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[Fredward]

I used to swear in my own made-up language. Which I had made only the curse words for. Because that shit is tight when you're elven.

How I read it.

[S D S]

I get positively flustered on the rare times I have ever actually swore in front of my Mom.

I tend to employ profanity with friends, but usually only if I'm upset (either by said friend or on said friends behalf). The most common swear I usually let loose with is "damn it!" or "god damn it" (despite my militant atheism, and my one swear I abuse when I'm frustrated at, say, one of our roommate's ancient cats climbing atop our dryer and shitting all over it it "god-fucking-damn-it" said at the same time as a frustrated sigh.

I also have a superstition of sorts carried over from my Presbyterian days: never, EVER swear in the presence of a minister, ever.

So last year, when I was helping a friend assemble heavy metal scaffolding in the backyard of his Dad -- his preacher Dad's, and the entire weight and point came down upon my foot, my immediate instinct to swear was overridden in my lizard-brain: DON'T SWEAR. ESPECIALLY DO NOT SAY 'GOD-FUCKING-DAMN-IT!

So instead, apparently, my brain figured plain old vulgarity was better, because I let loose with a howl of pain and "Ow! Cum-guzzling son of a WHORE!"

[Kazz]

To be fair, none of those are swears proper.  Cum is as close as you get, and I wouldn't call it offensive on its own.  So I guess you almost made it.

That's an interesting exercise: What relatively innocent words can be made vulgar by association?

[patito]

I like fuckbunnies myself, and I don't know where I picked it up.

Crap in a shitbucket is also interesting to me for some reason.

[Ocksi]

crap on a crap cracker is one of my holdouts for situations where real cursing is frowned upon.

I've been trying to remove at least some of the cursing from my daily vocabulary, as when you're in an interview and you have to actively avoid saying fuck, you know you've got a problem.

[Brentai]

Fingersniffing knee-knock teabagged goat kisser.

[Thad]

I get positively flustered on the rare times I have ever actually swore in front of my Mom.

My mom has actually seen me perform in Rocky Horror.  Still, I think as far as the comfort threshold goes, my brother beats me out by being able to sit next to her while shouting the callbacks.  ("Thanks for coming out, man.  I really don't think I could sit next to Mom and shout 'douche douche douche twat', but more power to you.")

My stepdad could pass for Riff-Raff, but that's a tangent.

That's an interesting exercise: What relatively innocent words can be made vulgar by association?

You can say "I pricked my finger," but you can't say "I fingered my prick."

[Kazz]

Beef curtains.

[Brentai]

Such a beautiful bud... won't you let your petals bloom under me?

[EmaWii]

DON'T SWEAR. ESPECIALLY DO NOT SAY 'GOD-FUCKING-DAMN-IT!

Yeah, I guess that's what I say. Or "What the fucking fuck?!"

Hanging with Sharkey got me rolling with the "fuckdamnballsshit" though, which I sorta like.

Pain is usually just "shit."

Hmm..."What the fucking fuckdamnballsshit?!" is even more fun, although I don't think I've ever actually said it. I tend to get repetitive rather than creative, when I'm frustrated.

[Büge]

Robin Hood tore his leather jerkin off.

[Brentai]

While Little John patted down his cuirass.