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[Classic]

I thought I was supposed to draw the a-oking fingers down to the meat of the grip, kind of what you do to snap.

I'll just blush and sidle away now. Thanks.

[R^2]

Culinary school rules for Official Proper Steakin':

The marinade you use is salt. Fortinbras has it right -- give it time to pull the juices out of the meat a little, because then you'll get a perfect wonderful brown crusty sear. (Searing does not seal in juices. If you find it necessary to seal in juices, buy a laminator.) Before you put the meat in the pan, spritz it or rub it with as light a coating of oil as you can manage. The oil is all the flavor addition you need and will help the heat from the pan reach the tiny nooks and crannies in the muscle fiber.

Bring the steak to room temperature before you put it in the pan and it'll cook more evenly.

If you cook a steak past medium, you're doing it wrong. A well-done steak is dog food.

Personal opinion:
There is no more magnificent steak-searing device than cast iron. I'm fortunate enough that a well-traveled piece of Interstate between where I live and where my family lives has a Lodge Cast Iron outlet store. There's a seconds room where all the stuff that isn't 100% perfect gets marked down to half-price-or-less. I got a 12-inch pan with a little less finish than usual on one side, took it home, seasoned it, and it's perfect.

MCE, even the schlub working the butcher counter at your local grocery store will be able to help you pick out a proper searing-or-grilling steak. Don't be afraid to ask, it's what the dude is there for.

[R^2]

ALSO

Once the steak is off the heat, cover it in foil and let it sit for ten minutes. This lets all the juices get reabsorbed into the meat and is vital to optimum enjoyment of nearly any meaty dish.

So
1) Salt, liberally and from a height to ensure even coverage.
2) Fridge it again, preferably overnight.
3) Pull it out and let it hit room temp.
4) Spritz with oil.
5) Heat that pan up. Medium-high should be sufficient, but you want to take a few drops of water on your fingertips and splash them into the pan. If the water spits and steams a little and glides across the surface, it's the right temperature. If it just sits there or vaporizes instantly, it's too cold or hot respectively.
6) SEAR THAT BAD BITCH. There will be smoke. Do not fear. Do not touch the steak even though you'll be really really tempted to.
7) Flip to sear the other side. When the steak is ready to flip, it will let go of the pan. If you try to flip and the steak is stuck, then you're flipping too soon.
8) Do the finger-poking test (or put in a probe thermometer and get the internal temperature to 145F).
9) Put on a plate, tent with foil, and wait for ten minutes.
10) Carve, plate, serve, and accompany with blowjob.

[R^2]

Also my favorite way to roast a roast is to put it in a 200F oven until the thermometer beeps that it's 135 degrees. Then I crank the oven up to 500 degrees for a few minutes until the internal temperature cruises up to a medium-rare 145. The outside gets a droolworthy crust, and the inside is so tender and juicy and red it looks like a skilled vet could get the damn thing mooing again.

There's a crappy cellphone picture of my first attempt at this floating around somewhere. Maybe I can find it.

[R^2]

Okay guys. You've been up for half an hour tops. You're in the mood for breakfast. Amazingly your kitchen is clean. Epic question: how do you want your eggs?

in b4 "unfertilized"

[Brentai]

As a delicious Egg McMuffin from my Egg McMuffin Maker.

[TA]

Scrambled with sour cream, salt, and pepper.

[Büge]

On someone else's plate, if you don't mind. I'll stick to my usual quinoa-and-peanut-butter porridge.

[Lottel]

How do I like my eggs?
Mixed into a batter.

[yyler]

poached, drizzled in fresh hollandaise with a dash of paprika on top, all over home fries with a home made ciabatta slice underneath

[Kayma]

Poached is the correct answer here.

[Mongrel]

BE-NE-DICT.

[François]

BE-NE-GES-SE-RICT

with ketchup haderach on the side

[Bongo Bill]

How have I never had a Monte Cristo sandwich until today? Who invented this work of genius? I need to shake his hand.

It's a sandwich. A grilled ham & cheese sandwich, to be precise. Served on French toast. Or, more classily, you assemble a ham & cheese sandwich, and then you French toast the entire thing.

It's so simple, and yet so beautiful.

[Niku]

you forgot the THEN YOU DROWN IT IN JELLY AND CONSUME IT LIKE YOU WOULD THE INTESTINES OF YOUR FALLEN FOES (FOR POWER AND GLORY)

[Bongo Bill]

That goes without saying. It's unnecessary, like mentioning that you're going to eat it afterwards, by putting it in your mouth, biting off a series of pieces, and reducing each one to mush by means of chewing, then swallowing it so that it can be digested.

[Lottel]

what happened to my post? Did I not post it?

You forgot the best part of the monte cristo, Bongo.
It's covered in powdered sugar and you can dip in a raspberry sauce. That wonderful combination of crunchy and chewy and soft and savory and sweet and and and and AND IT'S THE BEST SANDWICH

[Büge]

[Mongrel]

I don't like that sandwich because all the Monte Cristos I've had were terribly made, so I have Monte Cristo PTSD.

[Brentai]

To be fair, it is a food item you most only consume when you are feeling particularly American, or face drastic, occasionally spastic, and always bombastic gastric consequences.  I'm not being sarcastic.