Traffic Jam on a three-lane highway with multiple merges and maybe one good exit(at least, en route from my work to my exit.) Everything was mellow enough until I got a mile away from my exit.. the last merge.
Notables!
1) Let a guy in front of me who had a penchant for waiting until at least three car lengths became available in front of him to accelerate. This made him a nice target for my profanity on that last merge. He also opened his door frequently to vomit?!
2) My last and greatest hurdle from the merge lane was a guy with a boat. Who drove along the shoulder for a quarter of a mile, determined to intimidate me into letting him in.
YOU CAN'T INTIMIDATE A YOUTH IN A BEATER, YOU OLD FOOL!
3) On the last half-mile stretch, when the final merge lane ends, you can ride the shoulder straight to my exit. I attempted to do this to be met with ANOTHER TRAFFIC JAM, like a fucking branch on a tree, growing steadily in the shoulder. The culprit?
A SELF-APPOINTED TRAFFIC COP! That's right. Some jackass, complete with dick-enhancement truck, wasn't gonna let us shoulder guys get AHEAD OF HIM! We'd already.. basically broken the law and were asking for it, and he was there to make sure we got it! Even if this was our exit! He knew better!
4) Defeating 3 by dipping onto the grass(no fences or rails! Hah!) and driving around not only dipshit-in-black-truck, but co-dip-shit-in-white-truck. I cheered wildly as I finally got on my damn exit, but not before...
5) Having to drive around the stupidest looking teenager I've ever seen. He was one of those emergency crew guys who doesn't have any actual authority outside of hoping everybody will get out of his way so he can help some motorcyclists who've dropped their luggage or something. When he sees the six or so cars that are using the shoulder to
reach their exit, he gets the most indignant look on his face and starts jerking his hand around to try and direct us.
It was all the funnier that he had a fucking Geothermal-afro and looked like he was 16. Nice try, retard!
So yeah I was probably in the wrong compared to my many foes but after two hours you do what you've gotta.
Also my car battery began dying again at the mile mark so I had to sit through all of this with no heat, music, or even the ability to lower my windows(ten minute passing rain!) so I became pretty delirious during that last mile. But hey, I got to my exit in time to actually accelerate on the way home, so all is well!