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[Spram]

The last few weeks have been horrible.

As you know, a spic has been selected to discriminate the already overly-oppressed white males of this horrible country (America, which by the way is a Spanish name). A few brave white men have stood up to this injustice (Rush Limbaugh; Coulter; Glenn Beck; Tommy Tancredo, the racist guinea who looks like an Aztec) and spewed their righteous fury at us spics, because we are shit and have contributed NOTHING to civilization, after all, we are not white like the Estonians. (Where would we be today without the Estonians?)

People talk about how Obama chose Sotomayor because of her skin (skin color isn't race but whatever) or because she's a person of color (but... everyone has a color or am I missing something? I'm bilingual, so does that make me a Person of Language?)... (not to mention when it comes to actual skin color she's actually pretty light, but Americans are color blind; you see race, a social construct; but not skin color, a measurable quantity.)

Well, here comes the problem.

I'm a Puerto Rican spic, but I consider myself a descendant of Europeans, mostly because most of my ancestry is Spanish (personally, if Greeks and Italians are white, then I guess Portuguese and Spanish should be white too right?) and I look like a fucking cracker. Ok, a cracker with brown eyes and dark hair, but I have PINK NIPPLES FOR GOD'S SAKE! PINK NIPPLES! hairy pink nipples.

Now this is a big problems because of two main reasons: white people and Latinoes.


White People: "HAHAHAHAH! No way you are white you fucking beaner. Go back to Mexico you brown mudperson and never compare yourself to us glorious Whites ever again or we'll nuke you, you know we invented nuclear weapons right? Hahahah, let's see you shield youself from the bomb (invented, like everything else of value, by whites) with a sombrero you crazy spanish."

Hispanic People: "Why are you ashamed of your heritage? I don't care if Latin America was populated with people of different races, we all fucked each other and now are all the same! You probably think that you're better than us! Go to the whites and see how they reject you! Besides, we need you to make our numbers bigger that way we get more representation and stuff. BUY GOYA!" (dances to salsa)

I don't feel like telling you about myself or the whole Latino thing because I know some of you are actually intelligent and know things about other cultures other than what you watch in movies or MTV. But the thing is that I'm both Hispanic and white.

Ok, I'm 1/16 black too and I have 1/16 British ancestry, but only an idiot think that' matters (wait, most Americans ARE idiots!!)

Now, my psychologist is a Newyorrican (a person born in New York of Puerto Rican parents or ancestry) and I'm afraid of telling her or my identity crisis because she might think I'm ashamed of myself, an idiot or many other things. After all, she was raised in the States so her knowledge of Puerto Rico and it's history/culture is not that great.

I'm afraid she'll judge me. I'm ashamed of thinking of myself as a white Hispanic since this will cause ridicule from everyone and I just hide in the closet. I hate how people think the two demographic terms are exclusive to one another. Not to mention, most Hispanics who also consider themselves white are racist assholes who don't want to be in the same group as people they don't like (mestizos, blacks and indigenous people). I'm not one of those.

For some reason this causes me a lot of anger and stress. I know it's stupid but that's why I want to talk to my shrink about it. I'm just afraid. I want to see if you guys think it's stupid. (Then again you have not had the same life experience that a wise Latino man like myself has had). I hate hearing stuff about how I'm supposed to be one thing or the other. I get pissed! Seriously, I'M STUPID.

Then you have all these fucking idiots in the right saying Sotomayor hates white people because she's Latina and how the innocent National Council for "La Raza" (stupid name btw) is the Hispanic KKK (THEY WILL BURN A PINATA IN YOUR FRONT YARD!!!!), I could ignore the stupid, ignorant and racist shit but I don't want to, because this is what a lot of people actually think.

I also don't like how some lefties want me to embrace my heritage  (which they have no clue what it is) in their terms. By heritage they mean Hispanic/Latino as a blanket term for everyone in Latin America and the undesirables of the Iberic Peninsula. They don't really care about my actual heritage (again, they don't even know it), they just want to make sure I stay in this demographic that they're courting for votes.

I don't think I will ever settle to just be "white" (not to mention I cant because whites are elitists who hate me) or "Hispanic", I'm both and you gringos better deal with it (don't make fun of me plz)

Also, stop saying Picasso is white, he's from Spain so that makes him one of us. Spicasso.

and as a bonus: http://wiki.unmod.org/index.php?title=Spram%27s_Psychotic_Breakdown

PS: My love for white women might have nothing to do with this, I just happen to like albino-looking girls. Maybe it's my desire to piss off the honkeys.
this is so shameful

[Catloaf]

If you feel uncomfortable with your therapist, you should be upfront about it.  You may wind up with a different shrink and have the hassle of starting anew, but if you can't talk to your shrink, who is legally obligated to keep your secrets, and professionally obligated to not judge you, who the hell can you talk to?

If you can't bring yourself to say it aloud, just e-mail her a copy of what you just wrote.  She should understand.  She's payed to.

EDIT:  I guess I'm lucky in a way.  In that, being Jewish, I can be white when it's convenient, and something else when it's not.

[Brentai]

(America, which by the way is a Spanish name)

Italian-Latin, or possibly Mayan or Welsh.  I'm crossing my fingers for Welsh, for obvious reasons.

Anyway, my first suggestion is to get the fuck over it.  Nobody cares half as much as you think they do.

Failing that, which apparently you have, yes, you should tell your shrink about it.  That is what she is there for.  And she will, if she is at all professional, outline the steps for you to take so that you can get the fuck over it, no matter what she thinks.

Bottom line:  

...

 

[Fredward]

Where would we be today without the Estonians?

Damn right.

_{<--- half estonian}

[James Edward Smith]

Pfft, half white. What does that even mean? Spram, there are intelligent, wise white people and then there are lazy, quick to anger spics who can't run their own countries worth a damn (look at the state of latin america or any former Spanish colony). The sooner you realized this the sooner you'll be able to accept it and move on.

Seriously, the only time the Spanish could ever be considered more advanced than white people was when they developed the Tercio, and I'm pretty sure that was entirely the work of one fluke Spanish Generalisimo who was probably white anyway.

[TA]

who is legally obligated to keep your secrets

Completely off-topic, but no, that's not true.  Doctor/patient confidentiality doesn't actually have legal weight, and while most doctors probably wouldn't talk without a subpoena, if subpoenaed they can and will be jailed if they don't talk.

[Brentai]

...not that anybody's going to subpoena Spram's psychiatrist about his preference for white chicks.

Ma'am, has or has not the defendant displayed an undue interest in the location of all the white wimmin?
He has, sir.  Also, his nipples are hairy.
THAT WAS CONFIDENTIAL YOU BITCH!
Oh my, but it's plainly posted up on the internet, you naughty little boy.
OHSHI-
HAY GUY I HEARD U LIEK BLONDES
I AM DESPERATE ENOUGH TO OVERLOOK THE DELICIOUS WANG
GUILTY, case dismissed!
OH YEAH!

[Mothra]

Seriously, the only time the Spanish could ever be considered more advanced than white people was when they developed the Tercio, and I'm pretty sure that was entirely the work of one fluke Spanish Generalisimo who was probably white anyway.

This is important to understand. Considering how notoriously unproductive spics have been since bumming their dirty asses from Spain in 16whatever it seems frankly absurd to think that something like Terico was actually birthed by brown hands. I mean it's not necessary their fault I guess, I just don't want you getting any unrealistic expectations of what your people are capable of.

You gotta play your racial strength, man, so figure out if you're white or not and set your ambitions accordingly.

[Kazz]

[Spram]

All of your replies suck. Except Catloaf, good job Catloaf. and Kazz, I like that dog

[Fortinbras]

I honestly can't think of a single ethnic subgroup that does not manage to give me the horn.

[Mongrel]

Pfft, half white. What does that even mean? Spram, there are intelligent, wise white people and then there are lazy, quick to anger spics who can't run their own countries worth a damn (look at the state of latin america or any former Spanish colony). The sooner you realized this the sooner you'll be able to accept it and move on.

Seriously, the only time the Spanish could ever be considered more advanced than white people was when they developed the Tercio, and I'm pretty sure that was entirely the work of one fluke Spanish Generalisimo who was probably white anyway.

A flagrant demonstration of this black-man-in-a-white-man's body's deep self-loathing.

Don't tell me about your supposed 'English' ancestry' or your 'pasty flesh', the ghost of your former afro tells an astute anthropologist all he needs to know about your kind.

[Bongo Bill]

I find myself entirely unable to relate to your situation. However, generally speaking, if you have a therapist and something weighs heavily on your mind, that is exactly the sort of thing you should be bringing up.

[Mongrel]

SRS REPLY: Your shrink can't do her job properly if you're lying to her.

[Guild]

burn a pinata lol

[Brentai]

I agree completely with Guildenstern.

[Guild]

Spram, 92.3% of everything* is shit. That includes the world, your 'race,' my 'race' and everyone who ever lived.

Thankfully for you, some of the higher-quality shit has collected itself into a group that you will be a member of forever regardless of who your father put his weener inside of.

We <3 you, buddy.

*A calculation based on years of careful study of shit.

[Spaco]

Spram, you'll be happy to know that they invented a term just for you! You are a White Hispanic! Does this make things more confusing or help?

You should totally tell your psychologist, I'm sure she will understand and can relate.


P.S. This is officially Spram's best post.

[Spram]

I didn't really tell her but she already considers me a "blanco" and she considers herself "negra" which explain why she's subscribed to Essence.

P.S. This is officially Spram's best post.

I know I suck but really?

Spram, 92.3% of everything* is shit. That includes the world, your 'race,' my 'race' and everyone who ever lived.

I know this, you might be joking, but it's true. The problem is that I'm a stupid idiot and I have  very low self-esteem so I care what other people think. The fact that 92.3% of people are more than 85.6% mentally retarded makes me ANGRY.

And no.. this stamp was LYING!
I also didn't give anyone permission to use the word spic!

[Cannon]

Why do you ever leave us, Spram?