Nex at this point I think all you can do is admit that you said some stupid shit because you were having a bad day and leave it at that. We've all been there buddy, it ain't the end of the world.
You know, Joxam, I'd love to say that I don't believe this stuff to be true. I'd love to say that I think I have a chance of being happy. But we can't afford - and should not - ignore that these thoughts went through my head and seemed valid enough to type. Anger doesn't open a portal into someone else's head and put negative worldviews in. Anger is the result of already-negative worldviews.
Some of the stuff I said was harsh. Nobody wants to think that their wife is fucking a gardener. And for what it's worth, I'm not even saying that this particular pattern of events is the norm. I'm saying plans fall apart no matter what, in part because we lose sight of the next step, and then we end up miserable.
Also, for the record, I don't think chasing love is really any different from chasing money, except that money is addictive as hell and from an early age we are all told many times to keep chasing it forever and ever and a lot of people never stop to ask why, even when they've got more than they'll ever need.
