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[Beat Bandit]

I remember when I was a kid and my day care bought a bunch of NES consoles, which were my introductions to video games. We loaded up the game, then just sat there staring at Mario, who was unable to move because we, a bunch of damn ass kids playing a video game for the first time, couldn't figure out how to make him move without some onscreen text.

Ah yes, the good 'ol Nintendo that came out of the box with the game running. A controller with two different inputs for movement and another set of buttons designed in the same pattern as both the others, and the touchscreen functionality that may have been the only thing you knew of it before giving it a try. That and the fact that whenever you own a system, a bunch of different people are all getting a few minutes with it at most, just like the situation at hand.

And the option to input on a touch screen?

But your characters are on the top screen.

If you assume that should mean something to the majority of random Target shoppers than you're probably not in a position to judge what they do need explained to them.

[Royal☭]

You realize that this game was not made specifically for the Target kiosk, right? Like, the tutorial with "Press button to move" probably exists in the game itself. Nintendo did not design their game just for kiosks. You can buy it and take it home where it will then educate you on the fundamentals of movement.

Is the only way you can have a debate on here to be as obtuse a moron as you can possibly be? Because if you're just naturally this stupid, I can see why it appeals to you to have to be told that the buttons with arrows on them are the ones you use to move.

[Classic]

Is the only way you can have a debate on here to be as obtuse a moron as you can possibly be?

Cool your jets ace, you're flying into the Hypocrisy Zone.
I know this isn't the Jizzporium, but you're both kinda being sarcastic assholes who aren't giving the benefit of the doubt to the other person's ability to communicate clearly.


BTW: However clear you thought your biting sarcasm was, I honestly thought you just had an exceptionally timid group of children at your school.

[Beat Bandit]

Is the only way you can have a debate on here to be as obtuse a moron as you can possibly be? Because if you're just naturally this stupid, I can see why it appeals to you to have to be told that the buttons with arrows on them are the ones you use to move.

Sorry, let me rephrase my original point.

If snarky analogies is going to be your thing, learn what 'analogous' fucking means before you try.

You realize that this game was not made specifically for the Target kiosk, right? Like, the tutorial with "Press button to move" probably exists in the game itself. Nintendo did not design their game just for kiosks. You can buy it and take it home where it will then educate you on the fundamentals of movement.

Yeah actually, it basically was. The 2D Mario games are the backbone of Nintendo's catalogue, and the main unit mover for systems. They're designed to be simple and fun, easy to pick-up and to have broad appeal.

Nintendo decides what games they put on those stands, and they invest the money and resources learning how much information they can give to inform those that need it without strangling those who don't. That's why it's a simple window and not a full tutorial you play to learn everything, both because it's middle ground and something you can see while actually experiencing the game proper.

Though I'm sure your bullshit opinions are just as good as actual reason or defense. So if you've got more of those to share in place of explanation actually regarding the point, feel free to go fuck yourself share go fuck yourself.

[Bongo Bill]

I can't remember whether the full version of Super Mario 3D Land included a message indicating that you should use the analog slider to control Mario. This is because, even even if it did, it'd have been one innocuous sentence and holy shit who cares.

[Brentai]

Is this what happens when the rest of the world is so uniformly terrible that you barely-stabilized jerkbombs can't disagree about what sucks except in the context of in-game manuals?

[Sharkey]

I've seen some stupid arguments around here, but this takes the taco.

Please carry on.

[Thad]

More to the point, it's not like it locked you into an unskippable tutorial, right? The most basic possible indication of how to hold the controller isn't something that should compel you to defend your honor against a display cabinet.

No, it's just, you know, a pretty fucking good indicator that this is a game that is going to have lots and lots of unskippable tutorials.

Which, as it turns out from spending thirty seconds searching online for reviews of the game, it totally does!

[Friday]

I used to think tutorials were a really stupid idea, like, are you fucking joking, who would be stupid enough to not figure out how to play Mario or whatever, but then I started watching LPs, and my god, some of you fucks are so. fucking. stupid. like.

How do you drive? Are you OK?

anyway that's not really relevant to this convo just saying jesus fucking christ please don't get behind the wheel of a 2 ton death machine while texting Sophia on your phone about how good a driver you are lol oh wait someone is honking frantically at me for some reason brb lmao

[Friday]

haha stuck in 14 car pile up 26 dead lmao they should put lasers over the lane dividers so we know not to change lanes without signalling

i am still not clear on what yield means so i just ignore it lol killed 18 so far that way ;D

[A²]

More to the point, it's not like it locked you into an unskippable tutorial, right? The most basic possible indication of how to hold the controller isn't something that should compel you to defend your honor against a display cabinet.

No, it's just, you know, a pretty fucking good indicator that this is a game that is going to have lots and lots of unskippable tutorials.

Which, as it turns out from spending thirty seconds searching online for reviews of the game, it totally does!

I just started the game yesterday.

There's been plenty of tutorials. Almost all of them are skippable. You start a battle or begin the event, and the Toad asks "Oh! Do you need a reminder about [something]?"
The cursor defaults to "No". If you select no, he buggers off.

I ran through a few of them because it's been forever since I played a M&L game, and in one case I wanted to make sure a mechanic was the way I remembered it in the previous game, so I hit yes. The dude then goes "Okay! When this happens, do this!" And then it happens once, and they freeze the game at the right spot to make sure you get it, and that's it, it doesn't force you to do it 10 times to make sure.

What I'm saying is, online reviews are shit and this is the most Thad thing you've ever gotten worked up about.

[R^2]

He already knows about timed hits!

[Thad]

I'm not sure you should look at the one guy in the thread who's not threatening to stab somebody's mother over a mild disagreement and accuse him of being worked up, but sure, my half-dozen sentences on the subject over the past week clearly indicate an irrational fixation that keeps me up nights.

I'll come back when I've calmed down enough to spend four paragraphs getting defensive because somebody didn't play a game at a Target kiosk.



(Which as we all know is exactly the sort of thing I would never do!

Unless they misplaced a comma somewhere.

...Wait, was that four paragraphs?

Shit.)

[Brentai]

The problem we all have is that you're acting like your very reasonable and agreeable assumption that a modern Nintendo game is going to constantly stop the flow of events to explain to you that MARIO MARIO THAT DOOR WITH A LOCK ON IT REQUIRES A KEY is based entirely around the fact that the game gives you a control prompt in the very early stages, and not a more nuanced intuition based on a combination of the game's developer and the amount of text currently in front of you.

To put it less obtusely: Fucking Demon's Souls starts off with a prompt that tells you which analog stick moves your character around, and nobody has ever accused Demon's Souls of holding the player's hand or over-explaining itself.

(To be fair, "use the left analog stick to move your character" is probably the only button command in Demon's Souls that anybody would call obvious, but you can easily find less justifiable examples.)

[Frocto]

you could just have the screen be blank to start with, and then have a "push stick to go" prompt appear if mario is idle for like 5-10 seconds?

also wow this thread

[Royal☭]

I don't understand why game companies don't go the Half-Life route and just make the tutorials a separate little segment. That was the best idea.

[Mongrel]

wow this thread

[Brentai]

so outrage

[Frocto]

[Beat Bandit]

Not to assume a human being could interpret that, but I'm pretty sure Frocto either thinks this is a different conversation or doesn't know who anyone is.