Dear Valued Torontonian Customer,
We would like to inform you today that we believe your missing luggage has been found in British Columbia. The contents include Sunny Skies, Calm winds and a high of 15-20 Degrees Centigrade. In line with our recent shifts in Baggage handling protocol in the interests of saving money in this time of economic uncertainty, we regret to inform you that we cannot courier your system of High Pressure.
For further requests of information or to arrange pickup at your own expense, please contact one of our many brilliant operators who are standing by in Lahore at 1 (888) 689-2247 and they will do everything to brighten your day through making you wate and hear the endless butchering of the English language while your perpetually rising tensions remind them of how much they hate their lives, despite graduating from some of the finest Indian schools with honours. They will do the best they can to assist you, despite having no power and little information at all.
Our most sincere apologies,
IM Smelly, Mrs
Chief writer,
Fictitious letters
Eer Kaneda