Oh hey, I'd just like to take this moment to officially call the Toronto election for Rob Ford.
Now don't get me wrong, I think he's an absolute idiot who's going to fuck things up even worse than they already are, BUT barring something ridiculous, he's going to win.
Why?
Well, in the first place he's not just an idiot, he's that very special political creature; the idiot-savant. Ford has mastered that magical art of telling absolutely everybody exactly what they want to hear.
Now that sounds stupid at first. Politicians tell everybody what they want to hear all the time, right? Well, yes, but they normally wrap it up in a lot of language that makes them seem more intelligent than they are, as well as being weaselly enough with the wording that they can back out of their 'promises' later. We're just so used to the phenomenon, we don't even bother to think about it anymore, let alone dissect it.
Ford simply has no such safeguards. He just parrots any requests he hears, only as a proclamation. People want subways? Rob says "We're gonna build subways!". Some journalistic wit points out that - as badly as new lines are needed - Toronto has no money for new subways. No matter! Rob simply replies "Well the people of Toronto have said they want subways!". There's no varnish, no spin; hell, the statements are so blitheringly stupid you can't even call them lies!
Out of the mouths of babes, one might say.
Second, all Rob's opponent's seem only able to do one thing: talk endlessly about Rob Ford. Seriously. They are doing their ever-loving best to turn their entire campaigns into finely tuned get out the vote machines... for Ford.
Hell, the only person who's even articulated a coherent policy platform of ANY kind is Sarah Thompson. And she's in like seventh place with almost no press besides "the only woman in the running". Go on. Tell me what Smitherman's platform is, besides "I'm Gay!" and "I'm gonna get mad at people!"
You might think that I'm not giving the residents of this cretinous town their due. That enough stolid voters will see through this ruse. To which I reply that I am giving the voters of this town the EXACT amount of credit they deserve.
God. Mel Lastman's going to look like David-fucking-Crombie before the next mayoral term ends.