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Author Topic: Adventures in Slumberland  (Read 73711 times)

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Joxam

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Re: Adventures in Slumberland
« Reply #620 on: January 04, 2011, 07:53:38 AM »

I had a dream where I applied for a job and got it. I think my subconscious is telling me I need a job again.
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Büge

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Re: Adventures in Slumberland
« Reply #621 on: January 13, 2011, 09:10:11 PM »

I had a strange dream the other night. It was like The Deadliest Game, only the hunter looked like Geralt from The Witcher and sounded like LittleKuriboh.
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Mongrel

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Re: Adventures in Slumberland
« Reply #622 on: January 14, 2011, 03:55:13 AM »

I kept dreaming about hickory rib gravy.
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Norondor

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Re: Adventures in Slumberland
« Reply #623 on: January 14, 2011, 08:55:11 AM »

uhhh, i am pretty sure i've seen a picture of you and you are not fat, so i am calling bullshit
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Niku

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Re: Adventures in Slumberland
« Reply #624 on: January 14, 2011, 05:54:03 PM »

mongrel was an exceedingly fat man in a past life, who played a tuba, but like an awesome fucking jazzy tuba, not a fat man tuba, and they called him "tubs" which is pronounced as tubes
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Mongrel

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Re: Adventures in Slumberland
« Reply #625 on: January 14, 2011, 06:19:42 PM »

Man, I still want those hickory ribs, but the best rib place I used to know in town closed down. >:(

THIS WEEKEND, I SHALL QUEST FOR RIBS.

Well, hopefully.
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Büge

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Re: Adventures in Slumberland
« Reply #626 on: January 14, 2011, 08:13:14 PM »

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Büge

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Re: Adventures in Slumberland
« Reply #627 on: January 15, 2011, 09:29:26 AM »

Odd dream last night. I went grocery shopping with Woody Harrelson. We got to talking, and he offered me a lift home. As I was waiting by his car, I realized that I hadn't paid for anything in my basket (which consisted of three bags of granola, about seven toothbrushes and a stick of lip balm) and I was freaking out, afraid I was going to get fired for shoplifting.

He came back and I was going to explain the situation to him, but I saw that he had a baby in one of those harnesses, and he said he'd just found a baby and was going to take it to the lost and found. It was about at that point that my brain had had enough and I woke up.
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Lottel

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Re: Adventures in Slumberland
« Reply #628 on: January 15, 2011, 09:43:42 AM »

Replace you with Seth Rogen and you have the summers next hit movie.
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Beat Bandit

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Re: Adventures in Slumberland
« Reply #629 on: January 30, 2011, 12:44:44 AM »

I went to see a play starring Paul Sorvino and ended up talking to him outside the theater. He asked what plays of his I had seen and I told him I hadn't, but he was totally my second favorite Law & Order detective.

He got mad and walked away.
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Mongrel

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Re: Adventures in Slumberland
« Reply #630 on: January 30, 2011, 02:43:38 AM »

Man, I was browsing several Brontothreads on different tabs at once, so when I read this I forgot what thread I was in and briefly thought that really happened. The hysterical FREE LAFFS were well worth the momentary disappointment.
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François

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Re: Adventures in Slumberland
« Reply #631 on: February 08, 2011, 12:57:49 PM »

There was some sort of important peace summit in Italy. The high school I attended (fifteen years ago) flies me there to cover it for their paper. The first thing I remember is arriving at the airport in Milan and learning that my luggage was shipped to Siberia.

There are three teenagers arriving with me, also covering the event for high schools in my town. We get into a rental car, but then we realize we don't know how to get to our lodgings. Suddenly, we notice a station wagon doing donuts in the street; there's a guy standing out the window screaming and gesticulating "JOURNALISTS, THAT WAY!". Turns out every other car in the airport parking lot is filled with foreign journalists, and everyone, including us, speeds after the station wagon once it leaves.

After a while, one of the kids recognizes the motel we have reservations at, and we leave the convoy. The opening event's not until a few hours anyway, might as well settle in. We all share a room; there's a file on one of the beds detailing our itinerary and interview schedule, but there's just one copy of it. The oldest kid grabs it and refuses to let us see it; he clearly wants to boss us around. He tells me to do some research on the Internet for him, but my laptop's halfway to Siberia by now, so I catch some Zs.

I wake up just in time to go to the thing. We hop in the car and I drive us to the... McDonald's. The famous Italian mall-sized McDonald's. Well, the talks are sponsored by the US, it makes sense. There's a line for regular customers, a line for journalists, and a line for VIPs and politicians. One of the handlers seems to recognize us, and puts us in the VIP line for some reason. We're ushered into the restaurant quickly.

The place is lavishly decorated with large trees planted in bizarre clay tubs filled with processed cheese and pepperoni. We sit before a meal of cold McDonald's pizza and pickled Brussel sprouts. Before I can even start eating, the asshole kid already scarfed down his pizza. He yells "I'M BORED", climbs on the table and starts rolling around on the food. He destroys my pizza and starts being pissy at me for not eating it faster.

All right. You know what? Screw these kids. I don't answer to him, or to them, and fuck the schedule, I'm doing this my way. I stand up and go to the tables where the heads of state are eating. I have no business with any of them, but I don't care. Fuck formalities, I'mma gonzo this bitch up, and if I have to chronicle the interior of a prison cell, then it's still better than hanging out with idiot children, and probably better than hanging out with diplomats. I take the one free seat, across from Vladimir Putin talking to the Queen of Italy. Or rather, talking to the cleavage of the attractive, forty-something Queen of Italy. She's clearly bored out of her mind.

I address her in English first, as I had become accustomed: "What a circus, huh? How long have you been doing this?"

She says something in Italian to Putin, then turns to me.
-Since before you made Massachusetts part of the Union.
-That's strange, you don't look a year over three hundred.

She laughs. I switch to French.
-Actually, I didn't make anything part of a Union. I'm French-Canadian.
-Oh! I've never met a French-Canadian before.

She licks her lips and looks at me in a way that makes me think I'm this close to scoring royal poon in a McD's toilet stall.

Then I notice Putin staring at me, looking somewhat detached and neutral, but with a squint in his eye that definitely says "Nobody cockblocks the Vlad and lives."

Somehow I don't feel like joining up with my luggage that way, so my brain decides it's time to wake up. Oh well.

(I know about the ridiculous historical and political inaccuracies contained in this dream. I'm just tellin' it like I was livin' it.)
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McDohl

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Re: Adventures in Slumberland
« Reply #632 on: February 08, 2011, 10:40:36 PM »

Epic.  Just epic.
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Lottel

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Re: Adventures in Slumberland
« Reply #633 on: February 28, 2011, 02:44:41 AM »

Had a dream last night. I was at a party and was talking to this girl. We were hitting it off but she had to go out to her car or something so I got bored and pulled out my phone. I checked the forums and saw Brentai had posted a funny picture of some sort of monster. I then made the funniest joke in existence. She came back and I was too busy patting myself on the back to really pay attention. Every few minutes I'd check to see if anyone responded to my joke. About three hours went by and no one responded.
I ended up going back to the girls place where she cooked me pancakes and ice cream. I sadly ate them. When she asked me what was wrong I said "I was funny on the internet but no on noticed it yet." The girl then instantly disappeared. As did my food.
Then I woke up.


MORAL OF THE STORY: DAMMIT YOU GUYS I'M HILARIOUS LAUGH AT MY JOKES OR GIRLS WILL TAKE MY PANCAKES AWAY.
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François

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Re: Adventures in Slumberland
« Reply #634 on: February 28, 2011, 02:58:04 AM »

lol
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Smiler

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Re: Adventures in Slumberland
« Reply #635 on: March 02, 2011, 01:14:44 AM »

I had a dream that involved Robocop fighting Neo in an abandoned warehouse. Robocop was all like YOUR MOVE CREEP and then Neo did the bullet dodge thing.

And then the warehouse started exploding.
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Mongrel

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Re: Adventures in Slumberland
« Reply #636 on: March 20, 2011, 05:30:18 AM »

So last night Starr dreamed she was attending a performance of Der Ring des Nibelungen, specifically the Ride of the Valkyries. Only the whole opera was being performed as a punk version, led by Siouxsie and the Banshees.

That actually sounds like something I'd go to.
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LaserBeing

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Re: Adventures in Slumberland
« Reply #637 on: March 20, 2011, 07:34:10 PM »

   It is the Reckoning Day, and I am one of a handful of Average High School Students who have been chosen by Zordon God to kill everyone on Earth, and given fabulous secret powers in order to do so. Basically the gist is that Heaven and Hell each have a team of soul reapers that fly around and race to harvest the souls of every last person, while the world shakes itself to pieces around them. Although the reapers appear angelic or demonic, for some reason (presumably poetic irony) the responsibility for harvesting mortal souls can only be held by once-mortal humans. All the souls that you collect for your side will be held over past the end of time and reincarnated on the next go-around as your guy's worshippers. It doesn't actually matter whether the person being harvested was good or evil, one soul is pretty much the same as another. The only thing that decides whether you are Saved or Damned is which side's reaper got to you first. It turns out that the universe has been rebooted countless times already and this is how it ends every single time. Whoever has the most souls when the last atom gets ripped apart wins the game and will have an advantage the next time. Any souls that are left unreaped either get scooped up by the other guys (and turned into Satanists I guess) or else lost forever, permanently destroyed. A reaped soul materialises as a physical object that looks something like a communion wafer. The similarity to poker chips is not particularly subtle. As far as I can tell however there is no clear reward for being a reaper; at the end of the day you are still mortal, your soul still goes into the bin with everyone else's, and the only "prize" for doing a good job is that you get to die last.

   Note that even with all the mayhem going on, you can't just wait for people to die and gather the souls lying around. In order to get the soul token you have to personally euthanise the living yourself while looking them in the eye. Also note that everyone is basically crazy with terror thanks to being systematically hunted to extermination by invincible monsters in the middle of the most destructive and sanity-shattering cataclysm that is physically or metaphysically possible. And perhaps most significantly, note that there is not a lot of time left. Literally.

   So this is the question that my dream posed to me: do I

      A) fulfil my divine duty and go murder everyone, seeing as the world is ending and they are most likely about to die anyway, and then at least their souls will get to be reborn in the next cycle of time as Good Guys™? Even though the process of harvesting them is heartbreaking and in the long run the whole hideous apocalyptic breakdown will just happen again in another 13 billion years or whatever, and again and again ad infinitum? Or

      B) do I spend the last precious moments of existence in the increasingly vain hope of using my magic angel powers to discover some way to save the current world, which will end the divine war once and for all and finally, irrevocably break the cycle of destruction and reincarnation, allowing time to continue into an uncertain future that even God has not written? Even though it will mean that everyone who has already died will stay dead for keeps, and in fact no mortal soul will be reborn ever again? That possibly even God Hisself will cease to exist, but the world will recover and go on living on its own for the first time? While constantly being reminded that every second that I spend dilly-dallying about in a probably futile cause is one more soul that falls to the Other Guys, and one second closer to the end of all things.

   How do you even apply human morality to matters that are specifically the domain of capital-G God and involve the fate of everything for all time? Can you? Even if you can, should you? If not, then why was the responsibility left up to humans in the first place?

   I woke up honestly not having an answer.
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McDohl

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Re: Adventures in Slumberland
« Reply #638 on: March 21, 2011, 04:33:52 AM »

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Lady

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Re: Adventures in Slumberland
« Reply #639 on: March 22, 2011, 07:41:48 PM »

It was post-apocalypse/breakdown of American society and government.  We were living in the pasture as nomads, when suddenly the pond we were around gave signs of instability.  We gathered up our belongings and headed for high ground.

After we'd covered about a quarter of a mile, the pond exploded, as though a ton of potassium were dumped into it.  A bright pillar of white flame, 50 feet high, the warmth of which we could feel on our faces.

I returned to look at the carnage;  the water was completely evaporated, and everything in it combusted, leaving only a crater of cracked dirt.
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