So I has a hat.
As a "thank you" from the studios for not pirating their shit all the time, most of us got to skip work today and go see this movie a day early. And we got a sweet fucking hat. I really enjoyed it!
Skipping work I mean. And getting the hat. The movie, not so much.
It's a mess... bad writing, bad acting, and probably more egregiously, bad special effects and really, really bad 3-D. I think they straddled the line too much between "spectacle film" and "loving homage to an incredibly cheesy original". There's a lot of buildup to monsters that aren't anything more special than the enemies from the original God of War. The big moneyshot kraken itself is [spoiler]basically just a rancor riding an octopus[/spoiler].
As for everything else... I just found out that the guy who played Perseus is the
same guy as Jake Sully, basically cementing his place as the go-to guy when you need a mumbling chunk of meat who won't draw attention away from the special effects too much. Liam Neeson is somewhere under his goofy fluorescent armor and fake beard, trying his damnedest to play both a petty rapist and loving father at the same time. Voldemort was clearly given a piece of paper by the director by the director reading "Be Voldemort", and is doing everything he can to disobey that order without anyone who writes a paycheck noticing. And there are some chicks whose job is to basically try to be attractive while being completely outshone by, you guessed it,
fucking Medusa. I can't remember the last time there was a depiction of Medusa that you were clearly meant to want to stick your rock hard dick into. Bleh.
If you
have to see it, I humbly suggest you see it in 2-D. Seriously. The film was clearly not shot in 3-D, and so you end up with hastily post-processed effects that very literally resemble a pop-up book. It's distracting, and with the visual impact being clearly the only part of the movie that matters, that's a very bad thing.
It's not a horrible movie. It's not really walk-out bad. But you gotta remember, I was basically being paid for the time I wasted in there. If I had paid for the whole 3D IMAX "experience"... yeah, I think I'd be pretty pissed right now. At the very least, I would want a nice hat for it.
You can't have mine. Mine is fucking amazing.
