I became 32 this January and got a horrible depression that lasted two months or more (actually I'm still feeling like total crap but the 2-month depression was unbelievable and made me unable to eat, sleep or do almost anything, it also gave me constant muscle spasms that have lasted until now even though they're getting less frequent).
I think the reason is because I'm 32 and I havent done anything with life, not to mention I got to the age that women my age look like old women. I still look like a stupid awkward 20 year old but women my age look almost grandmotherish. Why must beauty be so rare and fleeting? Why can't I learn to talk to people and like them for what they're like on the inside that way I can stop being so superficial? To be honest I can barely talk to my mom or brother. talking about my mom, she used to be beautiful too, so I blame her for setting unrealistic standards for what women should look like.
I also feel bad that I have no kids, and might never have them and for some reason that fucks me up. I don't feel ready to have them anyway, but if I wait too much my sperms will die. And even worse, I'm still virginal, which is bad seeing how every fucking kid today is fucking all the time, look at that hussy Bristol Palin, she lost her virginity before I even knew what a vagina looked like.
AND time is starting to speed up tooo much. The last 3 years have been ridiculously short and I don't see the next years getting any slower, at this rate I've pretty much lived more than half my life since the upcomming years are going to fly me by. This gave me a lot of anxiety, good thing I went to a psychiatrist and now I feel better because of pills that make me sweaty and constipated!
