Communication Issue: If you want Dragon Control, Jungle and Bottom Lane should be calling for it, not top/mid solo Doom even if he is the team captain. Also I'm wildly inexperienced at giving good commands past the early game!
If we do this once a week or so I'm up for it but otherwise I think I'm going to shop around and see if I can join some other teams elsewhere to get more practical experience.
Here's a bunch of mean words that nobody should apologize to me about for the examples there-in because apologies will make me roll my eyes. GO PRACTICE and show up with a FIERCE DETERMINATION TO BE GREAT WITH YOUR FAVORITE HEROES AT YOUR FAVORITE ROLES. NO MORE "I CAN DO WHAT WE NEED."
Smiler: I felt bad for essentially chasing you out but show up with more than two games worth of experience SHEEEEEEEESH.
Niku: You do that thing I do where you play too many heroes, let's settle on the handful you're great with and go from there as far as practice goes. You should also speak up a lot because you're probably more experienced than me and here I am as some sort of team captain WHAT. Finally I know Malzahar is your BFF but unless you can play him at a dramatic carrying level Annie is better in every way.
Joxam and Mali: You guys have good basic competence but I think you need to settle on some mains and get ridiculous good with them, I think it's silly that you don't exhibit the sort of incredible rampant high skill ceilings I'd associate with people who have more wins than I do, yet you constantly favor high impact roles like Jungle or Tank and under-deliver. You know when I buy a skin for a hero I like? When I feel that I can play them so freaking well I'll inspire envy in others.
Joxam: If you're jungling constantly request information and who wants ganks. Learn somebody other than Gangplank because you aren't playing him above "Competent."
Mali: If you stick with support go look up pro information or watch a pro support and develop timing for ward sweeps and such. Learn at least two other tanks because your options right now seem to be Alistar and "maybe" Amumu and you shouldn't default to Alistar unless you really bond with him and start playing at a razor's edge of skill.
Mali(Poppy): People who watch me die are one of my biggest pet peeves! I know my Rumble game was astoundingly shitty and I was an imbecile, but that first time Renekton ran me down and you said "What can I do?" Right click the fucker! From the weakest support to the most surprisingly resilient auto-attacker(which Poppy is! Your W!), Auto's count for a lot early game and you probably would have killed him or forced him to back off. If you don't have to back off to avoid suicide, don't abandon a teammate.
Doom: You're an arrogant baboon and you play too many heroes, stick with a handful and refine them to a razor's edge. You got overconfident against Ryze middle and you tried stupid masteries for people who don't think like you do, stick with 9/21/0 forever. You got out-played when you didn't realize why Ryze was missing so often or noticed soon enough that his CS was rising so dramatically, you got out-played by Riven as Singed top hard and forgot to request ganks, and I dunno why you keep using Rumble when you have not reached an acceptable skill plateau with him yet. Also playing Warwick in ignorance of the meta was dumb and you should thank Max for clueing you in to how to best blow your Flash -> Ult to leap-frog to somebody instead of tentatively walking at them and hoping they don't notice. Also let Shen check bushes taunt-first instead of you face-first. You also don't have good experience making mid or late game calls so I dunno why you're team captain :X
I mentioned this in my original post but surprise you guys did it again.
Stop offering to "fill any role" or say you can "play whatever we need." Fuck that, if I want a guy who can play any role I can go solo ranked. I want you guys to come and tell me that you're fucking excited to play your favorite hero in your favorite role because you're going to dominate.
I think you guys just sort of come to this ranked team thing thinking you'll have a good time(ok) win or lose(good attitude) and maybe we'll get lucky and win(NO.) We should be actively anticipating wins and playing to our best and trying to pull victory out of the jaws of defeat. Like Joxam, when I was jungling you could see that I would announce my goals and they were short and sweet. I'm going to grab red and poke every lane that's over-extended for possible ganks. I covered all three, I made intimidate/presence known, and I still made good time doing it even on my shitty Warwick game.
Like guys we had a good time and we even got a win(but quite frankly we won a 5v4 so big deal) and we're going to get sat into our actual ELO bracket soon which'll give us a chance to learn against people who aren't so fierce, but that doesn't mean you can't bone up and learn to be fierce yourselves. When I solo queue ranked, there's a 50/50 chance that the over-enthusiastic retards on my team will actually have the balls to back their boasting. With you guys, you just sort of hope things will go OK instead of actively DEMANDING a win, or demanding 100% from yourselves, or swearing to do your best, or whatever you want to call it. Putting on your game face, taking things seriously, playing to win, etc. If we rile ourselves up and believe we'll always win and we always lose, so what. But if we're just going through the motions and hoping we fight morons, what a waste of time.
When I played Ahri vs Ryze mid, I intended to harass him out of lane and win the pushing war, pressuring their entire team to cover for him. Whether I never got jungle support or I was an incompetent, overconfident buffoon that didn't work, but I had Teleport and I was harassing him strongly and I didn't sort of hope he'd let me kill him.
When I played Shyvana jungle, I had a rock-solid patrol path and jungle route and intentions and it showed. I also have really clicked with Shyvana, one of my favorite heroes now, so I don't play her and hope for the best, I play her because I'm going to rip people in half and they'll never see my ult coming and GOD, I'M SO GOOD AT LEADING THESE SKILL-SHOTS.
When I played Warwick jungle, I had good patrol and route but half-assed intentions. And it showed. I should have blown my flash into ult twice as often to feed Akali mid. Then I just sort of became this inconsequential guy who does no real damage.
When I played Singed solo top, I had a strong plan for controlling my lane, preserving my tower, and not letting Riven actually kill me. I did those things but got jungle ganked and ended up retreating a lot(though I kept my tower safe anyway) because I lost the lane and had no jungle support. I still performed at my usual good Singed level, particularly once we went defensive and I had to tank and initiate.
WELP THAT'S HOW I REALLY FEEL. I'd love to keep chugging along with you dopes but I don't really want to bottle up these super cool criticisms, particularly of myself. I can see where I can improve(I'm stealing that Atmog's Riven build for solo top), how about you guys?
And for fuck's sake more I'M GONNA DO X CAUSE I OWN AND WILL WIN and less "I can do whatever." I have an automated match-making engine that'll give me infinite sets of four guys who can do whatever. I want you guys to be my friends who do cool shit and are dependable.
