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Author Topic: Crude, Lewd, and Rude Jokes  (Read 11144 times)

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Büge

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Re: Crude, Lewd, and Rude Jokes
« Reply #20 on: March 28, 2009, 08:32:03 AM »

How do you kill a one-legged fox? Make it run across Canada.

I was just about to post that one.  :perfect:
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Kazz

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Re: Crude, Lewd, and Rude Jokes
« Reply #21 on: March 28, 2009, 10:35:28 AM »

A young girl asks her step-father if she can go over to a friend's for a slumber party.
The father says, "Yes, but you have to suck my dick first."
"But I don't wanna do that!"
"Well, then you can not go to your friend's."
"Oh, fine."

The little girl puts her step-dad's dick in her mouth and immediately spits it out and exclaims, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit!"

"Well, your brother really wanted to go biking."

This one is better-told as follows:

Girl goes to dad, says "Dad, can I borrow the car?"  Dad says, "Not unless you suck my dick!"  So she does, and then goes "Dad, your dick tastes like shit!"  And dad says "Oh yeah, your brother borrowed the car."
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Cyan Prime

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Re: Crude, Lewd, and Rude Jokes
« Reply #22 on: March 28, 2009, 10:36:45 AM »

I got fired from the pickle factory after sticking my penis in the pickle slicer.

of course she got fired too.
:perfect:
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yyler

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Re: Crude, Lewd, and Rude Jokes
« Reply #23 on: March 28, 2009, 11:07:20 AM »

I've known the pickle one since about second grade. Feel kinda terrible now.
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Detonator

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Re: Crude, Lewd, and Rude Jokes
« Reply #24 on: April 02, 2009, 03:18:30 PM »

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"Imagine punching somebody so hard that they turned into a door. Then you found out that's where ALL doors come from, and you got initiated into a murder club that makes doors. The stronger you punch, the better the door. So there are like super strong murderers who punch people into Venetian doors and shit"

Norondor

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Re: Crude, Lewd, and Rude Jokes
« Reply #25 on: April 02, 2009, 05:30:00 PM »

(6:23:11 PM) endrildarkwood: Oh that reminds me
(6:23:23 PM) endrildarkwood: we were in mixed company and z IMed hans
(6:23:30 PM) endrildarkwood: and was like "hans do you want to come over"
(6:23:38 PM) endrildarkwood: and hans said "yeah I just need a minute to shower"
(6:23:59 PM) endrildarkwood: and z made some comment about hans coming over after his "efficient german shower"
(6:24:10 PM) endrildarkwood: and didn't realize until like a minute later what he had done.
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Niku

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Re: Crude, Lewd, and Rude Jokes
« Reply #26 on: April 02, 2009, 07:57:51 PM »

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Evn5uft2hsg

does it count if they're not supposed to be jokes
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Kazz

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Re: Crude, Lewd, and Rude Jokes
« Reply #27 on: April 02, 2009, 08:47:14 PM »

when i saw the girl behind the kitchen line i was like "oh god, she is so fucked"

those commercials are as bad as SAW
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Doom

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Re: Crude, Lewd, and Rude Jokes
« Reply #28 on: April 02, 2009, 09:26:21 PM »

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugTeOz7rsgE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6IJYzT9H0Q&feature=related

Was actually amazed that Niku's link wasn't these as soon as I saw they were Canadian.

Canada is insane.

Also yes I laughed way too hard at all of these except for that chef girl jesus christ.
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Detonator

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Re: Crude, Lewd, and Rude Jokes
« Reply #29 on: April 02, 2009, 09:41:01 PM »

I heard these played on the radio the other week.  They were disturbing enough without the visuals.
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"Imagine punching somebody so hard that they turned into a door. Then you found out that's where ALL doors come from, and you got initiated into a murder club that makes doors. The stronger you punch, the better the door. So there are like super strong murderers who punch people into Venetian doors and shit"

Disposable Ninja

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Re: Crude, Lewd, and Rude Jokes
« Reply #30 on: April 02, 2009, 09:56:53 PM »

What stations do those commercials play on? All I can imagine is that it's 4 O' Clock, kids are coming home, time to watch their favorite show and then... oil on the face.
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JDigital

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Re: Crude, Lewd, and Rude Jokes
« Reply #31 on: April 03, 2009, 11:40:36 PM »

We got those in the UK a few years ago. Now we have ads with tamer accidents, asking, "Have you been injured at work? You could be entitled to compensation! Call Ambulance Chasers now, on..."
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Mongrel

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Re: Crude, Lewd, and Rude Jokes
« Reply #32 on: April 04, 2009, 07:55:46 AM »

Ever seen the New Zealand traffic saftey campaign from a few years back? THOSE are nuts.

Without a doubt, I have never seen more (or stronger!) instances of "OH WOW THEY JUST WENT THERE" in a public service message than I did with those ads.

I can't find the original series... more recent ones on YouTube are a little tamer. But if I say "That one with the pregnant woman... oh wow", those of you who've seen them will know what I mean.
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Brentai

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Re: Crude, Lewd, and Rude Jokes
« Reply #33 on: April 04, 2009, 08:46:28 AM »

MADD used to go way over the top too.  Sometimes I wonder if special interest groups exist to make the public completely unsympathetic to obviously just causes.
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Kazz

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Re: Crude, Lewd, and Rude Jokes
« Reply #34 on: April 04, 2009, 08:54:40 AM »

sometimes, yeah.  anti-smoking campaigns are run by cigarette companies and are deliberately abrasive so that nobody takes them seriously.
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Royal☭

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Re: Crude, Lewd, and Rude Jokes
« Reply #35 on: April 04, 2009, 08:58:26 AM »

I remember some anti-marijuana commercials that were god-awful.  I can't tell if they were serious or not, but they seemed to make a good excuse for why marijuana should be decriminalized rather than just have people not smoke it.  If I remember, one implied that a guy ruined his college career because he smoked pot then got arrested.  Another showed some guys in the bathroom at a concert doing absolutely nothing who then get violently arrested

They were supposed to be anti-pot commercials, but they never showed anyone being ruined by marijuana, only by excessive drug laws.

JDigital

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Re: Crude, Lewd, and Rude Jokes
« Reply #36 on: April 05, 2009, 04:10:27 AM »

Are there such things as good, honest anti-drug advertising, or is this ruled out by the fact that they only exist when someone spends a lot of money to make drugs look worse than people think they are?
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Thad

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Re: Crude, Lewd, and Rude Jokes
« Reply #37 on: April 05, 2009, 10:20:27 AM »

...I thought the one with the guy saying "I'll walk you later" and the dog saying "You disappoint me" was funny.  I don't really know why except that it was a dog saying "You disappoint me."  And it looked like it was drawn by a 7-year-old.
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Arc

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Re: Crude, Lewd, and Rude Jokes
« Reply #38 on: April 12, 2009, 12:37:53 PM »

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Beat Bandit

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Re: Crude, Lewd, and Rude Jokes
« Reply #39 on: April 12, 2009, 02:26:33 PM »

Are there such things as good, honest anti-drug advertising
I'll give you a good pitch for a legitimate anti-marijuana ad.

A kid goes out to a party with some friends, on the ride there someone leans into the backseat and laughs, saying "you know, (girl's name) is going to be there tonight, right?" Other friend: "I heard she's leaving for (college name) in a few weeks." The kid smiles and looks out the window. *cut to the party* The kid continually looks over to the girl through the crowd and jerks his head back a little nervously whenever she starts to look back over. He finally looks up and sees her smiling. He's obviously nervous as he starts to move slowly through the crowd to her when the friends from the car approach him "yo, I'm smoking everyone up, you in?" The kid smiles again a little nervously. *fade out and back in to him sitting on the couch laughing with his friends. The girl comes in and sits next to him, trying to strike up conversation, he starts talking to her but is quickly pulled back into an argument about how Third Strike is the best Street Fighter game. The girl shifts around awkwardly before grabbing her drink and walking away again, the boy doesn't notice, still wrapped up in the argument. *cut to the boy sitting on a bed alone in his room* he's looking at her picture in the yearbook, his phone vibrates and he picks it up reading the text message "we're all heading over to (guy's name) to chill and smoke, you down?" The boy sighs and closes the yearbook, grabbing his car keys and shutting the door to his room. *Fade to black*

It could happen to you!
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