder what will be fueling me after it's gone. Hopefully not cynicism, but that might be better than
nothing which is what I'm more afraid of. I'm seriously close to some kind of breakdown, I think, and my girlfriend is unequipped to help me with it... nor should I, in good conscience, burden her with helping me further than she already has, financially OR emotionally. I've managed to pay rent every month up till now with help from my Grandpa, but his wife is telling him to stop supporting me from afar.
Suffice to say, I'm in this here shit days club pretty deep at this point. I've considered and discarded the idea of doing something illegal or otherwise desperate to get some money. In the past, crime wasn't as irresponsible a choice to make as it was only my own worthless life in question, but now I have someone in my life whom I care about enough to avoid that kind of lifestyle.
Which leaves me with nothing but desperation.
To make it all worse, all I see around me is loved ones dying, losing their hearing, hair, in the hospital, out of work, depressed, with child and loveless, homeless, loveless, penniless and generally miserable.
Since we are all riding the ship of the damned, I propose trying
something desperate.
