what the fuck is this BULLSHIT
GETTING SHIT TO WORK FOR DRUNKEN BOONERS AND COLONIALS (DRUNK OR OTHERWISE):
1) Download a source port like
GZDoom and unzip it into whatever folder Doom and/or Doom II is in. There's system requirements but unless you've got a shitty little beater of a computer that can't even handle DirectX 9.0 you'll be fine.
2) Now go to the command line and run that shit like so:
BROTIP: The "-file" parameter tells the game to load whatever files are listed after it. No, there's no mod manager bullshit here; this is how we did things back in 1996. It's a small price to pay when you consider that the game's as durable as an AK-47 duct taped to a Game Boy.
3) It should bring up a menu showing what game .wad files are there, so pick whatever one you've got installed or want to play. For the purposes of this argument we're using Doom II.
4) The game should load and drop you at the title screen. If it doesn't, YOU FUCKED UP. Do I really need to install this on my computer, zip it up and Rapidshare it to you? Too fucking bad, you're on your own. Go back to step 1 and figure out what you did wrong.
5) Go into the options menu and spend a couple minutes fucking with everything. Make sure that the "blood type" in Display Options is set to "Sprites & Particles" like the nice man in the .txt file said.
6) Press tilde. That's the "~" key by default. When the console drops down type in "sv_smartaim 3" and press Enter. Congratulations, now when you're fighting an imp and an aggressive-looking frangible lamppost your rockets will head towards the imp!
7) New game, difficulty, &c &c &c.
PS: Doom II has 32 levels. I won't be halfway done until the start of MAP32, technically.