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[Thad]

There's been talk of recording radio dramas in the past.  McDohl put together a slightly horrifying KateStory script, Stiv suggested adapting Gonterman's book, and a comment on GP has led me to consider how awesome it would be to adapt the Jack Thompson bar trial.

Again, I'm likely to be pretty busy in the immediate future, and we've got plenty of other projects that have been proposed, but it'd be cool to make a thing like that someday.

[McDohl]

Wouldn't an accurate dramatization of the Jack Thompson bar trial just be

<Thompson> CAN I READ MY STATEMENT?
<Judge> No.
<Thompson> FUCK YOU!

[Cannon]

Wouldn't an inaccurate dramatization include big budget special effects, a score by Harry Gregson-Williams, and Harlan Ellison as Jack Thompson?

[Brentai]

...oh, he IS still alive.  Well, that makes TWO people I didn't expect to see still drawing breath.

[Thad]

McDohl put together a slightly horrifying KateStory script

It has occurred to me that next year is KateStory's 15th anniversary AND Stef's wedding.  Dohl, you still got that script?

[McDohl]

I'd have to dig through backups...maybe.
  EUREKA!

Code: [Select]



(Intro music -- ???.mp3)

NARRATOR --
Katestory: Book 1 - The Adventure Begins
Originally written by Stefanie Londo, Thad Boyd, Brent Roberts, and Anthony Testa
Adapted by Adam Nelson

NARRATOR --
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book.  However, there is another book in this universe that is quite remarkable.  The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is remarkable is that it is the standard repository for anything on anything in the known universe, and in some cases, the unknown universe.  The other book was originated on a small, unregarded planet orbiting a small, unregarded yellow sun.  Of course, I am talking about Earth.  Anyway, the first words of this book were penned by an ape-decendent by the name of Stefanie Londo.  She suggested that someone follow up her first short, but immortal, line with their own.  And so, the book was born.  This book's name?  Katestory.

(ominous thunder)

NARRATOR --
If any of the following doesn't make sense to you, count yourself lucky, as most of it is as apocryphal as the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.  If any of the following DOES make sense to you, then all hope is lost.  Continue listening to this tale...if you dare.

(fade music)

NARRATOR --
Kelly was a girl who lived in a far away land.  She was bored a lot, so she decided to go on an adventure.  Shortly after setting out, she saw a white rabbit.

WHITE RABBIT --
Oh dear, oh dear, I shall be late!

NARRATOR --
For some reason, Alice...er, Kelly...didn't think this unusual at all, but then it pulled a watch from its waistcoat pocket.  Now, Kelly had never seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat pocket nor a watch to pull out of it.

(SFX - Star Trek Transporter beam noise)

NARRATOR --
Quite suddenly, she was beamed up to an alien spaceship.  The aliens warped her to another dimension where a big red cat flew out of the sky.  Very soon afterward, a chihuahua followed.

KELLY --
Who are you?

REN --
I'm Ren.  Meet my friend, Stimpy.  He's an eediot!

STIMPY (?) --
I'm not Stimpy.

KELLY --
Oh dear, I want to leave here!  Which way should I go?

CHESHIRE CAT --
Where do you want to go?

KELLY --
It doesn't matter where.

CHESHIRE CAT --
Then it doesn't matter which way you go?

KELLY --
What's that way?

CHESHIRE CAT --
That way is the home of the March Hare.  The other way leads to the Mad Hatter.

KELLY --
Who should I see?

CHESHIRE CAT --
It doesn't really matter.  They're both mad.  Everyone here is.  I'm mad.  You're mad!

KELLY --
Why do you think you're mad?

CHESHIRE CAT --
Well, a dog is not mad, is it?  Er, I mean, other than Ren over there.

KELLY --
Well, no...

CHESHIRE CAT --
Well, dogs growl when they're angry and wag their tails when they're happy; whereas I growl when I'm happy, and wag my tail when I'm angry.  Therefore, I'm mad.

KELLY --
I call it purring, not growling.

CHESHIRE CAT --
Call it what you want.

KELLY --
Isn't it a bit presumptuous assuming I'm mad, though?

CHESHIRE CAT --
You must be mad, otherwise you wouldn't be here!

(pause as cat disappears)

KELLY --
I've often seen a cat without a grin, but a grin without a cat?

NARRATOR --
She suddenly realized that she was talking to noone, as the chihuahua had wandered off, bored with the conversation.  Quite suddenly -

(SFX - Chrono Trigger time portal opening)

NARRATOR --
Kelly fell through a door to Christmas Town and met Jack Skellington, who promptly dumped her out of his world and in to a dimension where Sega rules everything.

KELLY --
Where am I?

COMPUTER-LIKE VOICE --
Video Games Bulletin Board.

(SFX - Chrono Trigger time portal)

YAKKO --
I'm Yakko!

WAKKO --
I'm Wakko!

DOT --
...and I'm cuuuuuute!

(SFX - Jurrasic Park Velociraptor roar, alternately, Godzilla roar for more comedic effect)

KELLY --
Oh no!

(SFX - Comic chomp sound effect)

NARRATOR --
After a while, she awoke, finding herself lying next to a very familiar lamppost in the middle of a forest.  As Kelly looked at her surroundings, a large, gold lion appeared, along with a boy and girl.

EUSTACE --
'Ello, what's this? (perhaps a Cockney accent for extra annoyance factor?)

JILL --
Why, it's a miracle!  I think it's the end of Thad writing about Alice in Wonderland!

ASLAN --
You are guilty of the sin of jealousy, my children.  You really wanted to come in instead of giving Alice her turn.  No big deal, though.

REN --
You eediot!

HEDGEHOG X --
Hold it!  Reality check!  This is not real.  The events happening are reflections of your friends, interests, and traits.

KELLY --
What does it all mean?

HEDGEHOG X --
It means...

(SFX - Slap)

HEDGEHOG X --
Wake up!

NARRATOR --
Indeed, she did wake up, but not as she might have hoped.  As she awoke, she found herself in what could only be described as inky darkness.  She was not alone long, as an odd purple hedgehog came running by.

HEDGEHOG X --
Are you out of place, too?

Kelly --
Yes!

HEDGEHOG X --
My name is Hedgehog X.  My sister is wierding out, using her powers of Chaos to throw us all in to unknown dimensions.  This is not like her.  I came to the conclusion that she is under some kind of spell.

NARRATOR --
And almost as if those words were the key to unlocking some fabled, untold power, the world, quite suddenly, exploded.  Not long after, Kelly found herself in a completely different world, along with her new friend, Hedgehog X.

KELLY --
Where are we now?

REN --
YOU EEDIOT!

(SFX - Repeated thwacking noise)

STIMPY --
But Ren...

REN --
Shut up, you fool!  You haven't been able to say a seengle funny line seence John K. was fired because he couldn't roduce our cartoons fast eenough!

KELLY --
I see a pattern!  On Earth, all these characters we're seeing now are fictional.  I've been to Wonderland, Halloween Town, and Narnia which are lands from popular books and movies!

HEDGEHOG X --
Now you understand.  Let's get ready for our chance to stop my sister, because...

KELLY --
Because...what?

HEDGEHOG X --
Sonic the Hedgehog is on in five minutes...

NARRATOR --
How they stopped this mysterious Kate person, not anyone is completely sure.  The fact of the matter is, the remainder of this part of the story is untold.  Here is what the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy has to say on Katestory.

(SFX - Narrator clearing throat)

NARRATOR --
"Dude, Double-U Tee Eff?  I mean, seriously."



...I wrote this?  Good GOD. D:

This needs judicious, vindictive editing, to quote Parish.
... According to XP's time/datestamp, it's almost the 2nd-year anniversary of this script!

[Thad]

Well, that's what I said at the time, but there's possibility there.  Good show on removing the dated references and paring the Ego Trip Team down to Hedgehog X.

I still say the narrator should change with each chapter.  Possibly in mid-sentence.

[Royal☭]

I still say the narrator should change with each chapter.  Possibly in mid-sentence.

We can do that, we have the technology.

The best way I can think of for doing a radio play is to have one person act as the sound manager, who will be in charge of editing together all sound files.  Every actor sets up audacity to record only their mic's input, then gets on a voice chat service like Skype or Ventrillo.  You then proceed to act it out, and when finished send the full audio files to the sound manager.  He edits them for timing and sets it to music and adds sound effects.  It'd be a lot of work for whomever decides to do that.

[McDohl]

Jerk Radio, at least the later episodes, where I have a decent internet connection and a badass headset, is proof that there is hope in the world for Skype.
Also, everything beyond episode 7 or so was edited by me, so consider that my resume for sound editing.

Also, if we use Skype, I have Pamela, something designed to work with Skype directly.

It records my vocals on one channel, and everyone else on the other.  I haven't figured out if there's a way to split it to where everyone's on their own separate channel.  When I get home today, I'll dick around with settings and see what comes up.

EDIT: Can someone take a hacksaw to the script?  I have no idea what to do with it at this point.