OH NO ALL THREE OPTIONS HAVE EXACTLY ONE VOTE
LETS DO ALL OF THEM
Smiling, Adult Toph saunters over to you. "I've heard you want more fanservice," she purrs.
"Do... do I?" you whine softly.
"Well this is your dream, isn't it?" Toph smiles, scratching right behind your ear.
"Oh god yes don't stop. Don't stop. Right there. Oh, there goes my leg. MY LEG IS GOING NOW DON'T STOP AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA", you convulse.
"Who's a good dog, whose a good dog, yes you're a good dog, you're a good boy, yes you are! Yes you are!"
"I AM SUCH A GOOD DOG YOU HAVE NO IDEA ONE TIME I RESCUED THE PRESIDENT FROM NINJAS OK I MADE THAT UP BUT I TOTALLY WOULD IF THE PRESIDENT EVER GOT KIDNAPPED BY NINJAS," you explain, rolling onto your back.
Toph begins stroking your belly. "Oh my you're such a good boy WHOSEAGOODBOYYESYOUAREGOODBOYYESGOODBOYYESYOUAREAGOODBOY,"
"I... I'm a ... good boy!" you say, and explode.
No. Literally.
Toph wipes some errant puppy off her face. Looking up, she sees a large cat standing where you used to be.
"Uh, hello?" Toph says.
"I am Former Gangbanger Zuko's Mom," the cat says. "I have returned from Space to bring peace to the galaxy."
Just then, Space Police Azula lands in her pod right next to them and immediately hops out.
"YOU ARE IN VIOLATION OF SPACE LAW STATUTE FOURTY-EIGHT DASH SEVEN FOUR," Space Police Azula says. "AS THE LAST METROID IS IN CAPTIVITY, THE GALAXY IS ALREADY AT PEACE."
Zuko's Mom and Azula square off.
"Do you really think you have any chance against me?" Azula sneers. "I'm the greatest firebender there ever was! I mean come on my fire is freakin' blue for christs sake."
Zuko's Mom remains impassive. "You may be the stronger firebender, but I have one thing you don't," she says calmly.
"And what's that?" Azula asks.
"I AM NOT LEFT HANDED!"
FWOOOOSH
And then Zuko's Mom and Azula had this amazing, incredible Agna Kai, and Zuko's Mom was almost able to beat Azula but then at the last minute Azula used her like super volleyball spike attack and Zuko's Mom fell but Azula wasn't able to finish her off and started crying and then Zuko's Mom got up and started walking toward her with her arms open and Azula was still crying and doing that thing where she like doesn't want to be touched? but you know she wants to be touched so she's lobbing little fireballs at Zuko's Mom but Zuko's Mom just keeps getting hit on purpose and advancing while Azula is screaming about how she doesn't need love and then Zuko's Mom gets close and Azula's tears are like literally steaming off her cheeks and Zuko's Mom just says "Azula." and then Azula screams NOOOOOOOO but then Zuko's Mom hugs her and Azula is like sobbing now and just sort of falls forward into her Mom's embrace and Zuko's Mom is like "I always loved you" and Azula is like "I'm so sorry Mom, I'm so sorry, sob sob sob"
"Gets me every time," you say, having reformed because seriously you weren't going to miss an Agna Kai between Zuko's Mom and Azula.
"Now that you're good again, Azula," Zuko's Mom asks, "What are you gonna do?"
"I guess I'll travel the world making amends for my faul -- wait. My space radio! OH NO CERES STATION IS UNDER ATTACK BBL"
And then Space Police Azula got back into her pod and went to space where she died on the way to Ceres Station.
THE END
"Wait, what?" you say confusedly, yawning. You appear to be lying in a meadow.
"Puppy! You're finally awake!" Rainbow says. "You must now complete your destiny!"
You sit up and shake all over. "Man, that was some dream. I think my favorite part was when I exploded all over Toph."
"I'm going to pretend you just didn't say anything," Rainbow says. "Listen, you must travel to the wastelands and meet with the Twin Serpents of --"
"Truth and Falsehood," you finish. "Pretty sure I already did that? And then there was a mouse and he got stolen by Mean Mister Eagle and then I went into a forest and there was Duck Hunt Dog and a weeping Willow and I attacked his subtitles and then I saw Rabbit! but he had his face stolen!"
Rainbow regards you gravely. "Your destiny must be to separate the dream world and the real world, puppy. They are starting to bleed together, and only a brave puppy can properly set things back to status quo."
You nod. "My adventure continues!"
MEANWHILE
Rabbitlord Koh slides languidly over his throne. "Do we have a deal?" he asks, smiling.
Duck Hunt Dog giggles that damn giggle. "WE HAVE A DEAL. TIME TO JOIN FORCES AND TAKE OVER THE DREAM WORLD AND THE INTERNET."
DUN DUN DUN
MEANWHILE
Rabbit (the real one, not Faceless Rabbit who doesn't exist anymore because you woke up duh PAY ATTENTION) was hopping through the forest cursing his luck.
"By the pagan gods, I despise that puppy so much. Knowing my luck, we'll be forced to temporarily join forces to combat a greater evil while learning the true value of friendship," he curses.
MEANWHILE
Adult Toph stood in the dreamworld, still covered in puppy. "Uh, is anyone there? Where'd everyone go?"
MEANWHILE
The Boy with Mittens looked up from his snowman. "It's finally complete. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
MEANWHILE
"OH MY GOD THAT LAST MEANWHILE HAD A BOY WITH MITTENS IN IT," you say.
"Puppy! You must now begin your true quest! The dream world and the real world and something called the internet are threatened! You must --"
"Wait," you say, interrupting Rainbow. "If Rabbitlord Koh and Duck Hunt Dog are the final bosses of the dream world and the internet, then who's the final boss of the real world?"
"Uh, I guess Barack Obama would be?" Rainbow shrugs.
"INDEED," says Barack Obama, touching down with his jetpack. "I AM HERE TO NOT FOLLOW THROUGH ON ANY OF MY CAMPAIGN PROMISES AND ALSO WORK AGAINST MY OWN PARTY."
"Al Gore would have been a better President than you!" you taunt.
Barack looks hurt. Even Rainbow looks chagrined. "Puppy, that's not a very nice thing to say."
"Well it's probably true," you say.
Barack starts crying. "You're right, it is true, I'm so sorry, I'll go back to the White House now and start, you now, actually working for the people," he says, and leaps into the air with his jetpack.
FINAL BOSS OF THE REAL WORLD DEFEATED 10000000 EXP and 500 GOLD
Courage and wit have served thee well, for thou hast been promoted to the next level.
Ears increase by 4!
Tail increase by 2!
Sweet! Barking increased by 6!
Cuteness increased by 1!
Realized the power of Puppy Omega!
"OH MAN PUPPY OMEGA," you say.
Rainbow just shakes his head. "With the boss of the real world defeated, I'm afraid it will just leave a power vacuum that must be filled. Another will surely take his place."
"Yeah but who could be worse than Obama?" you ask.
MEANWHILE
McCain slides languidly over his throne. "Do we have a deal?" he asks, smiling.
Former President George Bush, Jr, giggles that damn giggle. "WE HAVE A DEAL. TIME TO JOIN FORCES AND TAKE OVER THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA."
MEANWHILE
"WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT PUPPY NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID," Rainbow berates you angrily.
"It's not my fault! Well at least now things couldn't possibly get any worse," you offer.
It begins to pour rain.
"You just don't get it, do you, puppy," Rainbow says, and hops back in his stream.
"WAIT! What am I supposed to do now? I mean I guess this post has sort of outlined my overall goals (FINALLY) but how am I supposed to even get started!? I mean come on it's not like a puppy knows anything about politics or anything! My areas of expertise go more toward holding things in my mouth."
But Rainbow does not answer.
Soaking wet now, you dejectedly amble off in a random direction into the forest.
"Well I guess I have to focus on one boss at a time," you finally conclude. "So I could go back to sleep to enter the dreamworld, or try to find this internet thing, or run for mayor of the forest so as to enter the political arena?"
***********************************
1. Yawwwwwwwwwwwnzzzzzzz here I come Rabbitlord Koh oh man I wonder if Adult Toph is still waiting for me
2. The internet is a mysterious treasure, but maybe the boy with Mittens might know something? And if he doesn't then well you know Mittens
3. A VOTE FOR PUPPY IS A VOTE FOR CHANGE AND ALSO FOR PUPPY