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[Catloaf]

Hand-written, one time use talismans.  But essentially yes, that is how it works.

[Classic]

But- but, I thought jews have all of the watches.

[The Artist Formerly Known As Yoji]

On a less jolly note, this reminds me of something I saw on TV recently (60 Minutes or somesuch). It was talking about all the Islamofascist groups. Taliban, I think. Or was it the Iranian government? I forget exactly which.

ANYWAY, some group was handing out doctored versions of the Qur'an to villagers way out in the boonies. And by doctored I mean inserting mentions of tanks, missiles, and other elements of modern warfare into passages about the rules of war and such. "And thou shalt smite them with tanks and missiles and suicide bombs" or some similar tune, and I think they bought it hook, line, and sinker.

Crap like that makes me so deathly afraid of holy books. "Blunt object" might be a pretty apt description of the things.

As for the unborn... well, those are really great for Jew-Magics and can be transmuted into gold, rubies, diamonds, sapphires, other gemstones and most importantly the only antidote for the poison we put in everyone's drinking water.

[Transportation]

This is only silly because it is happening in 2009 and not, like, the 1500's.

PROTESTAAAANTS.

It's only weird that they feel the need to be blatant and formal about it. I doubt it'll go anywhere, though. Just ignoring the parts you dislike has been the fundamentalist algorithm since ancient times and works very well.

It's not like people actually read the Bible.

The Conservative Bible Project is a collaborative effort to "re-translate" the King James Bible, to remove liberal bias and bring out the conservative ideology inherent in the real text.  On the chopping board are such obviously inappropriate and radical sentiments as Luke 23:34, "Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do."

Why are they even retranslating something that is a (terrible) translation from ancient Greek/Hebrew source material? I could click the link, but any answer is wrong as my logic is flawless.

They're only as far as Mark and John, so no word yet how these will get treated:

"For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book: And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book."
"Ye shall not add unto the word which I command you, neither shall ye diminish ought from it, that ye may keep the commandments of the LORD your God which I command you."
"Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him.  Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar."
"For ever, O LORD, thy word is settled in heaven."

Mohammad did that too (or an angel told him to, whatever), after seeing Christianity's many heresies during the European Dark Ages. Said he was the last prophet for reals no changing the perfect book.

This somehow translates into the modern era of Islamic clerics declaring fatwas on anything that offends them personally.

Also, that's technically Mark and John talking, so you just have to claim divine inspiration and PRESTO you get an exception c.f. Mormons.

[Brentai]

"And thou shalt smite them with tanks and missiles and suicide bombs"

...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xOrgLj9lOwk

[Kashan]

The "god will smite you if you change this" thing was actually a fairly common use closing to important writings that were going to be copied and read widely.

[Thad]

Yeah I'm more fascinated by what the end result will look like more than anything.

Though I can guess.  Ultraconservative rhetoric is depressingly indistinguishable from parody.

I've honestly been wondering if Conservapedia is an elaborate hoax from day one.

[Brentai]

The idea that Conservapedia is 100% free of trolls is outright laughable, but even so I believe in the sincerity of stuff like this.

Even if the site started as a joke, letting the real loonies run the bin is guaranteed to be funnier than anything you could do.

[Zaratustra]

Also, technically ALL of the Bible was written by Jews.

I think once you've been baptized you're not considered jewish anymore.

Also, I've perused the thing for a few minutes, and it seems quite similar to the KJV version except for wording. Does "thee" have a liberal bent I am not aware of?

[Classic]

In the conservative alphabet, "liberal" begins with an "e".


That's what the extra "e" is for. ... It's silent.

[Brentai]

Does "thee" have a liberal bent I am not aware of?

It used to be the form of 'you' used to address equals or inferiors.  Yes, English used to have that politeness level bullshit too.  I think the KJV actually fucks it up (having been written when that sort of thing was already archaic) which is why modern English speakers tend to be a little confused about it and only invoke it at ren fairs.  Modernizing the language was probably the best way to not accidentally disrespect the Lord.

[Classic]

Where did you hear this and will this resource teach me how to properly tell a churl to "shut thine mouth cur!"?

[Mongrel]

In the conservative alphabet, "liberal" begins with an "e".


That's what the extra "e" is for. ... It's silent.

They're 'e-liberals'? No wonder Republicans think technology is evil. 

[JDigital]

Where did you hear this and will this resource teach me how to properly tell a churl to "shut thy mouth, cur!"?

Read some Shakespeare will probably do it.