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i'm fat

3 (0.7%)

i'm lazy

9 (2.2%)

i'm fat and lazy

8 (2%)

everyone hates me

5 (1.2%)

i hate everyone

6 (1.5%)

there's a rock in my shoe

0 (0%)

there's sand in my vagina

1 (0.2%)

there's sand in my butthole

0 (0%)

i have a stick in my butt

1 (0.2%)

something else in my butt

0 (0%)

guys are jerks

2 (0.5%)

girls are evil

2 (0.5%)

people who paint with a broad brush when discussing gender

6 (1.5%)

nothing i do works out because i sabotage it

11 (2.7%)

nothing i do works out because other people sabotage it

3 (0.7%)

when i was little someone said or did something inappropriate to me or near me and now i drink every night

0 (0%)

rap stars

1 (0.2%)

i'm too negative

9 (2.2%)

i'm overly optimistic

5 (1.2%)

cavities in all my teeth

6 (1.5%)

there's a snake in my boot

2 (0.5%)

they canceled aaah real monsters

1 (0.2%)

self-reflection

8 (2%)

silence makes me uncomfortable

0 (0%)

people are too clingy

0 (0%)

people are too distant

4 (1%)

my parents did something wrong and now it's my problem too

3 (0.7%)

i have a learning disability

3 (0.7%)

emotions are illogical

3 (0.7%)

logic is hard

1 (0.2%)

the bank took my house

0 (0%)

i'm broke

6 (1.5%)

my car sucks and i'm broke

3 (0.7%)

my job sucks, my car sucks and i'm broke

4 (1%)

people who don't drink alcohol and lord it over everyone else

0 (0%)

people who drink alcohol and try to drag me down to their level

2 (0.5%)

people who define life in dichotomies

4 (1%)

i'm shy

7 (1.7%)

i put my foot in my mouth too often

5 (1.2%)

texting

0 (0%)

texting haters

0 (0%)

facebook

4 (1%)

myspace

2 (0.5%)

the internet

4 (1%)

games are too easy

2 (0.5%)

games are too hard

2 (0.5%)

i have no skills

9 (2.2%)

nobody will use my skills

8 (2%)

the bank took my skills

0 (0%)

katrina and oil spills

2 (0.5%)

i used to think melissa joan hart was hot

3 (0.7%)

pokemon got stupid

2 (0.5%)

i'm not getting laid

11 (2.7%)

the other 99 problems

3 (0.7%)

i don't own a nice suit and have a need for one

0 (0%)

my pet hates people

0 (0%)

it's too hot when i sleep

3 (0.7%)

it's too cold when i sleep

0 (0%)

my feet

2 (0.5%)

my hair

4 (1%)

my face

3 (0.7%)

my body

8 (2%)

my (body part)

2 (0.5%)

guild

5 (1.2%)

a very specific and possibly irrational fear i have to deal with on a daily basis

3 (0.7%)

Poor punctuation, capitalization or spelling.

5 (1.2%)

#finalfight

0 (0%)

the boards

1 (0.2%)

terra's a baby

4 (1%)

sharkey left

3 (0.7%)

thad won't tell me how to vote

1 (0.2%)

kazz is too sexy

8 (2%)

i'm not frocto

3 (0.7%)

i'm brentai

1 (0.2%)

friday won't date me

4 (1%)

werewolf

2 (0.5%)

people play jokes on me

0 (0%)

people don't appreciate my jokes

4 (1%)

i feel guilty about a bad habit, such as eating habits or fingernail biting

4 (1%)

i have a bathroom-related fetish

2 (0.5%)

i'm closeted

0 (0%)

homophobia

1 (0.2%)

the gays/mexicans/spics/wops/jews/japs/lolcats

2 (0.5%)

republicans

9 (2.2%)

democrats

3 (0.7%)

glenn beck

9 (2.2%)

robert de niro

0 (0%)

morgan freeman

0 (0%)

helena bonham carter

1 (0.2%)

you made me racist because i hate lolcats

0 (0%)

tivo has forced ads into my sitcom/drama

0 (0%)

i'm going to die

5 (1.2%)

my co-worker

1 (0.2%)

my underling

0 (0%)

my boss

1 (0.2%)

paying for things

5 (1.2%)

thieves

0 (0%)

noise at night

0 (0%)

social networking in general

3 (0.7%)

i walk funny because my left leg is longer than my right

0 (0%)

there's nothing new under the sun

2 (0.5%)

my sibling(s) is/are more successful than me

3 (0.7%)

my parent(s) is/are ashamed of me

1 (0.2%)

religion

2 (0.5%)

atheism

3 (0.7%)

lost my wallet/keys/purse/phone

0 (0%)

lost my keys

0 (0%)

school

3 (0.7%)

incompetence

6 (1.5%)

steve jobs

0 (0%)

keyboard sand

0 (0%)

i get asked to do things for free that i should be getting paid to do

4 (1%)

setbacks

2 (0.5%)

the feeling of my tongue or finger rubbing against the inside edge of a soda can mouth

1 (0.2%)

backne

4 (1%)

shaving

2 (0.5%)

the color (color)

0 (0%)

people who do imitations of voices from the television (even if they do it well)

0 (0%)

improper use of apostrophe's

9 (2.2%)

nascar

1 (0.2%)

seeds in bread

2 (0.5%)

flakey people

4 (1%)

infomercials

0 (0%)

words like 'infomercials'

3 (0.7%)

fanboys/girls

1 (0.2%)

hand writing anything

4 (1%)

liars

0 (0%)

nostalgia

1 (0.2%)

the fact that fat is fattening, sugar is bad and salt is worse

7 (1.7%)

bossy people

1 (0.2%)

the smell of gasoline

0 (0%)

having to clean my house/room/car

6 (1.5%)

werewolf apathy

5 (1.2%)

jimboys taco house

0 (0%)

i have no beer/drugs/cigarettes/booze/favorite food

3 (0.7%)

option 136

5 (1.2%)

people who curse

0 (0%)

fucking retards

5 (1.2%)

the bar scene

4 (1%)

overmoderation

2 (0.5%)

posting attitudes

4 (1%)

bullshit

3 (0.7%)

nipple hair

4 (1%)

Total Members Voted: 25

[Kazz]

well it's my problem now

[the asshole you hate]

nobody around here is having sex, it seems

on the other hand, i've been retrograde ejaculating because of an infection in my epididymus caused by not peeing after sex (so the doctor told me today after fondling horribly embarassing me in front of a female intern) which is incredibly painful btw

i guess life really is all about dichotomies so - be haaaapy with your proooblems, 'cause at least you're not meeee~

[Beat Bandit]

Got over 25 problems, but my dick ain't one.

[Detonator]

nobody around here is having sex, it seems

Actually I'm surprised at how FEW people voted for that option.

[Frocto]

potential tmi:

[spoiler]The last time a girl offered me sex, I turned her down because I didn't want to fuck her before her boyfriend had. Also he was there in the bed with us.

Since then, I've had a girl willing and ready to go, but she has self-esteem/depression issues[/spoiler]

[the asshole you hate]

That's not how you TMI Frocto.



I am in so much pain. My right ball has been hurting for three days now. I went to the doctor yesterday after retrograde ejaculating twice in a row. I knew what it was from listening to Loveline every night, but I'd never experienced it. It's where you ejaculate into your bladder instead of out your urethra. It hurts a little but it's not too bad. Your pee turns cloudy afterwards.

While on the subject of my cloudy urine and retrograde ejaculation, the doctor told me I should pee after sex to avoid infections; he said he tells that to girls also.

so

Pubic service announcement: pee after sex. He also told me that as we men get older our ability to start and stop peeing diminishes. Interesting factiod.

Next came the ball examination.

First he asked me if his my-age female intern could watch the exam and i was like

.oO(no) "ok"

"Ok, drop your pants and underwear to the floor."

.oO(what) "ok"

I've never felt such horrible shame and embarrassment. My penis was shrunk like a hairy infant blind mole. I'm just glad i had clean underwear on.

At first i tried to just stare out the window and pretend i was somewhere fun, but then as he rolled my balls around with his gloves i started watching because it hurt and i wanted to kick him in the face.

But he had my balls in his hands so I very cleverly did not.

I just stared at him like a hyena watching lions eat, thinking 'you asshole, be careful; those are delicate right now.'

He told me my epididymus was backed up with bacteria. He prescribed a shot of penicillin mixed with painkiller into my buttcheek. I couldn't look the intern in the eyes. I felt like she was laughing behind her professional mask. All in my head of course (I hope) and furthermore completely unimportant in light of the joy I felt at not actually having ball cancer.

Now i'm mostly trying to sit comfortably, which seems impossible.

[Frocto]

well I did say potential

also, you could try to take comfort in knowing you experienced a situation that would make other men jealous

[Beat Bandit]

Pubic service announcement: pee after sex.

Funny story: this came up in vent, and it isn't like, common knowledge at this point? No offense to you Guild but apparently word is not as readily available as I thought that 90% of bad things that happen to your penis are because you don't pee after ejaculating.

I couldn't look the intern in the eyes. I felt like she was laughing behind her professional mask.

She sees like thirty weird dicks a day probably. If you're the one with enough balls to wink at her when said balls are being fondled by an old man, you suddenly become that much cooler.

[the asshole you hate]

FROCTO WHO WOULD BE JEALOUS OF THAT STORY oh you mean sex? whatever - sex is fun but not everything

i think i just want a wife/to be in love at this point

Fowl:                                                          NOBODY TOLD ME OK?! OK?!

[Frocto]

FROCTO WHO WOULD BE JEALOUS OF THAT STORY

http://www.cfnm.net/ (nsfw)

[the asshole you hate]

haha oh man that's great i should sell this story as porn then

[Shinra]

nobody around here is having sex, it seems

on the other hand, i've been retrograde ejaculating because of an infection in my epididymus caused by not peeing after sex (so the doctor told me today after fondling horribly embarassing me in front of a female intern) which is incredibly painful btw

i guess life really is all about dichotomies so - be haaaapy with your proooblems, 'cause at least you're not meeee~

I'm having plenty of sex. I just didn't bother with the poll since it yelled at me for having more than 25 problems.

My wife is crazy in the sack, by the way.

[Ziiro]

Everyone Else Has Had More Sex Than Me

[Detonator]

I take back everything good I said about this thread.