Brontoforumus Archive

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  

News:


This board has been fossilized.
You are reading an archive of Brontoforumus, a.k.a. The Worst Forums Ever, from 2008 to early 2014.  Registration and posting (for most members) has been disabled here to discourage spambots from taking over.  Old members can still log in to view boards, PMs, etc.

The new message board is at http://brontoforum.us.

Poll

Choice

1.
- 0 (0%)
2.
- 0 (0%)
3.
- 0 (0%)
4.
- 4 (50%)
5.
- 1 (12.5%)
6.
- 1 (12.5%)
7.
- 0 (0%)
8.
- 0 (0%)
9.
- 0 (0%)
10.
- 2 (25%)

Total Members Voted: 8

Voting closed: January 03, 2010, 06:27:00 AM


Pages: [1] 2 3

Author Topic: The adventures of THAT RABBIT  (Read 2840 times)

0 Members and 2 Guests are viewing this topic.

Friday

  • Admin
  • Tested
  • Karma: -65374
  • Posts: 5122
    • View Profile
The adventures of THAT RABBIT
« on: September 19, 2009, 06:33:04 AM »

Your chicken spins wildly out of control as you struggle with the controls.

Raising a furry paw, you shake it at CPE, who is merrily attempting to chase his own tail while riding his own chicken, which is only resulting in him doing loops in the air. For some reason, some sort of 80s music is playing in the background.

Wrestling with the controls, you barely manage to avoid smashing your smoking poultry into a huge boulder, instead plowing beak-first into a grassy knoll. Pull the eject feather just before impact, you are shot upwards.

Your head spins as gravity seems to whirl. Suddenly your chute opens and you drift slowly down to the ground, your long body hanging limp, a scowl across your face, watching that blasted CPE touch down on the other side of the river.

Your hind legs touch dirt. You attempt to detach your chute, but are foiled by your complete lack of thumbs.

"Blasted puppy," you mutter. "I'm stuck in this pathetic body and it's. all. his. fault."

Your chute lands on top of you. It takes you quite some times to chew through the straps and then make your way out from under it. Despite your small size, it seems to have been made for a human.

Finally you are free. You gaze quickly in all direction, but the damnable puppy is nowhere to be found.

"Blast it!" you curse. "Now, where could he have gotten to! We still have a score to settle! And who is this 'Kenny Loggins', anyway!"

Your questions will have to wait. There is precious little time. You can't lose CPE's trail.

Suddenly, a trout pokes his nose up from a nearby pond.

"Greetings, Rabbit," he says, reflecting light from his scales in a prismatic array.

"Oh, sod off," you reply, and lope down the knoll away from him.

***************************

1. He must have gone east, across the river. Yes. His end shall be swift.

2. No, there's a big shiny monolith to the north. CPE is an idiot, he'll head toward that because lol shiny. Idiot.

3. Hmm. But then again, perhaps you may be able to extract some useful information from Rainbow. After all, he's that dratted puppies spirit guide, or whatever. His fate will be the same!
Logged

Ted Belmont

  • Tested
  • Karma: 50
  • Posts: 3447
    • View Profile
Re: The adventures of THAT RABBIT
« Reply #1 on: September 19, 2009, 01:46:58 PM »

3. THE FISH MUST PAY
Logged

Envy

  • Tested
  • Karma: -8
  • Posts: 2286
    • View Profile
Re: The adventures of THAT RABBIT
« Reply #2 on: September 19, 2009, 02:06:42 PM »

3
Logged

Zaratustra

  • what
  • Tested
  • Karma: 48
  • Posts: 3691
    • View Profile
    • Zaratustra Productions
Re: The adventures of THAT RABBIT
« Reply #3 on: September 19, 2009, 03:32:10 PM »

If I see that rabbit one more time

Lady Duke

  • Shiny Ranger
  • Tested
  • Karma: 3
  • Posts: 2339
    • View Profile
Re: The adventures of THAT RABBIT
« Reply #4 on: September 19, 2009, 03:38:01 PM »

Silly rabbit.
Logged

Friday

  • Admin
  • Tested
  • Karma: -65374
  • Posts: 5122
    • View Profile
Re: The adventures of THAT RABBIT
« Reply #5 on: September 19, 2009, 08:32:33 PM »

3. Hmm. But then again, perhaps you may be able to extract some useful information from Rainbow. After all, he's that dratted puppies spirit guide, or whatever. His fate will be the same!

You turn and head back up the hill to the small pond. To your left, the edge of an light wood.

Rainbow watches you come. "On second thought," you say, "perhaps you could be of some use to me."

The trout ducks his head. "Oh?"

"Don't play coy with me," you say furiously. "You know what I want! Now, where is he? Where has that blind idiot gotten to!?"

Rainbow shakes his head. "Sorry?"

"The puppy, you blasted sea kitten! I will have my revenge!" you scowl.

Rainbow nods. "Ah. It is as I thought. Feelings of anger and hatred cloud your mind. Beware these feelings, rabbit, for they are the path to --"

You cuff Rainbow with a paw in mid-sentence. "Enough with your blather! The idiotic ramblings of a ectothermic aquatic vertebrate are of no interest to me! Tell me where the puppy has gone, or face my wrath!"

The trout recovers and comes to meet your eye once again. "Very well. You have your own path to follow, rabbit, and your own discoveries to make. I will tell you what you wish to know."

You thump your hind leg impatiently. "Yeah, yeah. I'm only a construct of a narrative, and a completely silly one, at that. My purpose here is to provide the role of what you would call an antagonist, albeit only in the loosest sense of the term, as this narrative eschews all normal and established concepts and traditions in favor of idiotic and nonsensical nonlinear progression. You're not telling me anything I don't already know, chordate."

Rainbow merely continues to stare at you expressionless. "You have much to learn, my friend," he says.

"The puppy's whereabouts, you infernal scaled vertebrate," you say, raising one paw to cuff him again if necessary.

"You will find that which you seek when you least expect it," replies the trout.

A moment of silence passes as you narrow your eyes.

You sigh, as realization dawns.

"He's right behind me, riding some sort of gigantic construct, isn't he," you say.

"Maybe," replies Rainbow, and ducks.

You turn to find CPE bearing down on you, riding, of all things, a gigantic snowball. He's barking at you excitedly, obviously steering the huge mass somehow right for you.

Your eyes widen in shock despite yourself. For a moment you can only stand there, in awe at the complete and utter ridiculousness of it all.

"Mittens!" barks the puppy.

You dash out of the way just in time to the safety of the trees.

Strangely, the puppy seems to lose interest in you as soon as he passes you by. You emerge from the wood and shake your paw at the puppy and his giant snowball as he recedes into the distance.

"You're the worst protagonist ever!" you scream, shuddering with indignant rage.

But then something odd, even for this universe, begins to happen. The puppy seems to be rolling up more and more random material, causing his snowball (which is quickly just turning into a giant ball of random construction) to gain more and more mass, which in turn lends it to pick up larger and larger objects. Somehow, these objects just stick to the sides of the mass, defying all laws of physics.

Atop it all, the puppy rides, barking happily, and trying to bite his ears.

Once again, strange background music begins to play.

"Blast you, infernal puppy! You won't get away with this!" you say.

You quickly look around to gather your options. Hmm. Rainbow's pond seems intact. Judging by the way that idiot gets around, the pond must be some sort of interdimensional portal that allows the user to quickly travel through time and space.

On the other hand, there's a rocket ship, complete with lighting bolt wings and a small circular window.

Or perhaps your best bet would be to sneak aboard the giant mass yourself. Yes. That way you could keep a close eye on the puppy, perhaps even sabotage his ride. Yessss.

In any case, you can't stay here for much longer. The landscape is quickly becoming a barren wasteland as CPE rolls up more and more material.

***************************************

1. Use Rainbow's pond to escape. The puppy shall regret ever crossing you!

2. The rocket ship might be handy. You are trained as a shuttle pilot, after all. CPE won't see that coming!

3. Actually, sneaking aboard the mass will probably be your best bet. Puppy won't expect that, ha!
Logged

Doom

  • ~run liek a wind~
  • Tested
  • Karma: 46
  • Posts: 7430
    • View Profile
Re: The adventures of THAT RABBIT
« Reply #6 on: September 20, 2009, 10:21:25 AM »

I do not feel comfortable doing anything that may potentially cause the Cutest Puppy Ever to fail in his journey.
Logged

Cthulhu-chan

  • Tested
  • Karma: 10
  • Posts: 2036
    • View Profile
Re: The adventures of THAT RABBIT
« Reply #7 on: September 20, 2009, 11:49:47 AM »

ROCKET SHIPS ARE FOR PILOTING
Logged

Brentai

  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnXYVlPgX_o
  • Admin
  • Tested
  • Karma: -65281
  • Posts: 17524
    • View Profile
Re: The adventures of THAT RABBIT
« Reply #8 on: September 20, 2009, 12:28:19 PM »

It appears we have reached an impasse.
Logged

Cthulhu-chan

  • Tested
  • Karma: 10
  • Posts: 2036
    • View Profile
Re: The adventures of THAT RABBIT
« Reply #9 on: September 20, 2009, 12:38:39 PM »

If you are given the opportunity to pilot a rocket ship and you don't take it, you're just a damn dirty Red.

The only thing Reds are good for is burning, so are you a rocket pilot, or rocket fuel?
Logged

Defenestration

  • The Sixth Window
  • Tested
  • Karma: 20
  • Posts: 1867
    • View Profile
Re: The adventures of THAT RABBIT
« Reply #10 on: September 21, 2009, 12:06:24 AM »

I do not feel comfortable doing anything that may potentially cause the Cutest Puppy Ever to fail in his journey.
Logged
Una salus victis nullam sperare salutem

Friday

  • Admin
  • Tested
  • Karma: -65374
  • Posts: 5122
    • View Profile
Re: The adventures of THAT RABBIT
« Reply #11 on: September 21, 2009, 01:09:56 AM »

ARE YOU GUYS SERIOUSLY WORRIED THAT RABBIT WILL CATCH UP TO CPE AND STAB HIM WITH A KNIFE OR SOMETHING
Logged

Brentai

  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnXYVlPgX_o
  • Admin
  • Tested
  • Karma: -65281
  • Posts: 17524
    • View Profile
Re: The adventures of THAT RABBIT
« Reply #12 on: September 21, 2009, 01:14:53 AM »

Well, I wasn't before you said that.
Logged

Friday

  • Admin
  • Tested
  • Karma: -65374
  • Posts: 5122
    • View Profile
Re: The adventures of THAT RABBIT
« Reply #13 on: September 21, 2009, 02:13:50 AM »

 :justasplanned:
Logged

Transportation

  • Tested
  • Karma: 2
  • Posts: 541
    • View Profile
Re: The adventures of THAT RABBIT
« Reply #14 on: September 21, 2009, 03:02:41 PM »

We shall have the ultimate high ground.
Logged

Friday

  • Admin
  • Tested
  • Karma: -65374
  • Posts: 5122
    • View Profile
Re: The adventures of THAT RABBIT
« Reply #15 on: September 22, 2009, 01:33:10 AM »

2. The rocket ship might be handy. You are trained as a shuttle pilot, after all. CPE won't see that coming!

You hastily bunny lope over to the rocket ship. It appears to be the exact same sprite from Mario Bros 2. You have no idea how it got here, but it probably was something the narrative just randomly thought of at the last minute while designing choices.

"Figures," you mutter. "Why put any forethought or effort into a story like this?"

Despite your irritation at the world in which you find yourself, you quickly open the hatch and slip inside.

"Wait a minute," you say, looking over the controls. "How the bloody hell did I open the hatch? I don't have any thumbs!"

Shaking your head in disgust at such lazy writing, you begin to familiarize yourself with the control panels in front of you.

"Hmm... yes, yes. I remember. Axis, thrust, velocity. Fuel; nominal. Readouts look good. Now, where's the damn ignition?"

Suddenly your eyes come to rest on a large red button with "BLAST OFF!!!" written on it.

"It's one exclamation point, or none!" you say, scowling.

But you've wasted enough time arguing with the narrative. CPE is getting away! Even now, his large ball has departed the planet and is starting to roll up asteroids.

You reach out one paw and press the BLAST OFF button, refusing to look at it.

The rocket shakes and begins to hum. There is a sudden lurch and you are airborne.

Strapping yourself into the pilot seat, you grab both levers and pull back.

The rocket accelerates and you find yourself breaking out of the atmosphere. The infinite reaches of space surround you.

You turn on the radar and are rewarded with a blip as it detects CPE. You orient yourself and bring the viewscreen to bear.

"There you are," you say, thumbing open the blaster controls. "You won't get away this time."

Your targeting sensors have locked on. The fast beeping changes to a steady tone.

"Eat blazing death, puppy!" you scream triumphantly, pulling the trigger on your stick.

Twin lasers emerge from your ship in rapid fire. Your first salvo impacts on the mass.

"Direct hit!" you scream, eyes blazing.

But despite your success, the mass CPE is rolling doesn't seem to be affected at all! The lasers merely impacted on the surface. CPE doesn't even appear to notice you!

"A temporary setback," you say. "Of course, my mistake. That mass is far too large to be affected by my weapons. But no matter. I will destroy CPE himself!"

You retarget, this time locking on to CPE, who is barking and rolling the mass so fast his legs have become a blur.

Accelerating to match his rotation, you pull up directly behind him. Your lasers have locked on. Your paw presses against the trigger eagerly.

But... wait. No. This isn't right. If you fire now, CPE will be destroyed, yes, but he'll never know what happened! He'll die without knowing your vengeance!

"Drat!" you exclaim. "You blasted puppy, you'll be mine yet!"

*********************************

1. A warning shot! Yes. Fire a shot to his immediate left. The impact will alert him to your presence, so that he can turn and behold the full fury of your revenge!

2. Open the intercom! "Hey! Hey puppy! You smell!"

3. But then again, you've always liked to work up close and personal. Attempt a daring space landing with your rocket on the mass! Then, you can exit the ship and confront the puppy directly! His last view shall be of your paw!
Logged

Cthulhu-chan

  • Tested
  • Karma: 10
  • Posts: 2036
    • View Profile
Re: The adventures of THAT RABBIT
« Reply #16 on: September 22, 2009, 02:07:24 AM »

I DO prefer the up-close-and-personal approach, but I've also read the evil overlord list.  I'll not fall further into that pit than I already have.
Logged

Brentai

  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnXYVlPgX_o
  • Admin
  • Tested
  • Karma: -65281
  • Posts: 17524
    • View Profile
Re: The adventures of THAT RABBIT
« Reply #17 on: September 22, 2009, 09:56:35 AM »

Logged

Transportation

  • Tested
  • Karma: 2
  • Posts: 541
    • View Profile
Re: The adventures of THAT RABBIT
« Reply #18 on: September 22, 2009, 10:52:12 AM »

We will mock the CPE with our mastery of airless sound.
Logged

Defenestration

  • The Sixth Window
  • Tested
  • Karma: 20
  • Posts: 1867
    • View Profile
Re: The adventures of THAT RABBIT
« Reply #19 on: September 22, 2009, 05:33:21 PM »

2
Logged
Una salus victis nullam sperare salutem
Pages: [1] 2 3