In which R^2 is at his local library, reading a book on vegetable and fruit sculpture, and is accosted by a surly redneck:
"You stay away from my boy," growls the redneck.
"I bet your pardon?"
"You stay away from my boy."
"...go home, you're drunk." Given how he smelled, he may well have been.
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?"
Every head in the library turns.
"There aren't any kids around here and I haven't moved for twenty minutes." At this point I channel a little Dr. Orpheus, because why not? "So please take your local flavor elsewhere."
"YOU WANT A PIECE OF THIS YOU LITTLE PRICK?" Wow I didn't even know libraries had security guards but here comes one now. Might as well go for broke.
"A piece of what, your extra chromosome?"
And that's how I provoked a guy into getting thrown out of a library. I also learned how to make an adorable melon hedgehog. It's was a full day.