Avatar Is A Pile Of Horseshit
Or
Why You Should Be Rooting For The Badguys
At what point did director shorthand for majesty, magic and fantasy boil down to, "Riding Dragons"? When did any other method of capturing the method get divorced from film-making, for fuck's sake
Avatar is a movie basically entirely about riding dragons and that's pretty much it. The entire purpose of the hideous blue people tribe is to fight dragons, ride dragons and jump from tree to tree then sleep in their tree cocoon things and do it all again tomorrow whoopee.
Obviously the entire premise of the movie hinges on seeing these beautiful forest people's way of life and wanting to preserve that, but not every person going into that cinema can be guaranteed to give a shit about riding some fucking stupid stripey dragons ok! The other "aspects" of forest people life involve drinking water, jumping from tree to tree, holding bow-strings steady (the bows which are never actually used to hunt wildlife once in the entire movie) and [spoiler]enabling women to cheat on their fiances. [/spoiler]
THAT'S ANOTHER THING: I could go on for days about how every dumbfuck Hollywood movie had a scene where the handsome, roguish shithead steals the woman away from the guy with the funny-shaped head, but in this case not only were they [spoiler]actually engaged to be married but the Rival was actually intelligent, competent and arrived at a plan of action before the World Tree got destroyed[/spoiler] instead of after. I didn't like the Night Elf campaign when I played it and I sure as hell didn't want to have to relive it.
Anyway, dragons. I do not give a flying shit about dragons. These people's way of life was shitty as hell. It was arduous, lethal (they repeatedly commented on how common it was for their people to just die all the time, even if it was never shown), had no discernible point to any of it beyond getting high all the time and for fuck's sake I do not care about jumping from tree to tree, either. Make me give a shit about your dumb fucking tribal people.
As if to hammer home the point of how fucking shallow and easily amused these idiots are, at the point in the film where the main character has actually betrayed everyone he cares about and has [spoiler]gotten their second-most priceless relic destroyed[/spoiler], how does he make it up to them? [spoiler]He goes and gets a REALLY BIG DRAGON and rides it into their camp. They instantly forgive him because hey it's a huge dragon, and they enable this stupid shit to just go ahead and regurgitate the plan that the other guy already came up with and they follow him brainlessly. [/spoiler]
The real killer here is that you never actually SEE HIM [spoiler]TAME THE DRAGON[/spoiler] IT HAPPENS OFF-SCREEN AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
He then [spoiler]leads something like 15 tribes in a stupid as fuck frontal assault that gets them all killed. All of them. Literally.[/spoiler] The "villain" meanwhile, promises his men that the first round of drinks is on him after they get back to base. The only assurance we have that this guy is evil is that his soldiers chuckle evilly and he shoots at the heroes for, imagine that, stealing his property. The Colonel was the one good thing about this movie and I could watch him stab that stupid fucking Displacer Beast a hundred times over and never get sick of it.
Seriously, that bit where he [spoiler]comes down out of the air and his ship explodes behind him and the rest of that fight scene[/spoiler] were the only good thing in the film. Avatar is the worst worst worst worst worst film I have seen in as long as I can remember and the closest I have ever come to walking out of the cinema mid-film.
