Topic: Adventures in Slumberland (Read 73705 times)

Classic · « **Reply #680 on:** July 30, 2011, 02:09:12 PM »

Quote from: R^2 on July 29, 2011, 02:34:51 PM

Quote from: Büge on July 29, 2011, 10:04:38 AM

I have nothing to add but I feel this image bears repeating.

Just wanted to announce I got the joke.

Niku · « **Reply #681 on:** July 30, 2011, 08:14:46 PM »

that's not a joke

only ONE bear is repeating

Nerd · « **Reply #682 on:** July 31, 2011, 09:08:44 PM »

I had a dream once that I was a substitute teacher for a kindergarten class. Everything was going smoothly until it was movie time, and I had the brilliant idea to show them the US version of The Ring. During the scene where the freaky chick climbs out of the well, water gushed out of the TV like a waterfall and began to flood the school. It wasn't long before the whole place was flooded and my kids were most likely pretty well drowned, so I decided to cut my losses and escape.

I swam to the stairs to the second story, but then I turned around to see that the school had been invaded by horrible green manatee monsters with human arms. They were holding my brother hostage for some reason, and dared me to come after them as they dragged him underwater. I was too scared to swim after them, so I climbed onto a raft and tried to grab the closest manatee I could find. I managed to rip off its testicles before it escaped, but I didn't see my brother anywhere from the vantage point of the raft. I then began to futilely stab the manatee testicles in anger with a toothpick over and over again, since I'm an irresponsible failure who can't help anyone.

I'm pretty sure some months after I had a dream where I was shirtless hunting a giant squid on the ocean and mutilating its genitalia with a giant harpoon. Gee, what could my brain POSSIBLY be trying to tell me?

Edit: For all I know either of those dreams were the plot of Dark Water.

McDohl · « **Reply #683 on:** August 01, 2011, 02:33:32 AM »

Sell that to M. Night Shamalalamamaamamaalam alma ...that guy.

Büge · « **Reply #684 on:** August 01, 2011, 05:38:14 AM »

I had a dream that this cute blonde and I bonded after I accidentally shoplifted some books from Chapters and saved her from the antichrist (who was apparently just visiting the mall).

I was sad when I woke up.

Mongrel · « **Reply #685 on:** August 01, 2011, 06:40:30 AM »

I had another night of "awesome dream plus BEARS!". This time I was some kind of international super-secret-something (like a combination of Lupin III, James Bond, and all those weird seventies British secret agent shows). Only I was a cartoon bear (Disney style, I think I looked like Baloo actually, only I had a suave not-quite-British accent). There's a joke in there about this meaning I'm a furry or something, but I can't think of a good one.

Anyway, it was pretty fun, as I managed to get several missions in. One time I had to recover a stolen jewelled turban from a giant Indian-style palace with many pools. I started out with a team of pals but then quickly separated from the, sneaking around a giant palace complex and evading femme fatales, until I had the turban and was extracted by the team, who showed up just in time. Another had me roaming around some school acting casual, looking for info of some kind.

But for some reason the funniest part was when some kids were like "Man that guy must be cold" and I turned around and yelled "I'M A FUCKING BEAR, DUMMIES!"

Honestly, there are plenty of things I'd change about my life, but even if I suddenly start having nothing but nightmares until the day I die, I would still have no grounds for complaining about the lifetime quality of my dream time.

Lottel · « **Reply #686 on:** August 01, 2011, 01:26:39 PM »

I had a dream last night that involved me going back to high school. it was fairly normal except the school was 3 times the size.
Oh and for some reason in the dream, I broke a few teeth. I had someone replace my teeth. But for some reason, they removed all my teeth and replaced them with fangs where my all four of my canines go, and a few teeth where my front teeth go. The front teeth were assymetrical and bothered me so I fiddled with them until the fell out. Then while talking, I broke off the point to the bottom left fang and thought that was better so I did it to all of them. Then I realized that teeth falling out and looking weird and only having four teeth is a bad thing so I pulled all of my teeth from a ziploc baggie and tried to jam them into my gums. I was in a hurry because it was almost lunch time. Then a pretty girl my dreamself had a crush on was approaching and I started flipping out.

Then I woke up.

François · « **Reply #687 on:** August 01, 2011, 02:23:01 PM »

I was at an old Nazi concentration camp turned into an amusement park when cyborg aliens invaded. Big boxy ships landed all over and started setting up massive industrial machinery everywhere; huge digging robots were already tunnelling straight down.

The humans had taken refuge in the food court, but nobody had actually been hurt or killed at that point. Eventually the aliens beamed down a representative to talk to us, a clone of James Earl Jones wearing a toga and a thin wreath of woven reed. Most people were freaking out and/or terrified, but I was staying pretty calm so I was chosen to speak for everyone there.

The faux JEJ explained that the aliens didn't have hostile intentions towards us, they were only going to irrevocably alter our planet's biosphere in a fashion that would only superficially alter our way of life. Everyone was going to get tons of cybernetic implants and genetic modificiations, but wouldn't be mind-controlled or brainwashed. They weren't here to wipe out humanity, only to force a sort of scientific evolution, because even though they weren't threatened by anything in particular at the time, they wanted to spread their technology as much as they could so it would survive their own potential extinction.

As an example of how things would be "the same, but better", he showed me a condiment rat, a weird, bloated little rodent. He shoved the thing in a big machine that sprouted various articulated blades, and proceeded to cut the critter apart in a few seconds, shredding and discarding most of the bones and meat but preserving three elongated bladders, one red, one yellow, and one green. Then he explained to me how this genetic experiment, while gruesome in appearance, much simplified and streamlined the production of ketchup, mustard and relish, and that in a few more generations the animal's meat could naturally form into hot-dog weiners. The aliens themselves didn't actually need to eat anymore, but they had decided that food was an important part of human culture and needed to be preserved.

"So, how do you feel about our little invasion now?"
"...I... uh... I'm gonna have to think about it."

Fortunately I woke up before I had the time to.

Büge · « **Reply #688 on:** August 01, 2011, 02:54:18 PM »

Oh Thulsa Doom, you so crazy.

Beat Bandit · « **Reply #689 on:** August 03, 2011, 11:00:49 AM »

Last night my mind showed me what happens when Glengarry Glen Ross and /d/ are the two things in your head when you fall asleep.

Whatever you were thinking, I guarantee it was far worse.

Mothra · « **Reply #690 on:** August 03, 2011, 11:14:39 AM »

Honest to god just had a dream where I sat down at a table and slowly enjoyed a plate of delicious, tender maple-BBQ ribs. I woke up satisfied.

François · « **Reply #691 on:** August 03, 2011, 11:27:02 AM »

yeah you can keep dreaming about delicious ribs and i can keep dreaming about The Worst Hot-Dog

totally fair

Classic · « **Reply #692 on:** August 03, 2011, 12:49:05 PM »

Speaking of hot-dog, had a dream that somehow one of the family dogs followed us to a hardware store and got pounded there... and was scheduled to be made into meat... I tried to point out how insane this was and ultimately got the dog free, but then the store tried to frame me for arson.

R^2 · « **Reply #693 on:** August 06, 2011, 08:50:30 PM »

I dreamt I conclusively ended an argument. I was so proud of my SIQQ BURN at the end I was telling people about it in two or three dreams afterward. One of those I'm pretty sure was me bragging about it to Lyrai in #finalfight.

The only reason I'm pretty certain I'm not dreaming this right now is because I don't remember exactly what I said, only that it was in support of fart jokes as legitimate humor.

Büge · « **Reply #694 on:** August 07, 2011, 05:48:15 AM »

Chaucer used fart jokes! They're totally legit.

McDohl · « **Reply #695 on:** August 07, 2011, 06:12:09 AM »

...man, Canterbury Tales was zany.

R^2 · « **Reply #696 on:** August 07, 2011, 06:48:36 AM »

Quote from: Büge on August 07, 2011, 05:48:15 AM

Chaucer used fart jokes! They're totally legit.

I do not believe my dream-logic supporting this thesis was quite as sophisticated.

Lottel · « **Reply #697 on:** August 11, 2011, 04:32:55 AM »

An alien race that were once humans that had split off and mutated into superbeings by cosmic rays in space returned to earth to help 20 random people. In order to do so, they took us on a scenic tour of space. They were so very nice. Too nice.
I was incredibly suspicious and thought they were going to eat us or convert us into energy or something. They were bombarding us with gifts and increasing our mental capacity and physical strength and everything. I, at one point, questioned an alien about their ulterior motives. He just said people have a predisposition to trusting aliens. It's societies fault, really. Sure Star Wars and Star Trek and the like had made aliens a bit more liked, but it will take a few more summer blockbusters and a hit TV show to get mankind REALLY to drop this xenophobia. He then patted me on the head, gave me a cookie, and wished me a nice day.
Within a few hours, an unscheduled "field trip" was forced upon us. And forced in the nicest way. I had been poking around and found a file of papers with a language I didn't understand. Some of it had been redacted. They let me take the papers onto the ship as long as I promised to wear my seatbelt. I get in the very back seat and there's the ship's brain. It had taken the form of an attractive blonde woman. She immediately took a liking to me and tried to get me to have sex with her. I kept telling her I was busy and maybe later and kept pouring over these papers. After an hour of her trying to seduce me and failing, she pouted and said "You know, you're acting just like Batman and HE has no friends." I jumped up and shouted "THAT'S IT!" just in time for the aliens to turn back around. Their faces had changed very subtly, but enough for me to notice. We were going to die.
The only next thing I remember was the screen faded to tie-die warbling with 50s sci-fi sounds and an alien saying "You would have lived if you weren't trying to figure everything out, you know."
I said with my dying breath "I'd rather die knowing then live ignorant."

Then I woke up feeling like I just watched a really bad movie.

R^2 · « **Reply #698 on:** August 11, 2011, 06:18:38 AM »

You're acting just like Batman except you don't have a plan in place to keep us from killing you.

Büge · « **Reply #699 on:** August 29, 2011, 03:27:52 AM »

I dreamed that my family was visiting, and we had to stop by the bank for something. I think my brother was getting money converted from US funds to Canadian. Well, there was some change on the floor, so naturally I picked it up. My brother and I go up to the teller and there's more change on the floor. I bend down to collect it and I see just under the lip of the counter is like five rolls of dimes wrapped up in some US $500 bills.

So I stand up and say to the teller, "I think someone dropped this."

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Author Topic: Adventures in Slumberland (Read 73705 times)