Suddenly, you, the rabbit, and GIANT ENEMY CRAB are all teleported to a strange alternate timeline where you are not stuck because nobody has figured out the puzzle in the Rabbit thread yet.
"Merry Christmas," GIANT ENEMY CRAB says, handing you a seashell sheepishly.
"Oh. My. God," you say, "you shouldn't have."
"It's a magic seashell," GIANT ENEMY CRAB says. "If you hold it up to your ear, you can hear the sea."
Your eyes widen. "How did you fit the sea into this little shell?" you ask.
"Well," GIANT ENEMY CRAB says, "It's just something we crabs know how to do."
You run up and hug the crab under the Christmas tree blinking merrily. "Thank you so much," you say. "I didn't get you anything because I've been trapped on a beach waiting for Rabbit to catch up to me, but just for today, you can be GIANT
FRIENDLY CRAB."
The crab smiles, eyes moistening. "Thank you, puppy. I hope that all enemies can put aside their differences today and come together to be happy and peaceful."
There is a tap on your shoulder. You turn, and Rabbit is looking uncomfortable.
"What is it, Rabbit?" you ask.
"I, uh. I got you something too," he says shyly.
Your eyes widen again at the large brightly wrapped package he hands you.
"Why is there a lit fuse sticking out?" you ask.
"No reason," Rabbit answers, sprinting away.
"PUPPY! IT'S A BOMB!" Crab says, quickly cutting the fuse with his pincer.
"My destiny! Rabbit got me my destiny for Christmas!" you say excitedly.
Just then Rainbow leans over and whispers into your ear.
"Merry Christmas, Puppy," he says.
"Merry Christmas to you to, Christmas Tree that is possessed by the spirit of a fish!" you reply.
Just then, the Space Police burst into the room.
"WE ARE HERE TO APPREHEND THE KNOWN SPACE CRIMINAL KNOWN AS SPACE CRIMINAL RABBIT WHO IS KNOWN AS A SPACE CRIMINAL," the chief bellows.
You look sly at GIANT FRIENDLY CRAB. "Haven't seen him," you say.
"Nope, me neither," says the crab, winking at you.
Watching from the balcony above, this infuriates Rabbit.
"Those wretched fools! They think I need their help?! Their pity!? Fools! I shall destroy them, and this idiotic holiday -- what's this? What... what is this feeling? I feel... all... I feel all warm and fuzzy inside!"
"It's the spirit of Christmas!" you say, coming up behind rabbit happily.
"I'll show you the spirit of Christmas!" he replies, firing his ray gun at you. But you can tell he missed on purpose.
"Oh, Rabbit, you and I are going to be friends forever!" you say, grinning from ear to ear, arms wide open for a hug.
Rabbit screams and flees into the night.
"Oh that rascally Rabbit!" you say, laughing.
GIANT FRIENDLY CRAB comes up behind you, chuckling. "Merry Christmas, CPE!"
"And a merry Christmas to you, and to all my readers!"
"My wabisuke doubles the weight of anything it cuts," explains Rainbow.
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MERRY CHRISTMAS
AND A HAPPY NEW -- OH MY GOD A NEW BIKE FOR CHRISTMAS CAN I RIDE THE BIKE OH MY FUCKING GOD IT HAS A BELL