Topic: The Adventures of CPE (The Cutest Puppy EVER) (Read 22850 times)

Brentai · « **Reply #120 on:** September 22, 2009, 03:46:49 PM »

"My wabisuke doubles the weight of anything it cuts," explains the Rabbit. "If you cut an object once, the weight doubles. Cut it again and... DAMN IT PUPPY!"

You ignore the Rabbit's cries of exasperation as you are distracted by a passing filler episode. "Soccer!" you bark excitedly, "I love soccer!"

"NOBODY LIKES SOCCER!" screams the Rabbit.

Friday · « **Reply #121 on:** September 22, 2009, 03:50:26 PM »

yes that's exactly right

in order to continue the main CPE story, you have to catch the filler Rabbit arc up to this one so it doesn't TIME PARADOX

Doom · « **Reply #122 on:** September 22, 2009, 03:52:33 PM »

it's like i'm really watching bleach

Friday · « **Reply #123 on:** September 22, 2009, 03:57:41 PM »

well no technically I put more effort into my animation

Brentai · « **Reply #124 on:** September 22, 2009, 03:59:46 PM »

Hey, they had an actual battle that one time.

Friday · « **Reply #125 on:** December 25, 2009, 08:10:52 PM »

Suddenly, you, the rabbit, and GIANT ENEMY CRAB are all teleported to a strange alternate timeline where you are not stuck because nobody has figured out the puzzle in the Rabbit thread yet.

"Merry Christmas," GIANT ENEMY CRAB says, handing you a seashell sheepishly.

"Oh. My. God," you say, "you shouldn't have."

"It's a magic seashell," GIANT ENEMY CRAB says. "If you hold it up to your ear, you can hear the sea."

Your eyes widen. "How did you fit the sea into this little shell?" you ask.

"Well," GIANT ENEMY CRAB says, "It's just something we crabs know how to do."

You run up and hug the crab under the Christmas tree blinking merrily. "Thank you so much," you say. "I didn't get you anything because I've been trapped on a beach waiting for Rabbit to catch up to me, but just for today, you can be GIANT FRIENDLY CRAB."

The crab smiles, eyes moistening. "Thank you, puppy. I hope that all enemies can put aside their differences today and come together to be happy and peaceful."

There is a tap on your shoulder. You turn, and Rabbit is looking uncomfortable.

"What is it, Rabbit?" you ask.

"I, uh. I got you something too," he says shyly.

Your eyes widen again at the large brightly wrapped package he hands you.

"Why is there a lit fuse sticking out?" you ask.

"No reason," Rabbit answers, sprinting away.

"PUPPY! IT'S A BOMB!" Crab says, quickly cutting the fuse with his pincer.

"My destiny! Rabbit got me my destiny for Christmas!" you say excitedly.

Just then Rainbow leans over and whispers into your ear.

"Merry Christmas, Puppy," he says.

"Merry Christmas to you to, Christmas Tree that is possessed by the spirit of a fish!" you reply.

Just then, the Space Police burst into the room.

"WE ARE HERE TO APPREHEND THE KNOWN SPACE CRIMINAL KNOWN AS SPACE CRIMINAL RABBIT WHO IS KNOWN AS A SPACE CRIMINAL," the chief bellows.

You look sly at GIANT FRIENDLY CRAB. "Haven't seen him," you say.

"Nope, me neither," says the crab, winking at you.

Watching from the balcony above, this infuriates Rabbit.

"Those wretched fools! They think I need their help?! Their pity!? Fools! I shall destroy them, and this idiotic holiday -- what's this? What... what is this feeling? I feel... all... I feel all warm and fuzzy inside!"

"It's the spirit of Christmas!" you say, coming up behind rabbit happily.

"I'll show you the spirit of Christmas!" he replies, firing his ray gun at you. But you can tell he missed on purpose.

"Oh, Rabbit, you and I are going to be friends forever!" you say, grinning from ear to ear, arms wide open for a hug.

Rabbit screams and flees into the night.

"Oh that rascally Rabbit!" you say, laughing.

GIANT FRIENDLY CRAB comes up behind you, chuckling. "Merry Christmas, CPE!"

"And a merry Christmas to you, and to all my readers!"

"My wabisuke doubles the weight of anything it cuts," explains Rainbow.

**************************************

MERRY CHRISTMAS

AND A HAPPY NEW -- OH MY GOD A NEW BIKE FOR CHRISTMAS CAN I RIDE THE BIKE OH MY FUCKING GOD IT HAS A BELL

SCD · « **Reply #126 on:** December 26, 2009, 10:44:38 AM »

Dodge! Dodge!

Cthulhu-chan · « **Reply #127 on:** December 29, 2009, 11:03:52 AM »

I really like laser grenades.

Friday · « **Reply #128 on:** December 30, 2009, 01:58:52 AM »

HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS SOLVED THE PUZZLE I CAN UPDATE AGAIN THANK GOD

Cthulhu-chan · « **Reply #129 on:** December 30, 2009, 02:20:10 AM »

Friday · « **Reply #130 on:** December 30, 2009, 02:45:57 AM »

The puzzle was anyone voting for any of the options here instead of in the Rabbit thread. You know, like a controller port 2. The poll has been up forever.

Friday · « **Reply #131 on:** August 25, 2010, 08:18:04 PM »

You happily and playfully bite at Rabbit, who is blocking GIANT ENEMY CRAB's killing pincer.

"Oh, Rabbit!" you say, happily. "I knew you wouldn't let me die! Ever since that Christmas Episode where we became friends and saved the world and played Soccer and you were winning 3-0 but then GIANT ENEMY CRAB's weak point started flashing so I scored like fifty points in two seconds and beat you 3-50 and you got mad and said you would see me dead by your own paws no matter how long it took, no matter how long the author didn't update, no matter if you had to sacrifice everything, because I was the ultimate insult to logical protagonists everywhere, and you were going to stop me, once and for all, no matter the cost!"

"Yeah, pretty much," Rabbit admits, before pushing upwards with his sword and forcing GIANT ENEMY CRAB away.

"Wait are we still doing the Bleach joke thing?" you ask.

"No, I think we're done with that particular parody for now," replies Rabbit, suddenly losing his black gi, katana, and anime eyes.

You also disarm and return to non-bankai normal puppy form.

"I'm confused," you admit. "I think we need a story recap because it's been forever since Friday updated and I have no idea where I am or why."

"Hawaii," says a small kitten.

"Listen," says Rabbit. "The gist of it is... wait, why am I explaining this to you?! I don't CARE! I WAS NEARLY SUCKED INTO A BLACK HOLE AND KILLED BY A PSYCHIC BEAR!"

"And also your old rival Space Weasel tried to backstab you," you say. "And I think this is all a dream still, because I'm talking and I can't do that in real life."

Rabbit nods. "Enough talk. It's time for you to DIE!"

With a bloodthirsty bellow, Rabbit charges forth. You bark happily and tackle him. Both of you roll around on the sand while GIANT ENEMY CRAB re-reads the thread, trying to figure out what his motivation was.

"Grpppoh," says Rabbit, gasping. "You will be destroyed, puppy, and you shall know it was by my paw!"

"Got your nose!" you say, nipping.

"RAAAAAAARRRRRGH!" Rabbit screams, and pushes you off with his strong back legs.

You land in a heap on the sand. "Oof," you say, starting to pick yourself up. "I got sand in my fur!"

"Such terrible grammar!" Rabbit chides you.

Suddenly, a massive wave crashes down on both you and Rabbit, sweeping you both apart.

GIANT ENEMY CRAB looks up from his thread. "OH! I REMEMBER!" he says, in subtitles, because his speech is just clicks and clacks. "I WAS TRYING TO KILL CPE!"

***************************************

You awaken in a large city made entirely of Ham.

"Oh. My. God," you say. "Ham tastes a lot like hot dogs."

As you bound to your feet, you notice a single streetlamp is not made out of meat. Instead, it seems to be made out of a shiny reflective surface. It also seems to be frantically calling and motioning for you.

Elsewhere, people made entirely of Ham go on with the daily Ham lives.

*****************************************

1. yaaaaaaaaaaaay a city made entirely of ham SHALL WE NAME THIS CITY NEW PORK CITY

2. hahaha that streetlamp is probably rainbow i wonder if he wants me to come over there

3. HEY I SEE A TRUCK MADE ENTIRELY OF HAM OVER THERE WASN'T THIS A FAR SIDE COMIC

LaserBeing · « **Reply #132 on:** August 26, 2010, 12:58:10 AM »

WELCOME TO MY CITY

Friday · « **Reply #133 on:** August 26, 2010, 10:48:09 PM »

2. hahaha that streetlamp is probably rainbow i wonder if he wants me to come over there

Ignoring, for the moment, a plethora of stimuli, you scamper adorably over to the streetlamp.

"Hi, Streetlamp!" you exclaim, rearing up to greet it.

The lamp merely motions some more.

"Oh my gosh, can you not talk?" you quickly realize. "I am so sorry! Do you want me to get you a ball?"

The lamp looks momentarily puzzled, then shakes it's bulb back and forth.

"I can't talk in real life either," you say, sadly, pawing the ground. "But here in my dreams I can! I guess that means that you should go to sleep!"

The streetlamp shakes again, vigorously.

"Hmm," you say, quickly losing interest and glancing at a passing ham mail man. "I promise I'll be back in just a minute. I want to see where that man is delivering ham mail!"

Amidst silent protests, you scamper away, following the ham man with his ham bookbag filled with hams.

Suddenly...

***********************

1. ... you realize the man is headed straight for the largest ham you have ever seen! And atop the ham is a boy building a ham man! And the boy. has. HAMITTENS!

2. ... you are distracted by a passing hamcycle! Hey if you move your head up and down it sort of looks like the spokes are spinning the opposite way oof I'm dizzy also falling over my ears

3. ... you place the corn cob pipe in your mouth. "Well, the answer to this riddle is obvious," you begin, taking a puff and sitting on your hind legs. "Since this reality seems to be a product of mine own subconscious mind, it should be a simple matter to manifest my will upon the immediate surrounding area, thus creating a 'mouth' for which Rainbow to speak through! Doubtless he has pertinent advice for mine own upcoming trials. Perhaps my control over this reality is not absolute, but I should easily be able to affect simple things in my vicinity. Indeed, such trivialities need not be mine concern. Instead, perhaps it should be best if I was to render thought to the far more sinister conundrum that haunts me, that bloodthirsty and barbaric rabbit with the personality of a barnacle. I wonder perhaps if said varmint is one of the trails Rainbow spoke earlier about? But enough prattle and baseless conjecture. Action is warranted! Such answers I seek shall doubtless be revealed by mine guide, Rainbow, once he has been gifted with an orifice capable of conversement by the powers of my mind!"

Brentai · « **Reply #134 on:** August 26, 2010, 10:52:37 PM »

HAMITTENS

Royal☭ · « **Reply #135 on:** August 27, 2010, 04:58:37 AM »

11111111

Friday · « **Reply #136 on:** August 27, 2010, 04:24:56 PM »

1. ... you realize the man is headed straight for the largest ham you have ever seen! And atop the ham is a boy building a ham man! And the boy. has. HAMITTENS!

Chasing the mail man and barking excitedly, you romp up to the large ham and rear your front legs up on it.

"Hey!" you bark. "Hey hey hey hey hey! Boy with hamittens! I'm down here! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!"

The boy slowly turns from his work. With a gasp you recognize those sharp features, that mean expression, those beady eyes. (All now made entirely out of ham.)

"It's you!" you gasp, tongue lolling. "You're the boy from the snowhill!"

"I have returned from the dark world and now I am HAM BOY WITH MITTENS," the boy explains.

"HAM BOY WITH HAMITTENS," you correct.

The boy picks up a large ham and hurls it at you in response.

You happily tackle it in midair, rolling over and over until you pin it to the ground and begin to gnaw at it.

"Yuck!" you say suddenly, lifting your snout. "This is bad ham!"

BAD HAM BOY WITH BAD HAMITTENS smirks and hurls another ham.

************************

1. Dodge left! He'll never expect it!

2. Stand still! He'll never expect it since it means you'll get hit!

3. BAD HAM. TRY AGAIN WITH A FRIEND.

Cthulhu-chan · « **Reply #137 on:** August 30, 2010, 02:59:53 AM »

bad ham is bad.

Brentai · « **Reply #138 on:** August 30, 2010, 01:39:22 PM »

2, because I am Guildenstern.

Royal☭ · « **Reply #139 on:** August 30, 2010, 03:38:39 PM »

No, 1!

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Author Topic: The Adventures of CPE (The Cutest Puppy EVER) (Read 22850 times)