CHAPTER 3 TIEMZ NOW!
So when I did this, I got bored and also decided to kill Misty. Sound good? Good.
So, in Cerulean I decide to talk to the fuzz, just to see what’s so important about this house. Apparently some people were robbed, and it was Team Rocket (If you look in the back yard, you can see the guy just chillin’. THEY’RE SO HARD TO FIND. ) Anyway, time to move on.
And here comes Asshat. Mother fucker has the nerve to insult me and tell he’s managed to catch a bunch of smart Moemon. I find that to be odd, because most of them seem pretty retarded based off of my prior experience. Unfortunately, this entire chapter turns that whoooole idea around.
So, Pidgeotto BARELY kills Loli, SOMEHOW escaping paralysis the ONE FUCKING TIME I NEED IT.
So, Rattata was absurdly easy. ‘Nuff said.
Why even bother?
I’m not quite sure what made me do this. It was a very bad idea. But uh, yeah, needless to say Jail Bait was slaughtered. Okay, enough playin’ around though. Bitch is goin’ down.
What you DON’T see is the rest of my party getting fucked up by Squirtle. Forgot to screen cap THAT little tid bit. This is just beginning of my adventure into butt-fuckedville. Ugh.
FUCK YOU. SO I HAPPEN TO ENJOY THE INTRICACIES OF (other) PEOPLE’S SOCIAL LIVES. YOU JUST SUCK. ;-;
He then says “Smell ya’!” after already saying “smell ya’ later”. This bastard will die.
This is the condition of my party after fighting Ass Hat. VICTORY IS MINE, but it was not good enough. Vegeta will not stand for this nonsense. Anyone, one visit to the Pokemon center later…
We go to Nugget Bridge! As the guy says, beat five trainers, get a so fab prize. I dig those odds.
I win. One down, four to go!
Oh, by the way, Sexbomb evolved. He’s been VERY useful thus far in the game, so it’s no surprise that he’s evolved so quickly. Yaay, Sexbomb.
Two down! Vegeta abuses Mega Punch and Mega Kick ALL THE TIME.
3-5 dead. I got lazy.
Here’s my party after all five of them, which saddens me. I think I’m off my game.
No, dude. Really. I’m good. I promise. Just goin’ on my way with the nugget. Team Rocket kind of sucks anyway.
OH GOD HE’S GOING TO RAPE ME. D: GET THE FUZZ.
OR… OR SOMETHING. EITHER WAY GET THE FUZZ!
Dumb Fish hits level 15, and learns tackle! What the fuck. Anyway, to celebrate this, I use her beat the shitty Zubat. GREAT SUCCESS.
I then pepper sprayed him and ran for my life, dropping my hobo shiv. It will be missed. Thinking I had escaped any form of sexual assault, I run to a nearby patch of tall grass!
I was wrong! Fucker with a foot fetish pops out of the grass. I can’t deal with this shit D: I beat his Moemon team, and pepper spray his ass. Onto catching the few Moemon in the area I don’t have!
Oddish get! The name, Moejawana, is courtesy if Cronos.
Abra, as per usual, was a pain in the ass to catch. Thanks to paralysis, I catch her and name her Chong! Yay Cronos for moar nicknames.
Bellsprout was CONSIDERABLY harder to find, much to my annoyance. I saw three or four abras before I saw one Bellsprout. I catch the sly fucker, and use Cronos’ idea when I name her Tacobell.
Route 25! Several trainers wait for me here, as well as a TM which can be missed if you don’t step out at the right distance. Of course, if you don’t notice this yourself, you’re pretty dumb. Oh well! Accidents happen, amirite?
Creepy Mount Moon guy has a Machop, which is one of the most unattractive Moemon to date. I mean, seriously. What the fuck? Moving on…
Two more trainers, nothing new – they have the same Moemon that I’ve been encountering thus far, and they give me dumb advice/threats.
And there there’s this guy, who has- wait, what’s that?
OH MY GOD
I MUST HAVE IT. It’s quite a journey before I get to Slowpoke paradise, but it is already decided it will be named ELVIS, as it is THE KING. :D Now that I have more motivation to continue my journey, I (regrettably) beat the kid’s Slowpoke and move on!
I forgot to screen her before battle. Oops. She says something about how she has a cool boyfriend. MOVING ON.
Notice the Pokeball! If you don’t move far enough away, you miss a TM or something. You can get it later, but that’s after you get cut. Sigh. I hate HMs.
One creeper and jealous bitch later, we find a house which we can only assume is this Bill dude’s house. Inside we go!
Blah blah blah I’m not a pokemon blah blah blah you’re clearly skeptical. Really, though, since it’s Moemon he transformed into a little girl. So the skeptical part probably isn’t that fact that it’s TALKING, more that it’s a man. OH WELL.
Despite the fact that I want to say no, I help the guy anyway and skip over a bunch of pointless screen shots.
He gives me a ticket to go on the SS Anne, basically making me his scapegoat so he doesn’t have to go to a party. With this out of the way, I can go back and kick some ass! Fuck yeah! Misty is goin’ down!
I heal up and head into the gym. Despite the fact that Loli is only level 15 at this point, I’m really not all too concerned. Lightning fucks up water like it’s nobody’s business, so I’m sure I’ll be fine. :3
Not only am I highly disturbed that he wants to “do it” with me, he wears a speedo. Ew. Ew ew ew. He has some unique Pokemon though.
Horsea is adorable, and Shelder is as bland and boring as I thought she’d be. Eh, oh well.
Moving on, we meet dumb bitch who thinks her shit doesn’t stink. Only good thing about this is Goldeen, which has been by FAR the prettiest moemon yet. Very elegent lookin’ <3. Of course, I win. Because that’s how I roll. With her out of the way, we’re up to Misty!
A SEXY new face ;D
Aw man, I didn’t think there’d be questions D: I’m boned.
Thankfully she doesn’t give me time to fake an answer and shouts something out, before attacking me.
Staryu has always been pretty easy, at least if memory serves correctly. Let’s see if a system generation change makes any real differences!
Yes, there fucking were. Staryu critical TWICE IN A ROW with Water Pulse, essentially fucking Loli and Fat Pidgey up the ass. Vegeta manages to survive a hit and Mega Punches it to death. If this is any indication, Starmie is going to be a BIIITTTCCCHHHHHH.
Piss, shit, FUCK. Vegeta, Sexbomb (as seen above), and Jail Bait get destroyed. This leaves me with…
Fuck.
It figures Dumb Fish manages to survive a Water Pulse, and I decide to go out with a bang. SPLASH ATTACK! Since that worked out so well, I decide maybe it’s time for some training.
Woo! Evolution! Let’s go kick some ass.
Owned. Time for the real battle. I’m not pulling punches. Starmie is one tough some of a bitch.
BAM! FUCK YEAH! Flash back time!
Back to the present!
I beat Misty pretty easily, thanks to Dumb Fish. As a reward (and out of fear of my life), I have decided to rename her as soon as I can to LORD DEATHULON or something equally intimidating. I also put Water Pulse on it since it’s so devastatingly powerful. It just seemed appropriate.
Here is my party for now! Loli has started to suck it up, so after I finish up using flash, she will be replaced. Makes me sad, but ya’ gotta’ do what ya’ gotta do! >: Also, have some Pokedex Evolution stuff.
NEXT TIME ON LET'S PLAY MOEMON LEAF-GREEN!
CHAPTER 4: TO THE S.S. ANNE!