No, you know what? That argument is 100% valid. He was totally speaking in the "jive" of upper-middle class suburban whites in 1960whatever. Totally honest mistake.
So apologize for it.
Bill, you should have at least mumbled an embarrassed "Oh, I'm sorry" when she reacted like that. You didn't then, and now you're making a huge fucking deal about how you're never going to. I would expect more politeness from the Grand Dragon of the Klu Klux Klan than that. I'm sure even he has enough basic human decency to not insult a mother's dead son, intentionally or not. Unless the mother was black of course.
Point being, the issue here is not about what Bill James thinks of those homos or whether or not he meant to be insulting. The issue here is whether or not Bill James is too socially retarded to be let out in public.