there are a few tricks to make dwarves train but you can't un-military them for the most part; the military is, almost entirely, broken.
The best way to handle a military is to draft all the useless dwarves - you don't need more than two cheesemakers/milkers if you use them at all, you don't need potash makers, lye makers, etc. Soap is nice for happy thoughts but there's a million more efficient ways to get them that don't involve devoting multiple dwarves to a niche industry.
Once you are ready to designate your barracks and are prepared to lose all of your military designated dwarves to the military, forever designate two beds / items in the barracks room, assign them both to your squad you want to train there and then set both to train. Make sure to monitor your military for starvation - occasionally they will get drill locked and won't eat or sleep or drink unless you un-designate the barracks, wait for them to get a meal, and then re-designate. Some people suggest changing training schedules - this is a lot more likely to get your dwarves standinga round doing nothing / attending parties / doing individual combat drills and nothing else.
I enjoy the new version, and can't play the old version after playing the new version, but I can't help but feel that DF2010 is completely unplayable right now. A few people have gotten 10+ year forts out of this, but it really feels like pulling teeth to me. Given how much of a problem the military is at the moment, (and burrows, while we're at it) I suspect both will be fixed soon enough.
